jj33 Posted September 10, 2008 Share Posted September 10, 2008 Reading some of the threads on here and dealing with xMMs more recent shenanigans.... it occurs to me that in some (not all) situations the MP is gaslighting the OP. For those BS who read this board I am not saying it excuses me or any other OW, but it would explain to some extent why we may believe certain things or why certain people may be moved to react in ways that in a normal situation would defy belief. yes some people are more vulnerable to gaslighting than others and it doesnt explain every situation but it does explain some of it. Looking at it from this perspective may be helpful not that the OP is a victim but to be aware of the sorts of behavior that can pull you in or keep you tied to a situation when you might otherwise run for the hills without a second thought. If you see it for what it is, then you can respond differently. Or maybe I am making more of it than it is maybe it just bigtime manipulation spiced with deception. I wondered what other people thought. Link to post Share on other sites
NoIDidn't Posted September 10, 2008 Share Posted September 10, 2008 This is a little off-topic. But whenever I read about gaslighting, it reminds me of a Navy phrase my Navy friends used. It went something like: Don't pi$$ on my leg and tell me its raining. Cracks me up. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jj33 Posted September 10, 2008 Author Share Posted September 10, 2008 LOL thats so funny but thats it in a nutshell isnt it? Sadly some of us for some period of time actually get out the umbrella... Link to post Share on other sites
porter218 Posted September 10, 2008 Share Posted September 10, 2008 Well I know my H was guilty of doing this to his OW big time. This is why I was never really mad at her. I don't fully excuse her but I know he was spewing pure BS to her so to some extent I understand. I guess that is just the nature of most As...deception and lies. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jj33 Posted September 10, 2008 Author Share Posted September 10, 2008 It never occured to me until today. xMM has been crossing some big lines all under the guise of "helping me". And you cant really complain when someone is being collegial and helping can you... but in fact hHe is not helping me he is trying to manipulate his way back into his life yet again in very inappropriate ways. Finally finally I see it for what it is and am not hooked in. yes deception and lies are most always a part of an affair. It insidious sometimes... Link to post Share on other sites
Spinning Head Posted September 10, 2008 Share Posted September 10, 2008 Deception and lies are the basis of an affair. I could never reconcile the fact that I lied to my H about where I was so that I could meet xMM. In fact, when my H called me when I was with xMM, I always asked xMM to walk away or leave the room so I could talk to H. But, xMM insisted that I be honest with him - to which I pointed out that I am supposed to be honest with him while we are both lying to our spouses about where we are?! XMM was very angry at me because I had several male friends who called me and he wanted me to stop my R with them. After reading several posts on this site, there must be a manual or something for men who have affairs. All their behaviors are the same. The MM always makes his M sound like hell, complains about Ws and kids, how no one understands him but the OW, how important the OW is to him, etc., etc., etc. It is the same song and dance (I realize there is the 1% exception). Link to post Share on other sites
Author jj33 Posted September 10, 2008 Author Share Posted September 10, 2008 It is dire isnt it. But we all have our reasons for having done what we did or at least we thought we did at the time. I have to say xMM and I are rapidly moving to a good place. So perhaps it was not all in vain. Link to post Share on other sites
2sure Posted September 16, 2008 Share Posted September 16, 2008 Gaslighting. When I first read about it , it was like a revelation to me. During my H's Affairs - more than the physical cheating, more than the emotions and time shared with someone else, more than the jealousy, more than the insecurity - It was the Gaslighting that made me insane. It truly is the Gaslighting that I have found the hardest to forgive. I still dont think he fully realizes, that of all the deception - this was the cruelest. Link to post Share on other sites
TogetherForever Posted September 16, 2008 Share Posted September 16, 2008 In some (most?) cases, the mm gaslights his wife & the ow. TF Link to post Share on other sites
torranceshipman Posted September 16, 2008 Share Posted September 16, 2008 If everyone was honest in an A, I dont think there'd be any A's.:D Major gaslighting everywhere! I think that the MM relies on gaslighting, and it explains a great deal opf why the OWs act like they do (and why the BWs do too). Link to post Share on other sites
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