Flung into the arms of another man :/

Ive been with my bf/fiancee for almost 2 years. Things have been pretty ok if not great. Hes responsible and mature compared to other guys ive dated. I believe he loves me a lot.

My only problem is him having a lot of girl friends that i havent met before. He has close female friends that text him for help regarding their marriage or whatever. I didnt want him to meddle with other peoples problems..it just seemed so weird for me. Also I found his ex-gf still emailing him and he was calling her the same love names he calls me. Stuff like that. We had a big fight which ended up in a 1 week breakup but I love him so much that I had to be back with him. He says he just got used to it, and that he no longer loves her (shes in Japan, and has a toddler).

A month ago I began talking a lot on myspace with his friend. This guy is awesome, hes like..super friendly and is always there. He told me that he wakes up at 5:30 and rushes to his aim to talk to me. At first I was thinking..hes jsut super friendly. But not by long I began to feel a sort of sense of attraction. He and I seem the same, we just like staying at home and watching dvds or playing video games. We play video games together too sometimes, and we always talk.

He proceeds to tell me that my bf goes to this sportsbar/coffee shop with the waitresses wearing almost nothing. I have never been there but my bf tells me that he goes there, and hes done so for a year. I was showed the myspace of this place and I was like WHOA

I began to feel severely neglected. My bf's friend tho is always there for me and talks to me all the time. Not long and we began to feel sexually towards each other. I began to not care about my bfs neglectfulness, and his whereabouts. I told my bf to avoid going to the sports bar but he says he cant help it.

My bf says that he loves me, i told the guy that i am going to break up with my bf so we can be together..but he says we cant be because being with me means losing his childhood friends and if ever something happens between me and him (like a fight), it means losing his friend, and losing me, plus a high possibility of being jumped (beaten up or killed or the like).

So right now i really am stuck. I want this man. I feel like im drunk when we talk. I am so attracted to him and vice versa. We dont do anything..stupid tho. He claims he loves my bf --- i know it sounds homosexual but lol its not, they are real close like that (their group), and he doesnt want my bf to be hurt cause hes a "nice guy".

My bf still goes to the sports bar. He claims he doesnt look at the girls there but it really infuariates me. I told him I have no idea how to deal with this, if we ever get married and he still goes there...i'd be livid.

A real friend wouldn't rat out his "friend" for going to a sports bar,.....so i'm kinda suspicious about his real motives. If I see my friend doing something inappropriate I would tell him or keep my mouth shut. I'd never tell his woman. And about him acting super friendly,...well,..as a guy let me tell you thats how we tend to act when we want to get in someones pants.

Personally,..I'm always suspicious about people that backbite/rat on other people. You always have to wonder if they are trying to drive a wedge between people.

If your BF is neglecting/cheating on you,..then deal with that separately. But if this guy is manipulating you,...then you'll be stepping away from one pile of crap into another.

A real friend wouldn't rat out his "friend" for going to a sports bar,.....so i'm kinda suspicious about his real motives. If I see my friend doing something inappropriate I would tell him or keep my mouth shut. I'd never tell his woman. And about him acting super friendly,...well,..as a guy let me tell you thats how we tend to act when we want to get in someones pants.

 

Personally,..I'm always suspicious about people that backbite/rat on other people. You always have to wonder if they are trying to drive a wedge between people.

 

If your BF is neglecting/cheating on you,..then deal with that separately. But if this guy is manipulating you,...then you'll be stepping away from one pile of crap into another.

Right on the money.

Your BF's "BUDDY" is feeding you this crap info because he has another agenda, YOU. He wants you, so he's willing to stab his "friend" in the back to achieve his goal. Says alot for his character, or in this case lack there of. Dump your BF for his "friend", you're jumping from the frying pan into the fire.

Maybe you should dump both and start over from scratch.

I'd stay way back that's bad news.

This bf's friend seems alittle snakey but in the end he did choose his friendship over a relationship with milkmaterial, so you gotta give him that. That being said it sounds like he and milkmaterial are walking a very shakey line. You both need to back off, you both crossed a line you shouldn't have.

It's a sports bar why are you upset? i bet you he goes there to .... watch sports. It definately sounds like his friend played it up to be more than it is.

As for talking to girls if they are long time friends then i would just leave it be. If their not just tell him you don't think he's doing anything wrong but it bothers you and you can't help it, and just ask him to take it easy.

You say he neglects you, but you are off spilling your guts to his good childhood friend. Sounds like you're being neglectful and having an emotional affair.

I'd stay way back that's bad news.

 

This bf's friend seems alittle snakey but in the end he did choose his friendship over a relationship with milkmaterial, so you gotta give him that. .

If he chose his friendship over the OP he would have never told her about the sports bar thing. And he would've broken all contact with the OP if he was indeed feeling guilty. All his comments about not wanting to ruin his "friendship" smells like a fake conscience. He wants the OP to think he's not a back stabbing dirtbag. Eventually he'll pretend to "give in" to his feelings. Its manipulation 101.

Either way,..too many redflags. OPs best bet might be to hit the reset button all together. Go back to being single for a while.

Eh? No one "flings" anyone into anyone else's arms. Forget the historical romances and garbage you see on TV and in movies. Live your life the way that makes sense to you, not as a victim but as someone who you can easily look into the mirror and say "hey, I like you and what you stand for", instead of "I don't much like you and regret so much".

Dump both dirtbags and move on.

Eh? No one "flings" anyone into anyone else's arms. Forget the historical romances and garbage you see on TV and in movies. Live your life the way that makes sense to you, not as a victim but as someone who you can easily look into the mirror and say "hey, I like you and what you stand for", instead of "I don't much like you and regret so much".

Dump both dirtbags and move on.

I love how the top objection of every guy... including myself is that Guy #2 broke man code.

I love how the top objection of every guy... including myself is that Guy #2 broke man code.

A month ago I began talking a lot on myspace with his friend. This guy is awesome, hes like..super friendly and is always there. He told me that he wakes up at 5:30 and rushes to his aim to talk to me.

I had a friend like that once, he's married to my super fat ex-GF, has a **** job, lives in a crap house in a bad city and they have a bunch of kids with behavioral issues. Life has a way of taking care of people like him.

I don't think either of them are good for you.

Ditch these losers and find a more respectful guy!

My bf still goes to the sports bar. He claims he doesnt look at the girls there but it really infuariates me. I told him I have no idea how to deal with this, if we ever get married and he still goes there...i'd be livid.

why would you want to marry your "bf"? he is obviously a turd, and you want to do another man.