couldhavebeen Posted October 24, 2012 Share Posted October 24, 2012 he was just a person we knew from work who was first infatuated with another colleague of mine. she and I were new then so We never knew he was married then. So I see no reason not to support their so called flirting. But then, my colleague had another, then another man, 3 men at once. He was hurt so I kind of became one of his friends when he was cheated by this colleague, whom I didn't know at that time was a professional flirt. Anyway, my life was pretty simple and uncomplicated before I open myself up with this guy. some may say I am a complete fool for falling for his charm. I've never had a real relationship then... I was 30 then and everytime my relationship become serious I break out of it due to work or I never had time to love someone more than I love my own time or my family and ambition. But after having accomplished somethings that my family can be proud of, I finally had time to fall in love and it was this guy. Unfortunately, he was an ass for not showing his real status at first. It was 3 months before I heard rumors from our work place that he is married and with 2 kids. My colleague told me too that's why she dumped him though she's using him for other things. But within that 3 months of us going out and having our special time together, he had already captured my heart and I was in desperate need to have him, since I really knew I already love him more than myself. We both cried for the wrong timing of meeting each other. He said that he isn't in love with his wife but he can't leave her because of his kids. At first, I understood all of it and tried my best to accept it. At that time, he only goes home during weekends and he's with during weekdays. After 2 years, Things got complicated when his wife had suspicions about him being unfaithful. She then decided to transfer to the city to live with him 24/7. I never knew how much I loved him for I still have to accept his situation even if we are only seeing each other once a month for the coming months and no more going out for he is afraid we will be seen... But then again, I'm just human and I dont't think I deserve this kind of treatment. He told me I need to be patient and promised that things will get better soon... I'm not getting any younger and wanted to be with him as normal couple do. I tried ending it for 3 times now but I can't seem to find the courage to ignore him whenever he comes running into me. So I again forgive him and everytime I break things up with him I can't bear the pain of losing him... as if I had him for myself in the first place... Just now, I again asked him to help me let him go. I am a busy person but when it comes to him, I always let him come first, no matter, when, where I am at, what I am doing or who I am with. It just hurts me the MOST when I accidentally read his messages to his wife... the same messages he sent me but MORE... It just hit me how much time I've wasted and how much he has played my feelings... I am such in deep **** but it was my choice to be with him... I'm just not sure how to release my heart from loving him and love myself for a change... i'm so lost... Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted October 24, 2012 Share Posted October 24, 2012 Ouch...It's obvious you're really hurting and here's a hug or two! Put yourself first from now on! This guy is an total douche and has used your heart against you. He knew how to play you knowing full well what he was doing, yet made you believe that things were bad at home, which now you know isn't true. All you can do is distance yourself from him and detach. do your best to not reach out to him and if you can, change your number so you won't text him or read what he texts you. Do you still work with him? If yes, then ask for a transfer ,or start looking for another job. The guy isn't looking to end his marriage and start over. he was happy enough keeping you as the OW and having the affair. Unfortunately he gave you hope that you two one day would be together, but that's not the case. Remember, stop putting him or anybody else first. YOU come first from now on! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author couldhavebeen Posted October 24, 2012 Author Share Posted October 24, 2012 I know most of our stories as OW is almost the same... The intensity of it might vary but still... we're on the same shoes =) thanks for the heads up... For now, that's really what I'm going to do... Love myself first. I can't change my number coz it's work related here and abroad... Yes, I'm stii working at the same place and a transfer is impossible too... I'll just have to endure the pain of seeing him eveyday and find the courage to face him everyday =) Thak god for this forum though for I don't have anyone who will understand my situation right now and I don't want them to hate him too. It'll be too much for him to handle. Anyway, life goes on... with or without my sunshine. At least I'm breathing. =) Link to post Share on other sites
BetrayedH Posted October 24, 2012 Share Posted October 24, 2012 He is a liar, cheater, and a manipulator that clearly cares more about himself than anyone else. His attention may have made you feel good about yourself but that doesn't make him a lovable guy. It makes him a guy that knows how to play women. I am missing out on seeing any admirable traits here. What you have discovered is that he is toxic. Keep focused on that. He is no good for you. Even if you could have him, would you want him? If he will cheat with you, what's to say he won't cheat on you? You deserve better than to be some dude's side dish. You barely rate second place in his life. A man in love with you would move moutains to be with you. Yes, your story is much like many OW. Eventually (sadly, it seems to take years), they realize that they are just being played and deserve better. The sooner you realize that and detach, the sooner you can reclaim your life and find a man that will put you first. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author couldhavebeen Posted October 24, 2012 Author Share Posted October 24, 2012 I am aware that he played with my heart now but I was also aware that he is married. I guess, this is what they called karma... I am just hoping I could survive losing my self esteem after this... and be able to find myself again and have the courage to love again =) but it felt good knowing I am not alone in this... maybe, now I can stop crying every time I think of him... Link to post Share on other sites
Author couldhavebeen Posted October 24, 2012 Author Share Posted October 24, 2012 tnx for the hugs btw... it helps in some ways... Link to post Share on other sites
Author couldhavebeen Posted October 24, 2012 Author Share Posted October 24, 2012 Ouch...It's obvious you're really hurting and here's a hug or two! Put yourself first from now on! This guy is an total douche and has used your heart against you. He knew how to play you knowing full well what he was doing, yet made you believe that things were bad at home, which now you know isn't true. All you can do is distance yourself from him and detach. do your best to not reach out to him and if you can, change your number so you won't text him or read what he texts you. Do you still work with him? If yes, then ask for a transfer ,or start looking for another job. The guy isn't looking to end his marriage and start over. he was happy enough keeping you as the OW and having the affair. Unfortunately he gave you hope that you two one day would be together, but that's not the case. Remember, stop putting him or anybody else first. YOU come first from now on! tnx for the hugs btw =) it helps in so many ways even if it's virtual... Link to post Share on other sites
hurted Posted October 25, 2012 Share Posted October 25, 2012 I was just like you hoping everything he said was really going to happen. When he said be patient, be there with me and go thru this whole process with me, i cant do this without you etc.... But you know what, these are all bull****, seriously. Words are so cheap. We love them so much to blindly believe whatever he says because we want to believe these, and he is happily to see that you want to believe more than he wants you to. You may not realize now, but one day if you do get out of this deep hole, you will understand every move he made with things he said were not matching at all. You would regret by then what a fool you made yourself into. Its not easy, but prolonging it is only going to make it harder. I NCed with him for about a year then broke the NC and met him. You probably think things would change by then but it didnt and it WILL NEVER. I am quoting one of MissBee's threads: RUN! Link to post Share on other sites
Author couldhavebeen Posted October 26, 2012 Author Share Posted October 26, 2012 I was just like you hoping everything he said was really going to happen. When he said be patient, be there with me and go thru this whole process with me, i cant do this without you etc.... But you know what, these are all bull****, seriously. Words are so cheap. We love them so much to blindly believe whatever he says because we want to believe these, and he is happily to see that you want to believe more than he wants you to. You may not realize now, but one day if you do get out of this deep hole, you will understand every move he made with things he said were not matching at all. You would regret by then what a fool you made yourself into. Its not easy, but prolonging it is only going to make it harder. I NCed with him for about a year then broke the NC and met him. You probably think things would change by then but it didnt and it WILL NEVER. I am quoting one of MissBee's threads: RUN! I believe I am a strong person to do this but when it comes to him I am like a paper boat just flowing according to his whims... I just hope I could do whe you have done too. NC for a year but hope I could just forget him and that's it. Thanks for telling me it can happen though =) Link to post Share on other sites
porcelainprincess Posted October 27, 2012 Share Posted October 27, 2012 Wow we are soo similar - I consider myself to be very ambitious too, and I value my own time greatly but I'm in a situation where I've been valuing HIS time more than my own.... I'm so eager and ready to drop everything to pick up his crumbs & I know getting anything from him is like a drug and you feel fantastic. I had tricked myself into thinking crumbs were just fine and acceptable, but now I can honestly say you won't feel good about yourself if you keep accepting so little.... Maybe I should practice what I preach Link to post Share on other sites
Author couldhavebeen Posted October 27, 2012 Author Share Posted October 27, 2012 Wow we are soo similar - I consider myself to be very ambitious too, and I value my own time greatly but I'm in a situation where I've been valuing HIS time more than my own.... I'm so eager and ready to drop everything to pick up his crumbs & I know getting anything from him is like a drug and you feel fantastic. I had tricked myself into thinking crumbs were just fine and acceptable, but now I can honestly say you won't feel good about yourself if you keep accepting so little.... Maybe I should practice what I preach haha! right... He's messing with my brain even if I don't intend to think of him. he's like a maGnet that I can feel everytime he's around. But the holiday season is here again and I don't want another wave of disappointments. This is going to be my last Christmas before I have to travel again for the next 2 years so I wanted to spend this one with him out of my life, thoughts and dreams... I'll really try harder this time. Link to post Share on other sites
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