How to Deal with "I Have a Boyfriend"

@ Zengirl, USMC, and Star Gazer

If we were talking about "I have a huband". I would agree with you. Women will never lie about that.

@SG

Every single woman could be giving what psycholgist call the socially desirable response. "Social desirability bias is the tendency of respondents to answer questions in a manner that will be viewed favorably by others. It can take the form of over-reporting good behavior or under-reporting bad behavior."

Since we have all agreed it's a kind of low down thing to do, who would admit to having done it?

@oaks

That's also part of the test. If a woman pulls those shennanagains is she someone you would want to be around anyway?

How to Deal with "I Have a Boyfriend"

Smile and walk away. Billions of others to be served.

@oaks

 

That's also part of the test. If a woman pulls those shennanagains is she someone you would want to be around anyway?

Heck no, although I might not realise that this was a sh** test because I would probably just take her at her word (she has a boyfriend) and move on.

WRONG.

 

How about when wondering what a woman thinks, you listen to WOMEN?

 

It's so ridiculous, lol. I find it really odd that some men will take the word/opinion of another man (who is usually also single and seeking advice on some level or another) as to how women operate, over the word of an actual woman.

That said, I have never lied about having a bf unless I was trying to get rid of a guy. Definitely never done it as any kind of "test" or if I was interested. Totally counterproductive.

So you're saying that if she uses it on you, then she thinks you're a creep...?

 

Lawyered.

Malpractice.

They don't know what you are when they use it, just whether or not you are attractive enough to have potential. "Are those real?" is likely to come out of a guy's mouth at any stage of the conversation, not always in the intro. They toss the "BF" out and then if you start to get creepy it's hanging there waiting to get reaffirmed, and if you seem OK it evaporates. I totally understand women doing this, especially out at night, it's a non- antagonistic screen.

Sometimes, if they have any interest in appearing consistent, they will say something like, "the BF I mentioned awhile back is not a serious exclusive thing, in case you'd like to get together sometime."

But since most of them don't care whether they appear consistent or not, it usually just evaporates.

I really don't see why you would fake having a boyfriend if you're interested. Yes, there is a slight chance he might persist with his luck. But usually, I think most men would steer clear of that for fear of having their faces beat in upon discovery. Or, because they just don't want to share a girl with somebody else. I'm sure there's a RARE case where a woman uses this tactic to see if the guy will pursue, but in most cases it's:

I'm not interested

or

I really do have a boyfriend, sorry.

I think the appropriate response to 'sorry, I have a boyfriend'? You smile politely and say, "Then he's a very lucky guy," and leave it at that.

Ah... but River Running.

The face beat in part is what my responses were getting at. The woman who uses this wants a man who's not afraid of confronting another man.

It comes from the same place that makes some women need a man who's "taller in order to feel protected." It comes from the same place that makes women like men who are toned and in good shape.

What woman would want to date a man who at the remote prospect of a fight....turns yellow?

It's not a emotionally mature way of doing thing for sure. Never the less it is done.

____

Slightly OT.

Why assume that a man with a GF is going to beat up a man without a GF? The BF may just loose. How many women have said "I have a boyfriend" to Mike Tyson?

If the girl wasn't even remotely interested, she would not have taken spinaronie's number. That's the key. Some can claim she wants to be able to screen for him, but then why even take his number? She could have said goodnight, walked away, and he would have had zero means to find her.

This was a game she played, and I've seen many GIRLS (not mature adult women) play this. She wanted to see how much he would push to get her.

For her, "I have a boyfriend" was womanese for "how much are you willing to work to get me?"

If she truly had a man and/or was not interested, then she would not have given him means to contact.

Malpractice.

 

They don't know what you are when they use it, just whether or not you are attractive enough to have potential. "Are those real?" is likely to come out of a guy's mouth at any stage of the conversation, not always in the intro. They toss the "BF" out and then if you start to get creepy it's hanging there waiting to get reaffirmed, and if you seem OK it evaporates. I totally understand women doing this, especially out at night, it's a non- antagonistic screen.

 

Sometimes, if they have any interest in appearing consistent, they will say something like, "the BF I mentioned awhile back is not a serious exclusive thing, in case you'd like to get together sometime."

 

But since most of them don't care whether they appear consistent or not, it usually just evaporates.

It seems no one has addressed my previous question, but if you were the girl's boyfriend, would you be ok with guys continuing to pursue even after learning about you? Perhaps I'm a little more sensitive to the issue because I'm in the military, or maybe I respect boundaries and don't play BS games...if a girl says she's attached, then she's attached. I take her word for it and don't go further into it. And I'd expect the same of any other dude with integrity.

I have spun that last little issue off into it's own thread. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?p=3724386#post3724386

How about when wondering what a woman thinks, you listen to WOMEN?

How about when wondering what goes on when approaching women, you listen to MEN who actually approach women?

As stated before and ignored, I've had this happen twice in the last month and another time a couple months before that. I'm an average looking guy in a bit better than average shape but no Adonis by a long shot.

One was a clerk in a store, last week. I made a friendly, flirty remark. She came back with a really flirty remark and I said "slow down missy I'm old enough to be your..." This is something I say to flirty young women and stop there. Leaves the option for me to reopen it with "father" or "sexy older man". She answered with "Well I bet you aren't as old as my BF." Had never heard that variant response admittedly, very confusing combo of BF and I find you attractive. But the lesson is WOMEN CAN BE CONFUSING, offering approaching men all sorts of mixed, inconsistent signals. We then flirted for a couple of minutes making silly talk about clothes and such and she then says "I get out of here in an hour." She was very young, maybe as young as 20, so I just said "you take care" and left.

I could have said "you know you have a real purty mouth, I likes me some young girls with a real purty mouth with lots of thick lipstick caked on" during the subsequent two minutes. Had I, am very sure the BF would have been reintroduced as "I SAID I have a BF!" to get me out of there. Since I passed her rude jerk test, she let the BF disappear and gave me a buying signal. There's no misinterpreting a woman you have been flirting with at her work making it a point to tell you she is about to get off work on a weekend night. 99% of the time it's a buying signal, one I have responded to many times.

It's not my job to second guess whether she slept with some dude last month on a ONS, whether there is some on again off again ex in the picture, whether she has some dude she has hooked up with a couple of times or whether it's a real BF. That comes later, not appropriate to go on a digging expedition as the approaching man with a stranger when you should be flirting. It unnecessarily forecloses options for a man to make assumptions based on the things women say when being approached.

Men and women experience meeting and responding to the opposite sex in completely different ways. What seems clearcut to a woman who has rarely if ever approached lots of men in her dating is not so clear cut for a man who is often flirting with strange women.

It seems no one has addressed my previous question, but if you were the girl's boyfriend, would you be ok with guys continuing to pursue even after learning about you? Perhaps I'm a little more sensitive to the issue because I'm in the military, or maybe I respect boundaries and don't play BS games...if a girl says she's attached, then she's attached. I take her word for it and don't go further into it. And I'd expect the same of any other dude with integrity.

The problem is that people lie about this sort of thing all the time. It's the reason we have boards here that deal with cheating. Surely the BF would be pisssed off....but in the end if your woman lets other men pursue her and then chooses them then she wasn't yours to being with.

It seems no one has addressed my previous question, but if you were the girl's boyfriend, would you be ok with guys continuing to pursue even after learning about you? Perhaps I'm a little more sensitive to the issue because I'm in the military, or maybe I respect boundaries and don't play BS games...if a girl says she's attached, then she's attached. I take her word for it and don't go further into it. And I'd expect the same of any other dude with integrity.

In a perfect world people would be forthright about lots of things that they aren't when meeting strangers and BF would have a definite definition. It may have sometime in the past, but doesn't now. I used to have the same attitude as you but don't any more. Now of course if real evidence of a real BF comes out, I back off, as this signals the woman is not quality or some game may be going on.

How about when wondering what a woman thinks, you listen to WOMEN?

Listen to women? That'll never catch on. Crazy idea.

Listen to women? That'll never catch on. Crazy idea.

A woman told me "just be yourself" and that turned out wrong.

A woman told me "looks aren't as important to women" and that turned out wrong.

A woman told me "always be a gentleman, open doors, pull out chairs" and that turned out wrong.

A woman told me "women respond well to kindness and sincerity" and that turned out wrong.

A woman told me "sending flowers is a good way to impress a woman" and that turned out wrong.

A woman told me "having long talks is a great way to get to know a woman" and that turned out wrong.

A woman told me "tell a woman how you really feel" and that turned out wrong.

A woman told me "good women don't have sex until they are married" and that turned out wrong.

A woman told me "showering a woman with attention builds attraction" and that turned out wrong.

A woman told me "women aren't as sexual as men" and that turned out wrong.

The women who told me these things were well-meaning, trying to help. They had only the best intentions, are women I love(d) who love me. They were still wrong. Men should seek dating advice from men who are successful in dating and women should seek advice from women who are successful in dating. If you want to be a lion tamer, take lessons from a lion tamer, not the lion.

WRONG.

 

How about when wondering what a woman thinks, you listen to WOMEN?

 

Every single woman in this thread has said otherwise. It means she either (1) in fact has a BF, or (2) is not interested. It's not some lame test.

Yes, agreed.

I've used the "I have a boyfriend" line to give the brush off to guys who didn't interest me.

I didn't use it as a test to see if the guy would persist or not. I wouldn't use that line on a guy I really liked. I want him to know I'm available. I can't believe men believe the line is a test.

Sometimes girls who have been raised to be nice girls will give a gentler brush off like "I have a boyfriend" plus pretending to take your number even though she has no intention of having contact with you. It's just a way to get rid of you at the moment.

It's so ridiculous, lol. I find it really odd that some men will take the word/opinion of another man (who is usually also single and seeking advice on some level or another) as to how women operate, over the word of an actual woman.

You don't ask a fish how to fish. You ask the fisherman.

What woman would want to date a man who at the remote prospect of a fight....turns yellow?

Me! I like that kind of man! I don't want to pay a man's bail or pick his teeth off the pavement/bar floor.

I prefer calm, collected, and sure that he's superior to Mister Gonna-Fight-Yew-Now, sure enough to walk away.

Me! I like that kind of man! I don't want to pay a man's bail or pick his teeth off the pavement/bar floor.

 

I prefer calm, collected, and sure that he's superior to Mister Gonna-Fight-Yew-Now, sure enough to walk away.

Co-signed. Fighting is not sexy.

You don't ask a fish how to fish. You ask the fisherman.

That's true, but I don't speak "fish" and I don't think the fish really want to be caught so it wouldn't help much if I did.

What woman would want to date a man who at the remote prospect of a fight....turns yellow?

Must be rough in Chicago.

Co-signed. Fighting is not sexy.

Agreed. Not even remotely appealing.

I have had guys say things like "Want to make him jealous?" after hearing that I have a boyfriend. The answer is one big fat "NO" typically followed by immediate departure. I have never heard of a girl using the boyfriend line to further interest - and I've got some friends with interesting pick-up methods. The "I have a boyfriend" line is usually because we either really do or because we're trying to get you to stop bothering us while we're trying to have a drink with our friends.

I can't believe men believe the line is a test.

I don't believe the line is often a test, I KNOW it is from actual experience, some very recent, approaching dozens and hundreds of women over many years. It's not something I just made up for the purpose of sounding wise on the internet. Those who don't have lots of experience approaching and dating women can "believe" whatever they want.

Using your own example here and changed it somewhat:

Girl: "I have to go dance with my friend!"

spin: "I had a great time chatting with you. You seem pretty cool, smarter than most girls I meet here. I'd love to continue this conversation over drinks sometime."

Girl: "I have a boyfriend!"

spin: "Ah, tough luck for me then. Hey, have a nice day."

Girl: "I have a boyfriend."

Guy: "Oh yeah? And I have a goldfish."

Girl: "Huh?"

Guy: "See? I can talk about stuff that doesn't matter too."