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do all MM pull away when..


The Other Man / Woman The other side of the story: Support and discussion for those who find themselves involved with a committed partner.

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Old 28th January 2018, 10:09 PM   #16
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By agreeing to a relationship with a MM with kids, you are also agreeing to be his last priority. He still has obligations and the role of a dad/husband to play. That stuff will always come 1st no matter how highly he thinks of you. I'm sure that feels bad but it's something you must accept if you want to continue seeing him.
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Old 29th January 2018, 1:03 PM   #17
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My ex-MM would do this from time to time, although on the whole he was always available and made sure of that. In a way it's irrelevant, and I'd echo what other people have said here. It's not *normal* behaviour in a relationship, and you need to figure out why you're ok with it. We all deserve to be with people who care about us enough to prioritise us...and when our partner is going through a crap time we should be able to support them through that. The dynamics of an affair mean that can't usually happen. It was something I struggled with, being shut out, as I really wanted to support him. The funny thing is our relationship was all about him, at no point did he think about my needs and what would support me.

Just because something is common, and most MM withdraw, does not mean it's ok.
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Old 1st February 2018, 6:46 AM   #18
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It doesn't happen in every relationship, and if he pulls away from you completely in order to focus on someone else, then that clearly demonstrates to you where you fall on the list of priorities.

OTOH it IS normal in a relationship to redistribute time based on need. If you were dating a completely-divorced man with kids, and one of his kids had a crisis, it would be normal and expected that he would probably have less free fun-time with you for a while in order to focus on the needs of his child. But that divorced dad shouldn't drop you completely because he was busy, as that would suggest you didn't have much of a relationship. If his kid were in the hospital he might not want to take you dancing but he should still want to talk to you, for support if nothing else.
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Old 4th February 2018, 12:12 PM   #19
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Savannah2 View Post
Do they all pull away when they are having difficult times in their marriage?
It was the opposite. Difficult times in his marriage sent him looking for love elsewhere.
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Old 20th February 2018, 5:31 PM   #20
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Originally Posted by Savannah2 View Post
Do they all pull away when they are having difficult times in their marriage? Mine used to say he needed to take a step back from me whenever he was experiencing difficult times with his kids or wife. He would say something like he needed to focus on his family because his kid or wife was going through a tough time at school or work or whatever.

Anyone else have this with their MM and how did it make you feel?
He & I don't usually talk about what's going on in his marriage - compartmentalization- unless he specifically mentions something- then we directly talk about it. Although, if I am with him when they aren't getting along - I do notice he gets uptight. I just give him space, if he wants it & do my own thing. Or, I'm super nice/ non-stressful to him.

However, he does pull away- twice a year, same time- every year, right after he does the family two week holiday. It's weird, cause while he is on the holiday he calls, & texts me as usual. I don't call him during those times. But the pull away behavior pattern happens directly after the holiday- it probably is some form of gulit. Usually he starts with trying to pick a fight, then goes quiet/ super naggy over for 2-4 weeks. Now that we have been together for 3 years, I recognize the pattern. This year, I'm going to try a different tact with him right after the holiday & see if I can break that pattern.
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Old 23rd February 2018, 10:58 PM   #21
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This is the first time he pulls away from me. Itís harder than I ever imagined.

Even during a time when I am trying to get out. Itís still so hard to be left in the dark. After all the energy and time I gave, his time is too precious to give me. And Iím no one anymore.

MM pulling away brings up feelings of insecurity, abandonment, confusion...
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Old 23rd February 2018, 11:10 PM   #22
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Originally Posted by grass-hopper View Post
This is the first time he pulls away from me. It’s harder than I ever imagined.

Even during a time when I am trying to get out. It’s still so hard to be left in the dark. After all the energy and time I gave, his time is too precious to give me. And I’m no one anymore.

MM pulling away brings up feelings of insecurity, abandonment, confusion...
This is the first time for me too, MM has been distant at times with me, but always in contact and always see each other daily aside from Sunday. It's been 1 week today since I've seen him. In the year we have been together we have never gone more than 2 days with out at least seeing eachother briefly. He's been only texting once every 24 hours , twice today. He and his family got flu, then he lost a friend, and wife had a health scare. He hasn't been to work. I'm extremely hurt. I feel like I'm nothing to him. It's confusing, painful, and I'm angry. He has been a huge part of my life this last year. I know people on here say I'm the ow not girlfriend, well we did everything together. Every day. He was at my house before work and after work until bedtime. We cook together shop together, run errands together, everything a couple would do. He saw me every day off except Sunday. And was always texting non stop. I feel like he just vanished. I understand the things going on in his life, but I matter too.

Last edited by Lehcar1012; 23rd February 2018 at 11:13 PM..
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