New here, need support.

Hello. I've been lurking this forum for a while. Decided to finally register and tell my story, because I feel the need for some support (and probably bashing too, I'm sure... )

I'm a married woman in an online romantic/sexual relationship with a married man. We met in an online "virtual world" and have been "together" for over 1.5 years. We spend a few hours together online, several days a week. Yes, I definitely consider it to be cheating even though we have never met physically in real and probably never will. He lives in another country many thousand miles away.

Here's the thing. I love him and consider him to be a very good real friend although, but I know we will never be together. I know I need to fix my broken marriage of 14 years. I am not happy in my marriage and have not been since well before the online relationship. To make a long story short, my husband is a good person, but I don't have feelings for him and haven't for some time. I want the kind of feelings and the kind of relationship I have for my online MM in my real life.

I know that in order to fix my real life situation, I have to break off the online relationship... and I'm terrified of doing it. Because I don't have much happiness in my life in general. I have practically no social life, and I have an autistic son and he is a huge handful to deal with. I stay at home and take care of my son while my husband works. Escaping with the online world relationship was great for a long time. But it's not going to go anywhere or change. I want to live an authentic REAL life. I want to enjoy REAL lovemaking with someone I love...

I am finally committed to making changes in my RL and I don't know where to start. I have been thinking of getting a job but it will not be easy since it's been almost a decade. I know when I cut off the relationship it will cause me a LOT of grief and I will probably have to even leave the online environment (where I have made other good friends too) in order to do this.

I'm just feeling sad today, because I know the online relationship is never going to be real, I never expected it nor wanted it to (nor did I think it would last this long). Yet, I feel like my marriage will never rise above being "just okay." Someone else on this site said they married their spouse who was a great friend and had similar life dreams/goals but had no passion. That describes how my marriage started out.

Anyway... this is the general overview. Thanks for reading and open for any words of wisdom even though I know they might be hard to hear.

My advice - dump both of them (your H and your virtual MM), and start fresh.

I stay at home and take care of my son while my husband works.

Have you thought ahead though? Is it possible for you to talk to your husband, maybe do marriage counselling and hopefully you two can reconnect again? Obviously you loved him enough to get married and have a child with him.

Sounds like your life isn't easy, with your special needs son. Are you really prepared to go and work, leave your child with someone else? Because that's what will happen if you and your H divorce..

Anyway, you are doing the right thing with the online guy. You love how he makes you feel, you "think" you know him, but you really don't.. It's fantasy and no matter how real it feels, it's all based on words on a screen - And what he tells you about himself. Lot's of people can connect that way, but until you meet face to face, you never know..

He's married and chances of him leaving his marriage and life as he knows for someone whom he's never met are slim to none.

Join a mother's group for support, other moms with Austic children..That could help you make friends..Or joining a gym, an art class or another hobby that like and enjoy.

Thank you, OpenBook and WWIU, for your replies.

I actually am very tempted to start fresh and have been thinking of doing so for some time.

I know what seems like the "right thing" to do is... I am just not sure I can bring myself to do the "right thing." I had a long conversation with a friend (one of my online friends... lol) about this. What I SHOULD do is break off the online relationship with MM, leave the online world (which is not as easy as it sounds cause I got involved in lots of stuff there, but of course it's doable). Then try to make it work with hubby, and if it works great, if not, then start over.

See... the online relationship with MM is still going well... and I know it will cause unknown grief when I leave the MM and online world. It's really really hard for me to face that because I really don't have much emotional support in RL and I don't want to tell anyone. I do NOT plan to tell hubby about the online MM. I seriously don't think our relationship is strong enough for that. Unlike many of the BS I see here, my hubby will NOT fight for me ... I know that... he would just completely give up (even if staying in the marriage) after such a disclosure. So I'm facing having to crawl in bed for a few weeks without being able to tell anyone why I'm grieving and so depressed. My FEAR is that I will never really be happy with hubby so I will have just ripped away it all prematurely.

I know what I should do, I just don't know how to do it, it feels like my heart will be ripped out...

(waiting for the "you should have thought about all that when you first got involved with MM" replies....)

Seek some counselling to help you cope..To help with the detachment and grieving..

In the meantime, get active. Join a gym or a yoga group, keep busy and try to meet people who have similar interests as you..