comment on my situation

Hey guys im new round here been reading alot the past few weeks id really appreciate some feedback on my postion.

I went out with my GF for nearly 4 years, we moved in really fast and all was well we had several friends that were also dating so we would all do stuff together.. Life was good. In the last year of being together we became very content with each other (me so more which i realise now). She wanted to move house etc and i was stubbon and refused.. This caused alot of arguments and one day she came home and said it was over...

My initail feeling was relief like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders.. After a week of NC i started to miss her and we started contacting and i did the classic needy **** to no avail.. Then i read that STUPID ebook "themagicofmakingup" and went NC for 30days and then tryed reconnecting it was all going well we met up and she made it clear she wanted to see me again i never acted needy or down trodden and it worked a charm we then began sleeping tohether this went on for a few weeks... Then she told me she would like to get back together into an "open" relationship!!! I did not buy it and said its me only or get lost..

She took a few days to think about it and came back to me we were back together i was ecstatic, but alas it was short lived after only 3 days of bliss she says "im not attracted to you" i love you immensly but im just "not feeling it"

I am very depressed she is still txting i feel like im just being strung along for her benefit.. I love her so much what is the best thing i can do? fight for her or go NC?

thanks

your story sounds so similar to mine, she dumped me, we hooked back up, she said 2 days ago...goodbye this is not for me, she wants to be friends on her terms, my advice go NC. Going NC won't get her back but it will allow you to heal. If you keep in contact she will use you when she is low, but when things are great for her she won't even give you a second thought. It is hard, but do you wanna be around when she starts dating a new guy?

she says "im not attracted to you" i love you immensly but im just "not feeling it"

When she says that it needs to be over. If she isn't saying it is over then you need to.

she is still txting i feel like im just being strung along for her benefit..

You are being strung along and certainly that does not benefit YOU -- so it would be for her benefit.

And you can't fight to get attraction back. If it is gone - it is gone.

GO NC for your own peace of mind and so you can find someone who adores you.

Dude - she is just not that into you. It is nothing you did or didn't do -- or anything you can or should want to fix.

Move on and find the woman who is.

Wow, another situation where the woman gets back into the relationship, but says shes not attracted to him after 3 days. Of course theres tons of factors that contribute to this, but this is the 2nd time ive seen this on this board.

Yeah dude, she is texting you to give her self esteem a boost. There is no way shes gonna try for a 3rd time, so do the NC for good, or just tell her, "dont text me anymore". This one is definitly finished. Dont let her use you.

your story sounds so similar to mine, she dumped me, we hooked back up, she said 2 days ago...goodbye this is not for me, she wants to be friends on her terms, my advice go NC. Going NC won't get her back but it will allow you to heal. If you keep in contact she will use you when she is low, but when things are great for her she won't even give you a second thought. It is hard, but do you wanna be around when she starts dating a new guy?

Yeah i think everyones right... Everytime i try NC her efforts to make contact intesify... i think she just likes to think "oh i can still have em" to boost her ego only so she can let me down again.

enoughs a nuff... Thanks guys appreciate your feedback.

similar to me. the ex was well into me and wanted to get a house together and wanted to start viewing properties. 2 months later she just doesnt fancy me anymore, says we dont connect and says we dont have much in common. we then split up. watch out for the warning signs. such as less sex or non at all, she starts getting back intouch with old friends and goes out with them, starts to nit pick at things that were never a problem and her sense of humour seems to be disappearing, doesnt want to get fully undressed infront of you.

Problem is most men dont see the warning signs and by the time they have picked up on it the girlfriend is sorting out her exit and lining up everything back in the single world. the boyfriend is left scratching his head, in pieces and trying to get her back. by then she is emotionally detached.

No idea what the reasons are maybe the relationship has just run its course and got stale.

watch out for the warning signs. such as less sex or non at all, she starts getting back intouch with old friends and goes out with them, starts to nit pick at things that were never a problem and her sense of humour seems to be disappearing, doesnt want to get fully undressed infront of you.

These warning signs generally happen after the problem has been there for sometime.

I would ask what was your reaction when these behaviors started - or prior - but I don't want to threadjack.

For me, when I pulled this kind of crap, it was that I lost respect for the man. He became a doormat or had no backbone (didn't start out that way!), etc.

But I knew he truly cared about me and was loyal - so I didn't just want to abandon that. I wanted to be able to have that shoulder to cry on, etc. There just was no attraction anymore and couldn't be.

These warning signs generally happen after the problem has been there for sometime.

 

I would ask what was your reaction when these behaviors started - or prior - but I don't want to threadjack.

 

For me, when I pulled this kind of crap, it was that I lost respect for the man. He became a doormat or had no backbone (didn't start out that way!), etc.

But I knew he truly cared about me and was loyal - so I didn't just want to abandon that. I wanted to be able to have that shoulder to cry on, etc. There just was no attraction anymore and couldn't be.

there was a lot going on that caused a distraction. her mom was ill and passed away and she had an ear balance problem and so had a serious operation. I think it first started when i asked what was up and she said she was feeling sad. i assumed it was over her mom but maybe i should have probed more and might have been about the relationship. she didnt want to open up and the sex stopped. I didnt want to cause more stress under the situation and thought it was just her coming to terms with her mom.

at that time she was really into me and was very keen to buy a house together in the spring so i assumed it wasnt to do with the relationship. then the nit picking started and she appeared to go quieter on me. spent more time on her laptop when i was there. Maybe i was starting kid myself that something wasnt up. then as she became more distant then i did too. maybe that was to protect myself from any rejection. valentines day and my birthday came and went and no sex. I pointed out the nit picking and feeling she was trying to put me down or catch me out. she said she didnt know why she was doing it. i started to realises something was up. but then her mom passed away.

After 1 year she got a new job and moved location and be nearer me. at first she seemed unsettled in the job but by the end she was into the job and made a couple of friends.

She had been hitting the gym for 4 months by the time we finished. again i assumed she was just dealing with the stress. then she seemed to start to push me out and told me less and less of what she was doing in her time. she was on msn less and less.

she split up with me the day they buried her moms ashes. we talked for a few hours and she said she wished we had talked more often about how we felt about each other. looking back we should have been communicating better and being more effectionate. she felt we had missed our chance to settle down together. i think i took things for granted and got complacent because for the first 2.5 years we were getting on really well and seemed to be planning the future. maybe in her mind she was having doubts i was serious and then she started to read into things too much. then it started to change her. but it was just difficult to get her to open up, maybe she felt the same that i should have opened up. in the end, by the time i wanted to sort things out she had emotionally become detached. her birthday was a couple of months away and she said i didnt need to spend much on her. we split up before her birthday

we both felt sad how it had ended up. She now seems a different person to the one i started going out with. living in different towns with busy lifes didnt help, but i felt 2009 would be the time when we would sort it all out and be living together

I just don't know what is wrong with society today. No one has any respect for anyone else or any commitment to see things through. To break up with you over moving house! What is wrong with her? If she was unhappy and felt you wouldn't communicate with her she should have told you so and given you the oppurtunity to talk it out.

As for the back and forth element, two works commitment phobe. This girl really does want her cake and eat it! Believe me, I know it's hard (have just been dumped by my partner of 18 years, we were getting married this year), but this girl simply does not deserve you, you can do and deserve so much better.