The Bs and The AP are more different tha you may think.

OK, Thomas. From one former MM to another - you DID sleep with this woman. You made a conscious choice to sleep with someone other than your spouse. I did also.

 

Can you honestly say that you did absolutely nothing to lead your affair partner on? Never let her believe (not necessarily TOLD her, but allowed her to believe) that you affair was more than sex?

 

I do not in any way condone bad behavior, by either a betrayed spouse (I was also one of those), married man or affair partner. But, people do tend to go a bit crazy when their emotions are played with.

 

So is your story that your affair was just about sex, your affair partner knew that she was just a sex thing for you and still willingly engaged?

 

edited: and then she went completely crazy when you ended it to repair things with your wife?

Ahhhh...........well I'm glad someone else called him out and questioned him because I don't believe for one minute that his ow thought it was all about sex. After all he has admitted that they (him, bs and ow) were friends, so that obviously leads one to conclude that there was more than just a ons at work here. As I've said before, Thomas seems to be aiming his anger more at ow than himself. I certainly don't know all the details, and his anger may be all about her later bunny boiler behavior but still I think he did lead her to believe, it wasn't just sex. Most people don't go off the deep end just over sex.

Pounding has now commenced again...you're not getting my point. The world watched. Stood by and saw what was going on. It may not have been as quick as if we'd had the internet but the world saw it and turned a blind eye. I've got no other way to say it and we won't agree so I'll pound my head for a minute longer, take an aspirin and move on.

Really? And all this time I thought we went over there and kicked their collective arses.

Hitler.......in this thread......wow, how did it go there?

Oh never mind.......

Really? And all this time I thought we went over there and kicked their collective arses.

After 10 years of turning a blind eye, yes.

Hitler.......in this thread......wow, how did it go there?

Oh never mind.......

I know there was some relevance at one point. It was supposed to be a passing analogy but kind of became a living breathing thing. Hint taken-I'll stop now!

I know there was some relevance at one point. It was supposed to be a passing analogy but kind of became a living breathing thing. Hint taken-I'll stop now!

LOL........guess it just goes to show how crazy it sometimes gets.

Hey I'm a thread jacker myself at times.

Really? And all this time I thought we went over there and kicked their collective arses.

After 10 years of turning a blind eye, yes.

Living in Europe I just have to comment on this. The Americans joined WWII after the attack on Pearl Harbor. Not until they were attacked themselves, did they go and help the Europeans get rid of Hitler. This is what we are taught in school here. I live in a country which did its utmost to stay out of the war, so we were no better. Just sayin'.

HAL, Are you telling me that you have never heard of a FWB situation? Happens alot more than you think, and after the first drunken mistake, it was exactly what she suggested we do. After the first week I only spent a couple more trying to get out of it before I told my wife the truth. I just felt to sick about the whole thing to go on anymore. She was enraged I think because I told my wife who then informed everybody in our circle.

HAL, Are you telling me that you have never heard of a FWB situation? Happens alot more than you think, and after the first drunken mistake, it was exactly what she suggested we do. After the first week I only spent a couple more trying to get out of it before I told my wife the truth. I just felt to sick about the whole thing to go on anymore. She was enraged I think because I told my wife who then informed everybody in our circle.

Tb, it lasted 3 weeks max, and you 'fessed up, and did everything to prove to your wife you were sorry and committed to her, but 12 years later you're posting on a relationship forum asking for tips (a different thread) on how to show your gratitude to your wife for deigning to take you back??

Have I just missed a stack of stuff cos that all sounds like you're giving yourself a ruddy rough deal, relatively speaking. And then all the vitriol for your xAP... Are you alright, in yourself and your marriage?

HAL, Are you telling me that you have never heard of a FWB situation? Happens alot more than you think, and after the first drunken mistake, it was exactly what she suggested we do. After the first week I only spent a couple more trying to get out of it before I told my wife the truth. I just felt to sick about the whole thing to go on anymore. She was enraged I think because I told my wife who then informed everybody in our circle.

Ummmm, your bolded part above, "what she suggested we do", well that explains part of your anger toward her. Regardless of her later bunny boiler behavior, I think you still blame her more than yourself and you still are carrying around a lot of that anger after 12 years. It bleeds through in your posts. Of course I'm guessing on this one, but perhaps one thing that enraged her so much was that when word got out, she looked like the only guilty party to your circle and I bet she got a lot more said about her, than you did. Those pesky double standards at work ya know.

So either she is/was in the right to engage in this behavior or else it didn't happen???

 

My gawd!! That is so incredibly offensive. According to that "logic" the OW has the right to treat the fBS and family to stalker behavior. Having lived through this situation myself, I'll tell you that there is NO excuse - NONE!! -

For stalking.

May I ask if you read the thread or just saw one post and responded to that...I get so tired of the slants and misconceptions...most of the time I just ignore the distortions.

Most of the time I give a brief descritption of the past event so that people do not get the wrong idea ESPECIALLY if I am running another party down, ESPECIALLY in the manor TB was.

Personally I think TB has a vendetta with all OW because of what happened to him, that is not cool IMO, if you can't handle my opinion, then I don't know what to tell you.

I was speaking of HIS wording in THIS forum...not what happened.

Pounding has now commenced again...you're not getting my point. The world watched. Stood by and saw what was going on. It may not have been as quick as if we'd had the internet but the world saw it and turned a blind eye. I've got no other way to say it and we won't agree so I'll pound my head for a minute longer, take an aspirin and move on.

IMO we are still turning a blind eye (US)...and we do have the internet:eek::eek:

Personally I think TB has issues with OW and purposefully chose not to disclose the behavior of his exOW in the beginning, thus gaslighting. He posted several times and said nothing to that effect and knew exactly what we were referring to, yet chose to play word games...priddy much stirring the pot and knowing it.

 

I am not sure why his exOW chose to do the "said" offenses, possibly he played games with her too, or it is not the truth.

I might be wrong, but I think you misunderstood PIH's post. I don't think she meant she thought it was OK for the AP to stalk thomas, she was trying to make the point that had thomas disclosed in this thread that his AP was a bunny boiler, he would have caught a lot less flack in this thread. Also she is saying that she had lived through the situation of a bunny boiler and there was no excuse for this sort of behavior.

 

Hopefully she will be along to confirm what I've said or clear it up if it falls the other way.

Thanks BB.

I really get frustrated when word/mind games are played and I can see them a mile away. I felt it was best to just "step away from the pc" lol...way too much was going on in this thread for me.....

Thanks again BB, it was very much appreciated:)

When a poster stirs the pot like this and is instigating I question everything about them, then stay completely away, something told me to check this thread...

I STILL don't get the hub-bub over TB. He disclosed the OW's behavior very early on in his postings. The posts are in Spark's reconcilliation thread.

 

It's not TB's fault that people haven't read all of his posts.

 

Just goes back to the agenda that I posted about in the other MM's thread on OW; if the MM declares his undying love for the OW, it's sunshine and roses. If he says anything negative about her, he's a jerk or a troll.

 

People believe what they want to believe.

Your perception is way off, as usual.

It's possible that her intention was not to imply permission or acceptance, but when one says "I am not sure why his exOW chose to do the "said" offenses, possibly he played games with her too, or it is not the truth." It implies that because he "played games" with the OW then it's understandable that she exhibits boiler bunny behavior. IT IS NOT OK.

I made the last sentance statement because if he plays games here, then who knows what is the truth...

Well, since my MM does not believe in God any longer (or at least is an agnostic), it is all for show, the marriage and religion alike. He has been trained well, to do what is expected of him, on the outside.

Jennie, it is clear he never lost his love for you and I am sad and disgusted at the mind control that has been going on in his life via this "religion"...it angers me and reinforces my distaste for "religion" period. I hate control and hate being/feeling controlled.

I have to wonder if this is why his W has not left, and if she is "stuck" also. This grieves me Jennie, for all three of you.

Jennie, exDM went through this too, he agonized all of the time, God had shown me the M was over. How could I get him to believe that God had really shown me that when he was so indoctrinated like your MM is. I wanted his agony to go away. I felt really bad for him because I knew his whole world was about to be turned upside down...It was awful Jen...

*To those that call their faith their religion, my statement in no way, shape, or form is demeaning you. I believe there are many "religions" that have good people within them, who do not deny the true power thereof. I do not approve of the controlling man-made nature of some of them*

I made the last sentance statement because if he plays games here, then who knows what is the truth...

Who knows what the truth is with any of us? We all have the potential to be lying through our teeth. We only judge the person's intent by their posts.

Whatever. Another lose, lose situation.