doe111 Posted September 16, 2009 Share Posted September 16, 2009 i have never done this before, been the ow. i need some closure and cant seem to find it i have been in love with a man (my first love) for over 20 years the long and short of it is i live on the east coast and him on the west coast he emailed me right after my marraige fell apart and it fell apart hard, i have one child the other man (love of my life) contacted me 3 weeks after my seperation, (oh yes i was very very insecure and vulnrable) i new he was married, he of course told me the entire, "my marriage has flaws, we almost split 2 years ago, and on and on. Before i new it we started longing to be together, he said he wanted to leave her but had to be very gentle in that area, (they had no children) he asked about my finacial records "so i know were we are at as your debt will be mine" we talked about my child and i said no meeting until you have moved out and you are on your own, and the mm agreed. We pretty much maped out our future together, he would send me realestate listings of homes, i did tell him we would move to be with him,we would see each other at least once every 2 months we were in constant contact through our black berrys and email and phone calls. he left his wife in December of 2008 and flew to spend Christmas with us and this was the first time he would meet my child, he stayed 2 days and left as there was an accident back home and he was needed there. all the while reassuring me everything "would be ok it will all work out for us". he ended up having to stay with her until she was well enough to be on her own. We also planned a trip in march for us all to be together in the sun it was an all inclusive resort and my son and i would meet him there etc... (yes i paid for his "land only portion") 3 hrs prior to my child and I leaving for the airport i get a I M to say "I am no going anywhere i should never have started with you until i had finished this relationship i will be in touch when i am free and clear" and then he completly blocked me from blackberry email and phone. so off I go with my child alone in a strange country etc..... I also had just found out i was sick so now i am the "weepy chick" at the resort IT WAS HELL 3 weeks after the trip he said "sorry i shut down i paniced she had a breakdown" so oh yes i beleived him and on it went. He once again left in June of 2009 flew to see us and then on to work and then home to a "friends place" until he could find a condo, all the while still professing his love for me and forming a bond with my child through emails and phone calls, my child needed a male figure and had this with him. He reassured me all the time as i was worried about the relationship with my child etc.... (i waited until he was free and clear before he met my child i was very careful in that respect as my child had been through enough) we went to visit him my child and I and stayed for almost 2 weeks, although i did notice a bit of a decline (nothing to serious) in I m's and emails once we returned it was not that much so i did not worry. we did talk about how it was very different for him (the child) but once again he reassued me that all was fine and we would be fine. he finally moved out of his friends place (so he says) and into a condo, he continude the "i love you more that anything" and "cant wait to see you baby" and then the very next day mid august i get and email to say "i am not totally committed to this relationship and please dont call me as i have nothing to say i have said all i am willing to and remember the good times etc....... then he shut everything off on the blackberry, I m is gone email everything. so i am left without closure and I am thinking now that I was used and none of the relationship was real, this man met my friends and my family new him from when we dated at teenagers. My child omg he did not even mention my child in the email not a word. i am devistated and i do not even know if he left his wife or if all of this was just some big lie, how do you promise a single mom (who by the way found out also that i am sick and will be ok but he also said "no worries baby i will be there for you and my child through all of this) all of what you did and then close the door walk away and never speak to this person again who does that. i mean lets face it if he wanted some cheap affaire then why travel across the country he could have cheated where he lives. why me with all that he new i was going through, why did he talk about our life down the road and tell my child things about our future together i just do not get this at all. I feel betrayed and i feel awful for his wife, i cant believe i was so sucked in and all of this is a lie. any help would be a blessing i did post this in wrong spot first time round Link to post Share on other sites
mourningMM Posted September 17, 2009 Share Posted September 17, 2009 Your story is sad, and there are so many twists and turns with few paragraphs and capital letters and occasionally missing words....I may have mis-understood something as I read through. I have no real answers but one sentence did catch my eye: i just do not get this at all. Maybe you are not supposed to get it...maybe the reason you believed him was that YOU needed a distraction from your own separation and divorce. So you dove into this with two feet and no life preserver. I think you have been disappointed, but it is hard to tell whether or not he was using you. If he is just recovering from his own divorce, he may not have been ready regardless of what he said in the early phases of your courtship. Things change-you know that. My heart goes out to you. Sounds like you invested almost two years in your relationship with him. To me, it sounds like you should take some time to heal from your separation and divorce as well as the end of this relationship. Take your time. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Fallen Angel Posted September 18, 2009 Share Posted September 18, 2009 Don't know what to say except I am sorry. I hope you find closure somehow. HUGS sent your way. Link to post Share on other sites
Author doe111 Posted September 22, 2009 Author Share Posted September 22, 2009 ok so it has been over a month with NC from MM!! now i am angry!!!!!! the man owes me close to 1200.00 from a trip that he was to cover and never did I paid for theater tickets when he was in town i paid for football tickets when he was in town oh yes he paid for food and hotel rooms (all of that is a business write off) Christmas oh my gosh dont even go there I spent a ton on gifts for him from my child and I and get this he bought me a CD and told my child that "when you and mom come west I am going to buy her and really cool ipod" oh ya that never happened oh this one is good too, my child felt so close to this man that my child bought him a Fathers Day gift!!!!! I am such a fool I will never let this happen to me again I am angry at myself for letting this happen and I am so hurt for his wife and yep I am thinking now that he never left her and was not ever going to and my child and I were just some sick game to him. Link to post Share on other sites
TogetherForever Posted September 22, 2009 Share Posted September 22, 2009 i have never done this before, been the ow. i need some closure and cant seem to find it i have been in love with a man (my first love) for over 20 years the long and short of it is i live on the east coast and him on the west coast he emailed me right after my marraige fell apart and it fell apart hard, i have one child the other man (love of my life) contacted me 3 weeks after my seperation, (oh yes i was very very insecure and vulnrable) i new he was married, he of course told me the entire, "my marriage has flaws, we almost split 2 years ago, and on and on. Before i new it we started longing to be together, he said he wanted to leave her but had to be very gentle in that area, (they had no children) he asked about my finacial records "so i know were we are at as your debt will be mine" we talked about my child and i said no meeting until you have moved out and you are on your own, and the mm agreed. We pretty much maped out our future together, he would send me realestate listings of homes, i did tell him we would move to be with him,we would see each other at least once every 2 months we were in constant contact through our black berrys and email and phone calls. he left his wife in December of 2008 and flew to spend Christmas with us and this was the first time he would meet my child, he stayed 2 days and left as there was an accident back home and he was needed there. all the while reassuring me everything "would be ok it will all work out for us". he ended up having to stay with her until she was well enough to be on her own. We also planned a trip in march for us all to be together in the sun it was an all inclusive resort and my son and i would meet him there etc... (yes i paid for his "land only portion") 3 hrs prior to my child and I leaving for the airport i get a I M to say "I am no going anywhere i should never have started with you until i had finished this relationship i will be in touch when i am free and clear" and then he completly blocked me from blackberry email and phone. so off I go with my child alone in a strange country etc..... I also had just found out i was sick so now i am the "weepy chick" at the resort IT WAS HELL 3 weeks after the trip he said "sorry i shut down i paniced she had a breakdown" so oh yes i beleived him and on it went. He once again left in June of 2009 flew to see us and then on to work and then home to a "friends place" until he could find a condo, all the while still professing his love for me and forming a bond with my child through emails and phone calls, my child needed a male figure and had this with him. He reassured me all the time as i was worried about the relationship with my child etc.... (i waited until he was free and clear before he met my child i was very careful in that respect as my child had been through enough) we went to visit him my child and I and stayed for almost 2 weeks, although i did notice a bit of a decline (nothing to serious) in I m's and emails once we returned it was not that much so i did not worry. we did talk about how it was very different for him (the child) but once again he reassued me that all was fine and we would be fine. he finally moved out of his friends place (so he says) and into a condo, he continude the "i love you more that anything" and "cant wait to see you baby" and then the very next day mid august i get and email to say "i am not totally committed to this relationship and please dont call me as i have nothing to say i have said all i am willing to and remember the good times etc....... then he shut everything off on the blackberry, I m is gone email everything. so i am left without closure and I am thinking now that I was used and none of the relationship was real, this man met my friends and my family new him from when we dated at teenagers. My child omg he did not even mention my child in the email not a word. i am devistated and i do not even know if he left his wife or if all of this was just some big lie, how do you promise a single mom (who by the way found out also that i am sick and will be ok but he also said "no worries baby i will be there for you and my child through all of this) all of what you did and then close the door walk away and never speak to this person again who does that. i mean lets face it if he wanted some cheap affaire then why travel across the country he could have cheated where he lives. why me with all that he new i was going through, why did he talk about our life down the road and tell my child things about our future together i just do not get this at all. I feel betrayed and i feel awful for his wife, i cant believe i was so sucked in and all of this is a lie. any help would be a blessing i did post this in wrong spot first time round You need to move on & forget about the $$ you think he owes you doe111. Don't waste another second of energy on being angry. Move on & be happy. The quicker the better!! Link to post Share on other sites
VictoryisMine Posted September 22, 2009 Share Posted September 22, 2009 It's one thing when we as adults play with fire we get hurt, badly. But when a child is involved literrally in the middle of that confusion and pain... is heartbreaking. It is not your fault, you had no idea. As we live, we learn. I hope you and your baby forget this one horrible nightmare quick. Link to post Share on other sites
fooled once Posted September 22, 2009 Share Posted September 22, 2009 Live and learn You will never get the money back.... so don't try to hang onto that as a means of seeing him/talking to him. He shut you out before and popped back in --- expect it to happen again. I hope this time, you tell him to drop dead. I am so sorry you are hurting. Link to post Share on other sites
Author doe111 Posted September 22, 2009 Author Share Posted September 22, 2009 :confused:yep you are all correct, i will never see the money!!!! i am mortified that this mm new my deal, he new what was going on at my end with lawyers and just everything that happened in my marriage etc......and the pos takes a single mom (who was also told 5 months ago she has cancer) for money (the cancer is slow moving and can be dealt with thank god) but he also said "oh yes baby I will be there for you throught the cancer and for my child as well" what kind of person does this, I am not proud of being with a mm however what kind of a person does this ontop of cheating on his wife. Link to post Share on other sites
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