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Moving on and breaking the cycle


The Other Man / Woman The other side of the story: Support and discussion for those who find themselves involved with a committed partner.

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Old 30th January 2018, 8:56 PM   #16
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Hi TCM and other LS posters, I had a short fling with MM (coworker)7 months ago and fell crazy for him, recently things started to heat up again and Iíve been trying to control myself and keep my hands to myself! So today while eating lunch I got on LS to read and hopefully get out of the fog again, read your thread and responding posts and I was literally crying in my sushi. Thank goodness I had a back corner table, I may not have much advise for you as my fling is nothing compared to your affair, but Iím so addicted to MM like I can imagine you have been. Itís seems so many affairs and flings start at the work place. Itís been so hard seeing him at work even once a week sometimes less. I pray for you to have the strength to get through it, my advice is try to avoid him at work, definatly NC, block him all angles and keep reading LS, you will have a beautiful future ahead of you with the right man, sounds like your on your way, keep moving forward, we are all here to support you, you all sure helped me and I thank you.
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Old 31st January 2018, 1:12 AM   #17
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TownCalledMalice View Post
Exposed deep seated fears from my childhood.
Hi TCM,

I wanted to congratulate you for figuring this out. Once you start piecing together how your childhood affects your adult decisions, the road of life becomes much less rocky. Now you can navigate more effectively. This is going to serve you well.

I encourage you to continue to actively engage in daily self-love and self-affirmation exercises. Get in front of that mirror and tell yourself how much you rock and how much you're worth, and believe it. Treat yourself good!!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by TownCalledMalice View Post
I hope that when Iím ready to date, I now have the tools to spot men like xMM.
Keep studying the ways your self-esteem has affected your decisions and guys like XMM will appear laughably -- LAUGHABLY -- obvious to you. The red flags will literally jump out at you and you'll easily avoid and/or completely shut down these predators.

TCM, I'm proud of you, as well as impressed. I'm 55, it took me 3 failed LTR's to realize I was subconsciously reenacting my childhood with each of my partners. If I am very lucky I will find one last real relationship now that I've finally figured this out.

You, however, at 30-ish, have plenty of time. Take this time -- the present -- and give it to yourself. Consider it a gift. Keep up NC, get out of the FOG (fear, obligation, guilt), look at the reality of the situation, and continue to stand up for yourself and put yourself first.

I'm predicting you successfully execute this detachment and continue on to a fulfilling, genuine life being true to yourself first and foremost.

Good luck and continued success to you.
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Old 31st January 2018, 2:07 AM   #18
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ďAffairs rip you apart so that all of your issues are on show.Ē Iíve never thought about this before but I think itís spot on.

The easiest way for me to think about is like being a doll on a shelf. When MM is ready to play, you get to come out of your box until he decides heís done. His wife doesnít have a box and doesnít have to sit on a shelf. Your entire time is spent wondering when you get to come out of your box again.
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