My Somalian Gentleman :/

Let me first tell you about him, we have gone out four times and he has been watching me most of the semester (but waited to approach me).

He is very, nice, a gentleman, funny, very talkative (Im the quiet/shy type), attractive and if I ask for anything as far as money goes he would do it for me. He even drives hours to see me.

No doubt about him being a great guy. We were talking in his car the other night and I sat on his lap. I touch his leg and he told me it felt good, (he was erect)...and he asked if I wanted to see what was mine.

....ANYWAYS (lol) does he just want sex or into me? I can't tell cause he said I couldnt meet his family because they are Muslim. That they can only meet me if he was going to marry me. He asked me to be his girl last nite and I said I wanted to see where our dating goes first. This morning my mom even told me not to become is girl because of loniness, or anything else.

:love:What do you guys think about this? I was going to call it off on the first date (he's attractive, but its just that Im not into football-like-big guys...I like really thin guys)......but my folks said to give him a chance.

We are in our early twenties btw...

If all it took for him to get an erection is for you to touch his leg - I'd say he is probably into you AND wants to have sex with you.

If all it took for him to get an erection is for you to touch his leg - I'd say he is probably into you AND wants to have sex with you.

He didnt call so I assume I've got my answer with this one...

Im sure that it wasnt to early to ask about his family, Im still young so its like...you know if you want to go further with me I need to know what type of background your are representing.

I think this thread is hillarious. 'Somalian Gentleman'....LMAO!!

You actually have 2 issues here....

he is behaving in a self-restrained manner, which is good, I guess... i'm sure he is extremely in to you.

However.

he is Moslem.

I assume you are not.

A full, long-term serious relationship with him would mean, if I read this right, that if things get so serious that the marriage discussion comes up, not only will you have to convert to Islam, you will be expected to behave in a fashion befitting a moslem woman, and worship Allah as a moslem convert, too.

This si the most important thing you should be considering, not whether he's into you...

I think that's a given....

Ask him the implications of your relationship becoming so serious that you decide to commit to one another.

Ask him what he would expect of you....

Then you'll be more in the picture.

If he prevaricates, and evades the issue, then my guess (and it is only a long-shot guess) is that either he would not consider marrying you as you're not already Moslem (does his family go in for arranged marriages?) which would mean he's just in this for the temporary fun and enjoyment -

or -

He doesn't want to think about the potential problems your relationship might bring right now... he dreads to broach the subject....

I think this thread is hillarious. 'Somalian Gentleman'....LMAO!!

What's so funny? He is Somali and Muslim...If I mentioned that I thought I would get a better answer. It doesn really matter, but it does because its new to me. Thank you.

You actually have 2 issues here....

he is behaving in a self-restrained manner, which is good, I guess... i'm sure he is extremely in to you.

However.

he is Moslem.

I assume you are not.

A full, long-term serious relationship with him would mean, if I read this right, that if things get so serious that the marriage discussion comes up, not only will you have to convert to Islam, you will be expected to behave in a fashion befitting a moslem woman, and worship Allah as a moslem convert, too.

 

This si the most important thing you should be considering, not whether he's into you...

I think that's a given....

 

Ask him the implications of your relationship becoming so serious that you decide to commit to one another.

Ask him what he would expect of you....

Then you'll be more in the picture.

 

If he prevaricates, and evades the issue, then my guess (and it is only a long-shot guess) is that either he would not consider marrying you as you're not already Moslem (does his family go in for arranged marriages?) which would mean he's just in this for the temporary fun and enjoyment -

 

or -

 

He doesn't want to think about the potential problems your relationship might bring right now... he dreads to broach the subject....

Probably the enjoyment, I dont know...thats why I told him that Im a very spiritual person. He assumed I was Christian...I told him that a lot of people try to convert me into whatever they are doing (mean even those who "practice" certain things).

I am afraid to claim anyone religion because honestly Ive been a better person when Im not restricted to live like Im a prisioner to someone's rules to life. Its funny because I know I would be ideal for any religion...Nothing agianst those who are religious, its just not me.

In that case, the fairest thing to both of you would be to end this, now.

Truly.

if you two get serious about one another, this will indubitably become the biggest deal-breaker, anyway.

How do you look in a burka? That's the key issue here.

In that case, the fairest thing to both of you would be to end this, now.

Truly.

if you two get serious about one another, this will indubitably become the biggest deal-breaker, anyway.

Logical advice, I hope the OP takes note.

Some of these comments are so stereotypical! It's like saying every Christian practices their faith just as strongly/equally as another christian. I know some christians who goto church weekly and are really religious, know the bible cover to cover, while a lot of my christian friends are not practicing at all and probably have never stepped foot inside a church other than for a wedding. So him being Muslim doesn't really mean much!! Some of my christian and jewish friends are much more conservative than some of my muslim friends.

To correct some of the comments:

1. It's "muslim", not "moslem".

2. Not all muslims wear a burka.

3. You don't have to convert to marry a muslim.

Do consider how easily you are able to adapt to or accept different cultures and religions, in terms of dating. His family may be quite conservative, and perhaps they're only used to their relatives marrying only Somalis, and so it may be a culture thing. You've gone out 4 dates - how important is it for you to meet his parents, before things are really serious? Thinking back to my exes, I didn't really care about meeting their parents unless we were serious.

About the leg-touching issue, if he got erect because you touched his leg, maybe he's just not very experienced!! And got excited just by that. Lol. I haven't met a guy who didn't want sex.

To correct some of the comments:

1. It's "muslim", not "moslem".

Both seem to be acceptable. Some quarters suggest the second form is derrogatory, but this appears to be exaggerated. Both forms are used in UK , and nobody has ever risen to object....

2. Not all muslims wear a burka.

THis is quite right. Such a comment shows both ignorance and insolence.

3. You don't have to convert to marry a muslim.

Yes, you're quite right, in this instance, and I admit my mistake. I do however understand, that for a Muslim (in deference to your term) woman, to marry, it is more advisable she marry a Muslim man, or that her intended spouse convert. I believe this is seen to be far more important....

Do consider how easily you are able to adapt to or accept different cultures and religions, in terms of dating. His family may be quite conservative, and perhaps they're only used to their relatives marrying only Somalis, and so it may be a culture thing.

Indeed....Cross-cultural relationships bring their own complications, without even considering religion....!

You've gone out 4 dates - how important is it for you to meet his parents, before things are really serious? Thinking back to my exes, I didn't really care about meeting their parents unless we were serious.

It might be this relationship is already cooling....

About the leg-touching issue, if he got erect because you touched his leg, maybe he's just not very experienced!! And got excited just by that. Lol. I haven't met a guy who didn't want sex.

Good points, both!

THis is quite right. Such a comment shows both ignorance and insolence.

And the above shows both ignorance of and an insolent disregard for humor.

"Insolence"... lol.

Oh yes, sorry.

One minor eensy-teensy problem though.

You're not funny.

Oh yes, sorry.

One minor eensy-teensy problem though.

 

You're not funny.

Well, admittedly the burka joke was not one of my best, but regardless of how that one played in buddhadhamma... whatever land, it was neither ignorant nor insolent. You owe me an apology, will put it on your tab.

How do you look in a burka? That's the key issue here.

Some of these comments are so stereotypical! It's like saying every Christian practices their faith just as strongly/equally as another christian. I know some christians who goto church weekly and are really religious, know the bible cover to cover, while a lot of my christian friends are not practicing at all and probably have never stepped foot inside a church other than for a wedding. So him being Muslim doesn't really mean much!! Some of my christian and jewish friends are much more conservative than some of my muslim friends.

 

To correct some of the comments:

1. It's "muslim", not "moslem".

2. Not all muslims wear a burka.

3. You don't have to convert to marry a muslim.

 

Do consider how easily you are able to adapt to or accept different cultures and religions, in terms of dating. His family may be quite conservative, and perhaps they're only used to their relatives marrying only Somalis, and so it may be a culture thing. You've gone out 4 dates - how important is it for you to meet his parents, before things are really serious? Thinking back to my exes, I didn't really care about meeting their parents unless we were serious.

 

About the leg-touching issue, if he got erect because you touched his leg, maybe he's just not very experienced!! And got excited just by that. Lol. I haven't met a guy who didn't want sex.

Thanks for your reply; Im not sure if mine was stereotypical or not.....but I seriously dont know much about that religion. Even when I was considered to be Christian, there was still so much I didnt know or understand.

Yes, I used to have a bias agianst other cultures/races because its hard for me to relate to them on a personal level. Then grew up... now I just stick to good people, because they are harder to find anyways. Honestly, it really isn't that important to meet them, I guess it was out of curiousity. I wanted to know if he just viewed me as someone just for sex or more than that.

When we was in his car he kind of tried to be "physical" and I didnt want to...his background only matters because of mentality, and I'll be damned if he just treats me like some "other girl".

I do refuse sex with anybody because I just want to date.

We were on the phone last night and I didnt bring meeting his folks. I was just offended the other day because he said that he wanted me to spend the night. I asked "how is that possible if your parents are there?" Lol, he just broke down and said he was kidding...suuure.

Lol, @ the erection part...I admit, I felt the same way but self control has always been most important to me.

To correct some of the comments:

1. It's "muslim", not "moslem".

She was not incorrect.