how do YOU know?

How do you really know if someone loves you? I mean, of course they can say it.. and Im sure most people will say that their actions will represent it... But cant that too be fabricated?

In my 26 years, there have only ever been 2 men who I felt truly loved me. One other guy said it, but in hindsight, I dont believe he really did.

There were certain signs that showed me that these men loved me. One of them uprooted his life to move to my city after my mother died... left his friends and family because I needed him. Thats a pretty grand gesture.

The second guy is one that Im newly'ish seeing. He dropped the L bomb about 3 months ago (6 months into dating) I only recently could say it back.

He looks at me a certain way. He treats me with respect. He treats my family well (went to my 65 year olds father's house on his day off to saw some fallen limbs for him) He appears genuinely interested in my life and the people in it.... and he has made remarks about a future together.

These are the things that help me to believe. What are YOUR tell tale signs?

My tell tale signs?

He is genuinely interested in me, my family, my interests, and my goals. I'm a top priority of his, as is our relationship, and it is very visible. He says he wants to learn to fix the few issues we have, and puts those words into actions. In other words, he's dedicated to our relationship. He's understanding. We have SO much fun together and are each other's best friend. He confides in me and values my support. He listens to and values what I have to say. He always wants me around! He's not afraid to let his family or friends know he plans on marrying me. He likes to take care of me. He rubs my back every single night! He respects me. He looks at me like, and says, he adores me. He's very complimentary. He's true to his word. He's honest with me. He's protective

I could probably keep going, but those are some things he does that make me feel loved.

Love? Erm... I'm not sure anyone ever really loved me... The only two guys I ever felt loving feelings for both treated me like crap and dumped me. Maybe some of the guys I didn't love actually loved me. One guy did uproot himself and move 800 miles to be with me (I had dumped him the week before and he followed me when I moved to another city. I told him we weren't getting back together and he moved back home again a couple of weeks later once he got the message - but at least he made an effort!) Another guy asked me to marry him (I declined).

I've had such a crappy time with relationships that I have no idea how to tell if someone genuinely loves me. My new bf seems sweet; he invited me over to his mom's house on the holidays, he brought me flowers a couple of times, he made my dinner when I was sick, he helped me with work stuff that I needed a hand with... love seems to be made up of lots of small things that add up over a period of time.

How do you really know if someone loves you?

How do you know if a girl loves you? I'm not sure. I've heard them yell it out during sex before, but I don't think it was a rational thought.

How do you know if a guy loves you? He wears a condom with everyone else except you

Also, he trusts me, and never has taken me for granted. My problem is, I get worried his love for me will fade... since we've only been together for a year and 2 months. But that's a risk I'm willing to take.

My ex claimed he loved me, but I didn't feel it. It was more of a friendship love, if anything. And obviously, our relationship failed. (I'm thankful for that now).

Sully and Eeyore, I wish you two the best of luck with your new guys. I think you'll simply know and feel it. You just have to believe that you deserve to be loved first.

How do you really know if someone loves you? I mean, of course they can say it.. and Im sure most people will say that their actions will represent it... But cant that too be fabricated?

 

In my 26 years, there have only ever been 2 men who I felt truly loved me. One other guy said it, but in hindsight, I dont believe he really did.

 

There were certain signs that showed me that these men loved me. One of them uprooted his life to move to my city after my mother died... left his friends and family because I needed him. Thats a pretty grand gesture.

 

The second guy is one that Im newly'ish seeing. He dropped the L bomb about 3 months ago (6 months into dating) I only recently could say it back.

 

He looks at me a certain way. He treats me with respect. He treats my family well (went to my 65 year olds father's house on his day off to saw some fallen limbs for him) He appears genuinely interested in my life and the people in it.... and he has made remarks about a future together.

 

These are the things that help me to believe. What are YOUR tell tale signs?

I have only felt that love was real when the person I have been with has gone through something REALLY ****ty with me, but somehow we made it through. I feel like love is the desire to make things work out. My husband and I have been through some major ups and downs and the fact that we're still together, and at this point MARRIED, says something.

If a man loves you, he will stick by your side through big issues. Obviously he will have his boundaries and that's fair. But the more he will stick around for says a lot about how much he loves you (financial crisis, midlife crisis, loss of a loved one, new baby, alcohol or drug addiction, etc.)

Love seems to be mixed up with infatuation many times.

My tell tale signs?

 

He is genuinely interested in me, my family, my interests, and my goals. I'm a top priority of his, as is our relationship, and it is very visible. He says he wants to learn to fix the few issues we have, and puts those words into actions. In other words, he's dedicated to our relationship. He's understanding. We have SO much fun together and are each other's best friend. He confides in me and values my support. He listens to and values what I have to say. He always wants me around! He's not afraid to let his family or friends know he plans on marrying me. He likes to take care of me. He rubs my back every single night! He respects me. He looks at me like, and says, he adores me. He's very complimentary. He's true to his word. He's honest with me. He's protective

 

I could probably keep going, but those are some things he does that make me feel loved.

I feel as though THIS is one of the most important issues that impacts the duration of a relationship. Many men (and women) are either so afraid to admit that they have problems which should addressed, or they are so stubborn and unwilling to work on them, that they bail.

Not that you should be trying to "change" your significant other... but there are things/attitudes/mechanisms in everyone that could be bettered. I try to be constantly on the quest for self improvement.

.... a back rub would also be nice

Love? Erm... I'm not sure anyone ever really loved me... The only two guys I ever felt loving feelings for both treated me like crap and dumped me. Maybe some of the guys I didn't love actually loved me. One guy did uproot himself and move 800 miles to be with me (I had dumped him the week before and he followed me when I moved to another city. I told him we weren't getting back together and he moved back home again a couple of weeks later once he got the message - but at least he made an effort!) Another guy asked me to marry him (I declined).

 

I've had such a crappy time with relationships that I have no idea how to tell if someone genuinely loves me. My new bf seems sweet; he invited me over to his mom's house on the holidays, he brought me flowers a couple of times, he made my dinner when I was sick, he helped me with work stuff that I needed a hand with... love seems to be made up of lots of small things that add up over a period of time.

Eeyore, it sounds to me as if all the men you've mentioned in this post loved you! The first one, unfortunately seemed as if it were too little too late.

I hope you allow something good and loving to happen with this new guy because it sounds as if YOU'RE the one standing in the way of that!

He sounds like a good egg.

The guys I mentioned in my post did indeed offer too little, too late. Is one grand gesture enough to demonstrate love?

I lived with the first guy for two years and he never once invited me to his parents' home (he always went alone), never accepted my invitation to come to my parents' home (he never even met my father), never bought me flowers or took me out for dinner, never did anything sweet or romantic, never proposed or indicated that we had any future, so when I got a good job offer in another city I left him. He then came running after me, but by that point I had already checked out of the relationship. Did he love me? I don't know - his behaviour in the relationship suggested that he didn't, but his running after me suggested that he did - or maybe he just missed having his laundry done and his dinners cooked!

The other guy dated me for three years, but wasn't interested in moving in together, never indicated anything about his intentions, didn't make any plans for our future, didn't make an effort to better himself or build a life for us (I was in college at the time, and he was unemployed). I checked out of the relationship, so he offered to marry me (in the most unromantic way possible!) in order to reel me back in, but it didn't work. Maybe he did love me, but he sure didn't act like it for the majority of the relationship.

I have come to the conclusion that a grand gesture isn't enough; love is something you do every day, not just something you do as a last ditch effort to keep someone who is sick of your crap and is leaving you. Love isn't just a feeling; you have to express that feeling and show someone that you love them, by taking care of them and acting in a loving way.

You can tell if a man loves you when he does things he really doesnt want to do i.e. go to your parents for the holidays, meet your friends, take you someplace he hates, or anything like that just because he wants to see the smile on your face..

The way I can tell in my current relationship is that he truly tries hard to be his very best for me. He works out, takes care of his hair and skin, and dresses well whenever I am around. He goes out of his way to do things he knows I will like, to pick up something small for me or record a show he thinks I'd be interested in. A few weeks ago I sprained my ankle at work and he drove down to pick me up then took me for my favorite cupcakes.

In past relationships I have known by generally similar things - they have a genuine consideration for me and they think about how things they or we do impact me. They make an effort to take care of me if I'm sick and if we have an argument, they work to see the reason behind it and not just to end the fight quickly.

I can feel it.

My gut has NEVER been wrong.