i want to wait,but..

my MM and i have been together for almost a year now. i really love him and he makes me very happy and i know he feels the same way,but i'm starting to doubt things! I know his W so i knew things were really bad between the two of them even before things developed between me and him and i think that was one of the reasons i didn't feel much guilt going into it,but now i'm feeling hesitant..i love him to death and i really want to wait for him to finish everything with the Mrs. its just that i'm starting to feel like it might never happen!! i really don't know what to do!!

What do you mean by the word hesitant? On sticking around??

What is the reasons he is giving you for not leaving? Has he given you a time line?

Sorry for the questions...just wanted to know some more info.

my MM and i have been together for almost a year now. i really love him and he makes me very happy and i know he feels the same way,but i'm starting to doubt things! I know his W so i knew things were really bad between the two of them even before things developed between me and him and i think that was one of the reasons i didn't feel much guilt going into it,but now i'm feeling hesitant..i love him to death and i really want to wait for him to finish everything with the Mrs. its just that i'm starting to feel like it might never happen!! i really don't know what to do!!

Well....

You have to ultimately make a decision. You know him. You've been around for a year. You may be on to something if you feel he is never going to leave....

i want to stick around but i just dont believe him like i used to!! what i find really confusing is that he does things that show me that he plans on leaving such as telling his mother and asking me to go with him when he met with his divorce attorney (which i did) but then nothing ever happens..could all that be just an act to keep me hanging?? i already left my bf for him..

What do you mean by the word hesitant? On sticking around??

 

What is the reasons he is giving you for not leaving? Has he given you a time line?

 

Sorry for the questions...just wanted to know some more info.

i want to stick around but i just dont believe him like i used to!! what i find really confusing is that he does things that show me that he plans on leaving such as telling his mother and asking me to go with him when he met with his divorce attorney (which i did) but then nothing ever happens..could all that be just an act to keep me hanging?? i already left my bf for him..

i want to stick around but i just dont believe him like i used to!! what i find really confusing is that he does things that show me that he plans on leaving such as telling his mother and asking me to go with him when he met with his divorce attorney (which i did) but then nothing ever happens..could all that be just an act to keep me hanging?? i already left my bf for him..

Yes, it could be an act or it could be him taking two steps forward, one step back. My xMM 'met with'/called his 'divorce attorney' several times but never actually retained him. Did yours retain an attorney? A good step would be for him to show you filed divorce and/or separation papers. Even then, it doesn't mean he won't take more steps backwards. IMO life is short, your time is precious & you can do better than waiting around on someone to get divorced when they're not doing it. So be careful & protect your heart . . . listen to your gut & if you don't think he's serious about getting divorced now, don't waste any of your time hoping it will change. As they say, if wishes were horses . . .

thank u, what you said really helped. i'm still very confused though! i don't know if i should trust my gut feeling or if i'm just being silly because i love him and i'm eager to start a life with him!

Yes, it could be an act or it could be him taking two steps forward, one step back. My xMM 'met with'/called his 'divorce attorney' several times but never actually retained him. Did yours retain an attorney? A good step would be for him to show you filed divorce and/or separation papers. Even then, it doesn't mean he won't take more steps backwards. IMO life is short, your time is precious & you can do better than waiting around on someone to get divorced when they're not doing it. So be careful & protect your heart . . . listen to your gut & if you don't think he's serious about getting divorced now, don't waste any of your time hoping it will change. As they say, if wishes were horses . . .

thank u, what you said really helped. i'm still very confused though! i don't know if i should trust my gut feeling or if i'm just being silly because i love him and i'm eager to start a life with him!

btw sorry for the duplicate posts i'm still pretty new at this

thank u, what you said really helped. i'm still very confused though! i don't know if i should trust my gut feeling or if i'm just being silly because i love him and i'm eager to start a life with him!

 

btw sorry for the duplicate posts i'm still pretty new at this

In my experience, one rarely goes wrong in trusting their gut feelings.

Were you there when he told his wife?

And just because you went to a meeting with a divorce lawyer (which was a really crass thing to do, IMHO!) doesn't mean he actually FILED any papers or had his wife served with any. Heck, the 'lawyer' could have been a friend of his who is a lawyer and it was set up to make you think he was moving forward.

So a year has passed and he hasn't left. When do you think he will? How much longer are you going to "wait"?

If there are kids involved....the waiting could even be longer before he decides to out the affair to them, and their mom.

How long has he been married?

Did you tell your BF of the affair? So basically you are living your life for him - leaving a boyfriend and waiting and waiting for him to leave his wife. How long are you willing to wait? Why not tell him that until he gets divorced, you cannot continue the affair? I would think if he loved you like you claim, he would run out and get that divorce. If he doesn't run out and get that divorce, then you know he really didn't love you like you think.

Are you planning to move in together as soon as he leaves? Depends on their situation, but it could take YEARS for a divorce to be final. How long are you prepared to put your life on hold?

Were you there when he told his wife?

 

And just because you went to a meeting with a divorce lawyer (which was a really crass thing to do, IMHO!) doesn't mean he actually FILED any papers or had his wife served with any. Heck, the 'lawyer' could have been a friend of his who is a lawyer and it was set up to make you think he was moving forward.

 

So a year has passed and he hasn't left. When do you think he will? How much longer are you going to "wait"?

 

If there are kids involved....the waiting could even be longer before he decides to out the affair to them, and their mom.

 

How long has he been married?

 

 

Did you tell your BF of the affair? So basically you are living your life for him - leaving a boyfriend and waiting and waiting for him to leave his wife. How long are you willing to wait? Why not tell him that until he gets divorced, you cannot continue the affair? I would think if he loved you like you claim, he would run out and get that divorce. If he doesn't run out and get that divorce, then you know he really didn't love you like you think.

 

Are you planning to move in together as soon as he leaves? Depends on their situation, but it could take YEARS for a divorce to be final. How long are you prepared to put your life on hold?

His wife and I share quite a few mutual friends,so although I wasn't there when he told her that he does not see any room for progress in their relationship I heard the news. As for the lawyer,he is actually a good friend of mine whom i recommended so going with my MM was not suspicious.

No,I did not tell my Bf of the affair he has been abusing me for quite a while and just assumed that was reason i finally walked out.

I want us to move in as soon as he leaves but sometime I get the feeling that he's not very keen on the idea.

Am I being stupid???

my MM and i have been together for almost a year now. i really love him and he makes me very happy and i know he feels the same way,but i'm starting to doubt things! I know his W so i knew things were really bad between the two of them even before things developed between me and him and i think that was one of the reasons i didn't feel much guilt going into it,but now i'm feeling hesitant..i love him to death and i really want to wait for him to finish everything with the Mrs. its just that i'm starting to feel like it might never happen!! i really don't know what to do!!

Hi kareena,

Have you discussed this with your MM? I think it's really important for each of you to make your expectations of the relationship known.

Good luck to you.

His wife and I share quite a few mutual friends,so although I wasn't there when he told her that he does not see any room for progress in their relationship I heard the news. As for the lawyer,he is actually a good friend of mine whom i recommended so going with my MM was not suspicious.

 

No,I did not tell my Bf of the affair he has been abusing me for quite a while and just assumed that was reason i finally walked out.

 

I want us to move in as soon as he leaves but sometime I get the feeling that he's not very keen on the idea.

 

Am I being stupid???

Have you discussed moving in? Please don't make assumptions because you know what they say about those!

It's always a good idea to discuss your hopes and dreams and make sure you are on the same page. Please don't guess about it.

Hi again,

Have you discussed moving in? Please don't make assumptions because you know what they say about those!

 

It's always a good idea to discuss your hopes and dreams and make sure you are on the same page. Please don't guess about it.

Unfortunately, we haven't really discussed it whenever I try to talk about it his reaction is that it would be great but its never anything solid its more of :"yeah that would be nice" then its off to another topic!!sometimes i feel like he treats my like a kid,i am pretty young and there is quite a bit of an age difference but i don't understand why wouldn't he just talk about it!! just give me a yes or no so i know where i stand!!i'm obsessing a lot,i really don't know what to do its killing me..

kareena, I think you should really trust your gut, it's talking to you. Unfortunately a lot of mm will string along a ow for as long as they can get away with it. Be careful.

 

If he doesn't give you real answers that is a big warning sign. Deflection is not good.

 

Affairs tend to make you obsess and anxious and that drive you nutty trying to figure out what this or that means. It's not good to live like that is it?

You are right,its not good to live like this,I'm already feeling drained!! But how? I love him!! I want to wait but its killing me,and I want to leave but I can't..

Hi again Kareena. I just want to wish you clarity & strength. From your posts I sense that you know what you need to do for yourself, but you are also seeing that it's scary & will be hard. I want to guarantee you that you will come out on the other side healthier & happier, but first you have to take the leap to get there. I've been in your shoes & I know exactly how you're feeling. It takes time to end things for good but you have started in the right direction & that takes guts. Just keep trusting yourself & doing what you know is best for you. You deserve to be number one in the life of the person you love, not waiting on the sidelines for your turn to maybe come in & play. :-( I think it's great that you are starting to realize you are worth more. I know you will get to where you need to be to start healing. Best wishes & hugs to you.

If he has kids, its not a good idea for him to move in with you immediately. His kids would need to adjust to him not being with their mother first. Its too much to force them to have to deal with him switching partners so soon.

Your good friend, the lawyer, may have privately advised him not to take you along anymore to avoid the appearance of impropriety or add complications to an eventual divorce.

Just slow down. Discuss your thoughts and feelings with him and think more realistically.

I wouldn't say you were being "stupid", more like "naive".

Hi again Kareena. I just want to wish you clarity & strength. From your posts I sense that you know what you need to do for yourself, but you are also seeing that it's scary & will be hard. I want to guarantee you that you will come out on the other side healthier & happier, but first you have to take the leap to get there. I've been in your shoes & I know exactly how you're feeling. It takes time to end things for good but you have started in the right direction & that takes guts. Just keep trusting yourself & doing what you know is best for you. You deserve to be number one in the life of the person you love, not waiting on the sidelines for your turn to maybe come in & play. :-( I think it's great that you are starting to realize you are worth more. I know you will get to where you need to be to start healing. Best wishes & hugs to you.

Thank you,I needed that..

Hey girl, listen 2 ur gut, it is tellin u d truth. Go b with a man that RESPECTS u. Girl love aint enuf. RESPECT is wat u need, and ur boyfriend he didnt respect u. This married dude, mayb he loves u but he aint respectin u. Without respect u aint neva gona be happy.

Go be single, go out with nice guys ur own age, be treated well n enjoy it. Its the married dudes problem wetha he can man up n give u wat u need wen he sees u out datin n bein chased by guys ur own age

U know wat i think, wen u got experience of bein treated well, bein respected, u aint gona want 2 go back 2 his bullsc*t.