To call or not to call?

So we broke up a week ago now with little to no contact. But today I couldnt take it anymore I called her. I was looking for some closure i guess. When we broke up.. she had said she was going to think about it and later she contacted me by calling/messaging and let me know it was over for sure.

I tried to sound upbeat and fine when i called. we had some simple small talk like.. what have you been up to? etc.. When I asked her if she was happy with her decision and why she hadnt contacted me in a week, she said she didnt want to answer those questions and i asked her "why not?" thats when she practically started to cry as she said "because it makes me...." and didnt finish the sentence. She said she had to go now and that i can call her later if i wanted to. I said "o.k i'll let you go"and she said "are you going to call or not?" I mumbled "I dunno, i'll see, i guess" (stupid me) and we hung up.

The problem is I dont know if i want her back. My brain says no but my heart aches for her. She was at her friends house when we spoke so I dont know if she didnt want to show her feelings in front of her close friend or if she is just trying to avoid the subject because she is trying to get over me?

Now do i call her later when she is alone? OR continue going NC and wait to see if she calls me?

I would really want some closure, its killing me not knowing if she still wants me or if there is no chance in her mind that we can get back together?

What do i do?

Chill for awhile man, let her think about it a bit. If she wants you she will call, simple as that. I did the calling thing and chasing and it pushed her further away from me. Just my 2 cents, though. Good Luck man

I don't think you should call her until you have your feelings sorted out. It'll just confuse things more. Give it a few days and see how you feel. Personally, I've made the mistake of calling when I'm feeling really down and lonely, and that's just a bad idea. It makes you feel worse. Get a clear head, and gather your thoughts and exactly what you want to say, and then call.

Oh man, you're going thru the hardest part, where you don't know what to do and you still kinda maybe wanna remain in contact.

Well, you can't. It's over. All this ambivalence is natural, but contacting her won't help you.

Like fox said, you need time for those emotions to settle a little bit. Calling her was a mistake, but a natural one. The more time that elapses, the more you'll realize that NC is beneficial to your heart, your soul.

You will be OK! I am still in pain (of course, it's only been a month), but the good days are becoming more frequent.

In the meantime, it's like I tell everyone: Friends and Family.

I don't think you should call her until you have your feelings sorted out. Get a clear head, and gather your thoughts and exactly what you want to say, and then call.

I disagree, don't call at all. I know you told her you would, but so what. You don't owe her, and she can initiate contact if she wants.

Thanks guys. I'm going to continue NC and wait to see if she calls or not. In the meantime i'v been writing down things i want to say to her, but i dont know if i should say them IF she calls.

I had a similar situation a week ago. I also wrote down a lot of things I wanted to say to my bf, knowing I would forget half of it once he calls. He did call and I didn't use my list. I also didn't know whether I'd take him back if he wanted to try again. And then he said "I've missed you" and that was it. We are giving it a second chance and see how it's going. Now, to get past that anxiety and hurt that's still present.......

O.K she called late last night! but i was already in a deep sleep when i picked up! I dont really remember what was said but it was short. I do remember sensing some hostility so I said "maybe we should talk tommorrow". Thats when she said "noooo wait" as if she wanted to talk then and there. After some silence, she agreed we should talk another time.

So it sounded like she wanted to talk but my head was spinning from being woken up so late. Its too bad i dont remember what was said. I guess i'll continue to play the waiting game now.

Play your games (waiting or otherwise), suffer your pain b/c you refuse to accept it's over. You're human, I sympathize, but you need to listen to advice on this board.

If she calls, talk to her. DO NOT read her anything off your list. Keep it short and casual, about events - NOT emotions. Get off the phone within 10 minutes.

I'm an idiot!! Since the day she called and i was sleeping i've been going mad wondering what the hell happen?? what exactly was said that night? according to my post it was yesterday!?.. but it feels like forever!!

The pain got the better of me and I broke NC!

I first messaged her asking if she wanted to talk later. I guess i was expecting a yes or no answer but when I didnt hear back from her I started to feel the pain all over again.. as strong as it was on day 1!! I am such a stupid idiot!

After a couple of hrs of this torchering pain I dont know what got into me but i started to write a final goodbye message.

I wrote: O.k i guess i can take a hint. I'll leave you alone. But i gotta tell you I dont like how we ended this over the phone. It wouldnt have killed you to talk to me and meet me one day so we can exchange stuff and say goodbye forever. I hope the best for you and i hope you can find happiness, if not with me then with someone else. Just know that you were the first person i truly loved and youve left a big dent in my life forever. I"ll never forget these two years. I love you ____ :'(

This was a couple of hrs ago and i havent heard from her. Now i feel like shyt. I dont know if she got my messages to begin with. Maybe thats why she never replied? I was almost 100% sure she would reply!? I deleted her off my msn (she had been blocked until now) and its back to day 1 for me!

I have to get out of this house now!!! I cant sit still, cant sleep, cant watch t.v.. can surf!! Im going mad!

I told you to listen.

I just got home, its 1am now. I went to visit some friends at their work to try to distract myself. On my way home, i got a couple of calls from her (6) but I didnt pick up.

Why is life so cruel to me? why must "god" play these games with me? what did i do to deserve this? All these things happening to me, make me want to be a bad person. Makes me feel like killing kittens and stealing from the poor. (figure of speech)

What do I make of this?

Just hang tight and be patient.

Woke up in the morning with another 4 missed calls. Last one was at 4:40am and a message saying "call me".

Why all the calls but no simple voicemail or message saying anything?