Being the OW 101. Rules to live by as the OW

[LilGirlandOW]

I thought I'd like to share somethings I've learned as my R with my MM has progressed, some do's and dont's

 

(1) Dont shower your MM with gifts, love sure, expensive gifts are a no-no

(2) Dont say I love you first, even if you feel it long before he says it to you

(3) Dont expect your MM to leave his wife

 

thoughts?

[Emilia]

thoughts?

I wish this subforum didn't come up when I click on 'new posts' but there is nothing I can do about it

[LilGirlandOW]

also

DO put yourself first and try to set yourself up for personal and career success, work towards goals and develop new and interesting hobbies this will keep you busy when your MM doesnt return a text/call and give your a positive landing for when in the future he decides to be with you as your partner fulltime or decides to leave you for BW. Men find women striving for and accomplishing things sexy and if he see's you can get by without him that in itself may make him hurry to make up his mind of what he wants with you in the future as far as relationship goals.

[LilGirlandOW]

I wish this subforum didn't come up when I click on 'new posts' but there is nothing I can do about it

 

this although off topis would fall under a dont, as in dont click on it cheers!

[Goodbye]

Tell yourself you deserve better and run, don't walk, out of his life.

[KathyM]

#3 is a good one. The likelihood of a MM leaving his wife for a mistress is pretty small. Cheating men are not generally looking for a replacement wife, they are looking for some action on the side. They want to have both the marriage/family and the side dish.

[underwater2010]

1. Don't have sex in their bed.

2. Don't meet their kids.

3. Don't befriend him/her on facebook.

4. Don't call their house.

5. Don't expect to spend holidays/weekends with him/her.

6. Don't expect him/her to pay for the hotel rooms.

7. Don't expect him/her not to have sex with their spouse.

8. Don't expect him/her not to have sex with another OW/OM.

9. Don't limit yourself to just him/her.

10. Don't show up at his/her place of business expecting to not be outed.

11. Don't send videos or pics that you would not want other people to see.

12. Let them text you when they have time.

 

Anyone else?

[Goodbye]

1. Don't have sex in their bed.

2. Don't meet their kids.

3. Don't befriend him/her on facebook.

4. Don't call their house.

5. Don't expect to spend holidays/weekends with him/her.

6. Don't expect him/her to pay for the hotel rooms.

7. Don't expect him/her not to have sex with their spouse.

8. Don't expect him/her not to have sex with another OW/OM.

9. Don't limit yourself to just him/her.

10. Don't show up at his/her place of business expecting to not be outed.

11. Don't send videos or pics that you would not want other people to see.

12. Let them text you when they have time.

 

Anyone else?

 

 

So true about the hotels. And we weren't talking sleezy little motels. We'd go to nice places and stay for days...at MY expense. Wow, I was brainwashed. I spent too much money on that dead end.

[Nattie]

I thought I'd like to share somethings I've learned as my R with my MM has progressed, some do's and dont's

 

(1) Dont shower your MM with gifts, love sure, expensive gifts are a no-no

(2) Dont say I love you first, even if you feel it long before he says it to you

(3) Dont expect your MM to leave his wife

 

thoughts?

 

I think *Don't expect him to leave his wife* should be the queen mother of all rules when involved with a MM. I have a few of my own...

 

1. Never text/call him first. I refuse to chase him, if you want it buddy you come get it.

2. NOOOOOO dirty pictures/videos via text, or anything else! Or at least none that can identify you by your face or distinct scars, tattoos etc. Nobody should possess such power over you, if things were to go bad.

3. No coming to my house, although he has no problem having me in his.

[chaser0195]

I wish this subforum didn't come up when I click on 'new posts' but there is nothing I can do about it

 

You don't have to read the posts

[SweetiePie12]

Let's see, how many of these rules have I broken:

 

 

3. Don't befriend him/her on facebook.

 

11. Don't send videos or pics that you would not want other people to see.

 

[SweetiePie12]

Resident rule breaker checking in:

 

1. Never text/call him first.

 

I do. I feel OK letting him know I'm thinking of him.

 

2. NOOOOOO dirty pictures/videos via text, or anything else! Or at least none that can identify you by your face or distinct scars, tattoos etc.

 

Heh heh. Too late. My face isn't in any picture, but -- he asked! He just looks and deletes, anyway.

 

3. No coming to my house, although he has no problem having me in his.

 

He's always at my house. He even has a key

[Nattie]

 

 

 

He's always at my house. He even has a key

 

If I was just the OW I would have him over all the time, but I can't have him where my kids are. I feel like it's their territory... but surprisingly I do go to his. Hypocracy at it's finest I guess

[underwater2010]

Let's see, how many of these rules have I broken:

 

 

 

DDay came about because of facebook (that is where I caught on).

 

I still have her dirty pics and videos....have not deleted them yet.

 

I would say be very careful.

[SweetiePie12]

If I was just the OW I would have him over all the time, but I can't have him where my kids are. I feel like it's their territory... but surprisingly I do go to his.

 

Is he single?

[mammasita]

I might get in trouble for this but how about......

 

1) Don't be an OW

[Nattie]

Is he single?

 

 

Nope, married with kids. They're much older than mine, although that doesn't make it any less wrong.

[LilGirlandOW]

I've also broken the dirty picture rule with my MM, but as to has he with me, he's even sent me pictures of himself, so if the going ever were to get tough, lol, i tooo have leverage. Hell I've broken the expensive gift rule too, once. The gift rule is a strange one; here goes...

 

I bought him a really fancy flask engraved with his name, a reallly nice one he tells me that it now sits on his WIFES work desk.. ouch! he found that funny, i found it salt in a wound i didnt even know was there...

[SweetiePie12]

DDay came about because of facebook (that is where I caught on).

 

What did you see?

 

I still have her dirty pics and videos....have not deleted them yet.

 

Praytell, why? Ammo?

 

We don't inbox on Facebook, and rarely interact on one another's walls (anymore; at first, yes). So in a way, it's what people don't see that should give them a clue. If we're such "good friends" as some people know, why don't I click "like" on everything and share all over my wall his stuff?

 

This brings me to a rule I can add to the list: Be discreet! Never, ever call attention to your connection with him/her. Your body language will be a dead giveaway, anyway, so try to cool it.

 

I would say be very careful.

 

Thank you. I am. Neither of us are interested in adding drama to the everyday difficulties of life.

[underwater2010]

What did you see?

 

Just a casual message at first but enough to send up red flags. Then I dug deeper. She to did the like, post and poke early on, but stopped once deep into the affair. I was also able to go back and tract info via timeline to prove or disprove information from both of them.

 

Praytell, why? Ammo?

 

Just call it insurance. And yes her husband recognized the ring on her finger. I am sure the rest of her family would too. But I am better than that....I did not expose to anybody besides my friends and her husband. NO FAMILY on either sides. But that does not mean I wouldn't if push came to shove. I would be done with my husband before I played that hand though.

 

We don't inbox on Facebook, and rarely interact on one another's walls (anymore; at first, yes). So in a way, it's what people don't see that should give them a clue. If we're such "good friends" as some people know, why don't I click "like" on everything and share all over my wall his stuff?

 

Because that would bring the true nature of your "friendship" to light. Please continue to be careful about all those things.

 

This brings me to a rule I can add to the list: Be discreet! Never, ever call attention to your connection with him/her.

 

Very true....but things still can be found out. My case is a perfect example.

 

Your body language will be a dead giveaway, anyway, so try to cool it.

 

Thank you. I am. Neither of us are interested in adding drama to the everyday difficulties of life.

 

See responses in bold.

[KathyM]

Being in BW's home is the ultimate in disrespect. When she finds out, she won't even be able to be in her own home without having triggers.

 

How horrible. STOP going into his home!

Some waywards get off on bringing their AP into their home. It's like they want the relationship to be as bad as it can be. They somehow find that exciting. Some are just cheap and don't want to spring for a hotel.

[Nattie]

Being in BW's home is the ultimate in disrespect. When she finds out, she won't even be able to be in her own home without having triggers.

 

How horrible. STOP going into his home!

 

I know it's horrible... but she is NOT a betrayed spouse, she is a mean wench, who could care less about him. I've seen her treat him like absolute garbage. I'm not just saying this, she's downright mean. They choose to stay together for now, and that's up to them, I don't get into that, that's his choice. For all we know she could have someone over too, they're hardly ever home at the same time. It's hard for me to feel bad when she's so rotten, and frankly I'd rather she catch me in her bed than a cop catch me in the backseat of my SUV. That's the truth.

[LilGirlandOW]

than a cop catch me in the backseat of my SUV. That's the truth.

 

another story to add to this,

 

When my MM and I would have rendezvous in his SUV a cop once caught us, not doing anything but talking, he is MUCH older than I, the cop thought I was a prositute wow. Now we see each other during the days we go out for walks and doing errands and at night he comes to my place, I'm single so no worries there, we kinda treat my place as ours which can become common in a more developed MM/OW situation.

[PutARingOnIt]

Don't make him a priority. Date other guys.

[SweetiePie12]

Being in BW's home is the ultimate in disrespect.

 

Beg your pardon, but it's HIS home, too.

 

That being said, my friend & I had this discussion. He agrees that it's somehow worse in his own house. I counter that it doesn't matter whose bed or a hotel bed -- it's all the same.

 

I maintain that to bring someone to a house you share with others is begging to get caught. So much risk to leave evidence. Even spending time in my house, then going to his carries risk of evidence.