Six months later and she still "wants to be single."

Another thing I wonder is, what are the problems that these girls are noticing..? Are you coming across as awkward? ei...struggling to find common ground to talk about, nervous while talking to girls, hyperfocusing on strange things to talk about. These are all things I pay attention to when I talk to guys. The most important thing to me is that the guy is very comfortable talking to me, if he isn't it turns me off(usually never to be unfriendzoned).

When I was younger I was socially awkward and it was difficult for me to make friends. I also didn't talk to girls at all. I have gotten much better at socializing, but making friends is still an issue.

 

When I talk to girls, I don't have any of the issues you mentioned and I'm super comfortable talking to them. The only time I actually get nervous is when I try to ask them out.

 

Right now I'm actually more comfortable talking to girls then other guys. So when I'm in a social situation, I'm either with a girl or a group of them. Also, I know that they aren't weirded out by me.

 

Also this idea that you can get a girl who isn't digging you to change her mind is very off base. This is most often something that can't be changed. And to be really honest, if you are hanging around the same groups -other women will notice this even if it isn't them that you have mistakenly set your sights on. If you get the 'I am not into you' vibe from a girl then you should move on.

I'm confused. So you're saying that girls can tell when I'm into a girl, even though I'm being subtle about it and they can tell that the girl is only responding with friendship, and they look upon it negatively?

I don't know if you have discussed this but have you tried online dating? You will have a bigger captive audience there. This might give you much much better chances. The only thing you have to worry about then is maintaining interest IRL. After a while it shouldn't be too hard.

Honestly, I don't think I'm attractive enough for online dating. I'm also only 5'6. So there is no way I can stand out from among the herd. Also I don't know how to write an attractive profile.

 

OceanGirl wanted me to post a picture and I'll leave the links up for a short time.

 

This one was taken after a shower, I just like the way my hair looks. I really do have eyes.

 

This pic is roughly how I look on a normal day. My current hairstyle is different, and I normally wear shorts.

Look for girls who seem interested. Join some kind of non-school based activity.

My big issue is that I see friendliness and interested as almost the same thing. When a girl wants to spend time with me, I see that as a green light.

 

You seem to get fixated on a girl and spend a lot of time trying to wear her down, that is unlikely to work.

What does work? Cause I haven't found it yet.

 

Plus, these girls you call second string do notice and might lose any possible interest in you.

I am curious about that.

At max, you ask a girl out twice if she says no and doesn't offer an alternative date.

And if she does offer an alternative date? That's why I got confused with this girl because she did keep giving me alternates. Though her being a "friend" possibly had an effect.

 

And I do think your age might be hurting you with college girls. I'm close to your age and I regularly get carded, but whenever I'm around actual 18-21 year olds I am clearly older than them (and in my experience a 5+ age difference is a much bigger deal to a 20 year old than a 25 year old). I'm not saying a 20 year old would never go out with you, but I think it hurts your odds slightly. I think you want to date a girl in college because you feel insecure around women who have more life experience, but even as an adult student, you probably have more in common with women who are over 21/22.

Yeah my age may be hurting me. The thing is, when I was 18-24, I was very unconfident and super shy. I rarely ever talked to girls. Now I have more of the skills I need to interact with them, I'm not allowed to date them? Now is the only time in my life where I'm going to have a chance with the younger women. I'm not going to pass that up.

 

Also a woman dating somebody 5 years older than her is no big deal. It's a very common situation. My dad is 11 years older than my step-mom

 

Warlord, I appreciate you posting but your post was bordering on off-topic and it can cause the thread to swing into gender wars again, which is something I don't want to happen.

When I talk to girls, I don't have any of the issues you mentioned and I'm super comfortable talking to them. The only time I actually get nervous is when I try to ask them out.

That is all good. I suppose you may get more comfortable when asking a girl out if you get a little more practice doing it. Whats the worst she could do? Say no? Ok, then on to the next one at that point...no big deal.

 

I'm confused. So you're saying that girls can tell when I'm into a girl, even though I'm being subtle about it and they can tell that the girl is only responding with friendship, and they look upon it negatively?

Women an be more aware of this then you think. I notice these things even when they are subtle. They will get the idea that you are desperate when they notice this and then get turned off. Whether you are desperate or not you should try to conceal that fact.

 

Honestly, I don't think I'm attractive enough for online dating. I'm also only 5'6. So there is no way I can stand out from among the herd. Also I don't know how to write an attractive profile.

Looking at your pics I disagree. The 'pretty boys' that are on online dating sites I avoid like the plague unless they come up with the most genuine personalized message ever. Their looks can count against them especially if it is obvious that that is what they are relying on. The one thing that I see as a bonus for your situation with online dating is that you have one huge thing in common with everyone on there - they are all(usually) single and looking to date. Where as right now we don't know if the girls you are associating with are single or if they are open to dating at all. Your chances jump up considerably with this part. You may want to get help writing your profile.. that part is important ---at least to me it is.

 

 

What does work? Cause I haven't found it yet.

Well the best thing I can offer you is traits I specifically look for in a guy(and lots of women in general do too)

*a guy who is happy with his life. No negativity or complaining about things. A 'glass is half full' type. He has a confident outlook on his life in general. He has his own very specific interests and hobbies. Knows how to lead a conversation. Isn't overly self critical. He loves himself and doesn't need me to constantly build is ego. Has a great sense of humor yet knows when to be serious. Has a life plan.... not aimlessly drifting. Those are just a few of the things I can think of off the top of my head. All very very important things that should be easy for you to work on.

 

Also a woman dating somebody 5 years older than her is no big deal. It's a very common situation. My dad is 11 years older than my step-mom

It shouldn't be a big deal at all to most women. Don't worry about that.

 

I hope some of this was helpful. I am sure you will be fine so don't worry too much.

.

 

OceanGirl wanted me to post a picture and I'll leave the links up for a short time.

 

This one was taken after a shower, I just like the way my hair looks. I really do have eyes.

 

This pic is roughly how I look on a normal day. My current hairstyle is different, and I normally wear shorts.

 

Yeah my age may be hurting me. Now I have more of the skills I need to interact with them, I'm not allowed to date them? Now is the only time in my life where I'm going to have a chance with the younger women. I'm not going to pass that up.

 

 

Do you understand that girls 20-21 are the worst challenge to deal with.

The only way to have sex with them is to find the right girl who is into sex.

When girls in college, they are busy thinking about college stuff and it is very bad for their libido. I have recently been in college and I had totally lost my sex drive because I did not have time to care for sex. Girls are different than men are, because girls have low libido naturally. Men think about sex often. Girls think about sex only if they have nothing else to think about.

 

Your age is fine. If a girl is into sex, the age of a male does not matter.

These girls are the worst challenge for any male's age.

Now is not the only time in your life where you are going to have a chance with the younger women. Men of all ages having sex with younger women, you just have to choose the right woman who has sex drive that matches your sex drive. Otherwise, you might offer to girls some other benefits such as money, help, love or whatever they need. If you have something to offer to them that they are really interested, they might date you easily. Having sex with no sexual feelings is not a problem for a female. All she has to do is to be cooperative, spread her legs and wait for a few minutes untill the fun activity is done. That is not a biggie, if after that she can get what she really wants and needs.

somedude81, ha, been there, done that. In fact, in the middle of it now. Was rejected by a "good female friend" -- not rejected per se, she never told me flat out NO nor did she indicate directly maybe in the future.... but it was pretty much "I'm in no state to date."

 

Anyway, I sent her an email 10 days ago. She hasn't replied yet. We were fine a week after the "confession." Talked every day as normal. Then she just kinda dropped out on me. It sucks, but who knows what's going on in her mind. I haven't contacted her since. If she ever replies, I'll go from there. If she never replies, I'd take that as the end of our friendship. Sucks, but that's part of the process.

 

Also, you and I both need a transfusion of self-worth and confidence. I'm trying to get back on my feet. Work on yourself too bro... make yourself the best you can be, don't try so hard, and when the right woman comes along, it'll happen naturally. Confidence goes a LOOOOONG way. I need to regain mine. You do as well (from the posts I've read of yours -- trust me I too was "defensive" like that... quick to defend myself and not really listen to the feedback of others... I was quick to give them a rebuttal. Sometimes we just need to step back, admit other people are right and check ourselves. It's easy to carry on with rose-colored glasses.)

Women an be more aware of this then you think. I notice these things even when they are subtle. They will get the idea that you are desperate when they notice this and then get turned off. Whether you are desperate or not you should try to conceal that fact.

I am very careful to not show any desperation to women. I used to be very needy and it scared girls off. So I counteracted that by showing very little interest and girls couldn't tell that I was into them. Right now I'm trying to show enough interest so a girl knows that I like her, without being annoying to her. I think I need to show a little bit more interest in women than I do now.

 

Looking at your pics I disagree. The 'pretty boys' that are on online dating sites I avoid like the plague unless they come up with the most genuine personalized message ever. Their looks can count against them especially if it is obvious that that is what they are relying on. The one thing that I see as a bonus for your situation with online dating is that you have one huge thing in common with everyone on there - they are all(usually) single and looking to date. Where as right now we don't know if the girls you are associating with are single or if they are open to dating at all. Your chances jump up considerably with this part. You may want to get help writing your profile.. that part is important ---at least to me it is.

Thank you I have a profile up on OkCupid but I'm too scared to actually message anybody. I may need to start using it if I can't get anybody at school.

 

Well the best thing I can offer you is traits I specifically look for in a guy(and lots of women in general do too)

*a guy who is happy with his life. No negativity or complaining about things. A 'glass is half full' type. He has a confident outlook on his life in general. He has his own very specific interests and hobbies. Knows how to lead a conversation. Isn't overly self critical. He loves himself and doesn't need me to constantly build is ego. Has a great sense of humor yet knows when to be serious. Has a life plan.... not aimlessly drifting. Those are just a few of the things I can think of off the top of my head. All very very important things that should be easy for you to work on.

Nice thorough list. There are some things I need to work on.

 

I hope some of this was helpful. I am sure you will be fine so don't worry too much.

Yes it was helpful, thanks.

 

But not worrying, that's a whole 'nother can of worms.

Do you understand that girls 20-21 are the worst challenge to deal with.

The only way to have sex with them is to find the right girl who is into sex.

When girls in college, they are busy thinking about college stuff and it is very bad for their libido. I have recently been in college and I had totally lost my sex drive because I did not have time to care for sex. Girls are different than men are, because girls have low libido naturally. Men think about sex often. Girls think about sex only if they have nothing else to think about.

Wow, girls are weird. How can somebody not have time to care about sex? How they think about sex, is basically the opposite of me. It's always on my mind.

 

One thing though, is that I have no desire to jump into sex. I want to date and do other things with them besides sex as well.

 

What do girls expect to do with their boyfriends? Do girls of that age want to date guys at all?

If you have something to offer to them that they are really interested, they might date you easily. Having sex with no sexual feelings is not a problem for a female. All she has to do is to be cooperative, spread her legs and wait for a few minutes untill the fun activity is done. That is not a biggie, if after that she can get what she really wants and needs.

How do I find out what girls need? I'm sure that there is something that this girl wants that I can provide. There's got to be a way where we can both win.

 

Teknoe, that sucks. Yeah it's hard to build self-worth and confidence.

My relationship history? I don't have any history.

 

The closest I've ever been to being in a relationship was "dating" somebody for two weeks. We didn't have sex.

 

Besides that I might get a real date a few times a year.

 

So yeah, I've been single and alone way too long.

 

As I've gotten older, I've learned that I needed to lower my standards if I want a chance at all with women. So I really don't mind settling as long as she doesn't go below my baseline.

 

What's hard for me, is the fact that I may be below the average womans baseline and am undateable.

 

 

First off, all girls in college are youthful so I don't really have a choice there. Second, my only real rule concerning a woman's weight is that she has to be in proportion.

 

I'm into fitness and I only want somebody who can run or go on a bike ride with me. Also, I really like to Salsa dance and dancing with bigger girls kinda grosses me out, which I've had to do in my class.

 

I go to a commuter school, the vast majority of students don't do any of those either.

 

People meet their partners in class all the time. I'm not asking for something out of the ordinary. College is one of the best places to meet people.

 

 

Some people meet their spouses in college, others meet in bars, gyms, at church, or online.

 

commuters - as in they all have lives and areas of interest at home? (you get my point) you need to broaden your search.

 

If you are into fitness, join a gym. Keep going to salsa class - but being grossed out dancing with a bigger woman can you say immature?

 

Second, quit rating every woman you run into to decide if she meets your qualifications. Just get to know the people around you.