Do I send his things back to him?

I'm so glad to have found this place.

Will try and keep it short! We dated for 2 months, all was going great though we're both divorced and kept it semi-light and were cautious. I was invited to all his friends dinners, parties etc and was due to meet the father. I know he liked me and me him. I went overseas (by myself) on a trip I'd booked before we met for 2 weeks.

He was strange the night before I left though loving on phone and email when I was gone. The day I get back it's over (2 weeks ago), supposedly the ex has turned up again ?? Am almost sure they aren't back together (I haven't asked though). He asked for time.

He is still sending messages which are nice and as they were. NC for a week now.

As we stayed at each others we are both holding personal things. I have offered over and over to send them or drop them off at a neutral place (we live about 40 mins from each other) but he's insisting that he will come over at some point.

Now, that's confusing, if it's over, why not let it be over?

I am still in a bad place so part of me is hoping for the visit and that maybe we can work it out, we were having a great time, but part of me wants to just send the stuff back? I still believe (maybe foolishly) there's still a tiny sliver of hope

Any advice would be appreciated - is he just needing time to sort out things (it was going really well before I left) or do I just send it back? I think all things equal we can get back to where we were.

I don't want to seem vindictive to him either by sending them back. I guess all I want is closure either way, hopefully it's good. what is he thinking by doing this?

Sorry... very very confused here.... Thanks for listening.

Many things can be going through his head at this moment. Maybe he want to prolong it to think things through or maybe seeing you is too hard. Well if you really want to move on then you can just put all his stuff in a box and ship it to him.

Can you not just leave them in a dry place either outside yours or outside his, I did this, made it easier.

thanks guys, I appreciate it. Problem being though, firstly I don't want to end it and having the stuff (which are quite expensive) kind of keeps it open. I have offered to leave/drop off somewhere and he insists on coming over "soon", we both live in security apartments so nowhere to leave anyway.

All the "advice" says "don't call" so is sending his things back doing exactly that in a big way?

Weak I know, but I also don't know the number of his complex to send. I know the apartment no and where it is of course, he doesn't have a home number (only mobile/cell) so I can't look it up. We don't live close and if I drive by to get the number I will get caught for sure

Drive up, buzz him on the intercom and tell him your leaving his box of stuff down here and that he might want to collect them before someone steals it.

Then drive off.

Trust me, you are clinging onto them by the sounds of it for a hope of a reconsiliation and it won't happen that way.

But isn't that what he is doing by insisting I don't drop the stuff to someone or send them (I have asked him for his complex number or his aunt who lives nears me and he won't tell me) Isn't he too using them to maybe reconcile or just keep me on a string....

I know I am being an idiot, I do know, but I don't want to come across as bitter either as I'm not. Thank you, I don't mean to be negative.

Ultimately I want to finish this stage whether it's the real end or reconciliation but I want to do it the right way and need to know how to handle it. It's the not knowing that's the torture, I would kill for a man to tell me what is really going on?

Why don't you put all his things in a box and put it somewhere in your place that you won't see? That way, when he comes over to pick it up, it's ready and also, at the same time you won't have to be reminded of it if his stuff are still strewing around.

He might have done some thinking while you were away for 2 weeks or met up with his ex and now, he's sorting out his feelings and what's the next best step to take. You won't be able to ask him now since you are both in NC. I would just let it be for now and try to keep yourself busy.

Thanks for the words of wisdom You are so right, I know that logically, I just miss him and us that's all. I accidentally saw him yesterday (I didn't approach and he didn't see me I was in the car) and it sent me back to where I was a week or so ago)

And yes, the things are in a bag in the corner of the spare room, his fave drinks are already in the bin, I did that straight away.

Still deciding on whether to send the things back though.

Drive up, buzz him on the intercom and tell him your leaving his box of stuff down here and that he might want to collect them before someone steals it.

 

Then drive off.

BINGO... this is perfect advice...

It was a 2 month fling.. just go give him the stuff and then he won't have this control over you..

You are back burnered right now...right where he wants you.. on the hook..

If it doesn't pan out with the ex well guess what?.. you will get a call and he will want to use his stuff at your place after having sex with you...

Finish the dumping...as hard as it may be it needs to be finished...

Yes, you are right - you are all right!! It still hurts like hell though, I don't let people in often and the last few years when I do it ends like this...

I have tried to finish the dumping but he insists on coming to get them so it has dragged it out and that's not good for me.

I won't drop them at his place though, it seems a bit much and they say don't call. I'll get someone to get his address and send them back next week. And walk away with dignity.

Isn't lovesickness the worst?

Can you not just leave them in a dry place either outside yours or outside his, I did this, made it easier.

Ouch! That hurt BIGHEART. Thats pretty much what my ex did to me. TWICE!

But I understand that it takes a strong resolve to do this sort of thing face to face, and if you think you might crack under pressure or break down, then maybe the drop-off is the way to go.

I went thru this a few mos ago. I dont know exactly what "stuff" you have of each others....It seems on both accounts the holding of the "stuff" is some kind of insurance policy to see one another again, for whatever reason. If you are hopeful then I'd hang on to his things and decide what you want to say when you 2 meet. otherwise, you are preventing yourself from moving on by holding on to material things.....

thanks for the advice MM, I was hoping for a male response, holding on was an insurance policy and not good for me.

When I woke up today I decided I'd had enough and sent them back this morning, such a relief actually that I have some control over my emotional life again.

I included a polite but friendly Christmas card wishing him the best and to take care etc etc. My main concern about sending it back was not wanting to seen vindictive or bitchy, so I hope it doesn't come across that way. Too late now

It was sad though.

He still has some of my things, nothing that's irreplaceable and I am writing them off so I can move on, I've moped long enough though I still feel sick when I see a car like his or put too much thought into it.

Thanks again

I still feel sick when I see a car like his or put too much thought into it.

boy o boy, can I relate to this....thank god there arent alot of Nissan 350 Z's running around North Dakota...but I relate. I hear ya, songs, their car, their favorite football team, the whole 9.....I did the "card" thing too, mine was a Halloween card though that got sent back with "return to sender"..

boy o boy, can I relate to this....thank god there arent alot of Nissan 350 Z's running around North Dakota...but I relate. I hear ya, songs, their car, their favorite football team, the whole 9.....I did the "card" thing too, mine was a Halloween card though that got sent back with "return to sender"..

It's the worst feeling, isn't it, lovesickness? I can't listen to alot of CD's now, they are ruined. If she sent it back Michael (presuming it's Michael) what a cruel person she is and it's her failure not yours.

Unfortunately for me there are alot of his type of car running around Sydney right now and he works over my way often, sometimes I lose my breath but it is getting better every day.

yeah, I was hurt,definitley...we always hang oon to hope...I thinkall hope is gone though..it willl get better, and someone else will come along

she will Michael and she will rock your world

haha - good luck on that date...and, I think my world has been rocked so many times, that next time maybe it will be heavy metaled

I hear you on the music thing. I am listening to music I don't normally listedn to just so as not to be reminded!

Guess what a good recovery song is??

Too late to apologize by one rebublic!

As for returning the things I am now tossing that idea around. I am thinking I will just throw it all away. why be remined when we are already in pain, right???

Holding onto the stuff makes you hold onto the romantic idea that he'll come running back with flowers. I personally did this with my ex the first time we broke up. The last time we broke up, I gave him his stuff immediately.

I found it's a lot better to get it out of my place so I dont conjure up images of his return.

Holding onto the stuff makes you hold onto the romantic idea that he'll come running back with flowers. I personally did this with my ex the first time we broke up. The last time we broke up, I gave him his stuff immediately.

 

I found it's a lot better to get it out of my place so I dont conjure up images of his return.

So true! it took me a couple of weeks to realise that though, I might be slow but I got there

Kymberann, I hearya. I would have done that but he was keeping me on hold my promising to come and get them (and some of it was expensive) and drop off my things and I really didn't want to seem like I was being a bitter bitch or vindictive. It sat better with me to do it that way. Do what's best for you. Walk away with dignity, I say.

As for the music, two of my favourite CD's I can't go near (we both had and loved them). I hate that

The Clash's "Train In Vain" and Keith Urban's "You'll Think of Me" are my two fave kiss off songs