Red6447 Posted November 7, 2003 Share Posted November 7, 2003 A couple of months ago I started a new job and met this guy. Well, he is married. When we started messing around I knew he was married. We talked about it just being a physical thing. See it was the first time he had cheated on his wife. He just had a baby with her. Well after 3 months of it being just a physical thing he breaks it off with me. I said fine But know I;m pregnant with his child!! I don't want to tell him. What should I do???? Link to post Share on other sites
ArdeaCandidissima Posted November 7, 2003 Share Posted November 7, 2003 My sympathies to you. You are in a very tough spot. First...don't ask the man in question for emotional or practical support, since he has made clear he cannot provide it. You will need help and advice...turn to those you trust. Parents, close friends with good judgment, relatives, counsellors, minister, social worker etc. Your first question is whether to terminate. It is a totally personal decision and for many women, the right one. If you continue the pregnancy, you will need medical assistance, a place to live, a plan for your life after the birth. As to whether to keep on your current job...finances come first, emotions a close second. You may want to see a lawyer about this, especially if the married man was your supervisor. This will help you prevent a demotion or firing which could be very upsetting and financially destructive. Check your medical insurance terms. Adoption is also a possibility, and perhaps your best choice. If you keep the baby, see a lawyer and file for paternity determination and child support ASAP. You may even be able to do this before the birth. Lastly...no more messing around with married guys. Get busy, you have lots to do. Link to post Share on other sites
littleone Posted November 7, 2003 Share Posted November 7, 2003 You need to tell him. I am in the same situation but I thought keeping quiet would be the right thing. For me the only problem is that it has caused more problems within myself and wished I would have handle things differently up front. I have a beautiful son that I love very much and who has changed my life in so many different ways. Things happen for a reason and for reasons we may not know or understand. The road I have been on has been a bumpy one with its highs and lows. No matter what the path you take, it is yours and needs to be your decision. Right, wrong, or indifferent. Keep your head held high and I wish you the best. Watch out for and protect yourself and your child. Wish you the best. Link to post Share on other sites
lipglossboost Posted November 8, 2003 Share Posted November 8, 2003 A prior poster brought up terminating the pregnancy .. you don't mention your feelings on this or if it is an option. Adoption is another avenue, if you feel you are not ready for a child yet. This is a bad situation to bring a child into. Your decision on whether or not to keep the child is really where you need to start. If you do not intend to keep the baby, or continue with the pregnancy, it may be best not to share the info with him. He has already proven that he cannot be loyal or trusted. He will likely be just as lousy a father as he is a husband. Also, you mention this is his 'first time' cheating on his wife. How do you know this? He is lying to his wife, the woman he took vows to, what's to stop him from lying to you? You will make the best decision based on the circumstances. We only know a portion of the situation. My unbiased, honest advice is not to have/keep the child. It sounds as if this was a mistake you both made, and now you are left alone with a difficult choice to make. Be safe and I wish you the best, ~Lexi Link to post Share on other sites
Dreamgirl03 Posted November 8, 2003 Share Posted November 8, 2003 I have once been in a similar situation myself..only it was my ex fiancee`s and i was involved with another guy..andi had a miscarriage of the child..but, however...my thought would to be to have the child, and give it up for adoption..(i am VERY against abortion..so...lol). Other than keeping it that would be the best option, but in the case of your situation, it is the best option available. Link to post Share on other sites
pinkpanther Posted March 24, 2004 Share Posted March 24, 2004 Well i have a spin off on this one...im pregnant by a professional athelete and he just had a baby as well...what do i do? I havent told him yet. Link to post Share on other sites
overseas2004 Posted March 24, 2004 Share Posted March 24, 2004 He has a right to know. Link to post Share on other sites
pinkpanther Posted March 24, 2004 Share Posted March 24, 2004 not telling him is not an option ...im gonna do that but i know he is going to tell me to have an abortion....what should i do when he says this? I could go to the media and ruin him but i dont want the drama. Child support would be around 200,000 with his account should i have it anyway? Link to post Share on other sites
jmargel Posted March 24, 2004 Share Posted March 24, 2004 You are going to let money decide whether or not you want to terminate a life? Holy ****, this is worse than Jerry Springer. It's your body and whatever he says about an abortion let it in one ear and out the other. Bring up a child in this world requires more than just money! This isn't a puppy dog you can just put in a cage when you feel like it. I'm not about to preach about the morals and ethics of cheating, sleeping with married men, etc.. Its pointless to you folks. If you can't handle a child please put the baby up for adoption. There are SO many parents out there that can't have children and would love another human being as their own. Don't terminate a life because of what YOU feel. Don't make two wrongs. Go to the media? You must love the drama. All that is going to do is make you look like a slut. If you think the media is going to have pity on you, someone who had sex with a married man you would be mistaken. This athete's wife needs to know. God only knows he's been with countless women. No wonder why the world is so messed up nowadays. Why don't some of you people use common sense? Link to post Share on other sites
pinkpanther Posted March 25, 2004 Share Posted March 25, 2004 ITS MY CHOICE IF I WANT TO ABORT...bUT....im not having an abortion based on his belief. I am pro choice personally but i couldnt dare do that. My toss up is rasing it on my own or telling him to help me by way of the courts. Ruining his name if thats what i have to do to get justice i will do it. Being labeled as a slut? Do you think i was implying that i was gonna look cool for putting him out there...?? NO! Im asking if i should raise this baby on my own with or without him. My father is a minister so im not proud at all of what has come to past with this situation. You seem extremely bitter maybe you cheated on your wife a few times...you need to calm your ass down and stop being so judgemental this is an open forum if you dont like what you are reading HELL DONT READ IT! Maybe YOU need to use some "common sense". Link to post Share on other sites
befuddled11 Posted March 25, 2004 Share Posted March 25, 2004 NO need to fly off at JMargel like that, good grief. Such a shame that women have to resort to screwing around with married men, and even more of a shame when their irresponsibility brings an innocent child into the mix. That's not a judgment, that's a fact. And it's also my opinion, which I'm free to share, seeing how this is a public forum and you're here seeking peoples' opinions. Hopefully in the future, you'll stay away from the married men. Link to post Share on other sites
reasontosigh Posted March 25, 2004 Share Posted March 25, 2004 Maybe YOU need to use some "common sense". Maybe you should have practiced what you preach, like birth control? (Maybe you did, maybe not - don't know.) The fact that you mentioned he's a professional athlete, even to the point of calculating his potential child support, makes you sound awfully calculating yourself. Not a judgement on anything other than the way the posts themselves sound in their emphasis. Link to post Share on other sites
befuddled11 Posted March 25, 2004 Share Posted March 25, 2004 Originally posted by reasontosigh Maybe you should have practiced what you preach, like birth control? (Maybe you did, maybe not - don't know.) The fact that you mentioned he's a professional athlete, even to the point of calculating his potential child support, makes you sound awfully calculating yourself. Not a judgement on anything other than the way the posts themselves sound in their emphasis. Very calculating, indeed. Link to post Share on other sites
jmargel Posted March 26, 2004 Share Posted March 26, 2004 Originally posted by pinkpanther ITS MY CHOICE IF I WANT TO ABORT...bUT....im not having an abortion based on his belief. I am pro choice personally but i couldnt dare do that. My toss up is rasing it on my own or telling him to help me by way of the courts. Ruining his name if thats what i have to do to get justice i will do it. Being labeled as a slut? Do you think i was implying that i was gonna look cool for putting him out there...?? NO! Im asking if i should raise this baby on my own with or without him. My father is a minister so im not proud at all of what has come to past with this situation. You seem extremely bitter maybe you cheated on your wife a few times...you need to calm your ass down and stop being so judgemental this is an open forum if you dont like what you are reading HELL DONT READ IT! Maybe YOU need to use some "common sense". I cheated? First off, i'm only engaged. Second I would NEVER cheat on her. I love her with all of my heart. The way your first post was written, you seemed like you just wanted his money. You need to be more clear on your posts. You also seem to have a bit of a temper, huh? You think you actually have a choice in raising this baby with or without him? Think about it. This guy is famous he has a wife and lots of money. You are going to be raising this baby alone. Sure you'll get a check from him every month but that won't substitute the love this baby will be lacking because of him. And the common sense part, I just have to laugh. From someone who got pregnant messing around with a married man. this is an open forum if you dont like what you are reading HELL DONT READ IT! Yep, that makes alot of sense. NOT! This is an open forum, expect answers that you may not want to hear sometimes. I've gotten quite a few PMs thanking me for my advice, even if it's not initially they want to hear. I try to be blunt and look towards the future with the answer I give. It has nothing to do with being judgemental. Did I call you a slut? Nope. Don't assume or put words in my mouth. I mentioned that the media would be however. Just look at the tabloids. Sex and drama sell, and they'll use that to make money even if they have to make you look bad. What you need to do is talk to this guy about what happened, and stop the affair. His wife also needs to know, but that's something he needs to do. It's just sad that another baby is going to be brought up in this world missing a parent. If you decide to keep this baby, raise it with all the love you can give it. And as for your dad being a minster, if he has forgiveness, love and understanding like he preaches about, i'm sure his love for you won't diminish. Link to post Share on other sites
kkat Posted March 28, 2004 Share Posted March 28, 2004 Somehow your thread turned into a discussion of another person's situation -- I wanted to ask you a few questions: Are you still in touch with the MM? Still seeing him/involved with him? How far along are you in your pregnancy? How old are you? Are you financially and emotionally able to care for a child, alone, or with whatever support system you might expect reasonably to have? At this point, its about you and your child and the right decision for the two of you. What do you feel you want to do? Link to post Share on other sites
madmarriedwomen26 Posted April 2, 2004 Share Posted April 2, 2004 I think all you people encouraging these whores who sleep with married men are just as SICK as they are! why would you keep a child like that?! My husband cheated on me and we are waiting to fond out if he is the father and it has destroyed our home. We have two children of our own and i had a miscarriage due to the stress of this crazy nasty woman threatening me!Decent women don't sleep with other womens men especially if they are MARRIED! I don't think any of you should keep your heads held high because you should be ashamed of yourselves! What goes around comes around and you best believe when you screw around with married men you will pay! Marriage is ordanied by God and what he brings together is not to be tampered with by man! Link to post Share on other sites
End of my rope Posted April 2, 2004 Share Posted April 2, 2004 ~OMG~ Kinda went off a bit didn't ya married woman? originally posted by jmargel I'm not about to preach about the morals and ethics of cheating, sleeping with married men, etc.. Its pointless to you folks. this coming from the swinger? Link to post Share on other sites
jmargel Posted April 2, 2004 Share Posted April 2, 2004 WTF does that have to do with swinging? First off, we aren't swapping couples, we are inviting a third female. Second swinging is CONSENSUAL, which is the main underlying difference. Cheating is a WHOLE other thing. Cheating involves loss of love, trust and respect. Trying knowing something about it before making yourself look like a fool. I have the utmost respect and love for my fiancee. Try this site: http://www.swingersboard.com It may give you some insight to it. Link to post Share on other sites
End of my rope Posted April 2, 2004 Share Posted April 2, 2004 Originally posted by jmargel WTF does that have to do with swinging? First off, we aren't swapping couples, we are inviting a third female. Second swinging is CONSENSUAL, which is the main underlying difference. Cheating is a WHOLE other thing. Cheating involves loss of love, trust and respect. Trying knowing something about it before making yourself look like a fool. I have the utmost respect and love for my fiancee. Try this site: http://www.swingersboard.com It may give you some insight to it. I just found it amusing that someone who is into swinging, threesomes, orgies whatever ya call it, ( IMO it's all in the same group) was preaching about morals. Kinda the pot calling the kettle black don't ya think? I never said that swinging wasn't CONSENSUAL. So is cheating. No one puts a gun to the cheaters head and makes them cheat. So how is that an underlying diffrence? Sorry but there's not a connection there. I don't feel I made myself look like a fool. If you do, then that's fine, you are entitled to your opinion. And b/t/w, I never said a word about whether or not you love your fiance or not. Like I just said, I found if funny you were preaching about morals. Those who live in glass houses should not throw stones... Link to post Share on other sites
spencer Posted April 2, 2004 Share Posted April 2, 2004 endofmyrope I think your really reaching here with the cheating, swinger consentual thing. true cheating is consentual, that is a fact two people agree to hurt another (the non consentual spouse). it leaves a broken contract with the SO, = immoral behavior swinging and 3somes all the parties agree, the wife the husband and the other person(s) involved, no one get hurt. the parties have consented. Link to post Share on other sites
End of my rope Posted April 3, 2004 Share Posted April 3, 2004 Originally posted by spencer endofmyrope I think your really reaching here with the cheating, swinger consentual thing. true cheating is consentual, that is a fact two people agree to hurt another (the non consentual spouse). it leaves a broken contract with the SO, = immoral behavior swinging and 3somes all the parties agree, the wife the husband and the other person(s) involved, no one get hurt. the parties have consented. I don't condone either. I think it's awful, and as I said in another post, shows the level of moral decline our country and our world is in. Cheating is immoral. Swinging, orgies, threesomes are also immoral. The diffrences in "consent" between the two are irrelevent. They are both wrong IMO. But again, that's only my opinion... Link to post Share on other sites
TigerEyes Posted April 3, 2004 Share Posted April 3, 2004 Originally posted by End of my rope Cheating is immoral. If only people understood that.... Cheating is immoral, and DEVASTATING. Link to post Share on other sites
Karlise Posted April 3, 2004 Share Posted April 3, 2004 Just my .02 here But I think there's a major difference between swinging and cheating. Who made you guys the sex morality police? If two adults who LOVE each other want to experiment sexually, that's their business. I am friends with a couple that swings (and no, I do not swing) and they are very committed to each other. True, they live an alternative lifestyle but that is THEIR CHOICE that they made TOGETHER. They are very loving towards each other and their marriage has lasted 15 years. There are plenty of monogamous missionary-position-only-with-the-lights-out-not-on-Sundays people out there who haven't made it that long and who treat each other dreadfully. Why do we all have to have the same sexual lifestyle to be 'moral'? Cheating is about lying and deception. That's another animal entirely. When you cheat you decieve your partner. You don't let them know what's going on. The reason I think cheating is immoral is because you disregard another person's feelings and needs. You set them up to feel humiliated, unloved and worthless. Cheating is about not being loving. And we all have our own definitions of what constitutes a loving relationship. For myself, it IS monogamy in terms of physical sex. However, I also think it's healthy for my BF to go to strip clubs (I go with) and look at porn. We think the human body is fun to look at and it turns us both on. Does that make us immoral? Link to post Share on other sites
TigerEyes Posted April 3, 2004 Share Posted April 3, 2004 Originally posted by Karlise For myself, it IS monogamy in terms of physical sex. However, I also think it's healthy for my BF to go to strip clubs (I go with) and look at porn. We think the human body is fun to look at and it turns us both on. Does that make us immoral? No, not at all....I was refering to the cheating side...the betrayal, not what a couple decides is right for them, TOGETHER. sorry I was not clear... you are not immoral at all. Link to post Share on other sites
TigerEyes Posted April 3, 2004 Share Posted April 3, 2004 Originally posted by Karlise Cheating is about lying and deception. That's another animal entirely. When you cheat you decieve your partner. You don't let them know what's going on. The reason I think cheating is immoral is because you disregard another person's feelings and needs. You set them up to feel humiliated, unloved and worthless. oh, you are so right here.... the deception the betrayal the unloved and worthless humiliated ...all of it and so much more... Thank you for being so insightful. Link to post Share on other sites
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