Reconciliation sex...the best ever!!!

Spark1111,

I'm looking for date ideas. I'm committed to R, but I need ideas to SHOW HER!

Thanks,

ATH

Spark1111,

I'm looking for date ideas. I'm committed to R, but I need ideas to SHOW HER!

Thanks,

ATH

Well what does she love? What does she love to do? What are her hobbies and interests?

Why not craft a date around one of those?

Spark1111,

I'm looking for date ideas. I'm committed to R, but I need ideas to SHOW HER!

Thanks,

ATH

Start by reading:

a)the 5 love languages= you will be able to learn what language works best for her.

b)5 languages of an apology= we all don't hear apologies in the same way. (I personally hate to hear I'm sorry and nothing else)

c)the love dare= it will give ideas on how to reconnect with one another.

These books should give you some direction. Just be open to what it says, even if you think it it hokey.

very nice post.

 

 

 

another real good post. thank you.

 

 

 

if there is true, deep committed love, people can work through pretty much anything in my mind.

 

 

 

why was this post need?

 

 

 

thank you silly_girl for posting this. i do not understand why some people have to come and make fun of or try to throw cold water on a post that is happy. why can't some other women be happy for those married couples who have come through hell together? jealousy? unhappy in their own relationships? whatever it is, please do not take it out on others who are trying to show that happiness can be found again.

Thank you Hockey Fan for pointing out Silly Girl's post. I missed it.

This is a relationship site. I personally am happy for anyone who can find happiness is a long term relationship....when conditions exist that can allow it to happen.

If you're happy, I'm happy for ya. If it is working for you, I'll cheer you on.

When it hurts you, I feel your pain too. From my own perspective, to the best of my ability, but I try to feel your pain.

It is inevitable that others less situated would be jealous of those who have what they want. Sadly, it's human nature.

 

Congratulations, Spark. Many blessings to you and your husband.

Or maybe we just have differing opinions or opinions on the perception of things that are said.

I may think Spark seems ott sometimes and I stand by it. I also said that she is one of the most gracious posters, intelligent and empathetic. I stand by that as well.

Spark, two thumbs up on getting over your H's A and getting the M back on track! But this?

 

 

 

OH PUHLEEZE!!!! Like he would EVER admit to you what the two of them did behind closed doors. Come on, you're smarter than that - aren't you?

 

But the flip side is, who cares? Since the two are you are having "amazing reconciliation sex". Lucky for you, you're not like that poor lady whose H was into BDSM and she really didn't know to what extent![/QUOTE]

 

Lilybart,

I don't need your sympathy on someone else's thread. Uncalled for, disrespectful, and, frankly, it doesn't even make sense here.

 

More importantly, Spark, kudos to you. Thank you for this post, as it gives me something to look forward to- the semi-reconciliation sex (post intense emotional/heated discussion re: the EA -sex) we've had has been amazing. And according to our therapist, totally normal!

I hope it lasts as long as yours, and then some!

Spark, I am so happy for you. I also would like to echo your thoughts and feelings on reconciliation as well as reconciliation sex. Hubby and I are doing wonderful. Very in love and happy. I could have written much, if not all, that you have said in this thread.

I don't know that I would call it "reconciliation sex", but there is something about the sex once both partners totally recommit to the marriage again.

It isn't a one-sided thing. It isn't just the formerly WH simply choosing to stay married, its him choosing to commit to loving and helping to heal the woman that he betrayed. There is a huge difference in choosing to stay and committing to heal and strengthen.

Congrats, Spark. I'm sure everyone in your sphere is happy for the two of you, its the kind of joy that all are touched by. I remember this phase in my recovery quite well. I remember visiting my in-laws (who knew the whole sordid tale) and laughing with my H at a cookout while we teased them. They said "Wow, I would never have guessed the trouble the two of you faced just two years ago". And them saying that reminded us of what WE had chosen: each other, all over again.

The M is better, the individuals in it are better - not just different. Better.

I don't know that I would call it "reconciliation sex", but there is something about the sex once both partners totally recommit to the marriage again.

 

It isn't a one-sided thing. It isn't just the formerly WH simply choosing to stay married, its him choosing to commit to loving and helping to heal the woman that he betrayed. There is a huge difference in choosing to stay and committing to heal and strengthen.

 

Congrats, Spark. I'm sure everyone in your sphere is happy for the two of you, its the kind of joy that all are touched by. I remember this phase in my recovery quite well. I remember visiting my in-laws (who knew the whole sordid tale) and laughing with my H at a cookout while we teased them. They said "Wow, I would never have guessed the trouble the two of you faced just two years ago". And them saying that reminded us of what WE had chosen: each other, all over again.

 

The M is better, the individuals in it are better - not just different. Better.

Thank you. I overheard my grown daughter telling her brother that his was how we were all the time: holding hands, sitting on each other's laps...we are better, happily so.

Okay, so I read that people are curious as to what happens in a marriage when the BS finally decides to reconcile with a fWS.

 

Here's my story:

 

I did not want him back for the sake of the kids, the marriage, the status, the history or the legacy. Not the money either...I make my own.

 

I didn't want him back at all. I told him to go get her; no texts, no pleadings, no begging to stay together for the sake of the kids....NOT ON MY PART! He called. texted constantly, sometimes cried....I hung up on him.

 

I was NOT helpless without him; last kid had gone to college; wasn't staying for the paycheck; had a ton of supportive family and friends, a good job! I LOVED HIM.....but he stopped letting me. That simple.

 

NOTHING of the script he told her, he told himself to justify his affair, was true! And I feel for her, believing his empty promises for 1.5 years, even if I still do not understand a woman who would do this!

 

I was/am a happy person. He was angry and depressed and so sad. Apparently he blamed me and the marriage to his OW; must have worked, but it wasn't true. He was unhappy, yet we had sex twice a week during HIS affair. Go figure.

 

Apparently he lived with her, his soulmate, the one he spoke to his sister about leaving me for, for about three weeks? Not sure. Didn't care; didn't call him; didn't want him.

 

He started showing up at my job, sending flowers, cards, "I love YOU! I can't lose you" texts. "Please talk to me." Tears, dinners, coffee dates...and "what are you doing tonight? Who are you with?"

 

None of your business. Begged me to tell him if I had been with someone else. "None of your business." I hadn't.

 

Meanwhile he tells his OW, his default choice, that our R was going "just okay" and that he was meeting "unwavering hostility." Did not want to lose his Plan B I guess, if I divorced him.

 

I allowed him to eventually take me out to dinner, the finest dining, and we'd talk, he'd cry, I'd cry, we'd laugh and at the end of the evening he'd rip my dress off (sometimes not even getting my dress completely off) and make love to me all night long.

 

Or if I was in one of my rages, he'd remove himself to the couch until the storm passed, but I would wake up to him staring at me, rubbing my back, telling me he loved me and only me, to please forgive him, he'd made such mistake, he didn't love her, he was such an azzhole...

 

We could not keep our hands off each other! Day, night, couch, kitchen, shower, bedroom.....overnight trips every few weekends, spur of the moment adventures all planned by him to win me back! Limosines to wineries, apple-picking and staying at quaint B and Bs, jewelry for no occasion, flowers to the office with the card reading, "I hope it is not too little too late!"

 

Jeez...It has been so painful...but so amazing in it's romance and eroticism and profound intimacy and it all continues to this day.

 

We are deeply in love with each other; emotionally. romantically and physically! We are conquering new frontiers together and realize we belong together; what we have now could never be had with anyone else on the planet.

 

He asked me recently if I would marry him again. He was nervous. And I responded that I loved him and would marry the man he was today; a good man who treats me like a queen.

 

So it has been three hard and painful and wonderful years to both grow and heal and get to this point.

 

But the sex? The sex was always amazing and now, almost transcendent. And it was a huge indicator to me of the health of our relationship and our future success in reconciliation.

 

You just aren't gonna have that connection with too many people in a lifetime.

 

Who agrees with me?

 

Thoughts anyone?

May I ask how long you two have been married?

How quickly you discovered he was cheating?

How long you've been going to couseling?

I love this story and am very happy for you!

Thank you. I overheard my grown daughter telling her brother that his was how we were all the time: holding hands, sitting on each other's laps...we are better, happily so.

Spark, I actually registered just so I could reply to your post.

I hate to admit it even now, but I cheated on my dear wife 12 years ago. It was and is the biggest mistake I have ever made. My wife and I recovered using MB's principles. We, like you have grown immeasurably closer, and our love for each other is so strong now that nothing and no one can ever come between us again.

Bravo to you and anyone else out there with the character and strength to do the right thing. And before some cheater replies as to how I know what the right thing is... well I bought the tee shirt.

May I ask how long you two have been married?

 

How quickly you discovered he was cheating?

 

How long you've been going to couseling?

 

I love this story and am very happy for you!

Sorry it took me so long to reply.

We were away on a cruise to celebrate our 29th anniversary.

He cheated for 1.5 years with a co-worker at a new job.

He went to individual counseling as a condition of mine to reconcile starting 6 months after Dday. I had already been attending pre-discovery of his affair.

We have had some starts and stops with MC, simply because we are looking for a better "fit" for us.

Most of our hard work was done through reading, researching, and talking, talking, talking.

Spark, I actually registered just so I could reply to your post.

I hate to admit it even now, but I cheated on my dear wife 12 years ago. It was and is the biggest mistake I have ever made. My wife and I recovered using MB's principles. We, like you have grown immeasurably closer, and our love for each other is so strong now that nothing and no one can ever come between us again.

Bravo to you and anyone else out there with the character and strength to do the right thing. And before some cheater replies as to how I know what the right thing is... well I bought the tee shirt.

I am so flattered thomasb!

And so happy for you and your wife!

Keep posting!

While I post here and share everything with my spouse ( he has all my passwords and can read anything I write about us), he is less inclined to do so.

So I believe there is a need to hear from happily reconciled men!

Please keep posting!

Hey Spark, so glad to here you are doing well. Nothing beats coming back here to see good things happening.

My story is the same as yours with one exception. My H has committed to a 12 step program for his addictive personality. That is what keeps him grounded and in the moment. He never had drug or alcohol problems, but addiction can manifest in many ways. The last for my H being his affair.

His commitment is for himself, not me, our marriage or our family, but for him and his desire to get on with his happy life.

Everyone who deals with him is the beneficiary of the changes he has made since he realized his issues and did something about it. I too have made positive changes and together be are a better couple, better, parents, friends, family members, etc. Our marriage is so much better since we both made these very vital changes

Yes, the sex is great. But, sex was never a problem.

I came to this forum a while back to tell people in pain that there is possible happiness on the other side. I was faced with the same cynical comments as you have been. Posters telling that that just the fact that I was posting meant there was no way I was happy.

Honey, misery loves company and we don't provide that kind of company, the attempts to make us appear miserable begin.

Congratulations on your amazing recovery, I wish you all the best.

Good for you two, Sparks, I wish you both well.

I strongly doubt stories like this happen when the BS is the husband - I think we're just more possessive (if I may generalize a bit).

When I reached the point where I couldn't help but visualize my ex wife with some dude's meat in her mouth, well... that's about when the physical attraction started to wane, lol. It's funny cause, truth be told, men dig whores (pick up a maxium magazine and see for yourself), UNTIL our wives choose to walk that path - yuck.

I believe you made the point that ongoing physical attraction was required to get where you two made it. I agree with that.

Hey Spark, so glad to here you are doing well. Nothing beats coming back here to see good things happening.

 

My story is the same as yours with one exception. My H has committed to a 12 step program for his addictive personality. That is what keeps him grounded and in the moment. He never had drug or alcohol problems, but addiction can manifest in many ways. The last for my H being his affair.

 

His commitment is for himself, not me, our marriage or our family, but for him and his desire to get on with his happy life.

 

Everyone who deals with him is the beneficiary of the changes he has made since he realized his issues and did something about it. I too have made positive changes and together be are a better couple, better, parents, friends, family members, etc. Our marriage is so much better since we both made these very vital changes

 

Yes, the sex is great. But, sex was never a problem.

 

I came to this forum a while back to tell people in pain that there is possible happiness on the other side. I was faced with the same cynical comments as you have been. Posters telling that that just the fact that I was posting meant there was no way I was happy.

 

Honey, misery loves company and we don't provide that kind of company, the attempts to make us appear miserable begin.

 

Congratulations on your amazing recovery, I wish you all the best.

Thank you!

And I agree with the bolded statement above. It was never our issue either, even though he told her we rarely to never had sex!

So she suggested I must have a boyfriend on the side too. And he started to believe her!

If that wasn't the height of delusional thinking, I'm not sure what is!

Congratulations to your H for having the courage to do some necessary work on himself. No easy task, and he and you must be very proud of those very difficult and positive changes he has made!

I, too made vital changes. We dragged, and kicked, and pulled each other out of our marital lethargy and complacency to create a new and wonderful relationship neither of us would risk ever again.

Good for you two, Sparks, I wish you both well.

 

I strongly doubt stories like this happen when the BS is the husband - I think we're just more possessive (if I may generalize a bit).

 

When I reached the point where I couldn't help but visualize my ex wife with some dude's meat in her mouth, well... that's about when the physical attraction started to wane, lol. It's funny cause, truth be told, men dig whores (pick up a maxium magazine and see for yourself), UNTIL our wives choose to walk that path - yuck.

 

I believe you made the point that ongoing physical attraction was required to get where you two made it. I agree with that.

Physical and sexual attraction is a huge indication of the success of a reconciliation, IMHO.

Painfully, it is ALSO what led me to deny? not question? my H's emotional distancing during his affair.

I thought, well, we still make love at least twice a week, so I guess we're okay, even though he seems somewhat remote, angry and more critical...must be job stress.

Stupid, stupid me.....

At any rate, based on what I have read and learned from talking with men, your scenario rings true for many men.

If they cannot get past the visual of their wife physically with another man, they cannot get to forgiveness, and it seems they know this pretty quickly too.

Can we please keep this on topic so Spark's wonderful post doesn't get shut down?

Ignore the trolls and the trouble makers.

Remember, this is Spark's post about her reconciliation and it is a true eye opener for many and it also gives hope to others. Let's keep this positive!!!

Hey it's a two way street. I'm sure your xOW has the same amount of respect for you in how you have treated her. It works both ways. And who is to say your wife has not had an A. Anyways sorry for the T/J Spark some of these comments are inhumane and disgusting and I hope my son NEVER grows up to be the kind of man displayed in this response above.

Lady, truly they are not.

We do not know thomab's story.

Not all OW are alike.

He, apparently feels he affaired down and she was classless.

He apparently feels his wife was the better choice for him.

WHY take personally his opinion that his wife WAS the better choice?

Did not YOUR husband feel the same about you? Did you not feel the same about him?

thomasb is posting on a thread about a successful reconciliation. He has had one.

Why take offense?????

Thank you Spark. You have a good heart I can tell. And it has been hard work. But worth it.

Gotta go, I'm taking my W out to dinner. Have a good evening and God Bless.

With an answer like that--your wife must have one heck of a tiny finger--.

Oxfordsock....this is mean and beneath you.

He is not talking of YOU.

He is talking of his particular OW.

You are attacking the woman he was happy to have give him a second chance on a happy reconciliation thread.

This is no different than those who attack a MM who pines for his OW while making a semblance of an attempt to reconcile with his spouse as posted on the OW forum.

I like this thread and I adore Spark so I don't want to go off topic but this post just doesn't gel.

 

Thomasb, I'm glad you found so much more class in your W, that's fantastic. But why didn't you recognize that BEFORE you cheated?

 

The 'class' justification just doesn't make sense, I'm sure you can see that.

 

Sometimes the OW has more class than the W based on income, and culture and sometimes the W does for the same reasons. My guess is class and status have a whole lot of meaning to you and you found yourself dabbling in the lower class with OW? Was she dirty enough for you? Or not dirty enough?

 

It's a rhetorical question so no need to answer. And no need to post either.

 

I'm sure you weren't calling her a whore to her face when you were doing her. What a class act you are!

 

Cheers.

WF, why are you taking this personally?

You do not usually do this.

Maybe, just maybe, thomasb's OW was a classless whore he did and now regrets it.

We don't know his story.

But his story is NOT your story. And his OW is not you.

And you know that better than anyone. Or at least, you use to.

So I am surprised. This is a happy reconciliation thread and he is now happily reconciled.

It's okay. And not personally meant to offend anyone.

So why take offense? It is not like you. Is everything okay? I am concerned.

Agreed. OW can't hold a candle to my wife.

 

@Spark111, good for you. I pray for the day my wife and I can be like your and yours.

Thank you Blog Watcher.

But why do you say that about your former OW?

Just curious....if you care to answer.....

Lady, truly they are not.

 

We do not know thomab's story.

 

Not all OW are alike.

 

He, apparently feels he affaired down and she was classless.

 

He apparently feels his wife was the better choice for him.

 

WHY take personally his opinion that his wife WAS the better choice?

 

Did not YOUR husband feel the same about you? Did you not feel the same about him?

 

thomasb is posting on a thread about a successful reconciliation. He has had one.

 

Why take offense?????

I understand this Spark and it is good he is successfully reconciling. I guess I am turned off by the usage of the word "whore." Again I don't know his story, maybe it was a one night stand. If there were feelings involved then for him to call his OW "whorish" is just done in bad taste. I affaired down, but I do not think of my xOM as a man-whore:laugh:. He was a nice person, very talented and smart. I feel no need to degrade him. I'm the one who made the poor choice, but I am not name calling my xOM because of it.

But I understand where you are coming from, I was probably taking it too personally. I am sure My husband and I felt the same. I just don't like when people degrade another to make their situation feel better. Why would someone want to sleep with a whore unless it was NSA sex. Most A's are more emotional than that. Just trying to understand why the need to degrade.

I am truly glad Thomas B that your marriage is back on track, also for everyone who has weathered the storms of an A. BUT, I don't like the ANY woman in an A is whorish, granted many MM feel this way after the A, and in a contradictory way, many feel they want to be with someone they can trust, and many feel they wouldn't trust someone who they could have an A with. But it doesn't make the OW a whore. I know there are a lot of generalisations about BS, I hate that, equally I dislike women being labelled whores, it is a derogatory term, hell I even hate sex workers called whores.

It is a comment my H made about the OW he had an A with, it is unfair and I pull him up on it. Sorry for the T/J, and I am happy for any successful reconciliation story - not enough are posted IMO, especially on the Infidelity board. I understand what Thomas B is saying, and no, not all OW are in love, not all WS are in love during the A, for some it is what it is, but please, no whore stuff.