How can lucky people have problems?

Does having everything mean that you have no right to feel any darkness?

I have had everything my whole life. Two loving parents. Always had neough money. Was an only child. Never had ANy hardships. No one in my family was sick.

only small blip is that my father became ill at 37 and had a 6 tuple by pass, which is no big deal cos he survived. I did not lose a parent.

I have been through nothing, but feel a very dark, immense, intense energy in me.

it is not a chemical imbalance by the way - I feel sane and fine when I execise , eat right, and have a balanced life.

The thing is, I have a tendency with my eating; I have had an eating disorder before, and when times r tough, I feela strong desire to shrink myself away from not eating. it is always a way I wouldf lve to punish myself by doing.

I am not underweight or ill in that sense, so there is no help in the field of Eating idsorders to me. besides, I like looking slim and naturally am reasonably slim, so ther is no need to talk about the fact I like being thin.

but is it possible for even spoilt lucky girls like me to have real problems? To go through real pain? even when we have had EVERYTHING we have ever needed?

I have also guven my body up to a lot of guys in my yough, during my teens, I had NO regard for my body, and let guys have sex with me even when I did not respect them enough; I did not respect nmyself either, so I did nto care who touched me, as I did not feel I deserved anything, At all.

It has taken me 5 years to respect and like myself enough to feel like havcing sex again, too.

But again; I have had no real problems in my life, and yet, I seam to be such a bad person, that I am suffing and making life hard for myself, and sabotaging myself a lot, throughout the years.,

Why do people who have everythying have problems? We have NO reason to?

I was not raped. i was not abused. Dad hit me a little but nothing har,d and i deserved it cos I was a total @sshole and still am a little.

I was not molested. I was never starving. I never worried about financial issues. ffriends always told me how LUCKY I was.

Two things that stood out is you are able to recognize and appreciate the good fortunes life has bestowed upon you. A good family life and the gifts that come with that.

The second thing is with the Shielding of life experiences you will be a wee bit behind in having empathy for those who have met and dealt with life challenges. Its not meant to you in a negative way...its a side effect from being guided thru life with little challenges to enhance a worldly tolerance.

Sounds to me you are seeking those experiences and challenges so you can grow more and be more *apart* of life.

Lucky people have an innate ability to see solutions before its a problem.

My boss is like that ....

I believe most people are lucky in different ways. I never wanted for anything as a child, though I had a horrendous home life from the age of 13-18. My life hasn't gone to plan since then but everything lead to the luckiest thing of all, finding my fiance. Which never would have happened if I didn't go through what I did. So I guess even the crappy stuff turned out to be good luck.

Rich, beautiful, successful people have their problems too, though they may have been fortunate enough to be born in wealth and with shockingly amazing good looks. I doubt anyone on this planet is completely happy from the day they're born to the day they die.

I was not raped. i was not abused. Dad hit me a little but nothing har,d and i deserved it cos I was a total @sshole and still am a little.

 

I was not molested. I was never starving. I never worried about financial issues. ffriends always told me how LUCKY I was.

I often get the impression, when reading your threads, that while you are able to discuss your body image disorder, you want to avoid any discussions on the important issues that explain why you might struggle with anxiety, depressive episodes and an eating disorder.

And, before I continue, I want to stress that you know your situation better and you can choose to disregard what I am about to say. My intention is not to offend you, it is to point out a pattern I have observed.

The two last sentences I cited go counter to events you have reported on here. You once mentioned in a thread that you were sexually abused and when I asked if you wanted to discuss it, you said you didn't want to. Fair enough, I recently discussed situations where I was sexually bullied on here and was ready for the predictable response of victim blaming. I am not asking you to discuss it or even to explain why you have two contradictory statements. Often, the problem with situations of sexual miscommunication is that the person who ended up having sex without giving clear consent will flip flop on their interpretation of how to explain what happened.

You have reported a few incidents where your dad beat you. Again, that is domestic violence and that, to me, is always unjustified and one of the hardest hardship anyone can face. People tried to bring up the question of domestic violence and you took it off the table. Again, that is your prerogative and probably a topic best kept for a professional therapist. My point in bringing this up is that, to me, violence of any kind is a definite hardship.

You also have mentioned, in a moment when you were fighting with your dad, that you would like to move out but did not have the means to do so. Do you or don't you have the financial capacity to provide for your own well-being?

I respect that you do not wish to discuss any of this on a public forum. All these issues are too sensitive to be debated properly on here, as a recent thread I participated has shown. But please stop sweeping these issues under the rug. They are important and significant and will impact your well-being.

I think that there are people who are luckier than most. For me, luck is not really defined by looks or wealth, but by falling in love with someone that loves you back. This may sound lame but it is what I have always wanted and never had. I know I have my issues but I still beleive that I wasn't lucky enough to meet anyone that I just clicked with. I do have options but they are just not options that I want.

I have always struggled with darkness despite having two great parents and nice childhood. I did battle a serious illness for a few years and that probably made me even darker. I would be lying if I said that I was happy before that though.

Kamille, sometimes the deepest issues are the most diffuclt to discuss. I get a sense that a lot of us tend to distract ourselves with surface worries rather than going deeper.

Kamille, sometimes the deepest issues are the most diffuclt to discuss. I get a sense that a lot of us tend to distract ourselves with surface worries rather than going deeper.

I agree completely. And I want to stress again that my hope in posting the above is that Leigh will one day find a way to address those issues.

I wish her the best and do want her to be happy. I believe her when she says that she sometimes feel in pain. I think the way out is for her to find a way to face those issues.

 

but is it possible for even spoilt lucky girls like me to have real problems? To go through real pain? even when we have had EVERYTHING we have ever needed?

 

Suffering is endemic to the human condition, it just comes in different shapes and forms for different people. Well being is a very composite and complex condition which isn't defined only by the absence of physical abuse or by having enough to eat. It's important to see suffering in a comparative perspective to help us value what we have, but it's not always useful to think of it on an absolute scale ('I am not starving like the children in Africa, therefore I should be happy' or whatever).

We all have some kind of problems and we all face some kind of pain. The ability to honestly identify them and subsequently act upon them appropriately is one of those challenges that binds us together as humans, and which can determine whether the pain will make you or break you in the end.

Existence itself is pretty painful. We enter this world kicking and screaming and then we end up having to die. I've not seen any baby come out laughing and as prepared as we can be for death it is still mostly a sad moment.

The point is than happiness is a learned thing mostly and we all have our own path to get there and life is never 100% glee for anyone all of the time.

I have met some folks who went through much physical abuse who didn't seem to have the extent of social anxiety and frustration that I did. It's best not to compare yourself so much with others as it is to analyze your own problems in their own context.

That being said I also have to say "What is darkness?" Try to analyze your life in more concrete logical terms and less subjective terms.

Either something is healthy or not. Constructive or not. Whether something is perceived as dark or "bad" can vary in meaning between individuals. No need to think you have to follow everyone else's perceived notions of what is "good" as long as you are being "healthy".

I have everything I need. I have the finances to get a degree without having to weork my butt of whilst studying ( also I WANT to work part time for piece of mind, cos it gives my life balance).

I am also healthy, am resonably attractive ( although not model material), and have two parents who are a lot about me.

I have so much. I am happy most of the time. I do not have some chemical imbalance. I am normally stable and happy with my great life.

But I have not made and retained many friends in my adult life, due to reasons. I am now ready to do this, but because I am desolate a lot of the time, I feel a darkness to me.

I feel alone, dark, and I enjoy thinking about my suicide. I see people looking at a girl who seamed like she had a lot going for her, but chose to not deal with life.

I know it is normal to ponder your demise at times. Ins pite of having everything, I do have a huge issue with my body.

If I was not thin or pretty, to be honest, I DO NOT KNOW what the heck I would do! TO be frank, life just does not appeal to me, if I do not have the joys of being thin and attractive.

It does not appeal to me AT ALL< to have to live life being a big women with a huge body type, who is not very pretty.

So I basically am a weak person and do not like to deal with life unless I have the comforts of looks and an easy life.

I would not want to have to overcome some terrible accident; I would actually prefer to just die and not bother working my butt off to learn to live with no legs.

I just see life as something I love right now, but that I would not want to bother with if something horrific were to happen to me.

All the more reason to live in the moment I suppose!!! Cos I never knoew when life could get he the stage where I would not want to be in it any more.

no truer words were uttered. "You have everything you need. "

The rest is all "wants". Best to you.

I was not raped. i was not abused. I was not molested. I was never starving.

I'm sure this is a touchy subject, but in the thread about the importance of oral sex, you said you suffered years of sexual abuse...?

I'm not sure what to believe...?

I'm sure this is a touchy subject, but in the thread about the importance of oral sex, you said you suffered years of sexual abuse...?

 

I'm not sure what to believe...?

She probably means she's not scared by the abuse, but seems to be in denial...

I was not molested or raped, but I have been in sexual situations that traumatized me. That is as much as I will elaborate.

I had to have labio plasty because of it.

but I am very happy about it now Because I know I will never give myself to some one who doesn't like me as a person ever, ever again.

A little criptic, but I can't really explain what happened to me sorry.

Travel the world and you'll encounter many things that will make you thankful for the life you have.

 

You also have mentioned, in a moment when you were fighting with your dad, that you would like to move out but did not have the means to do so. Do you or don't you have the financial capacity to provide for your own well-being?

.

No, I cannot provide for myself financially, on my own accord. I don't want to explain why thanks.

OP, remember this guy? Pretty lucky, wouldn't you say? Imagine being his wife (now widow). Bet she thought she was lucky too. Probably still does. Life is what it is. Good luck

Because even luck has it's limitations. Life needs obstacles in order to be life. I don't quite understand, why you are so afraid of them. I've had so many losses in my life. A lifetime's worth and I'm only 21. But I know I'll be a thousand times better doctor because of it. Thick women are beautiful. Go volunteer in a hospital, do something difficult, pursue an education which inspires you. When you become busy in life you stop thinking about why it sucks, or why you are unhappy. Find something that will give you purpose.

seriously I think that's what you need. You need to expose yourself to some adversity to help you find purpose. I don't think you can really live good unless you get strenghtened by lifes currents.

I think Kamille said it best. You have some underlying issues that are bothering you, and you are not facing them head on.

I was abused by my parents, and for 18 years I never realized what kind of abuse I was dealing with.

I still view people as 'non-trustable', but that's because I think they'll blow up in my face and never forgive me. My mother's reactions have caused me to totally distrust women. I over interpret their reactions and think them to hate me no matter what, and I have a perpetual fear of them. I have a perpetual fear of people in general, but I think the key is in understanding that this fear is not normal, and that the fear is a consequence of some deep underlying cause that I have not fully dealt with.

I hope this can help you in understanding that sometimes the mind covers up issues simply because it is easier to think "I am just sick" rather than think "I am sick because someone made me sick".

Try and uncover the reasons as to why you are feeling 'incomplete', and then you will find your answers.

I've been thinking about this thread a lot. You're right in pointing out that a lack of problems does not ensure happiness. Much the same way, having problems does not mean you can't be happy.

We all face challenges in some form or other. Well-being comes from one's belief that they can handle their problems, or, if overwhelmed, that they will know when to ask for help. It's the capacity to take care of yourself. It's the capacity, as Dooda pointed out, to distinguish between your internal worth and the external stressors. The capacity to know you deserve to be happy in spite of life challenges.

I was not molested or raped, but I have been in sexual situations that traumatized me. That is as much as I will elaborate.

 

I had to have labio plasty because of it.

 

but I am very happy about it now Because I know I will never give myself to some one who doesn't like me as a person ever, ever again.

 

A little criptic, but I can't really explain what happened to me sorry.

But you explained it in the other thread...

It wasn't anything that happened TO you, it was decisions you made to have sex with men.

Sorry I misrepresented myself STAR - The correct way to explain what happend, is to say I self destructed. I self harmed.

I have the tendency to want to harm myself. always have since my early teens. It manifests in many forms.

One of the things I did, was lend my body to men I did not know at all, and let them have a lot of sex with me, even though I hated sex, hated myself, and hated my body.

Look, I know I was not raped, but it really was awful. I mean, the recentl FLING I had with some random trainer at my gym, was actually the first positive sexual experience I have ever had. Before, I could just not enjoy sex, because I did not feel desirable enough forf a guy to WANT me.

And I cannot explain how I got stretched. I just swell upe about 3 times after rough or dry sex, the swelling was massive, and when ti swelling went down, my parts were never the same.

the inner lips never went back up again, and they hung down so much that I had trouble walking. So I got labio plasty, and got them cut off. The opperation changed my life.

I still feel funny. I feel like I am this girl, with no real problems, yet I feel so alone and enjoy thinking of death.

What is wrong with me. I have not made many friends in my adult life, I have no friends in my new town, I KNOEW all the rules of making friends. Yet I am alone with no one,.

and dont gert me started on men. I do not know if guys ever look at me, if I am attractive enough to get mens interest. I just do not know what reality is.