Women stop doing this

Okay, this is not gender bashing, but this has been a common occurance.

Getting a woman's phone number, successfully, they even agree to go out with you.

Then, when you call them to make arrangements, they don't return your calls.

Also, if it's gotten to this point, how many times does a guy call a woman in this case? (If any?)

I'm sick of having "wasted phone numbers" in my cell.

Just had this happen recently, I asked a woman about getting together, she said, "Sure, that'd be great, let me know when you'd be up for it."

So I call her to let her know "when I'd be up for it" and she doesn't return my call.

A couple of days later, I send her a FB email saying I called her and left a message (when I left the message, it was a brief "how are you doing, just wanted to touch base"

And when I sent a follow-up email, I gave particulars about meeting (like the location)

What irrated me here was, she left messages on her wall, but didn't return my FB message.

I find that quite rude, agreed?

1. Agree to going out with a guy

2. Give a guy your #

3. Not return his call when he calls

I think this is the most common routine and it happens quite often, agreed?

Seriously, why even agree to going out and give out your #, and then not follow through? I think that's the next thing to standing someone up actually.

It even puts men in an awkward positon to decide how many times I should call back or even do it one more time without seeming like a pain in the arse.

That happened to me before when I tried dating again after my breakup in August. One of the people I was interested played games similar to that, except she didn't have FB it was just texts.

After the first text reminder I stopped, if she is not going to put forth the effort after you made the first move, then you shouldn't put forth any more effort either.

I actually know a guy that had the same thing happen to him, then when said woman bumped to him in public with his friends, she was wondering why he didn't follow up with even MORE calls.

She assumed he wasn't interested, because he didn't follow up with numerous calls LOOL

That happened to me before when I tried dating again after my breakup in August. One of the people I was interested played games similar to that, except she didn't have FB it was just texts.

 

After the first text reminder I stopped, if she is not going to put forth the effort after you made the first move, then you shouldn't put forth any more effort either.

I agree that it's rude.

Some people are not good at directly rejecting someone, and this is a very passive agressive way to do it. It's also quite possible that she was into you when she met you, but that her life took over once she got back home. Meaning, it's possible she got home and a guy she's been dating had called her, so she put you on ignore and focused her energies on the new guy.

I think it's akin to a guy asking for a woman's phone number and then never calling her. It happens a lot. Of course, as most women don't initiate, we don't have the direct and prolonged sense of rejection you guys might face. There's just no way to know why the guy changed his mind, so there's no reason to take it personally.

In your shoes, I would have given it two attempts: phone call number one, complete with message and number to reach you and a second message to make sure there wasn't some kind of mix up. After that, I would consider the ball firmly planted in her court, and move on unless/until I heard from her.

I actually know a guy that had the same thing happen to him, then when said woman bumped to him in public with his friends, she was wondering why he didn't follow up with even MORE calls.

 

She assumed he wasn't interested, because he didn't follow up with numerous calls LOOL

Anecdotes likes these always make me wonder if there are geographical regions/age groups/lifestyles where game playing are more prevalent than others. Like maybe all of the people who are really having a tough time are from the same region, in the same lifestyle, sharing some warped expectations of the other gender.

I had a co-worker of mind that started AND ended almost every sentences with:

"Everyone does________to a certain extent."

When I brought the game playing up to him, his response was.

"Everyone plays games to a certain extent."

I think some people, the "game playing" isn't entirely meant to be malicicious, but they do it to ensure the person cares.

Hell, I think family members do this to each other ALL the time, they'd say something to get a "rise" out of someone to see if they care....if they don't get a rise, and see an "indifferent" response....they think the person is cavelier is indifferent about it.

Apparently, there is a purpose to "game playing" to some people....but some tend to cross the line of inconveniencing or upsetting the other individual....like I don't want to be considered "creepish" for making more than one follow-up phone call to show that "i care" and that I'm into them. lol

No way.

Anecdotes likes these always make me wonder if there are geographical regions/age groups/lifestyles where game playing are more prevalent than others. Like maybe all of the people who are really having a tough time are from the same region, in the same lifestyle, sharing some warped expectations of the other gender.

I usually base my number of my "repeat follow-ups" depending how enthusiastic they are about seeing me.

In her case, she used the adjective "great" in a sentence about getting together.

"Sure, sounds great, let me know when you're for it"

Also, the "let me know when you're up for it" also reinforced her assurance about meeting, thus probably bringing my repeat phone call 1 more time. (a third time perhaps)

I know sometimes when you go out with someone...you might think "ok yeah I'd go out with this person again." But when you get home and kind of process the date...you realize that you don't want to go out again. That does happen. Is it polite to let the person know? Sure. Does that mean everyone does it? NO.

Nobody wants to reject someone. Nobody wants to hurt someones feelings.

But this isn't just a woman thing. Men do this too. You are kidding yourself if you think this is only a woman thing.

But when you get home and kind of process the date...you realize that you don't want to go out again

This could be a NEW topic, spun off from this one, lol. But I think part of the problem is that they THINK too much.

But, in this thread, I'm talking about just even going out with the FIRST time. (sometimes THAT is a challenge). It's not rocket science, people!!

@Sing

No one thinks it's only a woman thing. I know of one instance in my dating life where I simply faded out on someone I took on one date and I regretted it. Never again, I always try to give closure now.

@irc333

I know where you are coming from on the facebook issue. Here's another option to consider.

Many many people who are on FB do not own a personal computer. They acess FB via their phone.

Many of those people who acess FB by way of their phone aren't doing it via a full on smart phone either. It would be via one of the so called "feature phones". One that has a very rudimentary browser, or FB app that will allow one to post pictures and read status updates or post status updates...but not much else.

Then there is the fact that one can update their FB status by way of a text message...without having to login to anything that would allow them to see a FB message.

So that's a possibility.

FB has implemented a new messaging system. Which offers the option of sending a message to someone in the form of a text, chat, and email...as well as a FB message to make sure they get it.

So it's possible that someone can update their status or read a status on FB and not see a message.

So it's possible that someone can update their status or read a status on FB and not see a message.

That's fine and dandy and all that, but....she's responded to my FB messages before.

So explain why she's not answering now? I'm sure she takes proactive steps to check her message box on FB to see if I emailed her. And I'm sure she's read my email.

But, your explanation does give me an excuse to just call her again. lol

A lot of people do this. It's a fact of life. You just have to get past it and move on to the next. Many think it's perfectly fine to do the fade-out and they don't consider the other person's feelings and/or effort put in. The "Why?" doesn't matter. What does is that the fade-out happened, and you'd be better off not putting any more effort into them--that includes wondering "Why?"

Were there any clues to gauge her interest other than her saying "Sure, let's go out." I guess responding to FB messages could seem like interest, but it's easier to tell face to face. Did you have a flirty conversation before you got her number? Was she giving you eye contact and listening well. Did the two of you linger in each other's company before you parted?

I think you've got to be bullet proof with seeking a date. Many women will flake, but there's got to be somebody who picks up the phone, right? That's how I got with my current guy. He called me and I picked up the phone immediately. And if I had not been available and he left a message, I would have called him right back.

I don't think you should bother contacting her ever again. You gave her a chance and she blew it. Delete her and the other women from your phone. Start over with a clean slate.

I don't think you should bother contacting her ever again. You gave her a chance and she blew it. Delete her and the other women from your phone. Start over with a clean slate.

I think the reason I balk at doing that, at least initially, is because that I still give them the benefit of the doubt.

Also, if I did do that, I think I'd be dateless. lol I mean, when I FINALLY get a woman's number (and of course , no other woman is interested in me), I finally get one that's AT LEAST somewhat interested, I probably won't give up as easily.

As far as being flirty, I had remarked about how pretty she was in some of her FB photos in a somewhat witty way other than "Your HOT!"

Once she had this photo from her, profesionally done, someone asked in a caption, "You look beautiful, how old is that photo?"

And I responded, "I would guess it was taken a year ago"

And she said to me, "Thank you, I knew there was a reason I liked you."

So, there ya go. lol

I have to say that if a guy asks me for his number, I find it hard to say no (it feels rude) - even if I'm not really interested in dating them. (Now FB is in the mix you can often deflect someone by asking them to look you up on FB although I do agree that then you inevitably end up flaking out further down the line via that route.)

Then what happens, if they do ring or text, is that you have to decide whether to follow through or not. Not replying possibly seems kinder at the time rather than a flat out rejection, although I can see from this thread that's it's actually more annoying.

It can also happen that you quite like them, then when it comes to the crunch of going out on a date it focusses the mind and you then make a decision that you don't have that gut feeling you really want to go out. So you back-track a little. I'm sure you guys do it too.

Now I'm newly single however I'm going to be a lot more sensitive about this issue from now on.

 

But, your explanation does give me an excuse to just call her again. lol

Nope, don't do that. Even people with not-so-smart phones eventually get around to looking up their accounts on a computer. Plus, you sent her an email. You've done your part.

 

Also, if I did do that, I think I'd be dateless. lol I mean, when I FINALLY get a woman's number (and of course , no other woman is interested in me), I finally get one that's AT LEAST somewhat interested, I probably won't give up as easily.

 

I don't think that's a good reason to keep trying to get in touch with her. I know it must be hard, but from what I recall of your threads, you actually do meet women frequently enough (like, I'd say you land a date about every 2 months no? I believe that's a good average).

You're not desperate, and you certainly do not need to pursue this women. It only is going to make you feel even more desperate.

As much as it sucks, I think it's back to the drawing board for you.

Here's what I think.

She may be one of those women who is not going to invest in a man until she's sure he really likes her. So you should keep at it persist in contacting her.

For every story of a man "stalking" a woman. There are 100 where a man kept contacting a woman and she eventually gave in and went on a date with him. You just can't loose faith because she dose not reply right away.

I do have to say that it is rude (to me) and you don't want anyone that plays games other than flirting with you. So as a chick here's my idea. When you call, yeah, you gotta be tactful but maybe try a little more direct. Like "Hey I wanted to see about getting together with you, if you could call me back in the next couple of days that would be great cause after that I am swamped! Hope to hear from ya soon! Bye! " Also giving the person the benefit of the doubt I think it is perfectly reasonable to call a second time to make sure they got your message. Three times could make you appear desperate and give the "gaming power" in their hands. I don't know...Just saying here I appreciate clarity and if someone gave me a timeframe it makes me think, "Hey I really gotta call this guy back" Otherwise it's rude and move on...

I checked the date of the last message I SENT her, it was 3 days ago...todays the 3rd day, I just called her now and left a final message.

I'm done after that.

I have a 3 strikes rule (3 strikes = 3 attempts) lol (and I keep the phone calls far apart, so it doesn't appear too desperate) lol

And no, I don't have a date every 6 months, I think I went from 1 date every year to a couple every 6 months. LOL

Here's what I think.

 

She may be one of those women who is not going to invest in a man until she's sure he really likes her. So you should keep at it persist in contacting her.

 

For every story of a man "stalking" a woman. There are 100 where a man kept contacting a woman and she eventually gave in and went on a date with him. You just can't loose faith because she dose not reply right away.

People aren't perfect, you need to readjust your expectations.

Try this:

1) Get number.

2) Call girl to setup date, if she doesn't answer, leave a voice mail.

3) Go on with your life.

Life your life the way you want to and let others do the same.

RF

girls say call once or twic and dont chase.

whys it that guys at my work who are maried say they called and chased and ignored her noes until she gave in?

You mean the married men that you know at work said that they chased their wives endlessly, without a restraining order being thrown in their face, and won of their hand their wife in marriage?

People who tell these tales are probably telling you a line of BS if you ask me. Everytime I tried to take it to that ONE extra phone call, people arel ike DONT DO THAT , ITS CREEPY!

While the happily married woman said, "Yeah, my Charlie called me 10 times and asked me out 5 times before I decided to say yes! Tee Hee!"

So which is better, a restraining order or a nice relationship with a woman that you could wind up even marrying? lol

As with anything, there's always a risk when it comes to dating, and these married men took those risks. >:

girls say call once or twic and dont chase.

whys it that guys at my work who are maried say they called and chased and ignored her noes until she gave in?

Because in all honesty that's what it really takes to get a woman. Women are besieged by dozens of men making advances at them. A man has to make his voice heard over all the noise the woman will hear. So the man who takes the most chances and goes on that limb for a woman will get her.

There was a thread going around saying the MEN DO have it harder when it comes to dating, and women have it much easier.

The LABELS that are slapped on the guy when he makes one too many calls (among other things).

I think the reason this happens because the girls doesn't know you that well. Since you may be a nobody to her she doesn't care if she doesn't return your calls or flakes on you.

How long have you known her for before you asked her out?

Because in all honesty that's what it really takes to get a woman. Women are besieged by dozens of men making advances at them. A man has to make his voice heard over all the noise the woman will hear. So the man who takes the most chances and goes on that limb for a woman will get her.

Tales of how besieged women are by men are greatly exaggerated. Yes, when it comes to the dating game, we have an initial advantage in that guys approach us. But there have been threads on here where women asked how often other women get approached, and only a few said they got approached every single time they walk down the street. Most reported they either had to be in a flirtatious mood, or else it would only happen once in awhile (once a week/month). Of course, that's IRL and not on social networks dating forums.

There was a thread going around saying the MEN DO have it harder when it comes to dating, and women have it much easier.

 

The LABELS that are slapped on the guy when he makes one too many calls (among other things).

Don't worry, women who text or call too often after a first date also run the risk of getting labelled needy, creepy, stalky, desperate, clingy, etc. There's equality at least in this regard.