My loong story.

O.K I don't know how to start this. I've been reading other peoples post and trying to relate to their experiences so i wouldn't have to post but i still don't know what to do. I'm going to try and keep this short.

I was 22yrs old when I started to go out with her. She was only 17. I always told myself that she would only be a friend because she was too young for me, even though I knew she liked me right from the start. After months of talking to each other and hanging out, she started to win my heart. I fell in love with her.

Now, at first we when we started going out she didn't really have any friends. We would be together almost all the time and the rare occasion when i was with my friends and not with her. She would be at home sad and alone. She would say things like, she wouldnt be able to live without me, and how her life would end if i were to leave her.

After about a year and a half. I started to go out with my friends more because they were all saying how I wouldn't go out them as much and they were right. I missed hanging out with the guys. This started more and more jealousy witch would turn into arguments with my gf for the smallest and stupidest reasons.

Usually we make up and we're good for a couple days untill the next argument. One week we had an argument and it was like everything i said was the wrong thing (in her mind). No matter what came out of my mouth she was would get upset and it seemed she was picking a fight for no reason.. this continued for the whole week when finally she said we needed to have a talk. She told me she was tired of always arguing with me and that she was confused. She didnt know if she wanted to be with me anymore but that she still loved me so much and always would. She broke up with me that day and left me devastated. I started begging her not to leave and promising i would change and etc.. Even with all the arguing we did, I had no doubt in my mind that she was the one. I always believed that we could work things out and make things work. She had given up on us. She wanted to be friends and stay in contact with each other but I said I didnt want to have anything to do with her.

That was when I went to the internet and stumbled on this site. I read about all the NC stuff. I tried to use this "technique" but failed miserably. I ended up writing a big letter letting her know how i felt and how broken I was. we talked back and forth for about 3 weeks and finally we had a big talk and got back together on the terms that we would both change and try to make things work out.

After being together for a couple days, I stumbled onto a deleted msn conversation in her recycling bin on the the computer. I started reading and the conversation was between her and another local guy. In the conversation she was being very flirty and asking the other guy to keep their friendship on the downlow. When i looked at the date on the message, I realized that it was dated about 1 week before we broke up. I confronted her and she said it was just a friend. I stormed out of her house.

For the next couple days she kept trying to contact me and I eventually heard her out. She said things werent really working out between us when she had that conversation but that she hasnt talked to the guy since and she wanted to be with me and only me. I forgave her and decided to look past her mistake because i loved her way too much.

We (or apparently just I) have been happy for another month or two since that day. Everytime we had been together this last week, she was cranky and tired etc. She started to hang out with her friend more and more lately and it was starting me make me upset because she was pushing me aside. On Saturday was the last night we were together and she was cranky as usual so I confronted her. I asked her why she was being like this toward me lately and she had no real explanation. We ended up getting into another big argument and we each went home early. On Sunday i tried to spend time with her but i was pushed aside for her friend instead. I let her know i didnt like how she was pushing me aside lately and we got into yet another argument.

Today she said we needed to have talk and my heart stopped. She told me she is tired of always arguing with me. We talked about all our problems and I offerd possible solutions for everyone. I said everything i could think of to try and save the relationship.

She started saying the same things that she did the last time we broke up. That she still loves me and always will, that she wants to be friends, she's confused etc.. but she doesnt want to put up with all the arguments all the time(that she causes). I made it clear that if she was to break up with me this time that it would be for good and i would not take her back. That she could not just break up with me everytime things are rough and expect to come running back. I said this in hope that she would realize the importance of the decision she was making. She still left me.

My heart aches because I love her so much and i let her get away again. Shortly after she left I messaged her asking if she was sure of her decision and how i cant believe this was happening. She kept saying, she's sorry but this is how it has to be.. it wont work out etc. Now i'm 24 and she's 19 and i feel like i wasted 2 years of my life. She is a young beautiful female that wont have any problems finding someone to be with, and i feel the exact opposite. I'm so depressed, i havent worked since Dec (layed off) and now i'm very distant from all my friends. I feel like doing somthing stupid to end this pain. I dont understand what is going through her head. I just feel like slapping some sence into her. If i know her, she will be trying to call and message me all the time.. even though she doesnt want to be with me. So how do i go NC when she keeps trying to contact me and when she comes around to the same places i will be with friends?

So much for keeping this short. If anyone actually reads all of this lmk if i'm the stupid one for loving her and wanting her no matter what and why she is doing this? what do i do? i am so lost and trying to keep my head straight. i dont know what to do.

I totally understand what you are going through. Your ex sounds a lot like my ex. I know the pain and agony of losing a woman you love so much. I also know the pain and agony of being with a woman that is unsure of what she wants. As long as you are with her there will be uncertainty, and that is not healthy. I have been through the same thing. You try your hardest to please her, but it is never enough. My ex broke up with me at least 7 times in 10 months. I ran back everytime. I reinforced her behavior. She would treat me like gold one day, and then verbally abuse me when she was drunk a few days later. I finally got sick of it, and cut contact with her. It hurts like hell, but being with her is worse.

You have to take care of yourself now. She will probably come running back once she thinks you have moved on. The question is, can you not answer the phone when she calls?

I am so tempted to message her right now. I'm trying my hardest not too and I keep telling myself that i dont want her back but my heart is killing me. My last message to her was saying that i'm glad to be out of this relationship once and for all but thats not how i feel. She hasnt contacted me since. I thought she would have by now. I feel like apologizing for saying that but will that only make it worse?

My heart still loves her so much and wants her but my brain tells me otherwise

The other night i got 3 crank calls to my phone. I have never got crank calls before so I knew it had to be her. I broke NC and messaged her asking why i'm getting crank calls and she called me right away. She started by talking about the crank calls and saying it wasnt her and quickly changed the subject and she started asking me if i missed her and if i still had feelings for her. I said i wasnt going to answer those kind of questions but she stayed on that topic. Eventually she said.. "whatever! i guess you couldnt care less about me" and said bye.

After this i wasnt cranked called anymore.. so it proved my theory that it was her. Why would she do somthing like that? it really set me off my healing process! I dont understand her!?!?

I know my post is a few days late, but she wouldn't be asking you those questions about if you miss her if she didn't want you back. But the thing to keep in mind is that no matter which side of this you're on, you will both miss each other. I think you should remain in NC with her, as hard as it may be. If in a couple months (or however long it takes you to KNOW you're thinking clearly), you two want to give it another go, then try. But it sounds lik she has some major growing up to do, and she needs to be willing to work on that if it's gonna work at all. It makes me think she was playing games with you if she decided to all the sudden always be out with her friend when she got so mad at you at first for doing the same thing. Good Luck, keep us posted.

Im continuing this post over here for anyone that wants to follow. Thanks alot for the input everyone http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?p=1695684&posted=1#post1695684

Cole,

NC doesn't really work as a technique to get your ex back. What it's really good for is getting yourself together --- if the ex shows interest again --- that's just extra. And usually, the ex might show interest again because they're intrigued by the fact that you're doing your own thing and not pining and whining after them --- they're intrigued by the fact that you're your own person again.

When you go into NC mode, you have to do it while being prepared not to hear from the ex.

Hi Cole,

I'm answering in parts because it's a lot to process:

Don't do anything stupid or hurt yourself. I know it feels like there's no end to the pain you're feeling right now with the break up, your isolation, your being laid off, etc. It all just seems to suck right now, and it does. But remember, "this too, shall pass."

It's up to you to turn things around, taking it step by step. You have to stop focusing on the ex and re-focus on yourself. This is how you'll get your confidence and happiness back.

Begin with taking care of yourself. When you start taking care of yourself, you'll see that things will turn in your favor. See about getting a new job. Start making an effort to see your friends, even for a little bit. Find new places to hang out where your ex won't be going. Find new healthy interests and hobbies or sports that'll get you more active and busy so you're not stuck in your head thinking about the ex and getting more depressed.

The relationship is over and it hurts, but don't let this setback rule your life. You can take charge of the situation and make it better for yourself. No one else can do it for you. You have to decide to let the ex go and move forward.

Right now is "Cole Time!" It's all about YOU, and it's a great opportunity to examine yourself, think about what you want and don't want out of life, think about what you want and don't want in a partner, spend time with friends and family, meet new people, learn and do new things. Focus on accomplishing goals for yourself and for your betterment. You're opening a new chapter.