Explain this Dr. Phil-ism

Someone quoted Dr. Phil to me recently during a conversation: "You teach people how to treat you."

I can't quite wrap my mind around this. Does anyone out there have any input or personal experience with this?

So that's where that cliche came from! I agree with it and normally, can't stand Dr. Phil.

Say someone treats you like crap. If you continue to take crap or threaten/give ultimatums that you don't follow through with, they have no incentive to change how they treat you, so they're going to continue treating you like crap. Mean what you say.

My Dad used to use the expression "if your going to let me kick you then I'm going to kick you"..

By standing up to him I gained his respect and taught him how to treat me...

Maybe that is what they are referring too...

To turn that around to the positive perspective, do unto others, etc.

I interpret it this way: Say someone treats you like crap. If you continue to take crap or threaten/give ultimatums that you don't follow through with, they have no incentive to change how they treat you, so they're going to continue treating you like crap. Mean what you say.

Hope that's clear.

What if you're treated like crap and don't know how to stop people from treating you like crap?

Does anyone out there have any input or personal experience with this?

The last time someone quoted Dr. Phil to me, I puked in their face.

I'm not sure that Dr. Phil coined the saying, or if he's just quoting someone else.

I interpret it to mean that we show others how we expect to be treated both by role-modeling how we want to be treated (doing unto others, as TBF said) and by setting healthy boundaries/putting a stop to how we do NOT want to be treated.

My personal rule of thumb is not to trust people who don't have a problem with treating others like s!ht. Forget teaching anybody anything.

IMO it means, just that. If you continue to ALLOW people to treat you a certain way, they will.

What if you're treated like crap and don't know how to stop people from treating you like crap?

Ridiculous!

Give us a for instance....

if people are treating you like crap, and you don't like it, do you just sit there, and say & do nothing?

That's teaching people how to treat you!

To teach them to treat you differently, it's up to you to stop giving the same response, and give a different response, .ie., that treating you like crap is not acceptable any longer.

Yoy stop people treating you like crap by changing your behaviour.

My personal rule of thumb is not to trust people who don't have a problem with treating others like s!ht. Forget teaching anybody anything.

Yes, this is obvious for me and I'm quite surprised it isn't for others. 'Teaching' someone how to treat others is up to their parents., and if they don't know how to do that by the time they're an adult, I'm not about to spend any of my time or effort filling in the gaps.

The guy is a hack and a charlatan making money off the misery of others. He believes that deep seated psychological problems that need to be treated with months if not years wit intense psychotherapy can be fixed in an hour minus the commercial breaks with a few down home Texas homilies.

Try to ignore him.

Yeah, go NC - kick Dr P. to the kerb!!

That will show him!

He's teaching us how to treat him!

Whew! I'm just glad Ol' Dr Phil doesn't have that kind of power or control over me, to get my underwear in a wad on wheather he is fake, out for money, or a know it all, etc etc. If he wants to make money, give advice to people who are willing to listen good for him. It effects me not on what he chooses to do

Yeah, go NC - kick Dr P. to the kerb!!

That will show him!

 

He's teaching us how to treat him!

I still like the phrase. We really do teach people how to treat us.

I like the phrase, "And how's that working for ya?"

Go on Dr. Phil and do what you enjoy!

dr. phil is a fraud of epic proportions

He must be doing a little something right! He chaps people's hides!

I mean really, never give your power away. Especially to someone you don't even know.

What if you're treated like crap and don't know how to stop people from treating you like crap?

Then you're screwed and might as well hand in your man/woman card .

The last time someone quoted Dr. Phil to me, I puked in their face.

This explains a lot about you.

Ridiculous!

 

Give us a for instance....

Anyone who's read my posts can identify plenty. If you want specific recent examples, I'm damned tired of having flakes and/or leeches for teammates and tired of one-way "friends". Unfortunately, all I know how to do is simply cut off contact. I don't know any way to teach them that their behavior is not allowed.

To teach them to treat you differently, it's up to you to stop giving the same response, and give a different response, .ie., that treating you like crap is not acceptable any longer.

Yoy stop people treating you like crap by changing your behaviour.

And as I said, what if one doesn't know what the behavior that would clearly and powerfully deliver that message even is?

Then you're screwed and might as well hand in your man/woman card .

Yep, not knowing how to get a message across means I'm not human. Ye Gods. I so miss the days back when computers were for smart people...

And this is why you have flaky friends. You're condescending and vague.

Look at it this way. if somebody pisses you off, do you say anything about it there and then?

Do they realise you're pissed off?

If you tell them something has pissed you off, do you explain tactfully, or do you barge in and tell them they're out of line?

Or do you just determine there and then - "That's it - you're off my Christmas card list!" - ?

Your attitude towards people begins in your mind. You create a mental state for yourself which you then project. So when people become aware of that projection - and it's backed up by behaviour - that's how people treat you.

Remember that a very high proportion of communication is body language.

It's fascinating.

And missing from here.

So sometimes, it's hard to know what you're getting at, if you don't supply specifics......

And not everybody is going to think about trawling through 'old posts' to try to get a handle on 'where you're coming from'.

The point is that your world starts with you, within your mindframe.

It all begins in your head, with what you tell yourself.

if you give up the fight, before you've even started, why should others make the effort to treat you differently?

I can understand this intellectually, I really can.

Is the basis of this about self-esteem, though? Like if you feel bad about yourself, you project your negative side to the exclusion of your positive characteristics, and thus you begin to elicit a response that reinforces your negative self image?

Smart people either make people stop treating them like crap, or they give them the heave ho.

Thank you. Exactly. That point seems to have sailed over Lights' head. (The lights are on but no one's home?)

And this is why you have flaky friends. You're condescending and vague.

I am condescending to people who deserve such behavior from me.

I don't see anything so vague about what I have written about. Anyone knows what flaking out is.

Look at it this way. if somebody pisses you off, do you say anything about it there and then?

Do they realise you're pissed off?

If you tell them something has pissed you off, do you explain tactfully, or do you barge in and tell them they're out of line?

Or do you just determine there and then - "That's it - you're off my Christmas card list!" - ?

 

Your attitude towards people begins in your mind. You create a mental state for yourself which you then project. So when people become aware of that projection - and it's backed up by behaviour - that's how people treat you.

Remember that a very high proportion of communication is body language.

It's fascinating.

And missing from here.

So sometimes, it's hard to know what you're getting at, if you don't supply specifics......

That's all right. I can provide some specifics for a quite recent episode, actually. I got stood up last night by another incompetent excuse for a "teammate". I sent her a message saying that I didn't have time for flakes. (In other words, I cut her off.) It didn't seem to have had any effect on making people turning up on time and working hard alongside me.

I don't know how to have people realize that I'm someone who takes work seriously and seeks high-quality teammates and expects respect for my time, and not inept slackers who waste my time and stand me up. In other words, I don't know how to teach people how to treat me. I can only gamble, and reactively cut people off after the fact rather than directly teach them "This is how you work with me".

And not everybody is going to think about trawling through 'old posts' to try to get a handle on 'where you're coming from'.

The point is that your world starts with you, within your mindframe.

That's ok. I just mentioned them because you considered it so "ridiculous" that someone could possibly be treated badly and not know how to teach people to treat them. I didn't need anyone to trawl through them; just to have people recognize that such an issue could exist.

Smart people either make people stop treating them like crap, or they give them the heave ho.

They do, yes. As my earlier post pointed out, I'm currently limited only to the latter method, due to not knowing effective methods regarding the former. Please do read my posts before replying to them, and show me proper respect at all times.

Thank you. Exactly. That point seems to have sailed over Lights' head. (The lights are on but no one's home?)

You shall apologize to me for your insults, Touche. Now.

First you claim I am inhuman. Now you question my mental facility. I paid you back for the latter, hoping that you would see the error of your ways for the first and apologized to me on the spot for it. You have not done so. I will retract my own earlier statement if you apologize now.