What was it that caused you to cheat and do you regret doing so?

I'm just curious as to your reasons for cheating e.g. right time/right place (or wrong, depending on your perspective); the affair partner (AP) was available and you were vulnerable; you were good friends with AP, etc.

So, I'd like to hear your story: how the affair started and, also, whether you regret having the affair.

In my current relationship I haven't even looked at another man. But I cheated on my ex out of loneliness and boredom. I regret it very much.

He was working 55 - 60 hours a week (every week) and was emotionally and physically unavailable for me the precious little time he was home. Looking back, I wish I would have left him before trying to start a new relationship.

Lots of regrets ...

In my current relationship I haven't even looked at another man. But I cheated on my ex out of loneliness and boredom. I regret it very much.

 

He was working 55 - 60 hours a week (every week) and was emotionally and physically unavailable for me the precious little time he was home. Looking back, I wish I would have left him before trying to start a new relationship.

 

Lots of regrets ...

May I ask, was it an ongoing affair, or a one time thing? Also, did you know the man as a friend, co-worker, etc.?

I'm sorry that you regret the situation--I find that everything happens for a reason. There are things in my life I regret very much, but things happened the way they were meant to happen, and helped to shape me (for better or worse) into the person I am.

I'm just curious as to your reasons for cheating e.g. right time/right place (or wrong, depending on your perspective); the affair partner (AP) was available and you were vulnerable; you were good friends with AP, etc.

 

So, I'd like to hear your story: how the affair started and, also, whether you regret having the affair.

No regrets as it was a great sexual and learning experience in a way. Some days I do regret it.

It started because we were great friends and she said "do you want to be a lot bad" after I said being a little bad was OK.

I was bored, she was frustrated in her marriage. I really liked her and was flattered by a woman 15 years my junior being attentive to me.

May I ask, was it an ongoing affair, or a one time thing? Also, did you know the man as a friend, co-worker, etc.?

 

I'm sorry that you regret the situation--I find that everything happens for a reason. There are things in my life I regret very much, but things happened the way they were meant to happen, and helped to shape me (for better or worse) into the person I am.

He was my boss, and it lasted about 2 years. We started seeing each other about a month after I started my job, and it ended when he falsely accused me of stealing and fired me. I was very, very angry with him that he would come up with such a lame excuse to fire me. But ... live and learn. I'll never make that mistake again!

He was my boss, and it lasted about 2 years. We started seeing each other about a month after I started my job, and it ended when he falsely accused me of stealing and fired me. I was very, very angry with him that he would come up with such a lame excuse to fire me. But ... live and learn. I'll never make that mistake again!

He's a douche. I had a boss (attorney) one time (I was 24 and he was 43) who was going through a divorce. He backed me up against the wall in his office and said he "loved" me. I told him I liked him as a friend, but was married. He persisted with the inappropriately amorous behavior for a month or so and I went downstairs to the personnel director, told her my problem and asked for a transfer. It turned out he was having an affair with the personnel director!! She was none to happy to hear my complaint.

He asked me to leave without turning in a notice because he was now "uncomfortable" with the situation. At the time, I was just sick of it all and thought fine. I came back a few days later for my exit interview and was told he said not to give me my vacation pay because I didn't turn in a notice. I threatened their lives and told them I was heading to the former governor who ran the firm if they didn't cough up that check real quick. I got the check.

It's awful when that stuff goes on at work. I was removed from my daily routine and my office friends, all because this guy was having a mid-life crisis.

I have been married for 15 years and having an affair with my Husbands friend for 13 of them. His friend and I were students so were around a lot in the day and spent an awful lot of time together when my Husband was at work and it went from there.

I don't really regret it - unless I get caught of course!

I don't really regret it - unless I get caught of course!

LOL, I appreciate your honesty!

May I ask why you don't just divorce your husband to be with his friend?

Why should she? She sponges off her husband and gets sex from the friend, it's a win-win situation, for her. BTW it's easy being honest , on an anonymous forum.

He was my boss, and it lasted about 2 years. We started seeing each other about a month after I started my job, and it ended when he falsely accused me of stealing and fired me. I was very, very angry with him that he would come up with such a lame excuse to fire me. But ... live and learn. I'll never make that mistake again!

That's terrible. What an ass he was.

I worked with a guy who was married with one child (and another on the way), but also had a "love child" with someone else. Anyway, he explicitly hit on me constantly, and I constantly told him I wasn't interested. One day, he had the audacity to attempt to corner me in the back-room, and I told him if he didn't knock it off, I would inform our boss and, if he didn't stop after that, I would inform his wife--who hated me anyway, since she thought every woman wanted him.

Anyway, he stopped, but, in all honesty, had I informed the boss: he wouldn't have done ****. I know, because there had been similar situations with other people. Also, if I had informed his wife, she would have just blamed me--like I said, she thought her husband was a saint and all the women around him who he gave google-eyes too were whores who were seducing him.

The false realities that some people come up with are astounding.

Oh, Samantha: Hahaha, your story is terrible, yet hilarious at the same time! What a piece of work that guy was!

Why should she? She sponges off her husband and gets sex from the friend, it's a win-win situation, for her. BTW it's easy being honest , on an anonymous forum.

Believe it or not, there are people even on anonymous forms who lie to themselves and to others about what they're doing and why they're doing it. I find people often come to forms just to give rationalizations and excuses for their actions in order to get some kind of validation and/or sympathy from others.

I'm not, here, attempting to condon affairs; still, we don't know her situation, so it's probably better not to judge her.

LOL, I appreciate your honesty!

 

May I ask why you don't just divorce your husband to be with his friend?

We did think about it very briefly in the early days but neither of us particularly wanted to.

I love my husband (Yes, I am ready to hear all the 'you can't possibly love him if you are having an affair' rubbish). I want to grow old with my husband. We have 3 beautiful children.

Oh and I in no way 'sponge off my husband'. I am the main earner. But yes, I do get sex from his friend and companionship and I care for him deeply.

I am not going to try and justify my actions on here - as has already been stated there is no point and I have no excuses for what I am doing. My husband has never done anything to hurt me in any way. I love my life - it works for me. So feel free to judge.

We did think about it very briefly in the early days but neither of us particularly wanted to.

I love my husband (Yes, I am ready to hear all the 'you can't possibly love him if you are having an affair' rubbish). I want to grow old with my husband. We have 3 beautiful children.

 

Oh and I in no way 'sponge off my husband'. I am the main earner. But yes, I do get sex from his friend and companionship and I care for him deeply.

 

I am not going to try and justify my actions on here - as has already been stated there is no point and I have no excuses for what I am doing. My husband has never done anything to hurt me in any way. I love my life - it works for me. So feel free to judge.

I think you should stick to the OW/OM forum, to come to this one and post, what appears to be a post just to stir feathers seems like you are looking for people to blast you. I don't judge you (well that might not be true...but a waste of time to post about it), but I think you are posting your "happy to be cheating" feelings in the wrong area. That's my opinion, I know its a public forum and you can post what you want where you want......I guess it was kinda the topic...I guess it just really bothers me. oh well

Then, "Loving it", why are you here? Have you no morals at all?

I think you should stick to the OW/OM forum, to come to this one and post, what appears to be a post just to stir feathers seems like you are looking for people to blast you. I don't judge you (well that might not be true...but a waste of time to post about it), but I think you are posting your "happy to be cheating" feelings in the wrong area. That's my opinion, I know its a public forum and you can post what you want where you want......I guess it was kinda the topic...I guess it just really bothers me. oh well

But I am not the other woman. I was merely posting an answer to the original question. A question that cannot be answered by someone who hasn't or is not having an affair.

The sub heading of the infidenlity forum is 'In an affair or suspect your significant other? Share your experiences and concerns here' so

I fail to see how I am in the wrong place.

However, I respect that I make you feel uncomfortable so this shall be the last time I post.

I had a revenge affair. I do regret it because of the inner turmoil it has caused me.

We did think about it very briefly in the early days but neither of us particularly wanted to.

I love my husband (Yes, I am ready to hear all the 'you can't possibly love him if you are having an affair' rubbish). I want to grow old with my husband. We have 3 beautiful children.

 

Oh and I in no way 'sponge off my husband'. I am the main earner. But yes, I do get sex from his friend and companionship and I care for him deeply.

 

I am not going to try and justify my actions on here - as has already been stated there is no point and I have no excuses for what I am doing. My husband has never done anything to hurt me in any way. I love my life - it works for me. So feel free to judge.

it really great if u r happy with urself , btw may i ask u the 3 beautiful children u have , are they by ur husband's friend ?

I have before and I can honestly say it was all about ego, period. Once you've been in a relationship for awhile, the comfort level starts to sink in. The "new" wears out and when someone different starts giving you attention, it makes you feel like you are the sh*t. Unfortunately, that feeling of awesomeness usually wears off the next morning when you realize how much of a douche bag you are for ruining a relationship with someone who loves you and wants more than just ONE stupid night. I regret it and I will ALWAYS regret it because the self-esteem boost I got from the initial cheating was significantly outweighed by the guilt and disappointment I had in myself afterwards.

I'm just curious as to your reasons for cheating e.g. right time/right place (or wrong, depending on your perspective); the affair partner (AP) was available and you were vulnerable; you were good friends with AP, etc.

 

So, I'd like to hear your story: how the affair started and, also, whether you regret having the affair.

Hey always_searching, I think you posted your question in the right forum but as you can see there are obviously some in this forum who feel it is more suited for those who are betrayed rather than those who are curious. You may want to post this question in the OM/OW forum for more responses without harsh tonal judgments.

To answer your question my M was over in my mind and in a very practical way already. H was in a separate room and we lived very separate lives but D was not technically filed before my A began. I knew I couldn't live the double life but was not going to stop with MM who seemed too good to pass up. Except for not having filed first, seeing MM seemed like 'the right time' as you stated.

Was I vulnerable? In many ways but I would not say I was a victim. I wanted him as much as he wanted me.

It started out as any other R, by courting. It was very old-fashioned (except that he was M) and it took a very long time for it to switch from EA to PA.

There are many regrets as well as many rewards. I can't say with him I wouldn't do it again even though I tend to caution others not to have an A if they can help it. Yet, I know I will never have an A with anyone else as long as I live.

I'm just curious as to your reasons for cheating e.g. right time/right place (or wrong, depending on your perspective); the affair partner (AP) was available and you were vulnerable; you were good friends with AP, etc.

 

So, I'd like to hear your story: how the affair started and, also, whether you regret having the affair.

I fell in love, he was lonely in his life/M, we were both lonely for the kind of connection that love can bring, and that many marriages don't.

I would never have cheated if I hadn't been head over heals.

I regret it. I thought at the time best to sound things out as to whether my feelings were based on nothing when it came to intimacy - I feared it was a crush. I didn't want to break my family on a crush. And I didn't understand what I was going through with my H.

Really I should have left my M fisrt.

I would always have made this decision without the hindsight I currently have. I lived then thinking love was a greater power, and I loved my xAP. Now I would pay more attention to the hurt caused to others.

I'm just curious as to your reasons for cheating e.g. right time/right place (or wrong, depending on your perspective); the affair partner (AP) was available and you were vulnerable; you were good friends with AP, etc.

 

So, I'd like to hear your story: how the affair started and, also, whether you regret having the affair.

We met at her workplace. I had business there and we fell to chatting. She holds my interest and apparently I hold hers.

She invited me to lunch and amazingly I accepted. From there we moved to an easy friendly relationship. Whenever we happened to be in the same vicinity we would meet for lunch and talk. I could talk with her as I hadn't been able to talk with anyone for years. One day my wife was out of town and when I was chatting with my friend she asked me over for dinner. That was the beginning of our now year long relationship.

I've been with my wife for a long time but haven't felt reciprocated love or even interest for a number of years. She has her interests and I don't appear to be one of them.

I've never had an affair since marrying and often feel guilty about the lying but I grew tired of feeling like I was of somewhat less importance than the color to paint a wall. My friend (I'll call her C) shows me in so many ways every single day that she loves me. I love her. So I don't regret the affair. I am hoping someday to be able to move my life to hers.

I'm just curious as to your reasons for cheating e.g. right time/right place (or wrong, depending on your perspective); the affair partner (AP) was available and you were vulnerable; you were good friends with AP, etc.

 

So, I'd like to hear your story: how the affair started and, also, whether you regret having the affair.

I got so involved in the story about my ex-boss, I forgot to answer your question.

Reasons (not excuses -- just things that were going on) for cheating:

1) Had never enjoyed sex during 27 years of marriage

2) Daughter was getting married -- and moving out -- and I was helping with the wedding planning -- huge wedding.

3) Son was going away to college to an exciting city far, far away -- so both of them leaving at the same time = instant empty nester after being a SAHM. I essentially lost my job. I also depended on my son mostly for communication. He's a good listener and is an interesting person. I knew I was going to be lonely as Hell without him in the house.

4) Completely renovating a house -- we basically gutted it and re-did all of the inside and all of the outside.

5) XAP was sexy, had a great body and seemed like a nice guy. He listened to me and seemed concerned. We became friends and it continued on from there.

All that came together to create the perfect storm.

I regret being unfaithful in my marriage. I never thought I would do that.

I do not regret connecting with a person with whom I felt totally at ease sexually. It felt great to be held by him. It felt great to make love to him. After 26 years of not having that, I can't say I regret experiencing it.

I was newly married, had just moved away from friends (read former f/w/b) when my marriage was attacked by several OM's from her work place and the next door neighbor.

I caught her kissing a co-worker over the lunch hour, made a scene, kicked her out that night. Within a week, the OM neighbor, while his wife was away held a very loud Bar-B-Q, for the X, and her male co-workers, and rubbed it in my face. She got drunk, did a strip for the guys and left behind a pair, of undies. Which the neighbors wife found. This led to a revenge affair with the neighbors wife and the break up of their marriage.

No regrets, in fact was one of the most erotic events in my life as we made him listen through the shared wall. Also it popped me out of the black hole of despair, to find that I was still attractive to the opposite sex.

With my refound confidence I successfully went after the wife of one of the OM's from her work place.

I had not yet had time to develop my own social circle, and over heard two H's of my co-workers make fun of me, so went after their wives.

For a short time in my life, it was a kink to have affairs with MW. I finally stopped when I developed my own circle of f/w/b and I came to the conclusion that MW were to easy, no challange.

No regrets at all, in fact I believe in revenge affairs, as it worked for me.

No regrets at all, in fact I believe in revenge affairs, as it worked for me.

Hmmm...interesting. Again, thanks for the honesty!

I thank you all for sharing your stories.

I assume most of you didn't enter into your marriage thinking you would cheat--was there anything your husband/wife could have done to alter your decision i.e. pay more attention to you, etc.? Or was it really just an attraction to someone else that you would have had regardless of whether your husband/wife would have been more attentive, etc.?

Hmmm...interesting. Again, thanks for the honesty!

 

I thank you all for sharing your stories.

 

I assume most of you didn't enter into your marriage thinking you would cheat--was there anything your husband/wife could have done to alter your decision i.e. pay more attention to you, etc.? Or was it really just an attraction to someone else that you would have had regardless of whether your husband/wife would have been more attentive, etc.?

I loved my H every single day for 20 years. I put up with a lot (as I'm sure he did too) but I tried everything in my power to make him happy. He did not return the favor and that led to our downfall. Yes, I believe had he tried harder such as paying more attention I might not have accepted that dance.