sharon Posted January 12, 2004 Share Posted January 12, 2004 My mm works very long hours (sometimes 6 am to 8 pm) and has been very sick for about 1.5 months (chest infection). So needless to say when done work his autopilot kicks in and he goes straight home. Once home he's not able to call me. I have occasionaly called him at home. He is a very devoted father so on the weekends the kids are rightly so a priority. So basically the problem is .. we have very little contact. He has shown me a couple of weeks ago that he was trying to keep in closer contact. But after all the holidays were over with he's gone back to minimal contact. Complicate this with the fact that he's asked me to "lay low" knowing that "in the end we'll be together". Which I'm trying so desperatly to do. So, in order to facilitate our keeping in closer contact I bought him a pay as you go cell phone. You are probably asking why I bought the phone. You see I honestly believe that the phone would enable closer contact .. if only for a minute or two a day. And if so, that would make our relationship alot better. Now the problem is I'm having trouble getting it to him. I'm torn between going to his work and leaving it there. Or waiting for him (at his work) to finish and give it to him. I won't wait at his house cause that's just too risky. You see I wouldn't want the kids to see any fight that would ensue from my actions. Do you think this is stalking? If so, what other methods could I employ to get the phone to him. Looking for advice, Sharon Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted January 12, 2004 Share Posted January 12, 2004 Do you think this is stalking? If so, what other methods could I employ to get the phone to him. It's not "stalking". But I still wouldn't do any of it. If he wanted to get in touch with you, he could. You don't need to buy him a phone with your number programmed into it. Your "relationship" is totally one-sided. You are putting huge efforts into making it continue, and he appears to be putting none. Possibly because he doesn't want it to continue. Some OW have noted that the typical MM doesn't practice "clean closure" of affairs. He just sends out those subtle "it's all over" signals, by not getting in touch and managing to be unavailable all the time. I would ask you to consider if this is in fact what is going on. And my sympathies in advance... Link to post Share on other sites
jenny Posted January 12, 2004 Share Posted January 12, 2004 i agree. please do not invest any more money into this man - he is phasing you out. i have seen guys do this a hundred times - if he lacks the courage to break it off with you, or is afraid you will make a scene or cry, he'll just give you the slow cast off. think how desperate you are being. you deserve better than this, don't you? it's just so sad, especially if you are spending your hard-earned money chasing after a man who is showing you clearly with his actions that he does not want you. this man will not thank you for coming to his home or work, and since all your hopes seemed to be pinned on him, you can't risk his censure for now. it's not stalking yet, but it's getting there. please, see a counselor. the fact that you are wondering if that constitutes stalking is telling. think of this as a wake up call - you know you've hit rock-bottom desperation when your f*** buddy won't even call you for a minute. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sharon Posted January 12, 2004 Author Share Posted January 12, 2004 I wish that I could say it was that cut and dry. You see, it was just a week and a half ago that I last saw him. While that did encompas two weekends .. your point about making time is well noted. And furthermore, it was just a scant 3 weeks ago when he told me for the very first time that he loved me .. he never said it before. He always said he wouldn't say it unless he felt it. And also, at that same time he asked me to hang in because in the end we'd be together. He also said that while he doesn't say it very often he does really appreciate me. I asked him why all of a sudden the change? He said that it just was hard for him to open up. I feel the day that his wife was removed by the police (for intoxication and violence) made him take stock of his situation. You see it was about half a week later that he told all this. So where does this leave me now? God, I wish I knew. Link to post Share on other sites
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