Warcraft kills more than monsters

Hello

My wife and i have been separated for 6 months now. She started acting funny all the sudden so i installed a keylogger on her laptop and discovered the reason. She was telling some guy on WoW that she loves him over and over and talking about sex and whatnot. When i confronted her about it she at first denied it and then spilled her guts. I got out of her that she had a side email address for talking to this guy ([email protected]). She didnt deny loving him or anything and eventually fessed up to it.

Six months later she swears up and down that she never cheated on me but what she did was wrong and she understands that. I believe she was cheating on me through and through. I was/am willing to give her another chance but she still refuses to admit that what she did was cheating. This is a big problem for me cause i feel like if she doesnt own up to it she has learned nothing from it.

A quote from Linda Herman on cheating.

"A common misconception in society is that cheating only occurs when there is sex involved. The act of cheating goes way beyond sex. When you share an emotional bond with another man or woman who is not your spouse, you are cheating. You are cheating your mate out of the emotions that you are sharing with another person. The time you spend with that other person, could be time spent with your spouse. Therefore you are cheating even if there is no sexual contact."

Even hitting her with this she still refuses to admit that she actually cheated.

Did she cheat on me or am i over reacting?

Thanks

"A common misconception in society is that cheating only occurs when there is sex involved. The act of cheating goes way beyond sex. When you share an emotional bond with another man or woman who is not your spouse, you are cheating. You are cheating your mate out of the emotions that you are sharing with another person. The time you spend with that other person, could be time spent with your spouse. Therefore you are cheating even if there is no sexual contact."

That would be my definition of the word, deed, and concept!

That would be my definition of the word, deed, and concept!

thank you for the reply. this is the way i feel about it as well. i would love to get more input on this. i intend to show her that others see this for what it truly is in hopes she will finally understand.

yep, she's cheating.how do you know that they never met? especially after her telling him that she loved him.kinda hard to tell someone you love them, and talk about sex when you never met.until she admits cheating,getting back together is off limits as far as i'm consirned.

yep, she's cheating.how do you know that they never met? especially after her telling him that she loved him.kinda hard to tell someone you love them, and talk about sex when you never met.until she admits cheating,getting back together is off limits as far as i'm consirned.

no they never met as he lives in florida. she is now trying to spin a story about how her and some girl was setting him up to fail because he was playing 10 different women on this wow server. her history says that she is lieing about this. comeon...why tell me this six months after i leave her and right after an argument we had about her accepting that what she did was cheating?

i suspose there a 1% chance she isnt lieing but now its a case of the boy who cried wolf. she has in the past accepted plane tickets from a man halfway across the country and left me for him. last time she was using a program called icu or something and not WoW. i think i caught her this time before she could do it again. i believe she would have done it again.

She conducted a deep relationship with this man in Secret from you. She professed her love for him. Spoke to him sexually. In no way is this not cheating on your relationship!

She did cheat on you.

It's called an emotional affair. There's a website called Survivinginfidelity.com

they have alot of information on it. Also it could have been just emotional and she's lying because she's gonna lie about it. she was cheating and now doesnt want to ruin whatever life she built up, now.

I think the best thing to do is to do a small 180 and be loving but untill she instills trust in you, then the marriage will continue to deteriorate.

wtfshock...

YES, it is called an Emotional Affair...

SHE CHEATED...

and the quote you added in your OP is exactly on spot and to the point.

my stbxh had an online EA for 3 weeks, i found an email with each of them signing off as LOVE D**** and LOVE N****...it was like a knife in my gut!

i then found OW number on MY cell phone bill...so it had evolved into them talking on the phone, the next step, my stbx actually told me,

was quote, "i was hoping to get sex out of it!"....LOL..ya, can you believe it?

so, NO i DO NOT think these online EA are innocent friendly whatever the cheaters say they are...IT IS CHEATING.

these people are taking time away from their loving spouses...and humiliating us:sick:

i had stated in another post,

that my husband OR who ever insert unsuspecting spouse here, could be online chatting about sex with their EA while sitting on the couch next to us, their spouses and we have NO CLUE...this is what makes cheating SO Easy these days...

it just kills me, they don't even have to leave the house anymore to cheat!

btb...i am sorry this happened to you..it is a gross horrible feeling:(

take care...

p.s. my stbx is a computer addict, self admitting, but won't get help, he has chose to divorce me instead...so maybe if your W admits to having video game addictions, etc.. maybe you can get her into some therapy before it is too late for you both?

we both enjoyed playing WoW together until i got so bored of it, i couldnt play that game anymore. thats when her fun started.

after i caught her she emailed me and said this...

"i knew it was only a matter of time before you put a key logger on my computer.i figured you would have done it sooner..i think i was wanting you to,not so we could split up,but because then you would show me some sort of emotion,get mad,yell,anything,and that still didnt happen.thats when i knew it was really over."

i did get mad and yell but she walked out the door and said she doesnt like it when i yell.....

we both enjoyed playing WoW together until i got so bored of it, i couldnt play that game anymore. thats when her fun started.

 

after i caught her she emailed me and said this...

 

"i knew it was only a matter of time before you put a key logger on my computer.i figured you would have done it sooner..i think i was wanting you to,not so we could split up,but because then you would show me some sort of emotion,get mad,yell,anything,and that still didnt happen.thats when i knew it was really over."

 

i did get mad and yell but she walked out the door and said she doesnt like it when i yell.....

She's full of it!

BTW, she left you before and rode some other man, and you took her back?! No way man! She should've been gone the first time! She didn't learn last time, and she ain't gonna learn this time, kick her to the curb and find someone better!

your right. i did end it. i actually filed for divorce the first time but was so tore up when she got home i canceled it. i have learned my lesson and now its time to heal and stop being bitter.

your right. i did end it. i actually filed for divorce the first time but was so tore up when she got home i canceled it. i have learned my lesson and now its time to heal and stop being bitter.

Just make sure that her Boss finds out about what's going on, somehow............

Just remember when, not if, when you do, ALL HELL WILL BREAK LOOSE!

You see, you may not fully realize what you have here, you have (so to speak) an Atomic Bomb over her and OM's head. If that were to (oops) drop on them, and they lose their jobs, oh well! They shouldn't have been screwing in the first place.

Then she'll be ready to fight you like Hell! Just get all your Ducks in a row, like NOW!

Of course this isn't meant to be vindictive, but, they've faced no consequences for their actions as yet!

wtfshock, I'm speaking here from the perspective of a woman who is right at this moment in the act of "emotional cheating" I call it this due to the quote you gave.

I'm not meaning to, it's something I really can't help. I was reunited with an ex at my best friend's birthday party. While I've been away studying, the group has become closer and we all gather together a lot now. The more I see him, the more I miss him. He's admitted he misses me and hinted that he was hoping for another chance, but I'm with someone else.

Everyone knows this and watches us very closely which makes it even more difficult to deal with. My feelings for him run so deep, but I know that as a couple we just don't work, he always freaks out. I also love my current boyfriend but recently he's been acting secretive and selfish as he's having financial trouble. I'm a patient and understanding person, but it's been going on too long and he's been dipping into my savings, but couldn't even turn up on my birthday or buy me a present.

Suddenly, the ex turns up and starts giving me a romantically emotional focus to think about in a very idealistic way, knowing I can't touch him and ruin the little dream cloud I have going when I think of him.

I think what you need to think about is for some reason, whether it be big or small or the product of her own need for a bit of a drama, your wife is feeling emotionally starved and found some weird form of fantasy love in WoW. She took the plunge and got a little romantically involved, but it was a twisted form of fiction she could probably never ruin because it was over a computer and through characters. I've been there when I was younger and role-playing on forums...it's so easy to fall in love with a completely made up scenario because I was young and bored and found it hard to meet guys in my area and at my all-girl's school.

I hope what I've said helps and I hope you guys figure it out. Emotional cheating is the most horrible form of cheating to deal with...you can't stop thinking about the person which you know is wrong but you feel you can't be doing anything too wrong because there's no physical activity. Stopping yourself from having sex with someone is probably easier than stopping yourself from thinking about someone sweeping you off your feet...however unrealistic.

....try not to think of a pink elephant for at least the next ten seconds...

Just make sure that her Boss finds out about what's going on, somehow............

 

Just remember when, not if, when you do, ALL HELL WILL BREAK LOOSE!

 

 

You see, you may not fully realize what you have here, you have (so to speak) an Atomic Bomb over her and OM's head. If that were to (oops) drop on them, and they lose their jobs, oh well! They shouldn't have been screwing in the first place.

 

Then she'll be ready to fight you like Hell! Just get all your Ducks in a row, like NOW!

she actually lost her job not to long ago when ted Strickland outlawed cash advancing in ohio. as for the OM she dropped him the moment i caught her.

"I think what you need to think about is for some reason, whether it be big or small or the product of her own need for a bit of a drama, your wife is feeling emotionally starved and found some weird form of fantasy love in WoW. She took the plunge and got a little romantically involved, but it was a twisted form of fiction she could probably never ruin because it was over a computer and through characters. I've been there when I was younger and role-playing on forums...it's so easy to fall in love with a completely made up scenario because I was young and bored and found it hard to meet guys in my area and at my all-girl's school."

thanks for your reply. she has a history of getting on the internet and talking to guys. some dood halfway across the country actually sent her plane tickets once and she took my son and flew out to stay with him. we are both in our 30s and she should know better by now, especially since she saw how it affected me when she finally came home. 9 years later i catch her doing it again. i think i caught her before it got way out of hand. i believe she would have taken off again if i let it go unchecked.

your right and i agree that an emotional affair is worse than physical. every time we speak now all she does is start balling and either hanging up the phone or leaving. now she is starting to feel a little guilt but it doesnt really matter now.... because i now see her for who she really is instead of being blinded by love and security. this is a hard lesson this girl has to learn and a hard one for me as well. she is learning that cheating will end a relationship and lieing to get around issues pushes men away even faster, she still has to learn that allowing her ego to control her defensive mechanisms only makes things worse. she needs to learn that there are consiquenses for her actions. i learned that there is no second chances for a cheater, never date a woman with moral compass issues, make damn sure she doesnt use dramatics as leverage, if she cant communicate her problems...run for the bomb shelter.

NO MORE NUKES!

Well I think your mind is made up then.

She took your son to see a man she didnt even knwo to meet because she was talking to him over the internet???

WTF, she could have been gutted and killed!!!

Is she crazy!!!

Divorce her you'll be better off.

Well I think your mind is made up then.

 

She took your son to see a man she didnt even knwo to meet because she was talking to him over the internet???

 

WTF, she could have been gutted and killed!!!

 

Is she crazy!!!

 

Divorce her you'll be better off.

you know....i said the same exact thing and it had no impact at all lol. that fact has always bothered me because she is a smart girl but on occasion is capable of such stupidy that it blows the mind. if thats not bad enough....her family helped her go and covered for her with lies. her mother pretended like she had no idea where she had gone and finally her reverend/preacher grandfather let me in on the secret. i couldnt get any info out of them about where she went or even a phone number so i could hear my sons voice as he was just beginning to talk. i often asked her what kind of lies she told them to get them to cover for her/help her.

i guess what it all boils down to is my own stupidity. i ignored ALL the warning signs from the moment i met her until the **** started hitting the fan. i was very young when i met her and married her. if i knew then what i know now i would have dumped her 2 months into our relationship. now i have a 14 year history with her filled with high dramatics and heartache. so instead of blaming her and the person she is, i blame myself. i need to forgive myself and learn that no woman (who has these flaws) is worth pursuing.

you know....i said the same exact thing and it had no impact at all lol. that fact has always bothered me because she is a smart girl but on occasion is capable of such stupidy that it blows the mind. if thats not bad enough....her family helped her go and covered for her with lies. her mother pretended like she had no idea where she had gone and finally her reverend/preacher grandfather let me in on the secret. i couldnt get any info out of them about where she went or even a phone number so i could hear my sons voice as he was just beginning to talk. i often asked her what kind of lies she told them to get them to cover for her/help her.

Wow ust imagine if it was a serial killer that killed your wife, what would her mother have said then? Oh I didnt know? it's her fault too.

This family is toxic and her father is probably the only one who's decent.

I'd tell you this, get residential custody and kick her dumb azz out, she wants to play games with her life and meet strange men on the internet? then she can do it alone?

Did you ever ask your MiL what if the man was a serial killer, you should have told them they was all liars!!! I would have went nuclear!!!

Wow ust imagine if it was a serial killer that killed your wife, what would her mother have said then? Oh I didnt know? it's her fault too.

 

This family is toxic and her father is probably the only one who's decent.

 

I'd tell you this, get residential custody and kick her dumb azz out, she wants to play games with her life and meet strange men on the internet? then she can do it alone?

 

Did you ever ask your MiL what if the man was a serial killer, you should have told them they was all liars!!! I would have went nuclear!!!

i certainly did ask my MIL WTF, and she just verbally bashed me. my mother called her and asked the same question and she threatened to kick moms azz lol. my MIL has hated me since day one. i was even respectful to her when i met her. her father is also a pos who will not see his grandson unless he is brought out to see them. my STBX will not even speak to her father unless she has to.

this is a worlds collide scenerio. i was brought up in a good home for the most part and wanted for little. she was brought up in a broken home with no money and was witness to high dramatics all her life.

i certainly did ask my MIL WTF, and she just verbally bashed me. my mother called her and asked the same question and she threatened to kick moms azz lol. my MIL has hated me since day one. i was even respectful to her when i met her. her father is also a pos who will not see his grandson unless he is brought out to see them. my STBX will not even speak to her father unless she has to.

 

this is a worlds collide scenerio. i was brought up in a good home for the most part and wanted for little. she was brought up in a broken home with no money and was witness to high dramatics all her life.

God I would divorce asap just to get away from all of them hypocrites and liars, dont matter who your daughter goes with as long as it makes her happy, she is an idiot. her preacher father is a nutless waste of flesh who cant control his wife and make her stay out of her daughters marital problems. he's an idiot. and you know what you need a tough laywer and get the kid to live with you. split 50/50 custody.

I wouldnt live with this craziness!!!

you are right. we have decided to dissolve this marriage and split out son 50/50. theres no use staying in this situation any longer. i dont have the strength anymore.

Hello, I feel your pain since I'm in the same boat. My wife was doing the same thing, I found out about 4 weeks ago and it's been hell on earth since.

Although she admits to me that it was wrong, the times that we tried to discuss it her body language and her comments made it super clear to me that she didn't think it was cheating but was just saying what I wanted to hear. That kind of thing causes a very special kind of pain because it doesn't validate the original pain from the act. I don't know how to express it but it's hard to understand how to move forward when one party isn't on the same page.

I don't know what to do. There isn't a single page I've found on the internet that suggests what she did was anything less than full blown cheating. Even up to the fact that she would talk to me of all people constantly about the person and dreaming up things she could show this guy (he is outside of the US where we live) when he comes to visit. Pretty unreal.

She stopped playing the game for 2 1/2 weeks then promised that if she could play again that she wouldn't do what she did before and would only play when I'm at home. (She quit her job over 2 months ago - that's stress #2 since we're going broke and have no health insurance) Since I found out I can't help but to be like this crazy stalker husband. I set up chat logging on the game and see that she is indeed not doing what she did before however still going online, telling those people (yes plural) how she misses them, giving "in game hugs"...still using the "love" word here and there which to me is a very powerful thing to say to somebody...

So I felt I had a choice, either tell her I don't want her playing or convince myself that I don't care. Option 1 makes me feel like a controlling a-hole because she at least wasn't doing "cyber" anymore. So I went with #2 and over the past week I just feel myself slipping away, like in doing this I can feel myself having less and less feeling for her. It's horrible and I don't want it.

So last night we get into it and she agrees to not play with those people. Goes online to tell them goodbye and I'm like the biggest jerk in the world. Seems like no win situation. Now not only am I still trying to deal with what happened, now I feel like a horrible person.

I just don't know...I don't even know who to talk to about this. Anyway to the OP, yes it's cheating but I think I can guess how you feel. How I feel is that I wish it didn't happen and I say things to myself like "maybe I am just over reacting and should just give in and say all is well" so we can go back to what we had before. I think that all the time...but...easier said than done.