My story - I feel so messed up right now

I don't even know where to start. I need to get this off my chest because I feel as though I am going insane!

I have been with my husband for 7 years and those 7 years have been amazing and I never even considered that one of us would cheat on one another. About a year ago, my husband started a new job and befriended a female coworker. At first I was fine with this friendship - they never hung out just them and I hung out with the group that would go out after work for drinks and stuff too. But then the friendship just became a little too close for comfort for me when they started texting each other. So after just keeping my jealousy inside and pretending the texting didn't bother me I decided to be honest with my husband and tell him I didn't like it. Well at first he was defensive about it, told me I was just being jealous but eventually he said if it bothered me he wouldn't do it. So a month later I got my cellphone bill and they texted back and forth over 200 times in one month. So we fought some more and once again he said he would stop texting her and would start showing me their texts when they do text. Well this scenario goes on some more....he says he won't text, he doesn't keep the texts on his phone to show me yet I now check his cellphone records on a daily basis because I am paranoid and sure enough basically every day they text.

So what do I decide to do? I decide to give him a taste of his one medicine. I thought to myself "if he can go and do whatever he feels like it, why shouldn't I". So I befriended a (married with kids) coworker of mine that I purposely didn't interact much with because I found him incredibly good looking. I befriended him to purposely make my husband jealous. Then I started purposely bringing up this coworker in conversation with my husband to get a reaction from him - which I did get! The problem is that now that I befriended my coworker I have developed a genuine crush/lust/infatuation with him.

My whole reason for going to work now revolves around him. I can't wait to go to work so I get to see him. And we spend so much time together at work. I talk to him first thing in the morning and every other chance I get. Plus we have a few non work related activities that we do together at work. We probably spend at least an hour or more alone together at work just talking and sharing each others company if you add up all the excuses we have to talk to eachother. And we are starting to learn a lot about each others lives (we never talk about our relationships. We barely even mention our spouces around one another. Even though we've never acknowledged this, I think we both do it purposely. Well I can only guess his motives but I purposely avoid talking about my husband with him). I know so much about him and the more I hear the more I like.

We haven't done anything physical but we have definitely been too close for comfort to the point of our legs touching when sitting and our sholders bumping when walking, which niether of us acknowledges or corrects. We made tentitive plans to go out for lunch this week. On the one hand I fantasize like crazy about being alone with him but on the other hand I hope he ends up cancelling or not following through on lunch because I know that the more time we spend together the more I will fall for him. I know I won't cancel because I don't have the stength. And I know that if he tried to kiss me or anything I probably wouldn't resist. I don't want to stop because it feels so good to be with him.

I know the potential consequences of my actions and I know that there is only one way this will end....with me getting hurt. I will either get hurt because he doesn't actually reciprocate my feelings and just is being friendly (which is a possibility because neither of us have talked about that obviously), or I will get hurt because I will fall more and more for someone that I know I can never have in my life.

Today for example I had to leave work abruntly for a surprise appointment and all i can think about right now is how I can't talk to him for the rest of the day and its not fair that I only got to talk to him for 10 minutes this morning after not seeing him all weekend.

I know that the obvious solution is to stop spending time with him but I just can't (or won't?).

Revenge doesn't work.

An ER is a warning sign - not to go further.

I believe you are in for much hurt should you proceed.

You and your husband must break emotional ties with the ERs .. I also regret and sympathize with the workforce temptations that you and your husband are experiencing ..

The only way for you to save yourself further hurt, is for you and your husband to get back again, in the spirit.

Sorry .. but nothing good ahead on this road you are traveling at this time..

So what do I decide to do? I decide to give him a taste of his one medicine. I thought to myself "if he can go and do whatever he feels like it, why shouldn't I". So I befriended a (married with kids) coworker of mine that I purposely didn't interact much with because I found him incredibly good looking. I befriended him to purposely make my husband jealous. Then I started purposely bringing up this coworker in conversation with my husband to get a reaction from him - which I did get! The problem is that now that I befriended my coworker I have developed a genuine crush/lust/infatuation with him.

Cheating as a response to cheating (even if just EA), is the best strategy to ruin your M.

It would have been smarter to tell him "If you miss her so much you can pack right now and go settle with her, tomorrow you will have to sign the D papers and Good luck to you" - I bet my money he would have changed his behavior.

I don't even know where to start. I need to get this off my chest because I feel as though I am going insane!

 

I have been with my husband for 7 years and those 7 years have been amazing and I never even considered that one of us would cheat on one another. About a year ago, my husband started a new job and befriended a female coworker. At first I was fine with this friendship - they never hung out just them and I hung out with the group that would go out after work for drinks and stuff too. But then the friendship just became a little too close for comfort for me when they started texting each other. So after just keeping my jealousy inside and pretending the texting didn't bother me I decided to be honest with my husband and tell him I didn't like it. Well at first he was defensive about it, told me I was just being jealous but eventually he said if it bothered me he wouldn't do it. So a month later I got my cellphone bill and they texted back and forth over 200 times in one month. So we fought some more and once again he said he would stop texting her and would start showing me their texts when they do text. Well this scenario goes on some more....he says he won't text, he doesn't keep the texts on his phone to show me yet I now check his cellphone records on a daily basis because I am paranoid and sure enough basically every day they text.

 

So what do I decide to do? I decide to give him a taste of his one medicine. I thought to myself "if he can go and do whatever he feels like it, why shouldn't I". So I befriended a (married with kids) coworker of mine that I purposely didn't interact much with because I found him incredibly good looking. I befriended him to purposely make my husband jealous. Then I started purposely bringing up this coworker in conversation with my husband to get a reaction from him - which I did get! The problem is that now that I befriended my coworker I have developed a genuine crush/lust/infatuation with him.

 

My whole reason for going to work now revolves around him. I can't wait to go to work so I get to see him. And we spend so much time together at work. I talk to him first thing in the morning and every other chance I get. Plus we have a few non work related activities that we do together at work. We probably spend at least an hour or more alone together at work just talking and sharing each others company if you add up all the excuses we have to talk to eachother. And we are starting to learn a lot about each others lives (we never talk about our relationships. We barely even mention our spouces around one another. Even though we've never acknowledged this, I think we both do it purposely. Well I can only guess his motives but I purposely avoid talking about my husband with him). I know so much about him and the more I hear the more I like.

 

We haven't done anything physical but we have definitely been too close for comfort to the point of our legs touching when sitting and our sholders bumping when walking, which niether of us acknowledges or corrects. We made tentitive plans to go out for lunch this week. On the one hand I fantasize like crazy about being alone with him but on the other hand I hope he ends up cancelling or not following through on lunch because I know that the more time we spend together the more I will fall for him. I know I won't cancel because I don't have the stength. And I know that if he tried to kiss me or anything I probably wouldn't resist. I don't want to stop because it feels so good to be with him.

 

I know the potential consequences of my actions and I know that there is only one way this will end....with me getting hurt. I will either get hurt because he doesn't actually reciprocate my feelings and just is being friendly (which is a possibility because neither of us have talked about that obviously), or I will get hurt because I will fall more and more for someone that I know I can never have in my life.

 

Today for example I had to leave work abruntly for a surprise appointment and all i can think about right now is how I can't talk to him for the rest of the day and its not fair that I only got to talk to him for 10 minutes this morning after not seeing him all weekend.

 

I know that the obvious solution is to stop spending time with him but I just can't (or won't?).

."..or I will get hurt because I will fall more and more for someone that I know I can never have in my life..."

what if he falls for you too & both of you decide to be together ? That would be the best revenge .

Wow you sound like me 2 years ago. Although my revenge EA soon turned physical and we both ended up falling for each other. Same thing, my H had an A with more than one co-worker, both EA and PA, and my RA was with a co-worker. I agree with the other posters to stop where you are before it goes further unless you really want to toss your marriage away. My XOM (who had a long-term girlfriend) ended up ending our A via email and in a very distasteful way. It has taken me 2 years to get over it. 2 years wasted. I hope you can find a way out of this quick. It really only seems to lead to heartbreak to all involved in the A. Good luck to you!

WFM, so what's your plan from here?

What are you hoping to learn/gain/change by coming to LS? There's nothing wrong with just posting your story, don't take me wrong. I'm just curious if you were looking for advice on what you should do from here, or what to expect, or what?

If you're looking for advice, this is a great place to get it. There are posters here from all three sides of the situation you're in right now, who can all offer insight on what's going on based on their own experiences.

I'm just not sure if that's what you want?

So what do I decide to do? I decide to give him a taste of his one medicine. I thought to myself "if he can go and do whatever he feels like it, why shouldn't I".

because now you will have become no better than him and have lost the right to complain

So I befriended a (married with kids) coworker of mine that I purposely didn't interact much with because I found him incredibly good looking.

and bad enough that you decided to stoop to your husband's level, you chose a married man. how do you feel about disrespecting his wife who is now been dealt what you have been dealt by your husband and his tart?

 

We haven't done anything physical but we have definitely been too close for comfort to the point of our legs touching when sitting and our sholders bumping when walking, which niether of us acknowledges or corrects. We made tentitive plans to go out for lunch this week. On the one hand I fantasize like crazy about being alone with him but on the other hand I hope he ends up cancelling or not following through on lunch because I know that the more time we spend together the more I will fall for him. I know I won't cancel because I don't have the stength. And I know that if he tried to kiss me or anything I probably wouldn't resist. I don't want to stop because it feels so good to be with him.

well, then its official, you aren't any better than your husband now, whether you have done anything physical or not. and you are wanting to do these things and hurt his unsuspecting wife in the process, whether she finds out or not.

I know the potential consequences of my actions and I know that there is only one way this will end....with me getting hurt.

well, honestly....better you than his wife...right?

I know that the obvious solution is to stop spending time with him but I just can't (or won't?).

don't think I don't know what it feels like to think revenge of this kind is sweet, but again, you have become no better than your H by doing this. and there is another wife in the wings who will get hurt like you did, and probably worse if you continue.

So my advice is, stop this flirtation, because it isn't innocent....tell your husband what has happened, then you'll have your revenge, and tell him you are stopping it.

then hopefully the both of you haven't taken things farther, will be on even footing, and maybe you and your H can go on a trip alone to rekindle things.

my usual schpiel is to tell you both to divorce since you both can't seem to be faithful even emotionally.....so consider yourself lucky.