in love with my husband's buddy...

My husband and i are having some marital problems, we might be even considering seperation. In the meantime...I am really attracted to his friend and want to know if he likes me back. Is there any way I can test that for sure

Pursuing this isn't going to help your marriage, that's for sure.

Are you for real?

You mean you would actually put your H's friend in this position to choose his friend or you?

I think you need to quit trying to use someone else to make your H jealous or mad and just end it or get counseling. Don't try to put his friend in the middle of your problems.

Grow up!!! If he likes you back? Your married, I love how people justify their wrong doings.

No matter what, you are married and until that changes you will be cheating and causing the damage in your marriage.

we might be even considering seperation

Be a big girl and decide what is important to you.

IF the friend says yes, then what? You separate and/or divorce your husband? IF the friend says no, then you stay with your husband? Which is it?

Gotta ask, what kind of marital problems are you having? I'm assuming you're lonely and some needs aren't being met. So, talk to your husband, work together to make it work. Go to marriage counselling. Talk to eachother, listen to eachother...Forget the buddy. That's just not right.

PS: This isn't Jessica Simpson, is it?? (Sorry, I couldn't resist!)

Jess - why dont u just ask him straight out whether he likes u?

Oh NO Here's Mandy. Now your going to get some really good marital advice, wonder if her husbands friend is a dentist by any chance

AAHHH!!! Another one and done!!!

Thanks you all,

For your great replies. Well, here's the deal... my spouse is abusive and I guess that is the reason I am having a hard time staying attracted to him. His friend on the other hand is really good to me . He is supportive, helpful and has always been there when I needed him. He is also darn cute!!!!

But, I am not really looking to cheat on my husband. I am just trying to figure out if his friend is looking out for me as a friend or he has feelings for me. If, I ever pursue this it will only be after I resolve things with my husband, one way or the other. So, my question still remains unanswered...that is how can one be sure if a guy is just being friendly to you or if he has genuine feelings. Is there like an acid test for that:)

Look forward to your replies.....

Pursuing this isn't going to help your marriage, that's for sure.

Sounds like it's kaput already.

Thanks you all,

For your great replies. Well, here's the deal... my spouse is abusive and I guess that is the reason I am having a hard time staying attracted to him. His friend on the other hand is really good to me . He is supportive, helpful and has always been there when I needed him. He is also darn cute!!!!

But, I am not really looking to cheat on my husband. I am just trying to figure out if his friend is looking out for me as a friend or he has feelings for me. If, I ever pursue this it will only be after I resolve things with my husband, one way or the other. So, my question still remains unanswered...that is how can one be sure if a guy is just being friendly to you or if he has genuine feelings. Is there like an acid test for that:)

Look forward to your replies.....

Then leave your husband! He is abusing you and it's done damage. Get a divorce. DO NOT jump into a relationship with someone else, especially your husband's buddy! Be by yourself and heal. What good is it to jump into another relationship so fast? Learn about yourself, be independant. Friends are friends, but honestly, right now you need some GIRL friends, not MAN friends. Forget the buddy, he's just trouble for you and will add stress into your life, your husbands life too. It isn't worth all that headache.

So, my question still remains unanswered...that is how can one be sure if a guy is just being friendly to you or if he has genuine feelings.

He wants to bang you. End of story.

So, there is no way to really tell if he is into me or not??? I speak to him almost everyday and I was wondering if I stop calling him, maybe I can wait to see if he misses me and will try and call? I mean there has to be a way to tell if a guy really likes you as a person?

Why don't you just dump your abusive husband and go from there?

So, there is no way to really tell if he is into me or not??? I speak to him almost everyday and I was wondering if I stop calling him, maybe I can wait to see if he misses me and will try and call? I mean there has to be a way to tell if a guy really likes you as a person?

You're not reading any advice given to you. IT DOESN'T MATTER what the guy thinks of you...Hello, you're with someone else! Wanting to know is just satisfying your ego, not the situation at hand.

Ok, Jessica lets cut through the carp here.

1. Specifically, how is your husband abusive?
    
   
2. If your husband's friend was attracted to you, what do you think that would mean long term? (You have to dump your husband, develop a relationship with your husband's friend and then cross your fingers hoping that you and he will be compatible.)
    
   
3. Wouldn't someone in a bad relationship tend to look at others as better than their sig. other?
   

Aussie Mandy is in the beginning stages of having an affair with HER married with children dentist who wants to keep her a secret. She doesn't speak from the experience of having seen an affair through to it's end or of reading hundreds of posts about affairs like many of the other posters here.

Well to answer your qns... He is physically abusive with me ...he has hit me,kicked me in the stomach, tried to choke me several times(has anger issues).

I am not looking to have an affair with his friend, I just happen to like him a lot..but these last couple months....we have been spending a lot of time on the phone...nothing romantic just talk about this and that. I speak to him atleast 4-5 times a day and its just that he has become an important part of mylife. When I started this post..I wasn't asking for advice on how to approach him to sleep with me. I am trying to figure out if this guy really cares for me and its so difficult to tell that. I don't think confronting him will help as me might give me the politically correct answer. And that's why I want to test this out. Its like this..I am trying to figure out if he is being nice to me out of compassion or if he really cares for me. Many of u might think that it is stupid....why would I want to waste my time on this...but its really for getting some kind of closure. I have known him for so long and its been going on like this for so many months that I need to figure it out and then move on. I just need to be able to understand it for what its worth and go from there.

Well to answer your qns... He is physically abusive with me ...he has hit me,kicked me in the stomach, tried to choke me several times(has anger issues).

Other than that, I don't see what your problem is.

Forget about the other guy.

why do you say that I should forget about him? I had already mentioned that I am looking to get seperated very soon...

I had already mentioned that I am looking to get seperated very soon...

Looking to get separated is not the same as being separated (or filing for a divorce).

First things first.

i think the abusive husband will find out about the other guy and he will kick his butt.

is it worth it to continue talking to someone you think is nice so the abusive husband will kick his butt? this isnt his fault. leave him out and stop talking to him until you are no longer answering to the husband.

You need to start to immediately develop a support system, put together a safety plan and get a GOOD and TRUE understanding of what your rights are. You can best do this by talking to other people that have been through what you are going through and those that work with them. You need to contact your local domestic violence center and get your butt into see an advocate or counselor. And keep going back.

If your husband is physically abusive with you, you need to understand what you can do and what is in your best interests. Calling 911 comes to mind but it will help you tremendously to talk to an advocate or counselor before that happens. If he hits you and leaves a mark call the police, have him arrested, get a temporary restraining order (TRO) and follow through with everything. Once you start the process you can not get weak and give in to his pleading, begging, groveling, crying or threats. You must be the strong one and stick to your decision.

Craig, you give some excellent advice.

Too bad she wants to exacerbate the problem by getting down with his friend.

You guys are really missing the whole point here!!!!! It's not like I am having an affair with him, I just would like to know if he likes me for real or is just being compassionate.

Let's take another scenario, here is this guy who is really nice to a girl. He talks to her nicely every time she calls him and he is helpful and charming and blah, blah... So how does this girl figure out if this guy really likes her or is just flirting with her. Hope this question helps......

You guys are really missing the whole point here!!!!! It's not like I am having an affair with him, I just would like to know if he likes me for real or is just being compassionate.

We don't care about this other guy, because you're in deep shiit.