showgirl-xo Posted August 24, 2006 Share Posted August 24, 2006 Hey everyone, I'm new to the forum and just looking for some sound advice because its killing me not to be able to share this with anyone and get some sound advice- I'm quite confused about what to do.... Here is my situation: I have known this MM (I'll call him Mark) for almost a year now because he's my brother's boss- although I never really spent anytime with him, just occasionally saying hi whenever I see him. I'm 19 and he's 36; I'm quite close to his wife- she is the sweetest person ever and she's like a big sister to me and I drop by their office that they own to have lunch every day. I show up to hang out with his wife and my bro- and just casually saying hi to him.. although I have noticed him checking me out a bit in the past, I just thought it was normal. Well this past weekend they held a big convention in Florida and my bestfriend and I decided to tag along, we got our own room and everything in the same hotel and had a blast. Until the last 2 days of our trip..... when he took my friend and I out around town, leaving his wife to take care of their 2 kids who they also brought along for the trip. That day he was a completely different person from how I knew him before, I mean he's 17 yrs older than me and I always thought of him as quiet and a bit of stuffed shirt... but spending time with him that day- he was a blast to hang out with! As the day progressed we got closer and were being loud and telling jokes and he was even tickling and hugging me. When it got darker we ditched my friend and went to watch the fireworks and as we were alone- I just found myself leaning against him the whole night and that was when he kissed me. Before going back to the hotel we went to a bar and got a little tipsy and things got a little intimate in his car- i didnt let it go all the way because the whole time i was thinking about his family. Anyway the next day his wife invited me to join them for dinner and as I didnt have the heart to face her- I politely declined- after that I saw them at the airport on the flight back home and i felt horrible- his wife even asked me if i was feeling alright, she kept asking me about my boyfriend and I had to pretend to talk about that with her while Mark teased me about it. After the flight Mark helped me carry my luggage to a taxi and again tried to kiss me- but I just hugged him goodbye. It felt really good to be in his arms like the night before but the fact that his married and had a great family stayed in my head. I've been home for 2 days now... and I honestly thought I'd get over it as soon as I got home to my family, friends, and loving boyfriend.... but I just couldnt shake him off. He has txted me a couple of times and each time I find myself smiling and feeling very happy everytime i'd hear from him, considering how him and his wife are together 24/7. Anyways I feel bad and I know it cant go on, I tell myself we just got carried away that night... but he has asked to see me back here.. and I wanna say no but a big part of me knows Id love to spend time with him. So I'm wondering if anyone could give me advice on how I can get past this- how do I cut him off emotionally? Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted August 24, 2006 Share Posted August 24, 2006 Does no one teach their children that married people are off limits? Are you that starved for attention that you need to get it from some married guy? Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted August 24, 2006 Share Posted August 24, 2006 How do I keep myself from falling for him? -He's married and has children. -He's your brother's boss. -You know his wife and like her like a sister! Why would you even consider having sex with her husband, when you think her of as a sister? i didnt let it go all the way because the whole time i was thinking about his family. Anyway the next day his wife invited me to join them for dinner and as I didnt have the heart to face her- I politely declined- after that I saw them at the airport on the flight back home and i felt horrible- his wife even asked me if i was feeling alright, she kept asking me about my boyfriend and I had to pretend to talk about that with her while Mark teased me about it. After the flight Mark helped me carry my luggage to a taxi and again tried to kiss me- but I just hugged him goodbye. It felt really good to be in his arms like the night before but the fact that his married and had a great family stayed in my head. You're smart, you have a conscious too, which is why you didn't let things get out of hand. And yes, I'm sure it felt good that you were in his arms, but honestly - And I don't mean this as harsh as it may sound but you're acting very selfish by lusting after another woman's husband. And, because of how he's making you feel, you're not thinking straight...You have moments of guilt and shame of your actions, but not enough to get away from him and not let this happen again. He's only after one thing with you... I hope you don't think he's falling inlove with you and is going to leave his wife and children for you? Take a step back and think of the full picture. Also, does your brother know what happened? And, what about your boyfriend? Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted August 24, 2006 Share Posted August 24, 2006 -He's married and has children. -He's your brother's boss. -You know his wife and like her like a sister! Why would you even consider having sex with her husband, when you think her of as a sister? He's only after one thing with you... And, what about your boyfriend? - He's 17 years older than you...old enough to be your father. If all those things aren't enough to make you step back, I honestly don't know what would. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted August 24, 2006 Share Posted August 24, 2006 hmm...maybe i'll get married so i can get more chicks Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted August 24, 2006 Share Posted August 24, 2006 It is plain to see where you and your MM in question do not connect--emotionally. You keep referring to your feelings for this man, but realize that he does not have feelings for you. Given your age and marital status, he more than likely sees you only as a sex object, someone to have a fling with and toss aside when he is done. He does not respect you. Do yourself a favor and don't proceed with the affair. If you are feeling that terrible now about the relatively minor thing that has happened between you already, then imagine how you will feel if you go through with it and then he ends up ending the affair in three months, six months, a year, when you're in way too deep. It's wonderful when a man pays attention to a woman and makes her feel attractive and sexy, but don't get lost on your own ego trip. Be smart and stay away from this man who is evidently bad news. Link to post Share on other sites
Sand&Water Posted August 24, 2006 Share Posted August 24, 2006 ...when he took my friend and I out around town, leaving his wife to take care of their 2 kids who they also brought along for the trip... That right there, should be the main reason for you to stay away. Enough said. You're 19 years old. Meaning you are young, youthful and have an exciting life ahead of you. Getting caught up with a married man is no fun. Besides, why would you go along with him knowing that you're in a relationship? [Correct me if I'm wrong]. You should discuss this with your boyfriend. Link to post Share on other sites
Sgt. Slaughter3000 Posted August 24, 2006 Share Posted August 24, 2006 the only thing you can do is be real. y pacify it? cut it off move on. t he longer u play with it the more it gorws and the worse it gets. if ur a smart girl and not a sociopath, do whats best for all parties involved, and back back like 1000000 feet before dumbo mark gets all yall nuked to high heaven. do the words "hell hath no fury like a woman scorned....." mean anything to U? shes got a lot more to lose besides just HER life toots. think about it. u got a lotta livin to do. Link to post Share on other sites
PoshPrincess Posted August 24, 2006 Share Posted August 24, 2006 Hey everyone, I'm new to the forum and just looking for some sound advice because its killing me not to be able to share this with anyone and get some sound advice- I'm quite confused about what to do.... Here is my situation: I have known this MM (I'll call him Mark) for almost a year now because he's my brother's boss- although I never really spent anytime with him, just occasionally saying hi whenever I see him. I'm 19 and he's 36; I'm quite close to his wife- she is the sweetest person ever and she's like a big sister to me and I drop by their office that they own to have lunch every day. I show up to hang out with his wife and my bro- and just casually saying hi to him.. although I have noticed him checking me out a bit in the past, I just thought it was normal. Well this past weekend they held a big convention in Florida and my bestfriend and I decided to tag along, we got our own room and everything in the same hotel and had a blast. Until the last 2 days of our trip..... when he took my friend and I out around town, leaving his wife to take care of their 2 kids who they also brought along for the trip. That day he was a completely different person from how I knew him before, I mean he's 17 yrs older than me and I always thought of him as quiet and a bit of stuffed shirt... but spending time with him that day- he was a blast to hang out with! As the day progressed we got closer and were being loud and telling jokes and he was even tickling and hugging me. When it got darker we ditched my friend and went to watch the fireworks and as we were alone- I just found myself leaning against him the whole night and that was when he kissed me. Before going back to the hotel we went to a bar and got a little tipsy and things got a little intimate in his car- i didnt let it go all the way because the whole time i was thinking about his family. Anyway the next day his wife invited me to join them for dinner and as I didnt have the heart to face her- I politely declined- after that I saw them at the airport on the flight back home and i felt horrible- his wife even asked me if i was feeling alright, she kept asking me about my boyfriend and I had to pretend to talk about that with her while Mark teased me about it. After the flight Mark helped me carry my luggage to a taxi and again tried to kiss me- but I just hugged him goodbye. It felt really good to be in his arms like the night before but the fact that his married and had a great family stayed in my head. I've been home for 2 days now... and I honestly thought I'd get over it as soon as I got home to my family, friends, and loving boyfriend.... but I just couldnt shake him off. He has txted me a couple of times and each time I find myself smiling and feeling very happy everytime i'd hear from him, considering how him and his wife are together 24/7. Anyways I feel bad and I know it cant go on, I tell myself we just got carried away that night... but he has asked to see me back here.. and I wanna say no but a big part of me knows Id love to spend time with him. So I'm wondering if anyone could give me advice on how I can get past this- how do I cut him off emotionally? I don't mean to sound patronising but you're still very young and have your whole life ahead of you, which is far too precious to waste on some MM. I know I did it at your age (and he was bearly 30 years older!), although I was lucky in a way in that he was always totally honest with me and told me that he would never leave his wife. You only have to read the threads on this site to see that very rarely does anything good come of a relationship with someone else's H. We are all at various stages of trying to get over an MM and, believe me, you don't want to go there. You say you have a boyfriend but didn't mention how long you'd been together. Could it be that things have gone a bit stale in your relationship, that you're bored and just looking for some excitement that you're not getting with him (a bit like your MM!)? Try to work things out with your boyfriend or end the relationship if you're really unhappy. Please, take it from me, I know it's hard, I am one year into a relationship with an MM that I have been trying to end for the last four months and I have never been so unhappy in my whole life. It has completely taken over everything. Just end it now and find a single man who can give you everything, because you deserve better! Link to post Share on other sites
Adunaphel Posted August 24, 2006 Share Posted August 24, 2006 So I'm wondering if anyone could give me advice on how I can get past this- how do I cut him off emotionally? Never, ever be anywhere alone with him again. Not even in the same room. And since you would like to say no, but are worried that you will not be able to resist... Put yourself in such a position that even if you changed your mind he would be the one that does no longer want to see you. Tell him (possibly on the phone, or anyway when there are other people around) that you feel very guilty about what happened, that you are very attached to his wife, that you can't believe you could this to her, and that you hope she will ever be able to forgive you. (he will be hearing alarm bells ringing all over at this point). And also that you feel very guilty towards your bf and feel like you should be honest with him about it. If he has one ounce of common sense, he will decide that you can cause so much trouble in his life that *he* will steer away from you even if you change your mind. A slightly similar strategy kind of worked with my MM. Oh, and keep in mind how his wife, who is like a big sister to you, would feel if she ever found out. Expecially if she found out that he cheated with you on her on MORE than one occasion. Sometimes you can forgive a slip, a mistake (not that many people will, but some would). Breaking trust repeatedly is so much harder to forgive. Link to post Share on other sites
Adunaphel Posted August 24, 2006 Share Posted August 24, 2006 One more thought. You know his wife, and she is a friend of you. Go have a look in the "infidelity" forums, browse some threads. You might find a post that fits your situation (husband cheating with a friend of the wife, possibly younger), you'd get an idea of how your friend would feel. It might help you to put an end to the situation without giving in to MM's request of seeing you. Link to post Share on other sites
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