Men, would you ever do this? Girls, would you let him do it?

...A guy who is freaked out to hold a purse is probably freaked out to buy tampons.

I won't buy tampons. I'll eat around them but don't ask me to buy them.

I agree with what you have said. If it's a couple's thing, where there is an understanding, then a non-verbal exchange is acceptable, especially if it's to do with helping each other out. I have offered to carry my girl friend's bag when I see them struggle with it. Some of them, surprisingly, feel as though there are bowling balls in them!

I guess that example wasn't the best one. Maybe it was my imagination, because I have seen it happen before, but I thought the girl was being a bit precious. That's why I had mixed feelings. Maybe he was trying to help her out. You're right, though, not enough info.

The others I have seen have basically been where the handbag has been shoved or where the guy is willing to take it off his girlfriend. The latter, I observe, sometimes the girls are the princess type. I guess that works, she doesn't want to carry her handbag and he wants to. However, if you can carry your own bag and do not need to put it down for any reason, wouldn't you want to do it yourself? As for the guy, why would you?

One of my friends has a boyfriend who is like that...and more. She doesn't want him to sometimes but he wants to and very willing about it. Some may see it as sweet and really nice, but it's close, if not, doormat-like behaviour, IMO. I hope I do not get slammed for that.

The others I have seen have basically been where the handbag has been shoved or where the guy is willing to take it off his girlfriend. The latter, I observe, sometimes the girls are the princess type. I guess that works, she doesn't want to carry her handbag and he wants to. However, if you can carry your own bag and do not need to put it down for any reason, wouldn't you want to do it yourself? As for the guy, why would you?

In the bf and my case, he carries the bag sometimes because he shares some of the stuff in it. Water bottle, tissues etc, plus sometimes his own things go into it as well. Fortunately for him, the bags I carry aren't very girly, though.

I don't think this is a big deal.

 

She gave signs that she was struggling with the bag and pressumably did ask with either actual words you didn't hear or with a look.

 

Unless she threw it at him, I don't see what the big deal is. People should help each other. A guy who is freaked out to hold a purse is probably freaked out to buy tampons.

If she needed an extra hand? sure.

If she needs me to carry her saddle bag because it's too heavy for her?

well, then she needs to take some of the crap out of it or leave it in the car.

I definitely agree that couples can have wordless cues...but I wouldn't just hand my bag to my guy without looking at him or smiling at him or somehow indicating a request, rather than a demand. I really don't like when people do that to me (I've had friends shove their bags at me, so annoying) so I wouldn't do it to him.

I've never asked a guy to hold my purse. I really can't understand the need for it unless someone is using a mammoth purse akin to the size of a diaper bag in which case I have to wonder how much useless crap has been stuffed into it that is completely unnecessary for a simple trip to the mall. Most of the time I can fit everything I need for daily errands and such into a coin purse that I keep in my pocket.

I'll carry my own bag, thanks. If it's too heavy, that's my fault.

I know I've asked my husband to hold my purse or whatever a few times when I needed a free hand or had many other things to carry.

He usually puts it in his messenger bag - which I've also been asked to hold/carry.

Making a stink about it simply because the gender of the accessory doesn't fit your own usually says to me that you're not all that secure in your gender if all it takes is a purse to have you shaking in your boots.

Do you also back track and circle around to avoid the ladies clothing, or maternity dept section in stores?

You sound like a male version of a feminist. Only she would be saying "Well, I may let him open the door for me, but I will NOT let him pay for the whole dinner or pull out my chair." People do nice gestures for one another in relationships. Neither the man or the woman should be all give or all take, but this is really no big deal.

Can you give me examples of nice gestures women do for men in relationships? I really can't come up with anything women do for men when it comes to relationships. It seems to be a one way street in the woman's favor alot of times...

Can you give me examples of nice gestures women do for men in relationships? I really can't come up with anything women do for men when it comes to relationships. It seems to be a one way street in the woman's favor alot of times...

You, someone who is not in a relationship, don't get the privilege of witnessing every moment of other people's relationships.

I just said, in regard to being asked to hold a lady's purse, that I've been asked to hold/carry my husbands heavy ass messenger bag. I've also helped his family and friends move heavy home furnishings. Just two days ago, despite being sick and feverish, I took the metro to his job (a 45 minute ride) just to pick up our car just so I could help run some errands for him. The ones his sister gets paid to NOT DO because she is too lazy to even show up to a job she gets paid for. At least 2/3 of the time she is suppose to show up, she doesn't.

So yeah, I went grocery shopping for the firm, picked up dry cleaning and shuttled one of the partners kids to his activity. If his sister doesn't do it, they make my husband do it and then bitch if his actual job responsibilities are put on hold. And I didn't get paid. No one even offered to cover gas money or metro fare.

Lets see, I worked two jobs to cover us while he was still a student (before we were married or even talking about getting married). I did all the flowers for one of his friend's (whom I barely knew) weddings for no payment beyond the price of materials because my husband (then just a BF) was broke and couldn't afford a wedding present on top of travel and tux costs. I wasn't even invited to the wedding as his date nor was I personally thanked by anyone but him for the work I did till years later. I use to show up to his place and cook dinner for him and his 3 roomies.

You just don't know what you're talking about because you have not experienced it and don't know the full story about relationships that you are not a part of.

If I see her struggling or needing a free hand, I'll offer. I'm curious even if this guy offered or not.

I'll be heading to the steps to get down to the subway platform and I'll see ladies struggling with the big bag. I'll offer to help.

To me it's just how I feel guys should act...that code of gentlemanly honor that separates the men from the boys.

If I see her struggling or needing a free hand, I'll offer. I'm curious even if this guy offered or not.

 

I'll be heading to the steps to get down to the subway platform and I'll see ladies struggling with the big bag. I'll offer to help.

 

To me it's just how I feel guys should act...that code of gentlemanly honor that separates the men from the boys.

Where were you when every one was bitching at this blind lady on a winter evening when she was struggling to get through the turn styles? Out of the many people, there were 3 perfectly capable men who could have assisted her. But it was me who did and helped her to the cab that was waiting for her around the corner. Guess I'm a gentlemanly man now.

You, someone who is not in a relationship, don't get the privilege of witnessing every moment of other people's relationships.

I just said, in regard to being asked to hold a lady's purse, that I've been asked to hold/carry my husbands heavy ass messenger bag. I've also helped his family and friends move heavy home furnishings. Just two days ago, despite being sick and feverish, I took the metro to his job (a 45 minute ride) just to pick up our car just so I could help run some errands for him. The ones his sister gets paid to NOT DO because she is too lazy to even show up to a job she gets paid for. At least 2/3 of the time she is suppose to show up, she doesn't.

So yeah, I went grocery shopping for the firm, picked up dry cleaning and shuttled one of the partners kids to his activity. If his sister doesn't do it, they make my husband do it and then bitch if his actual job responsibilities are put on hold. And I didn't get paid. No one even offered to cover gas money or metro fare.

Lets see, I worked two jobs to cover us while he was still a student (before we were married or even talking about getting married). I did all the flowers for one of his friend's (whom I barely knew) weddings for no payment beyond the price of materials because my husband (then just a BF) was broke and couldn't afford a wedding present on top of travel and tux costs. I wasn't even invited to the wedding as his date nor was I personally thanked by anyone but him for the work I did till years later. I use to show up to his place and cook dinner for him and his 3 roomies.

 

You just don't know what you're talking about because you have not experienced it and don't know the full story about relationships that you are not a part of.

Well posts like yours defenitley makes me more positive when it comes to women for shure But I don't know though, maybe you are an exception.

OP, yeah, I've occasionally done this. However, as my exW tended to stuff everything to the gills, I got her a rolling 'purse' for traveling. In stores, we'd dump the monster shoulder bag into a shopping cart. Heck, that thing was hard for me to carry. In ten years of marriage I never really figured out what was in there. Guess ignorance is bliss

Well posts like yours defenitley makes me more positive when it comes to women for shure But I don't know though, maybe you are an exception.

A lot of women are like this wayne - have faith in human nature and look in the right places.

Guess I'm a gentlemanly man now.

Yeah, so am I. I have often been known to walk smaller girls home at night or walk them to their car, or give up my seat on the train when nobody else would. I pass around my jackets all the time because I don't get cold very easily, I've given it to both my husband and my stepdaughter in the past week. Fortunately for my husband it was a nice leather coat that used to belong to my dad and it looked pretty great on him.

Well posts like yours defenitley makes me more positive when it comes to women for shure But I don't know though, maybe you are an exception.

There is definitely a segment of the culture that's steeped in some pretty awful princess/trash media/morals. My guess is that you're young and that's all you've been exposed to, and all you've seen from the outside.

In a healthy relationship, women do a lot of things for men. I carry my husband's laptop bag when his hands are full, I get up with the baby in the middle of the night so my husband can sleep, I give my husband a neckrub when he has a headache, I shop for his favorite foods when I go to the grocery store, I modify recipes for his health, I surprise him with gifts I've spent weeks tracking down, I do his laundry along with everyone else's, I edit important work papers for him. And of course he does a lot of things for me--that's why it's a partnership. The vast majority of relationships that work well are, similarly, partnerships.

I won't buy tampons. I'll eat around them but don't ask me to buy them.

Why? I have never understood this. I mean, to each their own, but it's kind of silly IMO. What if you were living with a woman and she woke up with cramps, you'd refuse to run to the corner store on some kind of principle?

I'd hold my girl's purse if she needed a break or needed an extra hand. I've also bought tampons for her before.

If someone wants to come up and tell me to my face that I'm less of a man for doing so, then they are more than welcome...

Hold for a second....sure.

Carry........I'll put it down and you'll never see it again.

.... What if you were living with a woman and she woke up with cramps, you'd refuse to run to the corner store on some kind of principle?

What kind of self-respecting woman routinely cuts herself short of tampons so that she has to send her man out for them? Straighten up and fly right. I'd go once perhaps if there was some emergency but this is something a woman need take responsibility for and have some consideration about. Carrying over-sized bags and thinking to dump them off on the guy is another "spill-over" presumption that a woman doesn't have to manage herself. Nonsense. Get it together--I'm just as much a privelege to be with as she is to me. I'm no body's pissboy. And I'm sure from reading some of the more independent and intelligent women's posts on this thread that many woman do manage themselves with pride without spill-over needfulness.

What kind of self-respecting woman routinely cuts herself short of tampons so that she has to send her man out for them? Straighten up and fly right. I'd go once perhaps if there was some emergency but this is something a woman need take responsibility for and have some consideration about. Carrying over-sized bags and thinking to dump them off on the guy is another "spill-over" presumption that a woman doesn't have to manage herself. Nonsense. Get it together--I'm just as much a privelege to be with as she is to me. I'm no body's pissboy. And I'm sure from reading some of the more independent and intelligent women's posts on this thread that many woman do manage themselves with pride without spill-over needfulness.

If I needed him to get them he better and not balk. I'm usually the one buying his Gold Bond ball sack powder and boxers after all!

If I needed him to get them he better and not balk. I'm usually the one buying his Gold Bond ball sack powder and boxers after all!

Well, OK then. Deal.

Btw, does Gold Bond say ball sack powder on the label?

I don't see the big deal to help each other out when someone needs a hand, but on the other hand I'm not a sherpa. I don't think that's unreasonable or unmanly.

What kind of self-respecting woman routinely cuts herself short of tampons so that she has to send her man out for them? Straighten up and fly right. I'd go once perhaps if there was some emergency but this is something a woman need take responsibility for and have some consideration about.

Nobody said routinely, and sometimes periods come off-schedule. I wouldn't make a habit of asking a guy I was dating to buy tampons for me, but I consider tampons part of the household goods, just like toilet paper and shampoo. If the house is out, whoever is at the store next will buy them, end of story.

If I needed him to get them he better and not balk. I'm usually the one buying his Gold Bond ball sack powder and boxers after all!

Ha, exactly. I buy my husbands boxers, I wash his boxers, I buy his dandruff shampoo, I refill the birth control prescription and take the pills even though they make me kind of nauseated--if he refused to buy tampons when I needed them, I'd be pissed.

So which is it OP?

First you say she offered her hand bag......

I saw a girl offer her hand bag for her guy to carry and the guy willingly took it off her, put it over his shoulder and carried it. She sort of unwinded her shoulders afterwards. I have seen this around... and I have mixed feelings about it.

Then when you see you're not getting the responses you probably were seeking you then have to apparently clarify saying "that it wasn't so much asked as a favour, it was expected".

I should clarify that it wasn't so much asked as a favour, it was expected. She didn't open her mouth. That's what struck me. It was all smooth. She takes her handbag off her shoulders gives it to the guy who accepts and he carries it. He continued to hold her handbag until I couldn't see them anymore.

 

Besides being a stupid thread about some little gesture from a couple, of whom may have a far greater and healthier relationship than most on this forum for all anybody knows, how about you get your facts straight first?

You mention in your opening post you have mixed feelings about it? Well you seem to have a mixed interpretation of the events as well.

Well, OK then. Deal.

 

Btw, does Gold Bond say ball sack powder on the label?

No, but I know what its for *SOB* I know!

Besides, I don't want everyone in Target thinking I have sweaty feet.