BS and OW

I have an odd situation to say the least. I am currently an OW. I was a BS. My xH of 9 years admitted he had an A for a year and a half with one of our friends. We used to hang out with 3 other couples most every weekend. None of us have kids. So once he told me he had an A, I left him. It hurt like the worst pain I've ever felt but I refused to deal with his bull****. To make a long story short, xH's xOW's H and I formed a closer bond because both our spouses betrayed us. He decided to work on his M. The problem is we became emotionally involved and then soon physically involved. I know. I know. So screwed up. So basically I'm having an A with the H of my H's xOW. So now I'm on the other side of the coin. My MM says he will never leave his wife although she had an A. He said that it allows him the freedom of cheating now. In other words, he can always say he's only doing what she did. I know that sounds immature but I am so in love with this man. I have actually accepted that I will be the OW with no hopes being his W. I can't see myself with anyone else. How did I get here?

You got here because you were vulnerable.

The more important question is, when are you getting out of there. Because you need to. Because, he is NOT worth chasing or losing your mind over. And he proves it to you right here:

My MM says he will never leave his wife although she had an A. He said that it allows him the freedom of cheating now.

So stop living your life as though you have no control. You do - you have control over your actions. Don't let yet another man screw up your life. Don't be that woman who screws up her own life because you can't let go of some guy.

Wow.. I am actually speechless.

What she said!

You got here because you were vulnerable.

 

The more important question is, when are you getting out of there. Because you need to. Because, he is NOT worth chasing or losing your mind over. And he proves it to you right here:

 

So move on. As soon as possible. Like, yesterday. This toxic situation is only going to f*ck YOU over big time, worse than your husband did when he had his affair.

 

So stop living your life as though you have no control. You do - you have control over your actions. Don't let yet another man screw up your life. Don't be that woman who screws up her own life because you can't let go of some guy.

Of course I have control. I never loved my H the way I love MM and I'm not so sure that being OW is really that bad. I don't feel guilty because My MM's W is a sl*t anyway. She's with another OM now and MM knows it.

Of course I have control. I never loved my H the way I love MM and I'm not so sure that being OW is really that bad. I don't feel guilty because My MM's W is a sl*t anyway. She's with another OM now and MM knows it.

UMMM.. so why does her being with someone else make her a sl^t, but not you for doing the exact same thing?

Perhaps people who live in glass houses should not throw stones at their neighbors glass house.. when you do that all you end up with is two f*cked up houses with big a$$ holes in them!

(And I am an OW and do not take kindly to ANYONE being called a sl^t. That is simply uncalled for!)

UMMM.. so why does her being with someone else make her a sl^t, but not you for doing the exact same thing?

 

Perhaps people who live in glass houses should not throw stones at their neighbors glass house.. when you do that all you end up with is two f*cked up houses with big a$$ holes in them!

 

(And I am an OW and do not take kindly to ANYONE being called a sl^t. That is simply uncalled for!)

I say that because MM's W has a new man about every 3 weeks. If that's not a sl*t I'm not sure what is. I like the view from my glass house. I have only been with my xH and my MM. TYVM

UMMM.. so why does her being with someone else make her a sl^t, but not you for doing the exact same thing?

 

Perhaps people who live in glass houses should not throw stones at their neighbors glass house.. when you do that all you end up with is two f*cked up houses with big a$$ holes in them!

 

(And I am an OW and do not take kindly to ANYONE being called a sl^t. That is simply uncalled for!)

Nicer word that sl*t? I don't take kindly to anyone being called *********

Of course I have control. I never loved my H the way I love MM and I'm not so sure that being OW is really that bad. I don't feel guilty because My MM's W is a sl*t anyway. She's with another OM now and MM knows it.

A slut?? What does that make you screwing her husband?

A slut?? What does that make you screwing her husband?

An OW... last I checked there are some OWs that aren't sluts.

I thought than an OW could post here without being called a name. What I call my MM's W is not a personal attack to anyone here. If I offended anyone by calling MM's W a slut then I apologize. She actually deserves worse names but I will refrain. I'm just upset right now. Cut me some slack.

I thought than an OW could post here without being called a name. What I call my MM's W is not a personal attack to anyone here. If I offended anyone by calling MM's W a slut then I apologize. She actually deserves worse names but I will refrain. I'm just upset right now. Cut me some slack.

It's a sick situation you are in..all you guys are sharing each other body fluids left and right.. yuck. Your Husband having an affair with a friends wife and than you decide to have an affair with your husbands OW husband.. MM wife sleeping with other man (so you say) while sleeping with your MM.. so that means you are pretty much sleeping with all the men she's sleeping with... ewww

Nicer word that sl*t? I don't take kindly to anyone being called *********

I didn't call you an *********.. I said the glass house would have BIG a$$ HOLES in them. (As in very large freaking holes.)

And just for the record, I think that you will not find much sympathy and understanding from ANYONE (including other OW) on this site if you come in calling people derogatory names. INCLUDING your MM's BW!

It sounds like you are bitter that your MM will not leave his wife, so therefore you have to run her down and belittle her. Obviously, he has no trouble with what she is doing if she changes OM on a regular basis like that. Sounds like its an open marriage, not an affair issue. Either way, its not your business, your MM has told you he isn't leaving and that burns your butt.

CCL

I'm just upset right now.

What are you upset about?

You said:

I never loved my H the way I love MM and I'm not so sure that being OW is really that bad. I don't feel guilty

So, if you're not upset about being an OW, and you're not upset about your H, and you don't feel guilt, what are you upset about?

Hi M80,

I like your shortened version online name...lol...and I'm not messing with you, in fact feel bad because your feeling bad. I ask the same question that NJ just asked....

Man it sounds like a mess...and I really hope it gets better...((((hugs))))

Marilyn I was in a similar situaton insofar as his W had cheated and he has carte blanche and he isnt going to give that up easily. Why divorce when you can do whatever you like without giving up half your assets?

As I think Nj said you were vulnerable. You recognize that. I was in your shoes while I was in it for the longest time I thought I could be happy just being the OW, no messy divorce but we were able to be together.

The relatoinship started when I was in a very vulnerable position. Eventually it ended. I refused to go back but for a long time (far too long) I couldnt get over the idea that we would no longer have a relationship. It took me a long time to get over it but I did.

You want different things. You are more attached to him because you bonded when you were at your lowest point and he was the person who gave you solace. So the bond feels strong.

But the bottom line is you have different agendas different goals.

You want a relationship with someone where you can build a future together. He wants something that fits into the gaps in his marriage.

It hurts when you want different things but you do. There is no way to convince someone that they want what you want or to "show" them how happy they will be with you and that they should give up their situation.

Whether he is being immature or whatever else really doesnt matter. What matters for you is that you arent on the same page.

In a perverse way its a blessing that you bonded. He helped you get through a difficult time. But hes not you future. He was a stepping stone to getting your life back together.

I know how difficult it is.

Take good care

jj

Marilyn I was in a similar situaton insofar as his W had cheated and he has carte blanche and he isnt going to give that up easily. Why divorce when you can do whatever you like without giving up half your assets?

 

 

As I think Nj said you were vulnerable. You recognize that. I was in your shoes while I was in it for the longest time I thought I could be happy just being the OW, no messy divorce but we were able to be together.

 

The relatoinship started when I was in a very vulnerable position. Eventually it ended. I refused to go back but for a long time (far too long) I couldnt get over the idea that we would no longer have a relationship. It took me a long time to get over it but I did.

 

You want different things. You are more attached to him because you bonded when you were at your lowest point and he was the person who gave you solace. So the bond feels strong.

 

But the bottom line is you have different agendas different goals.

 

You want a relationship with someone where you can build a future together. He wants something that fits into the gaps in his marriage.

 

It hurts when you want different things but you do. There is no way to convince someone that they want what you want or to "show" them how happy they will be with you and that they should give up their situation.

 

Whether he is being immature or whatever else really doesnt matter. What matters for you is that you arent on the same page.

 

In a perverse way its a blessing that you bonded. He helped you get through a difficult time. But hes not you future. He was a stepping stone to getting your life back together.

 

I know how difficult it is.

 

Take good care

 

jj

JJ...that was a lovely post.

It sounds to me like this couple qualifies for an open marriage and you are a willing participant. Wouldn't you imagine he's got other OWs since his W has many OMs - according to you. You may not feel guilt for being with MM but if you're upset you're probably realizing you can't share him without being upset. If you are really comfortable being OW then you have examine the situation and all possibilities and make a decision to accept reality or move on. I think that if you ever want happiness you must move on. Besides you really don't know what you're exposing yourself to. I'd get an STD check. Today is Monday. Start fresh. Respect yourself. Sharing a man never works...in the long run.

Hi Marilyn,

You are a perfect example of "never say never".

I believe that the majority of people in A's didn't go looking to be in one.

Anyway, from your post, it's time for you to step out of all this A drama and give yourself time to process all you've been through.

Try to cut off contact or limit contact with MM. Just think about what you are and aren't willing to accept.

Come to terms with who you are and what you want from a relationship. Time away will help you do this.

Here's what I don't understand... You left your H because you wouldn't put up with his bullspit. Don't you see you're with a man that's doing the exact same thing?

I guess it's ok to do it with you, as long as it's not done to you... So you're okay with the fact that he still has sex with his slut (your word) of a wife right?

You threw one jerk out and replaced him with another just like him.

Of course I have control. I never loved my H the way I love MM and I'm not so sure that being OW is really that bad. I don't feel guilty because My MM's W is a sl*t anyway. She's with another OM now and MM knows it.

Bullcrap. You were devastated finding out your H cheated on you. Sure, you decided not to fix your marriage, and because you were vunerable, so was your H's OW's H, you two helped eachother through a rough time. THAT isn't love, it's emotional attachment and bonding..

He's chosen to stay married. A choice he's allowed to make. Sorry to say this, but you have no choice but to accept that. He still loves his wife and feels the marriage is worth saving. Like it or not, right or wrong, it's HIS life, his decision.

I say that because MM's W has a new man about every 3 weeks. If that's not a sl*t I'm not sure what is. I like the view from my glass house. I have only been with my xH and my MM. TYVM

If this is actually true, then why is your MM choosing to stay married?

Something feels very off here.

I say that because MM's W has a new man about every 3 weeks. If that's not a sl*t I'm not sure what is. I like the view from my glass house. I have only been with my xH and my MM. TYVM

:lmao::lmao:Take those blinders off. If she is what you called her, you are the EXACT same thing. NO amount of rationalizing it in your mind that you have done fewer men makes you any better. If she shoots 3 people and shot 2 you both are murders, no degrees in that. Get real. Own your mess and stop putting it on someone else. You made the choices and you should own the everything that goes with those choices.

:lmao::lmao:Take those blinders off. If she is what you called her, you are the EXACT same thing. NO amount of rationalizing it in your mind that you have done fewer men makes you any better. If she shoots 3 people and shot 2 you both are murders, no degrees in that. Get real. Own your mess and stop putting it on someone else. You made the choices and you should own the everything that goes with those choices.

*gives BNB a standing ovation

:lmao::lmao:Take those blinders off. If she is what you called her, you are the EXACT same thing. NO amount of rationalizing it in your mind that you have done fewer men makes you any better. If she shoots 3 people and shot 2 you both are murders, no degrees in that. Get real. Own your mess and stop putting it on someone else. You made the choices and you should own the everything that goes with those choices.

*gives BNB a standing ovation

You should be ashamed of yourself for treating a newcomer to LS like this. So what if she used the word "slut". Don't we all use harsh words sometimes when we are upset? I certainly do.

My exSO had several OW. One of them I considered a slut, because she went after anything in pants. She was a master manipulator. The others were women who fell in love with my SO. Them I understand, because they did what they did out of love.

You should be ashamed of yourself for treating a newcomer to LS like this. So what if she used the word "slut". Don't we all use harsh words sometimes when we are upset? I certainly do.

 

My exSO had several OW. One of them I considered a slut, because she went after anything in pants. She was a master manipulator. The others were women who fell in love with my SO. Them I understand, because they did what they did out of love.

I would tend to agree with you except that when it was pointed out to her that her behaviours in carrying on with her MM are no different from his W having OM she persists in calling the BS a slut. By her definition then anyone who is OW, or MW is a slut. Therefore she is calling me a slut, by definition. And that I will not abide. Period. Not from someone who is new or someone who has been here for ten years.

Name calling like that is unacceptable and the only reason I spoke up rather than report her was to give her the opportunity to retract her statement.

However, I will not further "treat her like this" I will just simply report her and perhaps then she will learn to post within the TOS.