Have I cheated on my fiance?

"I must keep the flames of love safe from outside forces. A few days ago I met by chance the first "hopeless romantic" male I'd ever seen. And he wasn't gay. This came as a real shock to me. At first I thought he must have been a transvestite woman or something. He helped me compose my most recent love letter to you, Eternal Beloved.

And for one brief and terrible moment, I thought to myself, "Can he sing? I wonder if he's anything like Raoul from Phantom of the Opera....? I bet he would make a good lover..." Fortunately for everyone, he quickly informed me he was romantic due to some freakish childhood trauma, and that he was a cutter. Sick. Also, he cannot sing.

But I'm grateful he can't. I have been cursing myself for the last four hours for DARING to think that someone other than my Eternal Beloved could have ever POSSIBLY been compatable with me. I hate myself. I am a worthless, soulless harlot from Hell who does not deserve to live, and I most certainly do NOT deserve to bask in the warm tenderness of a man so perfect as my Eternal Beloved. I could honestly curl up and die. In fact, I wish I would.

Though my notions were merely on the edge of consious thought, and such thoughts, they say, cannot be controlled, and though they came nowhere close to lust, and even couldn't be considered infatuation, I hate myself deeply and bitterly for thinking them. I deserve to die. I really do. I beg you, my Eternal Beloved, forgive me!!!!! Though I do not deserve it. What I deseve is worse than death, so horrible that my eyes fill with tears just to imagine it:

What I deserve is for my Eternal Beloved... oh, Goddess forbid it! ...to leave me in the cruelest possible way, and to show me no mercy, and not even allow me a chance to speak! Oh! heaven forbid! I am fghting back tears now, so wretched is the thought of it.

But then, equally wretched were my thoughts toward this other scoundrel, whom I already despise for being there, for me to wonder if he could sing like Raoul, and thus cause me to hate myself this way and imaging being cast out of the arms of my Eternal Beloved forever! I may never forgive myself, so how do I expect my Eternal Beloved to forgive me?!

And yet, this is what I am about to do. I beseech you, my Eternal Beloved, find it in your tender and gentle heart to forgive this pitiful woman. And as for YOU, you "romantic emo man", I hope you're drawn and quartered!

I should lock myself in a tower away from all male company, save for my Eternal Beloved."

That's my recent blog entry. I feel terrible... What am I to do?

I presume that Eternal Beloved is not your fiance.

It seems as if you are having an EA with your poetry muse. Am I right?

Therefor Poet, would you dare stand up for these indulgences and declare them to your intended?

You sound like a drama queen. It's one thing to have the thoughts - another to act upon them. Instead of writing such dramatic things in your blog - go and work out why you felt the attraction in the first place and what might be missing within yourself or your relationship.

Holy smokes. :bunny:

This looks like Fairy Tale 73 (who posted on the OW forum) posting another portion of her novel

My Eternal Beloved is my fiance. And don't judge me because I'm poetic. When I post in my blog, my feelings, as theatrical as they may seem, are real. And if you can call ....thinking of a man that he might be a good boyfriend, then nearly running out the door to escape the situation...if you can call that an emotional affair, then yes.

TBH, when I first read this, I thought "what the hell am I doing divorcing my wife?"

IMO, a few days does not an EA make. Carry on

Hon, just my personal opinion, but I think you are WAY too dramatic to ever be able to settle into the realities of marriage.

I'd put off the engagement, but not because of your four-second-long cutter nothing-happened "other" man; rather, it's because--and I'm not trying to be cruel--your melodrama will NOT go well with a marriage. And the more you wax poetic and rant, beating your breast and begging forgiveness, the more your new husband will stare at you as if you've just grown a third head.

Kind of the way we're all staring at you (or rather, at your words) right now.

Trust me. I AM a writer...so I should know what constitutes over-the-top drama in writing. This does. I mean...yikes. Work on yourself first, then think about marriage...some day. Oh, and if you want to write professionally, I have to take a deep breath and tell you that nobody is going to accept stuff like this. To be brutally honest, V.C. Andrews would have rolled her eyes. Seriously, tone it down in all areas, for your own good.

Good luck.

My Eternal Beloved is my fiance. And don't judge me because I'm poetic.

I wouldn't call you poetic. Oh dearly beoveds should only occur in vampire fics

Your problem is that you could have gotten your point across more succinctly. Also putting references to great works like Phantom of the Opera does not always give the appearance of intelligence. E.g. Pamela Anderson holding a LV bag doesn't automatically equate to classy. My suggestion is you get a beta for your writing. Good luck.

I copy and paste a blog entry because I don't feel like rewriting it. And instead of help, I get a blogging style critique. So, now that I've done my share of lamenting over my situation and venting melodramatically, I think I'll re-explain the whole situation, just so we can get off the "Melodramatic Blog" subject. For the love of God.

I was writing a love letter to my fiance, who I call 'Eternal beloved" in the blog so I don't have to mention his name online. In the process I can't find the right words and enter a poetry chat for help. The one who offers me exactly the perfect words, words that truly touched my heart and made me get a bit misty-eyed, was of all things MALE. And not gay. A hopeless romantic MAN?? Unheard of! So for the whole of about eleven seconds I let my mind turn to evil thoughts of, "Is this man as wonderful as Phantom of the Opera's Raoul? Would he treat me as Raoul treated Christine?" I realize what I'm doing an am racked with guilt, and proceed to write that heart-wrenching blog entry so that "Eternal beloved" might read it and know what had happened.

Now, for the love of God, can we move on about the blogging style?

Duly noted, Romantic Bride...please carry on..

The one who offers me exactly the perfect words, words that truly touched my heart and made me get a bit misty-eyed, was of all things MALE. And not gay. A hopeless romantic MAN??

No, a guy who knows how to copy and paste truly awful, treacle-y nonsense from some failed poetry entry.

If he truly were a hopelessly romantic man, cutter or no cutter, trust me, he'd be hooked up already and not trolling poetry chat rooms looking for sighing, bosom-clenching chicks who are absolutely dying for any excuse at all--even a few words--to go jump...well, some guy from a chat room.

I'm pretty sure he's using ridiculously over-flowery poetry to get laid. He knows that the women that ridiculousness will attract already have blinders on and aren't 100% on this planet with the rest of us, so it's a simple step to actually meeting up, hissing "Hush! My beloved! For words now fail me in the face of your beauty" (since he doesn't have his computer with him so he's run out of poetry to spout) and then jumping his quarry.

Good luck with all that.

Again. If I were you, I'd re-think marriage. If one snippet of very, very bad, middle school poetry makes you consider CHEATING on your fiance, then you, my dear, are just not ready. You're looking for reasons.

Sorry to be so blunt, and by the way, I am a woman, and very, very romantic and passionate...but not ridiculous and absolutely out of touch with reality.

Now, for the love of God, can we move on about the blogging style?

I'm sorry to say this, but no, we really can't...not if you're looking for genuine insight. Your blogging "style" speaks volumes about how easy it would be for you to fall into some momo's arms and cheat. I think what you wrote, "style" or no "style", was very pertinent to the answers you're looking for.

I copy and paste a blog entry because I don't feel like rewriting it. And instead of help, I get a blogging style critique. So, now that I've done my share of lamenting over my situation and venting melodramatically, I think I'll re-explain the whole situation, just so we can get off the "Melodramatic Blog" subject. For the love of God.

 

I was writing a love letter to my fiance, who I call 'Eternal beloved" in the blog so I don't have to mention his name online. In the process I can't find the right words and enter a poetry chat for help. The one who offers me exactly the perfect words, words that truly touched my heart and made me get a bit misty-eyed, was of all things MALE. And not gay. A hopeless romantic MAN?? Unheard of! So for the whole of about eleven seconds I let my mind turn to evil thoughts of, "Is this man as wonderful as Phantom of the Opera's Raoul? Would he treat me as Raoul treated Christine?" I realize what I'm doing an am racked with guilt, and proceed to write that heart-wrenching blog entry so that "Eternal beloved" might read it and know what had happened.

Now, for the love of God, can we move on about the blogging style?

Fine. I will move on. There are lots of men in the world who are romantic.

And there is no such thing as "Eternally Beloved" if you are attracted to another man. You have just found out the universal truth that there are more men in the world than just the one that you have decided to ridiculously attach all of this romanticized drivel to.

If you want your fiance to know that you are attracted to someone else, then TELL HIM. Don't put a bunch of BS flowery sh*t on the freaking internet to explain your distress and your guilt and your emotional turmoil, and expect him to read it and understand it and accept that you are too much of a coward to talk with him like an adult who is mature enough to get married.

I mean, you are putting the most intimate details of your personal relationship on an online blog for the rest of the world to read? Before you talk about it with him? How insulting.

"Fortunately for everyone, he quickly informed me he was romantic due to some freakish childhood trauma"

Oh my god. Can anything get more stupid?

Romantic Bride, I am not going to mock your writing style. Are you under some kind of delusion that because you are getting married and in love, that you will never think of another man jumping your bones...........ever. If that's what you think then you need to confess to your fiance, and call off the engagement. Then you need to investigate a cloistered nunnery. Something on a wind swept isle off the coast of Scotland. Where you are surrounded by cliffs of jagged rocks. So that if you ever think of spreading your legs for a man again, you can run to the cliff and throw yourself off, on to the jagged rocks below. Then your ghost can wonder the halls of nunnery for eternity, a penance for your lustful wickedness in life. Or you can realize that you are human and that there is no possible way you will make it through married life without thinking of some other man at some time. In fact if you try to control your thoughts to that degree, you will be much more likely, to one day explode in passion and do your whole office in a fit of passion. JMHO.

So, for 11 seconds, you had some Raoul fantasy about some guy in a poetry chat room who supplied you with some language for your poem about your "Eternal Beloved". That's what is bothering you? Do I have this right?

WTF is wrong with that? A fleeting fantasy about some faceless dude and you have betrayed your "Eternal Beloved"?

I better re-read your post. This cannot be right.

I beg you, my Eternal Beloved, forgive me!!!!!

It sounds like you are more in love with romance than with your Beloved.

And it seems like your Beloved doesn't fill your romantic fantasies.

It sounds like you are more in love with romance than with your Beloved.

 

And it seems like your Beloved doesn't fill your romantic fantasies.

And this sounds like the bottom line to me.

When people get wrapped up in all the romance novels, romantic poetry, or even the tripe spewed by Hollywood these days, they begin to develop completely unrealistic expectations of relationships.

They set ideals around their partner that are so high that it's impossible for someone to actually meet them. They may even set these same expectations for themselves...which is equally unrealistic.

I think the OP might give some serious thought to this.

I was writing a love letter to my fiance, who I call 'Eternal beloved" in the blog so I don't have to mention his name online. In the process I can't find the right words and enter a poetry chat for help. The one who offers me exactly the perfect words, words that truly touched my heart and made me get a bit misty-eyed, was of all things MALE. And not gay. A hopeless romantic MAN?? Unheard of! So for the whole of about eleven seconds I let my mind turn to evil thoughts of, "Is this man as wonderful as Phantom of the Opera's Raoul? Would he treat me as Raoul treated Christine?" I realize what I'm doing an am racked with guilt, and proceed to write that heart-wrenching blog entry so that "Eternal beloved" might read it and know what had happened.

Well, I think that your blogging style is part of who you are, and what you want.

My guess is that you are young, and very idealistic.

I have had several friends who where the hopeless romantic types... the Romeos. Here is a little insight... those guys tend to just be in love with Being In Love. You get me? They tend to float from one perfect woman to the next... nothing eternal about them.

In terms of you cheating... yes... you have issues. Why would you care how romantic this other guy is?

I told the man. In fact is was my intention for him to read it (he reads my blog) so we could talk about it. He totally understood and doesn't think me any less for it. Isn't he a saint? And like I said, I wasn't considering cheating. I think there's a difference in wanting to screw a guy and wondering if he measures up to Raoul from POTO. And, again with the blogging style?! I intended for him to READ that. Hence, I write it like I do my love letters:

Passionate, a bit melodramatic, and emotional to the extreme. And he totally forgave me. I also talked to my mother... She told me it's perfectly normal. She has the hots for Orlando Bloom. I talked to the most intimate couple I know. They both said that they couldn't count how many little unimportant and undeveloped "crushes" they've had on OM and OW both real and imagined. So apparently this is normal. I wouldn't abandon Stephen even for Raoul, much less some fop from a chat room. Now...

Having thoughts about a man other than your beloved does not make you a worthless, soulless harlot... it makes you NORMAL. As long as you didn't do anything about your thoughts, it isn't cheating, and you're being overly melodramatic about the whole thing.

I think that's kinda the point that everyone was trying to make. It's perfectly normal and unavoidable as a human being NOT to control 100% of your thoughts. There's nothing to forgive in your situation... you didn't enter into an emotional affair in 11 seconds.

Whether or not you claim that it's just "writing style" the tone that you chose was EXTREMELY immature. As if you didn't understand the mediocrity of you situation... and that is what people are commenting on. If you hold yourself and your relationship to completely unrealistic standards you're not mature enough to marry.

I talked to the most intimate couple I know. They both said that they couldn't count how many little unimportant and undeveloped "crushes" they've had on OM and OW both real and imagined. So apparently this is normal.

True, but they probably didn't right a Harlequinn romance novel about their crushes either. big difference.