SarahJames Posted August 11, 2014 Share Posted August 11, 2014 Sometimes I look at my situation and think, "what the hell are you doing?". Other times, I think, "you only live once. Why cant you enjoy stolen moments with a person you know you cant have a happy ending with?". So, hes married. That doesnt mean hes dead. And we make each other happy. We all deserve to be happy. Link to post Share on other sites
LovelySweet Posted August 11, 2014 Share Posted August 11, 2014 Yes! My emotions are at a norm, even keeled. With the affair, they fluctuate, it never feels healthy. Love-hate-love hate. Link to post Share on other sites
sweet_pea Posted August 11, 2014 Share Posted August 11, 2014 (edited) ***Deleted, I'll just let my siggy speak for itself this time. Edited August 11, 2014 by sweet_pea 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Lernaean_Hydra Posted August 11, 2014 Share Posted August 11, 2014 Just because something makes you happy doesn't mean it's healthy or good for you. Especially when in the end, you will be kicking yourself and many times more unhappy than you ever felt any sense of happiness. Shooting heroin, abusing children or intentionally causing others pain makes some people "happy", but I'm sure none but a sadist would agree that any of those things are good. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Lessons Posted August 11, 2014 Share Posted August 11, 2014 Here's your 2 X 4, Sarah . . . "A few months ago I posted a thread. Ex-mm had contacted me and I was pondering whether or not to reply after months of NC. I ended up replying (of course). We started talking about how things are going, etc. We spoke about plans to see each other...now (about 2 months after resuming contact) I have the opportunity to see him, and I realized that is the LAST thing I want. For some, resuming NC is detrimental. For me, it was an eye-opener. Did I have feelings for this man? yes. Do I miss the sex? absolutely. Is the situation worth it? no way. I've realized that if I see him, he'll get his ego boost, he'll get sexual satisfaction, and he'll go back to the BS while I'm left hurt, used, and feeling dirty as before. The more I talked to him, the more I started to hate him. I no longer view him as some sort of prized possession. I no longer view him as someone with a great personality, great sense of humor, sexy physique, etc. I now view him as a manipulative, dishonorable, cheating, coward. How can you spend years with a person telling them you love them, sleeping next to them at night, and then going to have sex with someone else while returning home for the night and pretending like nothing happened? It's disgusting. I'm disgusted with myself for ever having been a part of it. I think I may have hit my head at some point to ever have allowed it to happen. Hopefully I read this if I ever get the "urge" to disappoint myself again..." PLEASE tell me you haven't resumed your affair - you were making so much progress! Don't compromise your standards for this guy - you deserve so much better! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
jellybean89 Posted August 11, 2014 Share Posted August 11, 2014 ^^^^^^. Excellent. OP, just because it makes YOU feel good at the moment doesn't mean it is good for you and your life. Your happiness shouldn't be at the expense of innocent people who are being betrayed. Put yourself in the wife's shoes, how would you like it to know your partner is having a secret fantasy relationship with someone else? How does it make you feel to know that the Mm goes how to his wife nightly and plans a future with her every day? How does it make you feel to know he tells her "I love you" daily? How does it make you feel to know your affair helps their marriage? Link to post Share on other sites
halfalive Posted August 11, 2014 Share Posted August 11, 2014 The above advice is true, but so much more easily said than done. I'm right there with ya, Sarah. I'm in the beginning stages of my second one. I'm quite certain that we are about to fall down the slippery slope. We've tried to back off and end things, but we come right back to each other. And I know why! The lows of an affair are low, very low. But the highs are SO VERY high! They are addicting and that is what I am realizing...I am addicted to this feeling that comes with affairs. Affairs are my drug. I know that soon enough, my heart will be broken, I'll be devastated and crying to everyone in these forums. But I can't seem to say no to this addiction. Link to post Share on other sites
goodyblue Posted August 11, 2014 Share Posted August 11, 2014 The above advice is true, but so much more easily said than done. I'm right there with ya, Sarah. I'm in the beginning stages of my second one. I'm quite certain that we are about to fall down the slippery slope. We've tried to back off and end things, but we come right back to each other. And I know why! The lows of an affair are low, very low. But the highs are SO VERY high! They are addicting and that is what I am realizing...I am addicted to this feeling that comes with affairs. Affairs are my drug. I know that soon enough, my heart will be broken, I'll be devastated and crying to everyone in these forums. But I can't seem to say no to this addiction. I was just wondering as I read your post... are the lows and highs different from a relationship with a single person? I know it may sound silly, but I remember in my single relationship the lows and highs felt the same as with my fMM Link to post Share on other sites
Author SarahJames Posted August 12, 2014 Author Share Posted August 12, 2014 Ugh, reading my old post (that was pasted here by 'lessons') made me somewhat upset with myself. It's so crazy how feelings change....one day I wake up and have those feelings of disgust. I think to myself "what the hell are you doing". Then other days, I think....well he married this woman before he ever knew me. And I suppose I try to justify the situation....but I mean what if you marry someone when you're younger and you don't realize what you've been missing until years later? It's so unrealistic to expect someone to completely leave everything they've worked for....house, kids, friends, family....you compromise it all. Things are not black and white. What if some people just cross paths and they have this intense connection that could never be more? Do you pretend like those feelings aren't there? The part I hate the most is that his W doesn't know. I absolutely think that is unfair to her, and I wouldn't like that done to me....but at the same time, this is all like an addiction. Addicted to the highs. Link to post Share on other sites
halfalive Posted August 12, 2014 Share Posted August 12, 2014 I was just wondering as I read your post... are the lows and highs different from a relationship with a single person? I know it may sound silly, but I remember in my single relationship the lows and highs felt the same as with my fMM Hmm, I don't know. For me, the feelings during an affair are 10x more intense. I think it's because there is a constant give of yourself and then take away between the OW and OM when you return to your spouse at the end of the day. It makes the stolen moments all the more sweeter. I don't know how else to explain it! Link to post Share on other sites
sunburned Posted August 12, 2014 Share Posted August 12, 2014 Here's your 2 X 4, Sarah . . . "A few months ago I posted a thread. Ex-mm had contacted me and I was pondering whether or not to reply after months of NC. I ended up replying (of course). We started talking about how things are going, etc. We spoke about plans to see each other...now (about 2 months after resuming contact) I have the opportunity to see him, and I realized that is the LAST thing I want. For some, resuming NC is detrimental. For me, it was an eye-opener. Did I have feelings for this man? yes. Do I miss the sex? absolutely. Is the situation worth it? no way. I've realized that if I see him, he'll get his ego boost, he'll get sexual satisfaction, and he'll go back to the BS while I'm left hurt, used, and feeling dirty as before. The more I talked to him, the more I started to hate him. I no longer view him as some sort of prized possession. I no longer view him as someone with a great personality, great sense of humor, sexy physique, etc. I now view him as a manipulative, dishonorable, cheating, coward. How can you spend years with a person telling them you love them, sleeping next to them at night, and then going to have sex with someone else while returning home for the night and pretending like nothing happened? It's disgusting. I'm disgusted with myself for ever having been a part of it. I think I may have hit my head at some point to ever have allowed it to happen. Hopefully I read this if I ever get the "urge" to disappoint myself again..." PLEASE tell me you haven't resumed your affair - you were making so much progress! Don't compromise your standards for this guy - you deserve so much better! Here's another blast from your past! What exactly do you like about your disgusting, manipulative, dishonorable, piggish serial cheater (your words) besides the sex? Do yourself and his wife a favor. Introduce yourself to her and tell her all about your 2 year on again, off again affair ... explain it was off while it was on with another OW. I seriously hope you are getting regular STD checks. Your story kind of grosses me out and I was a cheater myself! Posted by you Oct. 2013: What would you like to confess to your MM? Here's mine: Here's what you don't know: that girl you've been talking to, the girl with the other profile, it's me. Today I realized, I was always right about you. You're scum. Worthless. I feel sorry for your wife. I feel sorry for myself. I'm sorry for ever getting involved with you. I truly sorry. I'm thankful that I'm not the one stuck with you. You just desire sex from anyone who will give it to you because it's the only thing that makes you feel like you're worth something. It's pathetic. You've been detailing to this "other girl" aka ME, the sex we've had. Then after telling her, you attempt to lure her in too, so that she has sex with you. Then, after pushing some buttons, you say things about your wife and how you make her cum so good that she doesn't need it for weeks. She doesn't "need" it for weeks because she's sick of you. I'm sick of you. I'm running for the hills. May your wife find someone worthy to have her, you pig. Link to post Share on other sites
Hope Shimmers Posted August 12, 2014 Share Posted August 12, 2014 Here's what you don't know: that girl you've been talking to, the girl with the other profile, it's me. Today I realized, I was always right about you. You're scum. Worthless. I feel sorry for your wife. I feel sorry for myself. I'm sorry for ever getting involved with you. I truly sorry. I'm thankful that I'm not the one stuck with you. You just desire sex from anyone who will give it to you because it's the only thing that makes you feel like you're worth something. It's pathetic. You've been detailing to this "other girl" aka ME, the sex we've had. Then after telling her, you attempt to lure her in too, so that she has sex with you. Then, after pushing some buttons, you say things about your wife and how you make her cum so good that she doesn't need it for weeks. She doesn't "need" it for weeks because she's sick of you. I'm sick of you. I'm running for the hills. May your wife find someone worthy to have her, you pig. Gross!!! Who could ever be "high" on that? Link to post Share on other sites
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