Having a face-to-face today...

[Torn Up]

This week has been a tough one, guys.

 

I can't even begin to express how tired I am of the emotional roller coaster I'm on, or, should I say...feel STUCK on.

 

As I've mentioned in past posts, I have broken it off with the MM I was involved with, largely due to the pain our affair caused others along with his deceit. I've done my damnest to avoid him with the hope that things will eventually calm down and he'll give up.

 

So far, despite my efforts to keep the NC intact, he continues to send emails, leave small gifts on my desk at work, or on my car...always with a small note attached telling me how much he misses me and loves me. In one of his recent emails, he said..."I'm looking for a warmer climate, much to the disappointment of those who love me, I'm sure."

 

Then I learned that his wife came home early from last Monday and found him laying on the bed...a plastic bag tied over his head. Apparently, he was on his way out before she pulled it off.

 

This has caused me great worry. I told him he needs to get some professional help, and if he doesn't seek it on his own, then I will take the proper steps to make sure he gets it.

 

He has pleaded for a "heart to heart" meeting between us...has made the promise that if I agree, he will be a "perfect gentleman." Said he understands that I do not wish to remain in an intimate relationship with him and will continue to respect my decision. Said he needs badly to talk to me, has a lot he wants to say.

 

Okay, so I have agreed and that "meeting" takes place this morning. He'll be here at 10:00 am.

 

I can't believe how nervous I am right now - my stomach feels like it's tied in a million little knots. Starting to think I made a mistake here, that I shouldn't have agreed to this.

 

It's probably ridiculous on my side to think that by hearing him out, it will help him to move on, to accept that we are over and he needs to veer all this energy towards his marriage.

 

Up to this point, I was basically waving his threats of suicide off as a manipulative ploy to gain my attention, to hook me back in with guilt. But Monday's incident came as a real jolt to me and I honestly believe this guy is serious, that he will eventually succeed.

 

Dear God, I hope I haven't made a mistake here. He'll be here in an hour and a half and I'm a wreck.

 

I honestly hope he keeps his promise to be a "perfect gentleman," because if he tries to get intimate, tries to rekindle the fire, he's in for a grave disappointment.

 

Wish me luck!

 

~Torn~

[whichwayisup]

Holy crap! Be careful today. I mean, if he gets weird on you or tries anything that makes him look unstable, DO NOT be afraid to call 911. I'm serious.

 

Actually, I'm shocked that his wife is letting him out of the house! He should have a full psych evulation! Game or not, what he did is not normal. Who knows if it is a guilt ploy or if he's truely down and depressed, suicidal, but his actions there show something is very very wrong.

 

Hope the talk goes well, let him talk and give him closure. You don't want to take up any last sexual goodbyes as that will only lead him on and keep his feelings alive with you.

 

Post back later and hope all goes well.

[wanda1974]

How did you find out that he put a plastic bag over his head? Doesn't it worry you at all that if he could cause that harm to himself, he probably wouldn't have a problem hurting you? If he wants to end his life, do you think he cares if anyone else is hurt?

BE CAREFUL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[LucreziaBorgia]

Then I learned that his wife came home early from last Monday and found him laying on the bed...a plastic bag tied over his head. Apparently, he was on his way out before she pulled it off.

 

Unless you heard this directly from his W, I wouldn't believe it. It sounds callous, but some people will stop at nothing to get what they want - including passive aggressive behavior like this.

 

Even if he is not actually suicidal - the type of person who uses this type of behavior to control people really does need help. Serious help.

 

Just be careful. Do not cave. Be steadfast in your resolve. Do not let him kiss you, hug you or be close to you. You are at a vulnerable enough state that you will allow the feelings you are having to allow you to give in to him. Then, its another go round on that rollercoaster.

 

If he threatens suicide again while you are talking to him, excuse yourself and discreetly put in a call to 911 and report suicidal behavior. It will truly be the best way to help this guy. He won't like it, especially if he is bluffing, but hopefully that will initiate the help he truly needs.

[JayKay]

I find this behavior of his sick and manipulative.

 

I think you are putting yourself in a dangerous situation by meeting with him. As sad as this situation is, he is mentally unbalanced and has poor judgement right now.

He needs professional help.

 

He has manipulated into meeting with him and unfortunately, you fed right into it.

 

Please, once this is over, DO NOT meet with him again. I knew a psycho like this who stalked his ex gf for YEARS....begging, pleading, e-mailing, sending flowers and candy.

Yes, IT IS STALKING. If you have honestly tried to end contact and he persists, IT IS STALKING.

 

Stalkers tend to idolize their victims. They can be very charming. But they will stop at nothing to be with their intended 'love'.....to the point they will lie, cajole, manipulate and snake their way back into their lives.

 

Stalking is very serious because the deranged thinking can get worse over time. Seriously depressed individuals with impaired thought processes can get dangerous.

 

Please be careful