phoenixrising Posted October 18, 2009 Share Posted October 18, 2009 ... whether I should simply accept that most men are selfish and/or feel a certain degree of dishonesty is acceptable. Let me tell you, I have gone through hell and back - a relationship with an (x)MM (most likely a narcissist) for 4 years, and it has taken me another year to pull myself out of the trenches, look at reality, and move on. I've dated casually for the past 5 years, to include the time I 'waited patiently' for xMM, so have experienced a lot of first and second dates. So - here's a summary of the three men I have decided I wanted to get to know better: One - turns out he was still going through the divorce process (dropped him like a hot potato). Two - begins his exit e-mail after 3 months of dating with an "I have been less than honest with you...", and three - another man who 'set the hook' prior to letting me know he was still married. I begin ALL dating relationships by asking them if they are married, how long they have been divorced, and expressing my sincere desire NOT to date anyone who is married or separated. They all appear very surprised when I let them know that many men I've met through online dating services are actually married. This last one - who I sincerely felt a connection with - told me after we'd been dating for a month. His excuse? He never really felt married, and didn't expect to connect with anyone, so felt it was OK to put "divorced" on his profile. I severed this cord quickly. What is the deal out there??? My brother-in-law said that I should expected that all men are "jerks" and I just have to find one who is less of a "jerk" than the rest of them... Guys, is this true? I am early 50's, no lack of men to date, but really wondering whether it's worth it anymore... my gut feeling has served me well in the past, but it appears there are some very good liars out there. Anyway, don't know what I'm looking for in the way of a response, but truly needed to vent. Thanks for any advice anyone can offer. Link to post Share on other sites
wheelwright Posted October 18, 2009 Share Posted October 18, 2009 I feel for you. I may be dating soon as a 40-year-old who hasn't dated since her 20s. You lend a cautionary note. I am wondering what gives away the truly single ones. They are either messed up (you may not want to go there), they are recently split (you can tell because they are jitterery and seem like they'll never trust again) or they have been looking for the one and only for so long they are pickled in bahelorhood. It's not a great choice, but that's how it is at our stage in life. There's a chance you can find love with one of the former two if you take it slowly. Don't fall for anyone who comes on and makes you feel 20. He is married. If they seem light and sweep you off your feet it's because they have no baggage i.e. are married. Go for someone with obvious baggage, where there is connection and where you feel you might both heal. Good luck. I have a hunch love is around the corner. Link to post Share on other sites
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