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Emotional Affair - OW Lonely


The Other Man / Woman The other side of the story: Support and discussion for those who find themselves involved with a committed partner.

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Old 30th January 2018, 10:39 AM   #16
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Originally Posted by OceanBlues132017 View Post
That's the problem. I want to move on. I want to find that someone I can be with, that I can openly be with. I find it so hard to find men my age that are available and brave enough to make a move. I don't go out to bars to drink, I don't live in the town where I grew up so I find myself most of the time at work around coworkers. My pool is small and a dangerous one. I know that if I could just find someone special to share my love with, I could go NC and move on... but for now the loneliness is too much and I stay. I wait for our next hour long message time. I think about him, knowing he's with his family. And I'm even more lonely and sad. It's a viscous cycle that I want to end. I just don't know how I'm ever going to get there.
I'm sorry OceanBlues132017, I just want to share my truth with others in hopes of offering something helpful.I was alone for about 6 years when I got involved with the MM. I was 42 year old, raising two kids, working a lot.

I was 49 yeas old when I gave my boyfriend a chance. I was afraid of us messing up our friendship by getting physical. What I'm trying to say is, I understand lonliness. The point is you are lonely with him and lonely without him. Change won't make you any less lonely, but it just might make you a little less depressed from having to deal with the added stress that comes with an A.

All, I know is I had to get off the crazy train, once I did, I never looked back. I truly hope that you can too. If you don't find someone special, maybe you'll find yourself or something you enjoy in life. I wish you the strength to make a change. Best Wishes...
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Old 30th January 2018, 3:05 PM   #17
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Originally Posted by OceanBlues132017 View Post
My story is like so many others out there. I never planned on being the OW. It's been a year since my coworker started messaging me on FB. At first it was friendly flirty and fun. The jokes we make and the similarities we have connected us right away. I started to tell right away that he was flirting more than a married man should be... and somehow I didn't care. A few months in and we admitted we were attracted to each other. He fully disclosed he wasn't looking to leave his wife (they have children together) but that their sex life lacks in what he's looking for.

We proceeded to talk... then it began to become sexual. We secretly sexted each other for months until one day we ended up kissing after I gave him a ride after work. Things slowed down as he felt guilty. I cut things off. Told him I didn't want him to feel that way, and that was never my intention. I care about him and his family. I'm not here to break anything up or make things bad for either of us in our personal lives or at work. After that it was months of normal interaction at work.

Then again he started messaging me. He can't get me out of his mind. He's so attracted to me, as I am to him. We started talking and having an online sexual and emotional affair again. He never seems to want to actually take it to the next level... I think he's afraid of how he felt after the first time it happened. It's fun, it's sexy...but what am I getting out of this? Why do I keep going back? Ultimately I think it's loneliness. He tells me how beautiful and perfect I am. Personality. Looks. Body. All of it. It makes me feel special. I know I'm beautiful inside and out. I know that there has to be someone available out there for me, but I haven't found him yet... so I stay.

I stay in this toxic relationship feeling nothing but guilt and longing for something I can't have. I guess I'm just here to share my story.

I know there have to be others in similar situations. What did you do? How do you stop? Why can't I rationally just move on? I'm a fairly rational person, but I can't seem to understand why my brain is not cooperating with what I know is right. Any advice or sharing similar stories would be greatly appreciated!
When you allow your mind to be occupied by your addiction to him, then you are not fully free to find the love you do deserve. Therefore the difficult but rational choice is to cut him off. Long term gain in return for a short term price.
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