josephrm Posted August 5, 2014 Share Posted August 5, 2014 Alright, this is going to be a lot to take in so please if your reading this take the time to read it all. This has been bothering me for a very long time and this is the first time I'm bringing it to the public. I have an ex that I am still so in love with. I love her more then I loved anything in my life. I left her about 3 years ago because she slept with another guy and chose that other guy over me. Now the past 3 years I been in and out of relationships because I can't take any relationship serious. I can't stop thinking about that ex. What makes it worse is she texts me and calls me all the time after the damage is done to apologize and tell me It was the biggest mistake of her life. Right now I have a girlfriend that did absolutely nothing wrong. She did everything she could to be the best girlfriend she can be, but I don't feel that connection I been searching for since the ex situation. Me and the ex spoke today and I can tell she is truley sorry for what happened. So I'm stuck in a very sticky situation. I'm not happy with my current relationship, she has a kid that loves me and looks up to me as a father figure. She is also so deeply in love with me. Same with my ex. She is so deeply in love with me also. Now my heart is tugging in two directions. Leave the gf that did nothing wrong and has a son? Or give the ex another chance after she slept with someone else.?I need help. I love them both, but not the same. I'm confused and hurt and dieing on the inside. This is giving me serious chest pains and panic attacks. In sorry I'm not a very good writer. Keep in mind this was an ex from 3 years ago and we still think about each other everyday. Link to post Share on other sites
Poppyolive Posted August 5, 2014 Share Posted August 5, 2014 If I were you and this was my scenario I would first break up with current partner. She doesn't deserve this, set her free to find someone who loves her as much as the love she gives you. Let her and her son heal and move on. Do this tastefully. You are not happy with her. Regarding the ex. Cheating on you is a right ****ty thing to do and she went with him. Crushing your heart. You deserve better things, better love than that. Only you know if you can forgive forget and start new. Because it will never be the same. She may do it again, you may not trust her, shjtty foundation to build a relationship on. Getting back to what I would do, is stay single for a little while, don't jump in, take time for you. Cut contact with ex while you work through your decision and work through saying goodbye to your current gf. Here's a few things to think about: because your ex cheated and hurt you, you.maybe holding onto the love that once was, it may not ever be like that. 3 years a lot changes. I think you may be holding on because you were rejected. Rejection is hard. Also your ex may want you because she can't have you, when you become available things may be different. Please remember she left you for another man. You were once disposed of, do you want to risk that path again? Theres a Lil part of me saying if you do deeply love your ex and you can start completely fresh then take that risk, but take care of you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Shadowburn Posted August 5, 2014 Share Posted August 5, 2014 I think both of these women are not right for you. Your ex is just a ghost from the past. Three years is a long time, and you may be caught up in a fantasy to right the wrongs from the past with her and to erase your past pain. It doesn't work like this in real life. You'll be comparing her with your current gf who seems to be genuine and caring person, and you ex with her history of cheating will never measure up to that. You'll regret leaving your current situation quickly - as soon as initial passion will wear off, you'll be stuck with a very shady partner. As far as your current gf - it's a hard one. True love is hard to come by, plus she has her son deeply involved with you. But in all fairness, you can't stay with someone if you don't love them the same way they love you. I think you need some time alone, to search within yourself and to cool off a bit. Please don't engage with your ex while gf is still in the picture - don't do to her what your ex did to you. You shouldn't even be talking to her now - no contact with exes is so mportant - so they won't be able come back years later and to screw you all over again, because this is exactly what's she is doing to you now. Best of luck to you and keep us updated xo Link to post Share on other sites
Author josephrm Posted August 5, 2014 Author Share Posted August 5, 2014 Alright thank you for the feedback now I can dig deeper into the story. I went out with my ex at a very bad point in her life. She was just out of a very bad living situation when we started dating. I feel as if the reason for the cheating was because she was never allowed to freely experience the world. She was held back from even talking to people. I know there's no excuse for cheating but she been genuinely sorry for the last 3 year's. If only you guys knew how much I love her. Like I don't think I can love anyone like that ever again. But your both right about the trust thing. I was so hurt from that relationship and it still hurts me when I think of it. The thing is I tried being single and after having that feeling with someone you feed off it. So I started dating on and off those 3 years and I just end up hurting everyone because I can't let go. It's even worse when I'm single. Our relationship was perfect. We never argued, we were always happy together. Throughout our whole relationship we never lost that "honeymoon" phase. Then she cheated and we went downhill. There was a moment within the last 3 year's that we spent a night together. When I was single. We didn't do anything but kiss and we still felt the connection we had before it all happened. So what do you do when you both love each other but can't get over what happened. We both tried letting go but we can't. And as for the current girlfriend, how am I suppose to break her heart like mine was broken. I can't do it. I guess I was trying to force that love feeling with someone who treats me right. Someone who I know will always be faithful. But I can't. When she texts me all the time I get annoyed. My sex drive is way down. I don't know how much longer I can do this. I can't sleep at night. I'm always anxious. I know at this point there's probably no more advice to be given, but I just can't do this alone right now. Link to post Share on other sites
M30USA Posted August 5, 2014 Share Posted August 5, 2014 Was this ex-gf your first? Link to post Share on other sites
Author josephrm Posted August 5, 2014 Author Share Posted August 5, 2014 Was this ex-gf your first? No she wasn't, I was with a handful of people before her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author josephrm Posted August 5, 2014 Author Share Posted August 5, 2014 No she wasn't, I was with a handful of people before her. And if you meant sexually, she would be my 2nd. Link to post Share on other sites
duramax Posted August 5, 2014 Share Posted August 5, 2014 That's a common problem, having those feelings for the ex will hinder you from opening yourself completely for the current gf, its happened to me. With that said what you have to really ponder on is can you trust her again, is it worth losing someone that may never cheat on you only to find she did it again in turn will hurt you deeper. It may work out great there is no saying, its touchy to make that decision but I would look at two things here. If you give her another chance will you carry the through of her cheating which will keep you at bay. If you do not go back try a means of letting her go as contact will just keep her strong in your mind an never allow you to move on with someone else fully. Good luck Link to post Share on other sites
Author josephrm Posted August 5, 2014 Author Share Posted August 5, 2014 @duramax That's the problem. I have deleted her number and completely removed her from my life. Still after doing that I thought about her everyday but I stayed strong and never reached out. I told her many times that the relationship is ruined and will never happen again. In the back of my head I believe we will be back together again though. And even though I pushed her away, 3 years later she is still telling me she loves me and she's sorry. Link to post Share on other sites
Shadowburn Posted August 6, 2014 Share Posted August 6, 2014 Alright, simple question then. If it was such a great love story between you and your ex, how come she ended up cheating on you? And not only cheating but leaving you for that other person and staying away for three long years? How great her "love" for you was then? Sorry, you sound codependent. She is not some broken winged bird that need your love and care to fly again. She is grown up who makes very poor decisions in life and is about to engage you in her self-destruction. Think not NOW, but ten years ahead. All those hugs and kisses are great, but not when you have bills to pay, and kids to care for. What would you do when she will cheat and leave you again - because she will? I really don't see a happy ending here. Link to post Share on other sites
Author josephrm Posted August 6, 2014 Author Share Posted August 6, 2014 Alright, simple question then. If it was such a great love story between you and your ex, how come she ended up cheating on you? And not only cheating but leaving you for that other person and staying away for three long years? How great her "love" for you was then? Sorry, you sound codependent. She is not some broken winged bird that need your love and care to fly again. She is grown up who makes very poor decisions in life and is about to engage you in her self-destruction. Think not NOW, but ten years ahead. All those hugs and kisses are great, but not when you have bills to pay, and kids to care for. What would you do when she will cheat and leave you again - because she will? I really don't see a happy ending here. She was with the guy she cheated on me with before she was with me. That guy went into the military and on top of that she wasn't allowed to have a normal life in her living situation. I'm in no way defending her, but I do keep an open mindset to try and understand why it was done to begin with. Cheating is the worst thing that can happen in a relationship I know. But there was a lot of unfinished business between the two. We were younger then. As much as it hurts me, I do want to believe it was an honest mistake. She was drunk and she hates him for getting in between our relationship. I'm not going to sit here and say yes let's go for it, the past is the past. Because the past normally repeats itself. But I can't hide these feelings and that's why I'm here asking for the help. Thank you for taking the time to comment and listen. It means a lot. I need all the criticism and advice I can get because I'm at a loss. Link to post Share on other sites
aussietigerwolf Posted August 6, 2014 Share Posted August 6, 2014 you sound very much like you're defending her and also like you've made up your mind to go back to the ex. So do it then but don't come back here when your ex cheats and leaves you again and your current gf doesn't want to even know you exsist after you broke her heart and worse her Childs. Link to post Share on other sites
Author josephrm Posted August 6, 2014 Author Share Posted August 6, 2014 Whether I get back with my ex or not, this relationship Im in doesn't feel right. I don't want to break her heart or the child's. But you can't blame me for wanting to leave so she can move on with her life. What's the best way about doing this break up? Would it be best just to tell her I don't feel the same? Or should I take it slow? I never had to do this before. I usually had a legitimate reason for breaking up. I just don't feel the love. And I can't see myself ever feeling it again. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted August 8, 2014 Share Posted August 8, 2014 Whether I get back with my ex or not, this relationship Im in doesn't feel right. I don't want to break her heart or the child's. But you can't blame me for wanting to leave so she can move on with her life. What's the best way about doing this break up? Would it be best just to tell her I don't feel the same? Or should I take it slow? I never had to do this before. I usually had a legitimate reason for breaking up. I just don't feel the love. And I can't see myself ever feeling it again. She is going to get hurt either way so there's no easy way. All I can say is, be kind, be supportive and respectful when you do end it with her. Tell her that you adore her and care about her but you don't see yourself with her long term. NO need to tell her that you're not "in love" with her as that will do damage to her confidence level. Don't pick a fight with her then use that as an excuse to break up or go into a-hole mode so she will break up with you. You know what you feel and putting anymore effort into this relationship is not fair to her or to you. Link to post Share on other sites
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