Im lost is there any hope!!?

Hello ive been reading through this forum for a good few weeks now and im so happy to have found this place!. It has helped me alot.

I would like to share my story with you all it is unique in its own way and i would very much appreciate any help and advice you can give me.

Me and my ex were together for 7 years 6 months i am now 25 and she is now 23 we met when we were teenagers and wewere each others first for everything and she was my first LT relationship as i was to her. Things were amazing between us and i have never known anyone who i could connect with and share everything with even right down to very personal

problems and she was the same.

at first it was a long distance relationship i met her while on holiday and when we both had to go home we kept in touch by e-mail phone etc i lived over a 100 miles away. we both loved each other so much we did anything to be together and i would often be on the train every weekend to go see her and she would do

the same.

Her parents knew how much we ment to each other and they eventually let me move in. I had just finnished college and looked forward to the new life with her.

I lived with her and her family for 4 yrs and things were fantastic between us we used to talk alot everyday/night about everything i honestly thought we would be together for life. We confided in each other she was my best friend and soulmate.

She used to write me love letters everyday before she left for school and she would run home everyday at lunch to see me if only for 5 min. we eventually ran into problems with her family and we were under great pressure to move out i think we kind of got under there skin and they really wanted us out to get there own space back it was a large family so i can understand there frustration.

i moved out on my own at first and got a job about an hour away from her and her family and rented a flat out near my work in

a lovely small town i managed to do this all on my own within a month and my girlfriend couldn't wait to move in. so she did and we were settling into

our new place.

In the mean time i think my girlfriends mum started to dislike me for taking her daughter away so to speak and got very jelous which is

silly because it was her that pushed us out.I think she hoped that i would move and my g/f would stay but that didn't happen. anyway things were great between us, sure we had our ups and downs like any relationship but we got through it ok. about a year after we moved in my g/f became pregnant and she basiclly paniked!! she wanted an abortion etc she said she wasn't ready etc we were both heartbroken! but went ahead with the abortion i found it very difficult and in my own way of dealing with this i shut myself off and basicly didn't talk about this and tried to get on with life.

my g/f on the other hand found it very hard and took it very badly and wanted to talk about it alot so we did talk often but i found it so difficult to talk aboutit i would burst into tears at the mear thought of it.

we did eventually sit down and talk things through for hours! and at the end of it she was happy and so was i so life carried on. she started to go out alot more often without me with her friends and got close to her friends brother she always insisted he was just a friend and i exepted that untill one day we were play fighting in the bedroom being silly and she called me his name!!! at first i was shocked but didn't think anything of it.

about a week after that she said she wanted to split up with me!!!! no explanation!! i was broadsided to say the least absolutely gutted! the girl i thought would be with me forever just said she wanted to split up! so ofcourse after an hour of begging etc i left to my mums house which is just down the road and stayed there the night.

the next day i went to work in the morning i was there about an hour and had this feeling come over me to go home???

so i did and on the way bought some flowers for her i put my key in the front door and heared her run for the door she didn't want to let me in!!

i pushed my way into the house and sure enough he was stood in our front room i didnt get a chance to say a word and he said im sorry really sorry and walked out.

I thought nothing of it as they were friends?!???. i asked what was that all about and she came clean she said to me that he was there as she

wanted to tell him that she loved me and wanted to try again and she came clean that the two of them got close but only went as far as kissing?? i was once again so hurt that she didn't tell me any of this! every day she sent me love letters and txt messages saying how happy she was with me i didn't have a clue anything was wrong with her!

we talked and agreed to get back together and sort things out and she promised to comunicate with me about any doubts problems anything with each other etc.so we did and the first step was move into a house more space garden etc!.

we were there for about a year when things started to go funny again.

in the mean time her family had moved out to spain and she didnt take this well and really missed them understandably so she used to go out there once every two months for a week to visit i had no problem with this atall and was happy for her to be with them. in the mean time she would txt me 10 times a day saying that im her soulmate etc and i did the same we had great fun together and things i thought were going ok.

she started to visit spain more often like twice a month it did worry me! but what could i say it was her family! i asked her all the time if she was ok and happy and asked how she felt with me and she always said that she loved me more than ever and could not live without me. i was not needy i gave her space she had a good time while she was there. she started to talk about a bloke over there that was a close friend to the family and how he made her laugh etc i did get jelous and ask if she

liked him but she said no he was just a friend. ok i thought and believed her. the last time she went to spain she was really distant with me in txt messages and i knew something was going on!. when she came back she was happy to see me that day and we had a laugh made love etc and i made her a meal that i did everytime she came back and we layed on the sofa in each others arms watching tv.

the very next day i get a txt message in work saying im sorry i need to get away for a few months. once again i was heart broken but kind of understood she didn't go out much and didnt really have any friends hear with me becasue she moved in with me away from her home town and now her family were in spain. i begged that night for her to stay but she really was cold and said she was going. so once again i move into my mums while she was at our house for a few days before her flight.

I popped round to get some stuff the day before she went and we had a chat i said is there a chance for us in the future? she wasn't sure but she said ill always be in her heart and that one day maybe we will be back together. basicly she made it out that she wanted me there incase things went wrong in spain but i do believe she cared alot it was hard for her and she was in tears and so was i!!. once again i asked why she was doing this and that we have everything here a nice house car, jobs,holidays etc etc she said she missed her family and wanted to be with them for a while. i was going to propose to her 6 months later on our holiday we had booked to the caribean. i told her this and she said i had a feeling you would i said i suppose you will never want to marry me she said "not now".

her phone kept going off and she didnt look to see who it was from it bugged me and i had my suspitions anyway! once again beep beep her phone i said aren't you going to see who that is she shrugged it off and said it was her mum. i didnt believe her and i grabbed her phone she panicked and shouted give it back and said dont!!.

then she came clean that she was seeing this so called family friend in spain!!! i was absolutely gutted i mean heartbroken my eyes lit up with tears and i fell to my knees!!. i left at this point and went to my mums.

shes been gone for 8 weeks and ive remained in NC the last time i heared from her was when she left for spain she txt me and said you can go back to the house now im so sorry you will be in my heart take care xx.

that was 8 weeks ago she left me with the house, bills,furniture, car everything!!!! just walks out on me after 7.5 years of what i thought was a happy loving relationship she did not once stop to communicate and say she was unhappy with us up untill the day before i was her

soulmate?!?. i asked her while she was in spain if she felt like staying there she txt back and said this exact words " you need not worry about me moving to spain its you i want to be with i love and miss you so much"

I know for a fact that she had feelings for me she kissed and cuddled me before going i wore a nice shirt and jeans to look good just before she went and she went for my top button and said keep my chest covered up!!?? and kissed me on the lips.she also said be carefull with anna about 10 times which is a work mate of mine who has the hots for me and she knows it and waved me goodbye! she found it hard and was in tears herself. im in agony how the hell after so long could she do this!! she always said she was happy!. she did say to me that deep down i want us to get back together again in a while but i cant promise ill have a change of heart. to me this is back up plan talk or atleast i think.

ive given her time and space and did say before she left that i love you and always will and i said clearly that i hope for the best for you and good luck and if you have a change of heart let me know i tried so hard to be calm and supportive. i know what she did was totally wrong but part of me thinks she is young and just wants to see whats out there ive been with her since she was 15 and only knows life with me. everytime she went spain her mum did her best to make it exiting by taking her out go-karting/clubbing restaurants every day etc and made it out to be so

wonderfull over there. almost to subconciously say to her that look what your missing while your at home with him in england. and the fact that this guy has been hitting on her and turning on the charm has no doubt flattered her.and she finds him attractive also is adding to her confusion.

we both went through our photos etc and shared them out she insisted on keeping pictures of me and we had a giggle as we went through them going through old times, memmories etc she kept her teddy bears that i gave her and all the things i bought her that had little value but had alot of sentimental value that remind her of me. i know she had feelings for me but maybe not enough.??

Am i being to soft by letting her go so easilly and being supportive after what she did to me? if she did want to come back i would deffinatly not

consider it unless she REALLY!!! kissed my ass and hounded my phone everyday for a month to say sorry.but i am a good bloke im honest good looking have a great job i wasn't needy and didnt shower her with gifts everday but i was supportive and always went out of my way to let her know that i loved her and we were really close and always talked and had a laugh for hours. even the sex was great and she never complained!.

im so confused right now thinking i did something wrong!! and i can't be angry with her becasue i love her so much! if only she did have a problem

then why not tell me i was always approchable and she knew it. instead of putting her heart into us she left for someone she only knew a matter of weeks! 7.5 years down the drain why!?!!!!!!

no closure nothing all i know is she is with someone else and her family in spain what chance do i have now??? im so sorry if this is longer than it should be but we did so much that is missing in this post after 7.5yrs its hard to tell the story as im seeing it.

can anybody shed any light on this and help me and is NC the right thing to do now??? will she come back?? or atleast be in touch??

i was such a big part of her life how can she forget me??? so far 8 weeks nc nothing!! im loosing faith here!

thank you if you have read this any help would be much appreciated as im lost and confused !!!!

NC is not right for SOME people. Just because its so hard to do and when your so used to calling texting etc.. its doubly hard.

Im one of those people who do not like Nc.

But since i have no other choice at this point,I have to do the NC thing. Its day TWO. And im alright... i guess. its going to get A LOT harder for me.

There are never any guarantees that an ex can come back to you.. Its all up to them after you have tried everything you can to get them back.

My ex and i had established that we would stay friends.. actually HE wanted us to stay friends but it was so hard for me in the first month... so we hardly talked.. A few weeks ago, we started talking alot more.. but its still not the same as it used to be.. our conversations are distant and meaningless.

Sorry my friend I know these are difficult times. Since you guys have been together for so long and she never really got to experience other people I'm afraid that if you don't let her experience these things then she will just do it over and over and that would kill you. You also need to take the time and date other people too, as hard as that seems.

Do NC is probably the right thing for now. If she is smart and values your relationship then she may come back. Show her that you can move on also and that maybe just the thing brings her back to you down the road.

Good luck!

ive read so many posts on here, but your post got me sooooooooo pissed off and actually upset a little, im being honest man, i swear i was like eyes wide open reading it dude, i feel for you mate, i honestly do, i think it got to me cause she reminds me off my ex who split with me

we was both young when got together ( together 3 years tho, plus first this and first that)

we was both happy, and her spliting with me came out the blue!, like on the saturday before split we went cinema, had a laugh, stayed together, she was all '' i love you sooo much, together forever'' etc, then thursday after woke up and got a text saying its over basically

and just like your ex she tryed lie and make it sound like '' just needs a break'' when really it was cause there was another guy

and also just like your ex in the fact as my ex of 3 years left me for a guy she had got close to for 2 weeks!

and plus! im also at 8 weeks NC ( well exactly 8 weeks tomoz) and shes not contacted me once, in any way shape or form, its like ive never even been part of her life

but dude just keep the NC, i know its hard, and also just like you, the only way i would ever get back with my ex would be if she absolutly proved she would change, and absolutly proved she was sorry, id go on for months with her begging and showing me she wants me, only then would i probley just talk about gettin back with her

dude if you have msn add me, also if anybody else has relationship problems add me, be nice to have a good chat and share advice etc

freddy ive read your story also so you add me lol and if heartontheoutside is reading this you add me , cause i want to know how its goin with your ex also lol, everybody add me lol [email protected]

thanks for the replies. i really cannot begin to understand what is happening its just like a bad dream it doesn't feel real atall!!!

there is something else id like to share with you but it still freaks me out to this day and at the time i thought i had my drink spiked!!

anways about a week after she left i went out for a drink with my brother we decided to go to somewhere diffrent and away from my hometown because it reminded me of her. I was in this bar quite late on in the evening and i was enjoying myself having a laugh i went to the bar for a drink at the time this place was real buisy and id been stuck at the bar for about ten minutes trying to get served when this woman walks up to me!

never seen her before neither had my brother she just tapped me on the shoulder and said to me in these exact words "tara [my ex] needs to do this to realize and that she would be back and don't give up good things would come in time. I mean wtf!!! i asked her who she was and and she said she saw things and saw what had happend to me and felt compeled to let me know!.

i was totally tripped out and left straight after that its the strangest thing that has ever happend to me!. i swear im not lying i know it sounds totaly wierd!!.

In the mean time i will go out and date other woman but at the end of the day there is only one woman on my mind. What can i do she really was the woman i wanted to spend the rest of my life with and i feel completely

helpless sitting here!

how does this story sound to you all? im so confused can anybody offer me any more advice?

Hi Leedlee, this is going to be long, so bare with me.

I am going to try my best with my little bits of advice, but i am going to have to break it up because it is a long thread.

I hope that i am able to offer you some help, i am a bit older than you so my insight my be a bit off, forgive me if it is.

I hope i dont sound mean with any of this either, i am just telling it as i see it (even tho i obviously was not there and could not begin to fully relate).

Me and my ex were together for 7 years 6 months i am now 25 and she is now 23 we met when we were teenagers and wewere each others first for everything and she was my first LT relationship as i was to her.

She was 15 1/2 when you met her, she knew nothing of the world or of people.

I know this is not comforting but at that age she has no idea who she is or what she wants from her life.

It is extremely rare for young relationships like this to go the distance, not to say that it has not happened.

Even if people get married and have children based on these young relationships, they reach a certain point where they wonder what else the world has to offer in terms of travel, experiences and other people.

The emotions and emotional connections formed during these early years of dating are in no way any less than those which are formed in adulthood, but the minds instinct to search and look for new things can be over whelming.

I lived with her and her family for 4 yrs

 

we eventually ran into problems with her family and we were under great pressure to move out i think we kind of got under there skin and they really wanted us out to get there own space back it was a large family so i can understand there frustration.

Sometimes when you live with the family of your partner they see things that they should not see.

Sometimes little things happen between couples and it is only the couple themselves that understand what is going on, those other people around them especially the ones that are related and highly care about one of the partners can miss understand and even miss construe what they are seeing and hearing.

I think this may have happened because later in your thread you go on to explain that her mother has gone out of her way to try to convince your GF that she is better off with her family than with you.

If she had not miss understood something she would understand that her daughter needs to live her own life and would have left you guys in peace once you had moved out together, she saw how much you loved her and looked after her.

went ahead with the abortion i found it very difficult and in my own way of dealing with this i shut myself off and basicly didn't talk about this and tried to get on with life.

 

my g/f on the other hand found it very hard and took it very badly and wanted to talk about it alot so we did talk often but i found it so difficult to talk aboutit i would burst into tears at the mear thought of it.

we did eventually sit down and talk things through for hours!and at the end of it she was happy and so was i so life carried on.

I am going to be very careful here because abortion is a VERY touchy subject, but she did have to deal with the emotion of that alone for quite some time untill you were ready to talk about it.

Just because you were not ready to talk about it did not mean that she was able to just let her feelings go, they would have been bottling up and she could not talk to the one person who she had always talked to about everything in the past.

In the end when she did finally get to talk to you about it, how long had she been holding in all her emotions? how much of an effect did the delay in getting it out have on her?

so i did and on the way bought some flowers for her i put my key in the front door and heared her run for the door she didn't want to let me in!!

i pushed my way into the house and sure enough he was stood in our front room i didnt get a chance to say a word and he said im sorry really sorry and walked out.

Of course he was sorry, sorry for getting caught.

She had already called you by his name, i am sorry but in my books people only do that when they are really close to someone else and they are constantly thinking about them when they are looking at you.

You can not mistake the name of the person you have spent 7 years with, with the name of someone else unless you have spent some pretty intense time with the other person and they are still on your mind.

You have said that she admitted to kissing him, maybe it had stopped at that & it was guilt she was feeling when she looked at you and called you by his name .. who knows?

Has she ever called you by one of her friends names? of course not because not even her friends were as close to her as this other guy was at that time.

(harsh i know - i am sorry for sounding up front).

I popped round to get some stuff the day before she went and we had a chat i said is there a chance for us in the future? she wasn't sure but she said ill always be in her heart and that one day maybe we will be back together. basicly she made it out that she wanted me there incase things went wrong in spain but i do believe she cared alot it was hard for her and she was in tears and so was i

Exactly, i am sorry hun, but that is exactly what she was doing.

it is pet hate of mine when people say "maybe some time in the future", because it leaves the sense of waiting.

People wait on love promised from an ex for a lifetime sometimes & they never come back.

I have waited and waited, we all do it in a small way, we wait for the phone to ring months after they have gone, all because they gave us a snipet of information that has lead us to believe that they will be back, whether they said it directly or indirectly.

Believe it or not you are better knowing that she is seeing someone in Spain.

That way of she does come back you can make an informed choice as to what you want to do.

She asked to go away for a couple of months, she had no intention of telling you about him, that is why she was upset when you found out.

She hoped that if she went and it did not work out, she could come back to you and never have to tell you anything.

Now you have a better understanding of who this woman has grown to be and unfortunately it is a much different person to the one you were with when she was 16, 17, 18, 19 or even 20.

i asked her while she was in spain if she felt like staying there she txt back and said this exact words " you need not worry about me moving to spain its you i want to be with i love and miss you so much"

This statement strengthens my point.

She is there, she is seeing someone else, but she is sending you this brain squeeze of a message to keep you holding onto her while she is there.

She needs to know that you will take her back if it all falls apart over there.

I know for a fact that she had feelings for me she kissed and cuddled me before going i wore a nice shirt and jeans to look good just before she went and she went for my top button and said keep my chest covered up!!?? and kissed me on the lips.she also said be carefull with anna about 10 times which is a work mate of mine who has the hots for me and she knows it and waved me goodbye!

She wants you to be careful of a girl who likes you while she has been playing around with a family friend??? PPllleeeaassee.

The feelings which she expressed to you may not have been the type which you hope for.

She might have been crying because she was leaving a place that she has lived for so long.

I know that you want to believe that she still has feelings for you, but she has done nothing to prove that she still loves you, she has gone out of her way to hurt you.

Sometimes to people can cry over guilt.

She is doing everything she can to make you believe that she is still in love with you, all the while tho she wants to be away from you???

This girl is making me angry and i dont even know her!

Am i being to soft by letting her go so easilly and being supportive after what she did to me?

no you are not being soft, you are doing the right thing, let her go.

Let her take this path that she so obviously wants to take, but dont be there at the end, Dont let yourself be a fall back.

im so confused right now thinking i did something wrong!! and i can't be angry with her becasue i love her so much! if only she did have a problem

then why not tell me i was always approchable and she knew it. instead of putting her heart into us she left for someone she only knew a matter of weeks! 7.5 years down the drain why!?!!!!!!

As i said at the start here, she has grown and her needs have changed.

I know that sounds terrible and it is of no value to you.

She is becoming the person that she will be for the rest of her life, and by the sounds of it thus far she is a "grass is greener" person (they always think that it is better on the other side of the fence).

more often than not tho, they soon find out that it isnt.

What chance do you have now? - Right now with her not alot i am afraid.

If she is to come back she will have to do it when she is ready, you can not force this situation as much as you need closure one way or another.

What other chance do you have now? - a huge one!

YOU, that is the chance you have.

You have not known adult life without her, you have not experienced what there is out there for you.

To do it without her is going to be one of the scariest and lonesome things that you are likely to ever have to do, but you do need to do it.

If she comes back in the future and you have not spent time alone exploring this crazy world, believe it or not it is likely that you yourself will eventually go through a period of being unsure about what you are doing, again because you have not experienced life without her.

Give yourself time to experience life, be it alone or by meeting other people, there is no need to jump into the sack with someone else, but spend time with them, talk, coffee, and hey as unthinkable as it is right now, if the urge arises strap on a saddle and go for a ride LOL.

You owe her nothing, she is no longer with you, so there are no guilt issues for you.

Dont worry about contacting her, let that happen in it's own time.

Given the amount of time you two have spent together and that it was not particularly bitter when it ended, it is highly unlikely that you will never commuincate again.

One way or another you will be back in contact eventually.

Right now though just leave it as it is.

If/when she comes back if you decide to be together again the fact that you have both experienced more of life will actually give you more of a chance to give it a long term go in the future.

Dont be sorry that it is a long post, i am the queen of long posts & responses! - havn't i put you to sleep yet?

Good luck honey, keep us posted and i sincerely hope it all works out for you.

Sorry guys, holy goodnight i can dribble when i get on a roll.

LOL

Hi guys well its 10 months later and i thought i would come back to love shack to let you know whats happened. i took on board all the advice i was given and it was so difficult at first but i stuck with it and now im a diffrent man!. looking back at my post it almost feels like it was another person writing it!. well as for my ex i still havent heared a single word NOTHING no email no tx nothing almost like she has completely vanished out of existance.

BUT!!!!! i have met the love of my life and were getting married next year!!! its funny how things turn out but i now trully believe things happen for a reason, so any of you ppl going through simular curcumstances all i say is hang in there and better things will come along for you even if right now all you want is your ex believe me it passes!!!

I still think about my ex often and always wonder if ill hear from her again but ive moved on now and im happy!!

good luck people.