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We were perfect other then me being engaged.


The Other Man / Woman The other side of the story: Support and discussion for those who find themselves involved with a committed partner.

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Old 5th February 2018, 12:39 PM   #1
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We were perfect other then me being engaged.

I met someone while my relationship with my ex fiancé was deteriorating.

We were very intense from the beginning . I ended up leaving my fiancé for her and moved in with her for a month. Everything was perfect but I started feeling guilty about leaving my fiancé. So I went back to my fiancé.

My fiancé and I still had issues so I left again, back to the new person. After being with the new person for a couple days, I again left to go back to my fiancé, I was feeling guilty again I had 5 yrs. with my fiancé and I just met this women.

Yet again me and fiancé Still fighting about the same things having the same issues yet again. So on New year's we broke up for good. I still kept in touch with the other person and she did say she would wait for me to end it with my fiancé . Ever since then I told her me and my fiancé are done, we each moved out and have absolutely 0 ties.

So now I'm 10000000% single. But the new person told me she has moved on and is with someone else. So I begged, pleaded , and gave her reasons as to why we were meant to be. Yes I still would speak to her and saw a couple times but she is cold and distant from me now. Every time I asked her where I stood she would say I don’t want to talk about or avoid it. What She would tell me is she is confused and doesn’t want to be with anyone. But the same day she tells me that she is having a night out with her new BF.

A couple days ago I found pictures of her and her new man having a great time together and posting pics together. So why wasn’t she just straight forward and tell me to move on if she clearly did? And it killed me because I miss her and want her back, but she seemed to have moved on !! What I do know is that she jumped into this relationship pretty fast so I’m guessing it’s a rebound.

On Friday after 3 days of No Contact she called and text which I ignored telling me she wants her house keys back. At this point what should I do?

Last time I spoke to her on Tuesday I told her I will no longer chase you and keep my life on hold, she replied don't put ur life on hold. So I said so u want nothing with me. She replied I want nothing with anyone. But then goes out 2 nights in a row with her new guy.

I just need to know if her feelings for me can change so fast and easily ? Or do I just continue No Contact or would she come around? At this point I'm lost and don't know what to do. I bascally gave up my family for her.



P.S Relationship was about 4 months.

Last edited by LoveShack.org Moderator; 8th February 2018 at 11:25 PM.. Reason: paragraphs ~T
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Old 5th February 2018, 12:49 PM   #2
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My advice is to give her the house keys back and be alone for a while. It sounds like you need to sort yourself out. Going back and forth between these two women so many times is not the mark of an emotionally healthy man.
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Old 5th February 2018, 12:51 PM   #3
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You did not give up your family for this OW. You're relationship with your FI was rocky & ending but it took a while for you two both put each other out of your misery & actually end things. This OW was a crutch & an outward sign that you make bad, spontaneous decisions. You say after knowing her for about a month you moved in with her. That's crazy. It shows she is irresponsible & impetuous too. While you were acting like a human yo yo, she moved on to another quickie relationship. She probably has issues that preclude her from being alone or independent.


You need to take stock of your life & spend a few meaningful years figuring out yourself.
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Old 5th February 2018, 12:55 PM   #4
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Women are not turnstiles at a subway station. You can't go back and forth and back and forth and back and forth. That is rude and mean on so many levels.

Give your ex-fiance' back her house keys and leave her alone. You treated her like a doormat. She can do what ever she wants. Date or not date or do anything. She owes you no explanation.

You did the same thing to the second woman. Leave her alone, as well.

Actions have consequences, this is a lesson you learned the hard way.
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Old 5th February 2018, 1:53 PM   #5
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You begged and pleaded, enough said. She has no respect for you. Time to be alone for a while and figure out what you want.
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Old 5th February 2018, 2:52 PM   #6
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I understand what all you guys are saying about being alone, but we were really intense and got along great and sex was amazing.

We didn't have any issues other than me trying end my relationship with my ex fiancé. And she told me has never felt like this before.

I do think she is in a rebound relationship to get over me.

So should I just forget about her and try and move on? Can she really have gotten rid of all the feelings she had for me in a couple weeks? Or would she canback eventually from your experiences? Should I just go FULL NO CONTACT and hopefully she comes back?

Last edited by LoveShack.org Moderator; 8th February 2018 at 11:26 PM..
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Old 5th February 2018, 3:05 PM   #7
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NC is not designed to make somebody come back. It's about you healing by not picking at the scabs of your broken heart.


The amazing sex was not indicative of a healthy meaningful emotional connection. It was physical.


She is now in another relationship. You need to respect that. Anything else makes you a home wrecker.


I can't believe that you are in a healthy emotional place so soon after the end of your engagement to start a new LTR.


Seriously, take some time to sort yourself out. You need some time off for your own introspection if you have any hope of being a well balanced partner to another person in the future
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Old 5th February 2018, 3:16 PM   #8
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I think your right. I'm sorry I'm just going crazy. Didn't know that at 39 I would still be going though this.
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Old 5th February 2018, 3:18 PM   #9
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The immediate aftermath of a breakup & the throws of all the emotional upheaval that goes along with it makes everybody a little crazy.


Settle yourself so you can be healthy & balanced before you start the next relationship.
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Old 5th February 2018, 4:58 PM   #10
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Give her back her keys and leave her alone.
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Old 5th February 2018, 5:17 PM   #11
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Move on, don’t worry about her. You’re 39, I can guarantee you you’ll be in the same spot at 49 if you go chasing unavailable women.

Repeat after me, “I don’t chase my shots and I don’t chase my women”.

If you need to feel better about yourself, hop on a dating website and make yourself feel “wanted”.
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Old 8th February 2018, 5:40 PM   #12
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The going back and forth killed this....and she would naturally be concerned about you doing it again. Can't blame her.


Relationships that start by cheating can have difficulties surviving real life.

Spend some time alone...then be sure you're over both women before you start dating seriously again.
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Old 9th February 2018, 8:00 PM   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by X5CLS View Post
We didn't have any issues other than me trying end my relationship with my ex fiancé. And she told me has never felt like this before.
You definitely had more issues than that. You moved in with her, them moved out to go back and be with your fiance. That was basically you telling her that she wasn't a priority to you.

Quote:
Originally Posted by X5CLS View Post
I do think she is in a rebound relationship to get over me.
It's also possible you were in a rebound relationship to get over your fiance.

Regardless, I think you want her to be definitive and let you know that it's over. But she might be too nice. All signs are pointing to her wanting you to leave her alone.
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Old 10th February 2018, 5:24 PM   #14
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Feb 5 1:42 post. The first paragraph is all past tense. Got along...was great. More truth in those words than you planned. Give her the key back: it’s. It some magic amulet that will cause her to return to you in love forever.

Just remember things end badly or they’d never end all. This one ended because of how you treated her. Your own doing.
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