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Does a Wife know when her husband is cheating?


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Old 28th October 2004, 11:09 AM   #1
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Does a Wife know when her husband is cheating?

Have any of your woman had a husband who cheated on you? Did you instincts tell you something was up? Any of you have a good physical relationship with your husband, and he still cheated on you?
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Old 28th October 2004, 11:16 AM   #2
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I think that many women can sense with something isn't quite right with their husband or their relationship.
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Old 28th October 2004, 11:18 AM   #3
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Do you think anyone can be a perfect lier. Can cover up an affair for three years, without making any mistakes?
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Old 28th October 2004, 11:21 AM   #4
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Quote:
Originally posted by Shiraz
Do you think anyone can be a perfect lier. Can cover up an affair for three years, without making any mistakes?
Yes. There are pathological liars out there and they are so SICK in the head that they actually start to believe their own lies.
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Old 28th October 2004, 11:26 AM   #5
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Quote:
Do you think anyone can be a perfect lier. Can cover up an affair for three years, without making any mistakes?
Three years is a long time to cover up an affair and not make any mistakes or give any indication that one is having an affair. Can I say for a fact that it can't be done? No, but I'm dubious that it can be. Common sense tells me that something would be amiss. There'd be some sign in those three years - something that just wasn't quite right. If a woman wanted to overlook it, it might be enough to enable her to convince herself there wasn't anything happening. But it'd still be there.
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Old 28th October 2004, 11:27 AM   #6
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Quote:
Originally posted by Shiraz
Do you think anyone can be a perfect lier. Can cover up an affair for three years, without making any mistakes?
No one can be perfect at anything. Part of the human condition is that we make mistakes - even liars.
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Old 28th October 2004, 11:31 AM   #7
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Your so right. I know my personality type, I would blow up and confront, but I guess not everyone is like that.
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Old 28th October 2004, 11:32 AM   #8
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Well, I'm not a married WOMAN, but I might be able to give you some insight. My wife had an emotional affair about six months ago. I noticed the changes in her almost immediately. As she invested more and more emotionally in him, she dropped correspondingly with me. She became distant, distracted, the only time she appeared happy was when she was on her computer (the vast majority of their communication was via the internet). She began doing less and less around the house, and even the kids could tell that there was something seriously wrong. Now, in her case, it was never physical, as he lived on the other side of the US. And again, I was able to see it in the beginning stages.

My thought is that if he's managed to do this for 3 years, then one of a couple things have happened.

1. He began with you during a down time in their marriage, and his wife learned to accept the lessened amount of love, support, etc from him, and that has been going on for so long now that it feels "normal".

2. His wife may have suspected or suspects, but has decided to "bury her head in the sand". You would be amazed at how far us BS's will go to avoid beleiving that the one we love is cheating on us. Trust me.

3. He has so compartmentalized his life that he can successfully feel like you're NOT part of his life when he's with his family...just as he does when he's with you. You don't feel like his wife is normally part of his life when he is with you...and that box of candy you mentioned was something of a rude awakening to you that she is part of his life.

4. Or, sadly, it really could be that he hasn't invested in you emotionally enough for it to impact his marriage. I'm not there, so I dont' know that this is the case.

I don't agree with what you're doing, and honestly the impacts that this will have on his kids and his marriage are something that neither of you have given a care for up to this point, and I find that rather sad. BUT, I can understand needing someone...which is why my wife and I are STILL together, and working to make it through what we've gone through. Regardless of anything, I wish you good luck in your life.
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Old 28th October 2004, 11:36 AM   #9
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I appreciate your words very much. Hearing it from a man to is different.

I'm not proud of what I am doing. It's something I would have never seeing myself doing. But... it is happening.

Thanks for your thoughts. All the best to you and your family. I respect your strength
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Old 28th October 2004, 11:37 AM   #10
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blue, you're right. eventually they slip up. my ex lied about almost everything but he did "honestly" believe his own lies. at first i teased him about how he had his own versionof reality that no one else could enter, it was kind of cute that he lived in his own little world. but... 10 years and 2 kids and a lot of responsibility later, it wasn't so cute anymore. it was a major pain in the butt because it made him unreliable. did he cheat and lie about it? he'll never admit it but hmmmmm he's marrying someone next year that he'd been talking about for years!!! so.... did i ever suspect anything? in some ways yes, but for me because i wanted out anyway, i didn't care. he could have been having 10 affairs and it really wouldn't have mattered except that his getting caught would have made it easier for me to make the decision that it was over and i'd had enough!!!

but the calls on the cell phone, the minimizing of the email screens if i walked into the room, "oh i have to meet a student after class" - hmmmm the person he's marrying was one of his students!, all were clues that i just ignored because i didn't care. so were there clues, yeah. did my MM give his W the same clues? yup, he was always emailing me, which i knew she questioned and i know she was checking his cell phone calls so.... and as stupid as it sounds, i think she may have even wondered why he was happier than he'd been in years. i know he told me people at his office wondered why he was always walking around with a smile on his face these days. so i don't know that they can hide things as well as they think they can. and i'm sure there are other women like me out there who see the signs and don't care. and there are no doubt others that see the signs and refuse to believe!
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Old 28th October 2004, 11:46 AM   #11
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This is bad, but I use to wish my husband had a girlfriend, so he would stay away from me. I use to go to bed before him, I would lie across the bed, so he wouldn't come up, he'd stay on the couch. Pretty bad eh!
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Old 28th October 2004, 11:51 AM   #12
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shiraz, may be bad what you wished but oh boy did i wish for the same things! funny i've heard so, so many women actually say that but i do wonder how many really feel that way in the end.

i've heard a friend of mine who's tired of her husband "bothering" her at night make that statement. funny thing is, i know her H had a brief affair, but i don't think she'd be quite as accepting as her statement would lead anyone to believe. and i think it's a trap many women fall into and in many ways yes, i had those thoughts that if i just pushed my H far enough way that he'd turn to someone else and i could walk a way without any guilt! and yes, that's bad. i should have just had the courage to walk out the door on my own. i evetually did, but stayed longer than i should have.
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Old 28th October 2004, 11:54 AM   #13
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Stayed longer than you should have, and more damage is done. Correct? I agree. I stayed longer, and now the heeling is taking forever. I wish when marriages go wrong, people could jsut sit down, talk about it, and all problems are solved. Maybe I have a bit of your husband in me izzy, a world of my own. LOL
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Old 28th October 2004, 12:03 PM   #14
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i hope you don't have a little bit of my exH in you ...although i think we all have our own private little worlds. and those of us who have been OW are maybe a little more used to living in that "fantasy" world! or at least i know that's what some would say!

i stayed for the kids, to some extent until it became clear that my staying was doing me and the kids more damage than my leaving would have ever done. and yes, lots of damage, and longer to heal!
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Old 28th October 2004, 12:10 PM   #15
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Re: Does a Wife know when her husband is cheating?

Quote:
Originally posted by Shiraz
Have any of your woman had a husband who cheated on you? Did you instincts tell you something was up? Any of you have a good physical relationship with your husband, and he still cheated on you?
I have never been in this position, but I think that a wife can definitely sense when her husband is cheating on her, maybe not all of them but most of them can. Especially if they have been married for a while they already know him real well.
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