How do I (MW) get over an AWFUL (SM) crush?

I do hope someone can help me....PLEASE don't persecute me for being married and crushing on someone else. I KNOW my marriage is in trouble. Believe me, I know that. I'm sure that I am part of the problem too.

 

I am so lonely in my marriage...my husband is harsh...he is so grouchy and critical of me. I'm to the point that I don't miss him when he goes somewhere to do something...I used to be so sad to see him go on a hunting trip...now I cherish that time AWAY from him. It's like, when I walk in the door when I get home, he might make a comment, like , you forgot to turn the air up (so that it won't come on all day) or , you left the bathroom light on or something I DIDN'T do.... I get so tired of it. Even when we "talk" if he's watching tv he SHUSHES me...the damn tv is more important than me. If I tell him something nice about my day, he looks at me like, why are you telling me this.

 

ANYWAY, I have a crush on a man that is single and very kind. When he talks to me, there is NO sense of harshness or grouchiness...He is so kind. He always points out that Hubby would follow me ANYWHERE if I were to leave him. It's almost like, I care for him bc he hasn't tried to get me to stray...that makes me care for him even more. He always tries to steer me back to him, he just does not understand how sad I am in my marriage. I know I probably scare the crap out of him though. I am a fairly attractive woman and the strange thing is, he is really not that great looking. I guess that sounds bad, but facts are facts here! His kindness makes me see him differently I guess. And I guess it hurts that it has finally sunk in that he is NOT going to pursue me like I secretly hoped. I guess I was looking for a romantic escape. YES, I KNOW THIS IS NOT THE ANSWER!!!! But it is just a desparate attempt to feel loved and not critizied.

 

How do I get over this crush? WHat do I do besides the obvious of not being in his path, where I know he will be. I'm sure I am so freaking obvious when I do that. Please tell me how to get over this crush.... It is killing me! I don't even want to eat much anymore...that is so unlike me (it has been a nice side effect, I have wanted to lose about 15 pounds anyway...so far I have lost about 8!!! )

 

Please be gentle with me...remember, I already have a harsh hubby who is highly critical of me...I don't need anymore hurt. I just want to know what to do to get over this crush thing. Someone please respond.

I just want to know what to do to get over this crush thing.

 

The only way is to make sure you have no interaction with this guy at all: not seeing him, not talking to him, not looking him up on the internet, nada. Any interaction of any sort, even the most 'innocent' will result in you further feeding this crush.

 

You will be crawling the wall with frustration and nervous energy. Focus that energy on working with your husband to fix your broken marriage, or end it. As long as you are unhappy at home, you will continue to have 'crushes' like this, as a form of escapism.

How do I get over this crush?

I have a feeling that this is not the question that really concerns you. It's rather how to get love and affection from someone. Your problem is your marriage, not your crush. Apparently you're very unhappy in the marriage, but feel you must stay. I assume there are kids involved and it seems impossible to leave and start from a scratch.

 

I am dumped for the second time and I have to get out in a new country, jobless, with two children, no friends or family around me (they are all far away). And I am not scared at all, because I decided not to be. Being scared won't make life more scary. Just because you can't predict the future doesn't mean it will eat you alive. If you're not happy - leave. I look at my marriage and realize there is nothing to grieve over and the discomfort of the near future is a little price to pay for ending an unhealthy, unsatisfying relationship.

Yes, my problem is the marriage and not the crush...BUT the crush is in my face and I think about it way too much. I just need to know how to take the focus off it.

 

We don't have kids, and even though he makes me unhappy, I would feel GUILTY for leaving him! I think he does the best he can, I mean, he was just raised that way I guess. I just can't stand to be around the negativity and criticism. Before, when I said that I missed him, I was oblivious to how he treated me, I was so "in love". But now, it feels like a prison...WHen I point it out to him, it just makes him MADDER.

 

It was interesting to read when you wrote that my real question is how to get love and affection from someone...I guess that is the second half to my question of how to get over the crush. My main thing right now though, is to get over this crush dominating my life.

 

ANd Thanks LUCREZIA, no contact whatsoever is the way to go. However, easier said than done! It helps to hear it from someone else and to see it in print! Thanks for taking the time...

I think you should go to your h and tell him about the way he is treating you and that it is making you fall out of love with him. You should tell him you guys need marriage counseling because you are unhappy. Even if you did have an affair that isn't going to fix your problem at home, just make it worst. I don't blame you for not wanting to be around a crouchy husband but you need to tell him what you need. Tell him you are starting to find other men attractive because he is pushing you away. I'm sure that statement will open his eyes.

Two wrongs dont make it right. You need to tell your husband the truth and work for Reconciliation or a big D!

 

All this emotional affair bull**** is just wrong. The other man aint gonna be husband number 2.