Guest Posted May 1, 2006 Share Posted May 1, 2006 So here is the deal. Me and my boyfriend have been together for 8 months. We didnt really know eachother before we started dating, but we hit it off really well. To make a long story short, three months into our relationship, i was drinking at a party (something i usually do not do) and I cheated on my boyfriend with another guy. I didnt have sex with this other guy, but we were touchy feely if you get my drift. I know nothing gives an excuse for what i did, i actually have never cheated on anyone in my life, but i was very under the influence and wasnt thinking straight. I was very suprised and lost a lot of respect for myself, bc i love my boyfriend very much. I have not told him, even 5 months later what i have done. The reason i have not told him, is because im very assamed of myself, and i know i will NEVER cheat on him again. I actually dont even drink or party anymore. I also know that if i tell him, he will break up with me, no questions asked. At first i thought it would be best just to end things, since im kind of giving him a false representation of myself, but then i have convinced myself that it will never happen again, and since im sure of that, there is really no point in telling him, since he will end things. I need to know if what I'm doing is wrong or not. I know that cheating on him was horrible. My question is, do i tell him, knowing that he will break up with me, or do i just let things go as they are, knowing i will never make that mistake again. Any input would be great. Thank you Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted May 5, 2006 Share Posted May 5, 2006 DOnt tell him then! Link to post Share on other sites
RealityCheck Posted May 5, 2006 Share Posted May 5, 2006 Seriously, Let it go! If the subject matter ever did come up, I would deny, deny, deny! Let him provide the burden of proof and until then, release the burden your carrying and move forward! Link to post Share on other sites
Jessie61 Posted May 5, 2006 Share Posted May 5, 2006 Guest, I am one for brutal honesty, but is this a first "offence"? Have you NO contact with the other guy? Do you really love you BF? It will never happen again? If so, don't tell you BF. By the time he has digested it, he might imagine that it was a 5 months torrid affair!!! BUT you need to do some soul searching here. Why did this happen? What is the real explanation? There must be something in your R with your boyfriend which is not right, so figure out what it is and work on that instead - WITH your bf. Let us know how you get on! Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Sami_D Posted May 5, 2006 Share Posted May 5, 2006 Hello. I don't know what I'd do in your situation. I'd hate to think I was with a boyfriend who couldn't understand if I had done this... I'd want to be with someone who could forgive me, and we could move on. I find that talking about the relationship is really important to me... and I'd want him to know what had happened, so that he could understand me more. But... that's me. You don't say how old you are, but I'm guessing you're in that (long gone for me ) phase of life where you're trying out new things, maybe not quite ready to settle down... maybe this was a little cry for 'freedom' by some part of yourself. Just a thought. Link to post Share on other sites
THX2000 Posted May 8, 2006 Share Posted May 8, 2006 So here is the deal. Me and my boyfriend have been together for 8 months. We didnt really know eachother before we started dating, but we hit it off really well. To make a long story short, three months into our relationship, i was drinking at a party (something i usually do not do) and I cheated on my boyfriend with another guy. I didnt have sex with this other guy, but we were touchy feely if you get my drift. I know nothing gives an excuse for what i did, i actually have never cheated on anyone in my life, but i was very under the influence and wasnt thinking straight. I was very suprised and lost a lot of respect for myself, bc i love my boyfriend very much. I have not told him, even 5 months later what i have done. The reason i have not told him, is because im very assamed of myself, and i know i will NEVER cheat on him again. I actually dont even drink or party anymore. I also know that if i tell him, he will break up with me, no questions asked. At first i thought it would be best just to end things, since im kind of giving him a false representation of myself, but then i have convinced myself that it will never happen again, and since im sure of that, there is really no point in telling him, since he will end things. I need to know if what I'm doing is wrong or not. I know that cheating on him was horrible. My question is, do i tell him, knowing that he will break up with me, or do i just let things go as they are, knowing i will never make that mistake again. Any input would be great. Thank you I hate to break this to you but what you did is wrong. You know this because it is a big enough deal for your boyfriend to break up with and you know/knew this before you did it. Is it fair to your boyfriend to be with someone that has so little respect for him to do something like this? Isn't the fair thing to do is to tell him and allow him to make the choice of whether or not he wants to continue on with you as you had the choice of whether or not to cheat? You made a huge mistake and need to be accountable for it or the rest of your relationship is a lie. What will happen if he finds out down the road when you are even further along in your relationship? The one thing I get from your e-mail is that you are all about you - pretty selfish. Stop worrying about what the consequences of YOUR actions are for you and think about him for a second. Link to post Share on other sites
Adunaphel Posted May 8, 2006 Share Posted May 8, 2006 Sorry, but I think telling him is the only right thing you could do. He might dump you, but I think it's better breaking up than living a huge lie. Also, for quite a lot of people(including myself) your partner coming clean and saying he/she is very sorry about what happened is what makes the difference between a relationship worth giving a decond chance and a relationship to end. If you tell him, at least he'll know you have been honest(even if it would have been better to be honest right before the slip happened, even if you don't break up expect him to be angry also for the time it took you to tell him), that you are sincerely sorry, that you respect him enough to give him the chance to decide whether to stay with you or not, and that you do not wish to make a fool of him. Imagine if he founds out by himself. In addition to the cheating, he'll have a lie that went on for a lot of time. And he's never going to believe that you are really sorry. He'll think it's a "sorry only when get caught" case. He'll feel much more deceived, and made a fool of. he won't believe it's a one time mistake, either. If you tell him, you have at least a slight chance of being forgiven and staying with him, no matter how much against cheating he is. I'd never forgive a cheater who didn't come clean about the cheating. Link to post Share on other sites
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