New thread: Superbowl Weekend (and relationship drama)

Just an update BF and I had a good "heart to heart."

I called it!!!

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showpost.php?p=2023733&postcount=77

I called it!!!

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showpost.php?p=2023733&postcount=77

Are you making fun of her and the way she has a relationship with her BF? or just the way she resolves her issues with him?

Communication is the absolute number one priority of a good relationship and she and her BF seem to have excellent communication.

We all could only wish to have real communication with our SO's the way LB does with hers, to judge them on their compatibility from what she posts here is kind of a crazy thing to do

I think we only hear what you would perceive as the bad side because she posts here to help her resolves issues , not chat over the great times.

Good going LB

I called it!!!

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showpost.php?p=2023733&postcount=77

Yeah, I know you did. I'm just sick of the games, I'm going to give it one last chance and we are both going to work hard at our relationship. If it doesn't work then I will throw in the towel.

I mean seriously, I don't think taking off to go to my parents would have been a productive solution. I would have just been so upset and it would have made matters SO much worse.

Communication is the absolute number one priority of a good relationship and she and her BF seem to have excellent communication.

We all could only wish to have real communication with our SO's the way LB does with hers

That's the funniest thing I've read on here in a LONG time. Thanks for the laugh!

Are you making fun of her and the way she has a relationship with her BF? or just the way she resolves her issues with him?

 

Communication is the absolute number one priority of a good relationship and she and her BF seem to have excellent communication.

 

We all could only wish to have real communication with our SO's the way LB does with hers, to judge them on their compatibility from what she posts here is kind of a crazy thing to do

 

I think we only hear what you would perceive as the bad side because she posts here to help her resolves issues , not chat over the great times.

 

Good going LB

Well, in SG's defense I HAVE said the same thing before after fights. We do tend to "make up well" and then fight again. Mainly our issues never get resolved so we need to find a way to talk them out so they GET resolved.

I don't know if we are compatible. I did feel at least a little better after our discussion about the issue. He told me he would be absolutely devasted if weren't together and he didn't want me to doubt him or think about being with someone else. Exactly what I AM thinking right now. I did tell him that things do need to change regarding the cycle of fighting or else our relationship is going to go down the tubes. He agreed.

That's the funniest thing I've read on here in a LONG time. Thanks for the laugh!

I don't think they meant anything by it, the poster is new and doesn't know the whole story.

That's the funniest thing I've read on here in a LONG time. Thanks for the laugh!

I'm married and have a wonderful relationship with my wife, are you?

I don't think they meant anything by it, the poster is new and doesn't know the whole story.

I know the whole story and have followed each of your threads and have posted on many before.

Well, in SG's defense

There isn't a defense for mocking another poster LB, Someone was taking a pot shot at you at your expense while you are down.

I know the whole story and have followed each of your threads and have posted on many before.

Ah, okay. Before you are too hard on her though and start something she's right that I've said that before. If you read my threads I always do put that. But if we didn't "work things out in talks" we wouldn't be together still. Maybe our talk won't help, maybe the cycle will start again. But I'm going to give it one last shot until our lease is up. If not we will part ways.

Well, in SG's defense I HAVE said the same thing before after fights. We do tend to "make up well" and then fight again. Mainly our issues never get resolved so we need to find a way to talk them out so they GET resolved.

You know I love you, LB, but you have said the same thing EVERY SINGLE TIME. Yes, you "make up well," but you have to FIGHT, and fight BAD, before even getting there. You have honestly fought more with your BF in 2.5 years than I have with my worst enemies over the course of my entire life.

"Making up well" does you absolutely no good if you're fighting to begin with. If you (1) were compatible, and (2) had "good communication" like the dude above thinks you do, you wouldn't even HAVE to "make up" over and over and over again because YOU.WOULDN'T.BE.FIGHTING.

It's maddening, LB!

He told me he would be absolutely devasted if weren't together and he didn't want me to doubt him or think about being with someone else.

What part of your conversation made him say this? How did you go from discussing what-to-d0/where-to-go for the Super Bowl to THIS?

There isn't a defense for mocking another poster LB, Someone was taking a pot shot at you at your expense while you are down.

Welcome to Loveshack.

There isn't a defense for mocking another poster LB, Someone was taking a pot shot at you at your expense while you are down.

Obviously not, otherwise you'd know (1) that LB says that after every fight, (2) that they do NOT communicate well, and (3) that I am NOT "mocking" LB. She knows this. If you followed her threads, you'd know it too.

I'm through addressing you. Let's focus on LB, okay?

I don't know if we are compatible.

Even in our own lives no one of truly knows the answer to that LB, only time will tell if your relationship holds up.

There is a give and take and it does seem like it is unbalanced in your relationship but unbalanced give and take happens in all relationships, the key is if it straightens out before resentment settles in.

CC

You know I love you, LB, but you have said the same thing EVERY SINGLE TIME. Yes, you "make up well," but you have to FIGHT, and fight BAD, before even getting there. You have honestly fought more with your BF in 2.5 years than I have with my worst enemies over the course of my entire life.

 

"Making up well" does you absolutely no good if you're fighting to begin with. If you (1) were compatible, and (2) had "good communication" like the dude above thinks you do, you wouldn't even HAVE to "make up" over and over and over again because YOU.WOULDN'T.BE.FIGHTING.

 

It's maddening, LB!

 

 

 

What part of your conversation made him say this? How did you go from discussing what-to-d0/where-to-go for the Super Bowl to THIS?

Yeah, I all that. He said that part when we were discussing our issue with "the fighting cycle" (making up, fighting again, repeat.) It was a lengthy discussion about our whole relationship really.

I'm through addressing you. Let's focus on LB, okay?

You are right, but do you have to be so condescending towards me, a poster on this thread?

Yeah, I all that. He said that part when we were discussing our issue with "the fighting cycle" (making up, fighting again, repeat.) It was a lengthy discussion about our whole relationship really.

Well, it's not so much the "cycle" (although that's problematic as well) that's the issue, as HOW you're fighting and WHAT you're fighting about.

You BOTH need to work on your fighting styles.

As for what you're fighting about, while they seem like petty issues (SuperBowl, your dress, your ironing skills, etc.) they speak to larger issues.

But I'm glad he acknowledged that something's gotta change.

Question: You two talk alot about things changing or improving, but did either of you make a plan for how to fix your fighting cycle?

You are right, but do you have to be so condescending towards me, a poster on this thread?

Would you rather be the pot, or kettle?

Again - back to LB, okay?

You are right, but do you have to be so condescending towards me, a poster on this thread?

Guys don't argue, I don't want my thread shut down.

In response to some of your posts CC. We have some problems, I am not in denial that we don't. We've tried to work them out, it's been a temporary fix though. I don't know if this talk was a temp fix either. We laid a lot of stuff out on the table, and tried to come up with some solutions and ways to deal with conflict. Whether or not it will work I have NO clue. But I'm going to give it a few months. Like I said, if we are back to square one then I'll have a decision to make.

Well, it's not so much the "cycle" (although that's problematic as well) that's the issue, as HOW you're fighting and WHAT you're fighting about.

 

You BOTH need to work on your fighting styles.

 

As for what you're fighting about, while they seem like petty issues (SuperBowl, your dress, your ironing skills, etc.) they speak to larger issues.

 

But I'm glad he acknowledged that something's gotta change.

 

Question: You two talk alot about things changing or improving, but did either of you make a plan for how to fix your fighting cycle?

See that's kind of the problem. We really never DO make a plan it's more like an "I'm sorry, I love you, lets not fight anymore." Which is why the cycle continues.

My friend at work does couples counseling and she suggested a technique in which we write down issues that we have and figure out how each of us want to handle each situation. Then compare styles, see what doesn't work and what does. Rehearse each one in role plays.

It sounds like a good idea, I want to try it.

We laid a lot of stuff out on the table, and tried to come up with some solutions and ways to deal with conflict. Whether or not it will work I have NO clue.

Okay, that's part of the answer to my question. What solutions did you come up with?

Now you're talking LB. Solutions.

I'm going to throw out three biggies:

Respect

Consideration for each other

Anger - lashing out

Okay, that's part of the answer to my question. What solutions did you come up with?

What tends to happen when we disagree on something (which is what precipitates the fight) one of us makes a snap judgement at what the other says and "shuts down." Generally my BF starts making smart allack (sp?) comments and makes little comparisons saying that I do the same thing, blah blah ect. When he starts I get so frustrated and feel like he's doing something to make me feel bad/hurt me by what he is saying that I get an attitude and start disagreeing with him which makes the fight snowball out of control because we are both upset.

So what we decided was that when one person has an issue, the other needs to tell what they think the issue is. The other partner will then take a deep breath and count to 10 and listen to what the other has to say without getting upset. Then think about what the person said and try to talk rationally about the situation. Trying to put anger and frustration aside and really LISTEN to what the other says is important.

Okay, that's a good start.

I know it sounds cheesy, but one of the most important aspects of conflict resolution is expressing how you feel and trying to understand how the other person feels, not trying to prove the other person wrong. I think you both try to prove each other wrong a lot. You don't fight well because you're too caught up in preparing your argument against the other.

The more you're able to say "I feel this way when this happens" in a calm way, and having them repeat back to you why you're upset ("It's my understanding that you're upset that ______ because it makes you feel ______") the better off you'll be.

Okay, that's a good start.

 

I know it sounds cheesy, but one of the most important aspects of conflict resolution is expressing how you feel and trying to understand how the other person feels, not trying to prove the other person wrong. I think you both try to prove each other wrong a lot. You don't fight well because you're too caught up in preparing your argument against the other.

 

The more you're able to say "I feel this way when this happens" in a calm way, and having them repeat back to you why you're upset ("It's my understanding that you're upset that ______ because it makes you feel ______") the better off you'll be.

thats how girls argue, not boys