Do Nice Guys Really Finish Last? I Mean REALLY?

I'm starting to think nice guys actually really do finish last.

yes i would agree

i agree also

H_C, thanks for starting this thread. I agree that this is an issue that really hasn't been explored in full on LS. I too get the sense that people are holding back what they actually think. I'm really looking forward to reading some meaty, in depth responses on this topic. I especially can't wait for Woggle to way in. He always has interesting, unexpected insights that get me thinking.

All the guys saying yes, are you nice guys talking from experience?

All the guys saying yes, are you nice guys talking from experience?

I'm starting to wonder if what Hot C really means is that nice guys always make sure that their ladies finish first, in bed . That would make them nice guys indeed.

I'm starting to wonder if what Hot C really means is that nice guys always make sure that their ladies finish first, in bed . That would make them nice guys indeed.

And what's wrong with tieing?

Doormat whiny nice guys who aren't really nice, but they more have no backbone to take what they want in life and believe hot women who accept their bland average selves as they are now...

...they never finish in life. WHY? They really aren't "nice". They see a GF as some prized possession to further enhance their status and self-esteem. You ever notice how many "nice guys" who bitch and complain about how women reject them are still willing to take the total evil shallow bitch as a GF because they still believe life will be better if they get such a girl in their lives.

Honest to goodness good men...who aren't doormats, but maybe aren't Mr Excitement or the men of mystery...they finish in life. Eventually when women stop thinking the exciting guy they have to "change" or "convert" is the "ideal", they all swoop in and take up these good men, kicking themselves for not taking one sooner. Granted of course the woman can't have messed herself up in life (gained weight, knocked up with douchebag psycho ex, etc).

Frankly, I see it as the good men might finish last...but they finish.

I don't see the bad boys finishing. I see them either continue on trying to stay "single and banging" or they go spineless to the more bitchy/naggy hot girl they can find in their age and thus pander to her while cheating on her at the same time.

"Nice guys finish last"... MYTH...

Complete myth... This is one of the biggest reasons why I cannot stand all these dating guide books or listening to these "seduction gurus" talk because it drives me insane.

People have been lied to. Men have been lied to that they have to be *******s to get women. And women have been lied to that if a man is not an *******, he's submissive and weak, and what not.

Now there is a very fine line between a "doormat" and a "nice guy/nice girl". The doormat is submissive, passive, clingy, and lots of times wants to move too fast. Is anxious to get married and are often SELFISH.. They care about their own pleasure and they never know how to share things with another person. They don't know how to enjoy life. All they're worried about is you dedicating time to them and ONLY THEM... I know because at one point in my life I was like this.. And it got me nowhere...

Now the real "nice guy/nice girl", is different. He or she is attentive, patient, caring, and is actually interested in you sharing your life with them and on the flip side wants to share their life with you. These people know when to say "no" and when to put their foot down. And if they don't get respect, unlike the doormat, they walk away and keep stepping. It took me a while, but I'm glad to say that I've come along.

As a result, my dating life has gotten better and people are more drawn to me now. But this came with alot of bad experiences and maturity. Everyone has to learn their own way. I learned the hard way and it was very painful but that doesn't mean it has to be that way for you. The biggest key I think is letting go of that "fear" of not finding someone. When you finally let it go, I think you'll enjoy life more and thus people will like you more, especially the opposite sex.

Two things that separate a good person from a "nice person".

1) Good people are GENUINE PEOPLE

2) Good people respect others, but they value their own well-being in a good balance. That means they will willingly be alone before being with a bad person.

"Nice people" aren't genuine. They put on an act because they believe being nice or being a jerk is how they get a good mate.

They respect others in an act because they think that will win people over, and they hate singledom with a passion, because they hate the person they see in the mirror.

Two things that separate a good person from a "nice person".

 

1) Good people are GENUINE PEOPLE

2) Good people respect others, but they value their own well-being in a good balance. That means they will willingly be alone before being with a bad person.

 

 

"Nice people" aren't genuine. They put on an act because they believe being nice or being a jerk is how they get a good mate.

 

They respect others in an act because they think that will win people over, and they hate singledom with a passion, because they hate the person they see in the mirror.

That's why it's so important to wear that veneer of "niceness", so others can't see the emptiness and victimhood, behind the mask.

This is counterproductive to a reasonable level of self-esteem, since that need to feed grows over time. As it grows over time, no one person can handle feeding it.

"Nice" individuals rely on others to externally validate them. Without the external validation, particularly from a partner, you'll find they feel empty, like no one worthwhile.

 

That's why it's so important to wear that veneer of "niceness", so others can't see the emptiness and victimhood, behind the mask.

 

This is counterproductive to a reasonable level of self-esteem, since that need to feed grows over time. As it grows over time, no one person can handle feeding it.

I've found the best nice things to do are those done quietly without request, but that doesn't make me a "nice guy" so to speak.

Carl, to you and all other men who feel like they are nice and finish last, read the book "No More Mr Nice Guy" (Glover) and go to his web site and take the "Am I a door mat nice guy" questionnaire.

The answer to all your questions is in the book and on the web site AND if you are indeed a door mat nice guy, the book will fix those issues.

There are so many "nice guy" threads here on LS and I am constantly pushing the book because it turns out 99% of these guys aren't just nice/good men, they are DOOR MATS and don't understand why.

The book will show you why and show you how to fix it and be a strong, confident, GOOD man.

Guys that dont know what theyre doing finish last. Thats it.

"Finishing last" assumes it's a race. Since when is it a race?

Nice guys finish... that's all that matters.

Let's be serious this time and answer how we REALLY feel on this topic. I'm starting to think nice guys actually really do finish last. It's not just a saying.

 

Come on, everyone. Let's have your thoughts on the subject! Long posts are welcome, especially from the established members who rarely get a chance to say what the REALLY think about this.

 

Don't hold back this time!

I think nice guys finish last is complete bull. IMO, a genuinely nice guy will be more successful in finding love.

you have an attitude, my nice guy friends are single and they dont know why, i dont know why

People are single, because they do not have enough confidence in themselves to NOT be single.

One problem is every guy who isn't a player seems to think he's a nice guy.

If you read this forum you can find examples of guys who call themselves 'nice guys'. These same nice guys reveal themselves as mysognists and racists in other threads yet continue to insist they are nice guys with great personalities who get looked over because they are too short or not good looking enough. These are the 'nice guys' that finish last, and they deserve to finish last.

thats bull, nice individuals are nice to be nice, some of my buddies are nice

One problem is every guy who isn't a player seems to think he's a nice guy.

 

If you read this forum you can find examples of guys who call themselves 'nice guys'. These same nice guys reveal themselves as mysognists and racists in other threads yet continue to insist they are nice guys with great personalities who get looked over because they are too short or not good looking enough. These are the 'nice guys' that finish last, and they deserve to finish last.

Yes, there are loads of guys like that on here. It's easy to blame everything on height and being average looking.

I think one of the only understandable instances when a truly nice guy doesn't succeed with women, is when is he also shy. This turns some women off, because they expect men to be more aggressive, and of course these guys are going to have a hard time approaching women. Some women do prefer the bad boy type, so they don't want a nice guy. Give me a break though, not ALL women are like this. If you are really, really nice, there are a lot of women who will appreciate this and want to date you. Unless, you are shy and this alters your dating life, I don't buy the nice guys finish last deal.

even the bad boys strike out

Members don't hold back on this subject. It's the MOST OVERDONE subject in these forums. Do a site search and you will find more information than you can read in a year. Do a Google search and you will find a lifetime of reading. I simply can't understand why people continue to want to explore this subject when it's been worked over to the max ad nauseum.

Amen, Tony.

I would like to make a suggestion that there be a new forum called "Most Discussed Topics" and move the ad nausem topics, such as this one, there for ongoing discussion.

This topic, in particular, seems to pop up every other day or so and the new users don’t yet know they can search for and find the most popular topic on LoveShack next to the "how do I get my bf/gf back (second chance)?" threads, haha.

I don't know about nice guys, but I sure hope that pretty girl and her gay friend in the pop-up ad have a great trip to St. Lucia!

i'm not a "nice guy"...i drink and smoke too much and sometimes don't treat chicks that well and i just got shot down by that maureen girl i went out with a week ago

"Nice" individuals rely on others to externally validate them. Without the external validation, particularly from a partner, you'll find they feel empty, like no one worthwhile.

 

And the facts to support this are where? I'm very curious as to how you know this?

"Finishing last" assumes it's a race. Since when is it a race?

 

Nice guys finish... that's all that matters.

I agree.

thats bull, nice individuals are nice to be nice, some of my buddies are nice

Yes.. I really believe that this is very true. If your nice it's because you want to be nice it's a part of the persons character.

And here is the definition of nice.

nice (nīs)

adj. nic·er, nic·est

1. Pleasing and agreeable in nature: had a nice time.
   
2. Having a pleasant or attractive appearance: a nice dress; a nice face.
   
3. Exhibiting courtesy and politeness: a nice gesture.
   
4. Of good character and reputation; respectable.
   
5. Overdelicate or fastidious; fussy.
   
6. Showing or requiring great precision or sensitive discernment; subtle: a nice distinction; a nice sense of style.
   
7. Done with delicacy and skill: a nice bit of craft.
   
8. Used as an intensive with and: nice and warm.
   
9. Obsolete
   

Mea:)