waterrabbit Posted October 6, 2009 Share Posted October 6, 2009 It all started about three months ago when i was currently with my long term partner of about 3 years. We were at each other throats for a good few months and i could tell the relationship was breaking down but i didn't want to admit it. I had recently gained a new group of friends and there was this one guy i was very attracted to. Now i knew exactly what i was doing that fateful night we hooked up, and i knew it was wrong, however i did not regret it and we started to see more of each other. I am the OW as he is engaged. I feel addicted to the thrill of no one knowing and the secrecy etc. On the other hand i feel bad for his partner and i know that things will not stay secret forever. I feel like he is a drug to me and i cant get enough. My relationship with my partner broke off about a month into the A. I am still seeing the engaged guy and i feel like i don't want to stop. Now the problem starts when our A was on hiatus and for a couple of weeks we didnt see each or have any contat. I though that was that and it was finished. So i started dating, being single and everything, met this guy, really nice, funny and all round treats you well etc. Went on a few dates then the guy that i was having the A with comes back into contact with me and i fell back into the same routine. I really like the guy im dating and want to stop having the A with the engaged guy. I dont know how to say NO if you know what i mean? Just one more complication to throw in the pot the guy i am dating is 15 years older than me and with that brings its own problems. I feel like this could be something good, but the age gap makes me worry that we would have different views on life, experience etc. But at the end of the day is the person underneath?? Im not scared of being single, i just feel confused as what to do, my head and heart tell me different not to mention the hormones. Link to post Share on other sites
greengoddess Posted October 6, 2009 Share Posted October 6, 2009 The man is engaged and attached but he is not married yet. You have to be strong. Tell him you respect yourself too much to be an ow and he has to break off his engagement before you will see or even speak to him again. Enjoy time with the single guy in the mean time. Don't screw up your chances with the single guy by cheating on him. If you mean enough to him he will drop the fiance. Link to post Share on other sites
NowhereToHide Posted October 6, 2009 Share Posted October 6, 2009 You deserve better (and quite frankly, so does his fiance). Cut him off... cut off all contact. Date this guy. And if he isn't right, then keep dating. An affair with a married man (he WILL be married eventually) can only lead to heartache. Read these boards. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted October 6, 2009 Share Posted October 6, 2009 if he really want you - and ONLY you - he would have broken off the engagement. i would see the guy who is single and focus on why you felt the need to see someone who is already spoken for to begin with. you deserve better than that and need to find out why that was your choice when you did it - so NOT to choose it again... Link to post Share on other sites
fooled once Posted October 7, 2009 Share Posted October 7, 2009 I agree with the others. STOP seeing the engaged guy. He is sleeping with someone else. Think of that each and every time he wants to see you. He isn't as invested with you as you are with him. If he was, he would break the engagement. he goes home to her every night. Remember that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author waterrabbit Posted October 7, 2009 Author Share Posted October 7, 2009 Im gonna try NC its gonna be tough as i cant get away from seeing him twice a week for work purposes. I dont know if its gonna help as i wont be able to get away from him! I need the strength from somewhere to let go, however as no one knows about this ive gotta act like nothing has happened. :S I am gonna try and date this single guy, although i dont know if i can stop thinking about the MM. Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted October 7, 2009 Share Posted October 7, 2009 Now the problem starts when our A was on hiatus and for a couple of weeks we didnt see each or have any contat. I though that was that and it was finished. So i started dating, being single and everything, met this guy, really nice, funny and all round treats you well etc. Went on a few dates then the guy that i was having the A with comes back into contact with me and i fell back into the same routine. the same old story....cheating jerk has women wrapped around his finger....and a guy that treats you well gets treated bad. I think there is a lesson in here for all guys.....be a cheating jerk and have women fall at your feet. I really like the guy im dating and want to stop having the A with the engaged guy. nope...you are treating the guy you are dating like dirt. He deserves better. best to let him go so he can find it. I dont know how to say NO if you know what i mean? which is another reason to let the good guy go to find a good woman. If you can't say no, you will refuse to say no to this engaged guy or other men later on if you are still dating good guy. set him free. Just one more complication to throw in the pot the guy i am dating is 15 years older than me and with that brings its own problems. I feel like this could be something good, but the age gap makes me worry that we would have different views on life, experience etc. But at the end of the day is the person underneath?? and at the end of the day, what is underneath you? do you think you are being fair to a guy that is treating you well? You think you are treating him well by sneaking with stb-MM behind his back? Im not scared of being single, i just feel confused as what to do, my head and heart tell me different not to mention the hormones. no need to be confused...its simple. Set the guy that is treating you well free....because you are not treating him well and he deserves better. As far as the stb-MM, I could tell you to lose him since he is nothing but a cheating ahole that wouldn't know the first thing about treating a woman well....but would you really listen? but at the very least, set the guy you are dating free. Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted October 7, 2009 Share Posted October 7, 2009 You deserve better (and quite frankly, so does his fiance). so does the guy OP is dating. Link to post Share on other sites
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