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Affair with cop and abusive

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Old 27th December 2017, 10:09 AM   #16
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Originally Posted by Jenn83 View Post
Basically I wanted to share a story of how an affair was a nightmare. Do I condone or denounce affairs? No. Personally I would like a swinger lifestyle. I think it is ok to sleep with other people.

Unfortunately swingers tend to be pervs and serial cheaters tend to be abusive or mentally ill.

As a person who suffers from depression, and I have seen his pills, we frequently discuss our long list of past prescriptions, I tend to be more sympathetic. I know how hard struggling with mental health can be. I even got him to see a very good doctor for it that mine recommended. So....this thing is very complicated and not black and white.
You sound very angry at the world and also like you are blaming everyone else for your choices. You also sound like you have no problem visiting your issues on others.

I've read many posts by other woman and men who contact the betrayed spouse, but they usually don't do it out of malice...they derive no pleasure from the idea that he or she could be hurt. Quite frankly, I think that pleases you to think of her being hurt . You enjoy all the drama and feed off of it, then when it all blows up in your face, you blame everyone else and use depression or whatever as an excuse. You don't care who you hurt in the process,so long as you get what you feel you need and are entitled to. You also show zero ability to empathize with her.

I have a now adult daughter who has battled major depressive disorder for a long time, and been able to win ( so far). I've spent countless hours in support groups, attending information sessions about depression and working with the local mental health agency to hep others, and in all that time, I have never, ever heard of someone acting like you, unless there are other personality disorders involved. Depression doesn't make a person act the way you do. I have no idea what is making you act as your are.

I would suggest you find another therapist who can really help you and not just enable your behvaior. It really sounds like you are very unhappy, angry and also frightened, mostly of yourself.
"“there’s no better system than our own morality, not law, not science, not religion… just decency.”-R.M.
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Old 27th December 2017, 11:28 AM   #17
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I’ve always said that married people live in a bubble. They are sort of naive and the longer you’ve been married, the more naive you become to the harsh ways of the world. Being unhappily married makes you even more vulnerable and prime for vultures. Thing is he did tell you he was married (although he witheld it for a while). One thing you have to learn now that you are single is that you ALWAYS have to ask on day one if they are married or taken. Most will not tell you if you don’t ask. So ask. Better to find out early and cut ties before you become emotionally attached like you did. Once you find out, another thing you have to learn is that MM NEVER leave their wives. Never. Unlike MW do. Women leave their husbands, men do not leave their wives.
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Old 27th December 2017, 11:29 AM   #18
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Oh and I’d love to date a single cop!
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Old 27th December 2017, 11:32 AM   #19
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Jenn83, you said in your opening post that you are divorcing your husband. Is that still true or are you backtracking now?
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Old 28th December 2017, 7:37 AM   #20
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OP, you mentioned non suicadal self harm as a way to deal with a depression.
Do you have borderline personality disorder?
It could be bipolar too.
You might want to see a psychiatrist. This board is full of wisdom, but you need to see a specialist, those are issues you need help with are way beyond what internet forum can provide.
Best wishes.
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