Just talking here

Heard from my honey that his mother-in-law passed away this morning (yes, he's in the process of divorcing wife, but he obviously still has a connection to his MIL, he's not heartless). Despite all the crap his soon-to-be-ex has put him through, I still feel sorry for her.

The thing we are both trying to remain calm and understanding about is that she is talking about getting an extension on her paperwork for the divorce. It is a perfectly reasonable thing and I totally understand and sympathize, I know, but it's still another way for her to drag things out and keep him stuck there as long as possible.

Both of us feel like we are in holding patterns to get our lives together started, and on one hand I think it's good because it will make us that much stronger and more determined to make things work. We've worked so hard to get as far as we have, and I know nothing will stop us, it's just this darn "limbo" we are in while we wait for external forces to work.

We're coming up on a year since we really started getting to know each other, and we're just dying to kickstart our lives with each other.

(Yeah, I know IslandGirl is rolling her eyes and thinking "cry me a river, darling!" lol)

I'm just venting here, that's all.

(PS: His mother-in-law was diagnosed with an inoperable brain tumor almost 2 years ago, so this was not unexpected.)

Kiki, since our LDR's parallel each others almost exactly, I completely understand where you are coming from.

I have external forces working here in mine as well such a the divorces that we have to go through and what is going on right now with General Motors things such as that. We are so ready to start our life together right now if we could. I get frustrated that our future is in the hands of others and my baby and I do not control our future just yet but I agree with you that it is making us stronger than ever and our patience is going to pay off so awesomely. (dont know if thats a word but I like it) lol

I just keep my head on straight, keep talking to her and loving her with every inch of my being and that always gets me through. Works every time!!!!

What do his divorce papers have to do with him moving? (I assume he is moving to where you are, since you say that she is trying to keep him stuck there.)

Even when most divorces go to court, the parties don't attend - just the lawyers. He can do all correspondence with his lawyer by phone, email, fax, mIL or FedEx.

Yes, Louise, he is moving to me, which is part of the reason he is trying to tie up things where he is first. He has a 12 year old daughter, who doesn't know Daddy has a girlfriend, let alone is planning to move 1200 miles away. He feels it would be better to take care of the divorce first before leaving, and knowing him I agree it would be best to have that all handled.

(By the way, in case anyone is getting worried - I HAVE spent time with his mother and his close friends, I am not a HUGE secret or anything, he is just trying not to throw me in his soon-to-be-ex's face.)

And I hear ya scrapper! We must be long lost siblings or something LOL.

I remember watching this movie called Sliding Doors where somewhere along the way in the movie the girl walks around a corner and sees her new boyfriend walking into a hospital with another woman. She had called his office and they said that he was indeed at the hospital, but was with his WIFE. Of course, she freaked out and whatnot, but what had really happened was his mother was dying and was too frail to be told that her son was getting a divorce so the ex wife agreed to put on a good show for the mother and that was the only reason they were together. I dont know why, but your story reminded me of this.

And I'm sure that when he moves and you really get to know the daughter that she'll love you. You're a real sweetheart.

I wish both of you all the best and I'm sorry for his loss. From what I read, it seems as though you all are going to be just fine but I can definitely sympathize with the external lymbo going on. I know it has to get so frustrating sometimes because it's things that are out of your control. Keep your head up and hang in there, girl!!

(Yeah, I know IslandGirl is rolling her eyes and thinking "cry me a river, darling!" lol)

Never!

It is hard to go through issues no matter how long you have been together.

It is just as hard for me now as it was the first year. It never gets easier so I completely sympathize.

I endure it because I have to. And it doesn't mean it is any more painful than anyone else's situation.

I often think about those of you who have frequent visits.

That may be harder than what I go through.

Of course there is the happy time you are together and that is wonderful.

But the good byes and then having to settle back in without each other again has to be really hard.

I kind of think of it as my long walk through the desert on a pretty flat path (flat and seemingly endless). Yet I trudge on and on and on. Each day is exactly as the last was. Tomorrow is exactly the same as today.

And you guys' journey is more like climbing mountains. You climb and climb, then you get the break when you go over the crest - but the beginning the start up the next incline is that much harder.

So I don't know which is harder or which is worse.

I think LDRs are all just HARD.

This too shall pass Kiki. Each day you are one step closer though you may not know a definite date yet.

I don't know how you'd say which is harder.

Thanks everyone, I really appreciate it.

It's amazing to me how as a child things seem so complicated, but you never really know what complicated is until you become an adult.

At the moment my soon-to-be-ex and I are trying to figure out a good time to tell our daughter about our SOs... she's met them both at this point (and really likes them - yay!) and may react with a "no DUH." or it could be really ugly. We are trying to find a therapist that she can talk to in case she needs it, but we're having a helluva time finding someone we're comfortable with (the last one I sat down with made me cry for 2 hours after the session - OMG that's a long awful story in and of itself).

My baby was telling me that yesterday while people were coming by the house to pay early respects, he noticed that any time a woman sat next to him (could have been a friend, co-worker or even her aunt), his daughter would wedge herself between them, so I am concerned about the inevitable meeting. I have spoken with her - since we are a WoW couple she has gotten on his headset while our toons were questing and we've had brief conversations.

Then there's the matter of living arrangements... I have no personal income because my business is still very much a start-up (although doing very well for a start-up AND in this economy), and my soon-to-be cannot afford to support me entirely. My LDR wants to take care of me, but I am a Jersey Girl - born and raised an independent woman - so I am having trouble with the concept of having my lifestyle paid for (not to mention his divorce isn't settled so he doesn't know what his financial responsibility will end up being, nor does he have a job lined up here yet, so we don't even know what kind of income we are looking at when all is said and done).

Bah, I could sit here and write a book about all the little strange things and circumstances we are dealing with. I know it will all work out in the end, and it will be great, it's just trying to make the best decisions along the way and be as gentle with the kids as possible. I remember what it was like being a child of divorce... *sigh*