vivi Posted August 7, 2007 Share Posted August 7, 2007 Well, another night hearing "I'd love to see you but I have a curfew tonight." Apparently he can't hurt her but hurting me is okay. Lately I have been reading and re-reading something I read online somewhere and adapted slightly for my situation. It gives me an odd kind of comfort and if I keep reading it, I will really embrace it. I'd like to know if there are any quotes that other people in similar situations find helpful. Here's mine: "There's nothing wrong with you. And as long as you think your lover's behavior is about you, you will try to wring from them the love you hope you deserve. No matter how painful, there is an overriding comfort in staying put—you know exactly what to do: Wait for the miracle that will transform married lover into available lover/lying lover into honestlover. Wait for the miracle that will make your dreams come true, no matter what evidence to the contrary, as long as you just hang in there. Even now, you expect something to transmute your affair into the relationship it's never been, or won't/can't be. Give up the idea that YOU are responsible for your lover's behavior, and that there's something you can do to change them. There is NOTHINGNOTHINGNOTHING you can do to change them. EACH OF US is responsible for our own inner landscape. When you STOP seeing your lover's behavior as YOUR failure as a person - YOUR problem to solve - you WON'T FEEL COMPELLED TO STAY STUCK in this depressing pit. Then it's a matter of pure pragmatics. Being with a married person is similar to being with a person with a terminal disease. Link to post Share on other sites
NoIDidn't Posted August 7, 2007 Share Posted August 7, 2007 When a person in an A starts trying to force meetings with "its okay to hurt me, but not her" thinking, that usually is a quick road to a meltdown and lots of NC with the MM. She is his W. You are not. You signed up for the *curfews* and the like. She did not. Do you really think that you have the same rights and privileges as the W? Or is this just anger and frustration that the R isn't really what you want as he can't be there all the time? Link to post Share on other sites
OpenBook Posted August 7, 2007 Share Posted August 7, 2007 I'd like to know if there are any quotes that other people in similar situations find helpful. Wow Vivi, those words you posted are so true!! It could actually be applied to ANY situation you find yourself in - not just an A. It's all up to you... This ain't no dress rehearsal... You have more power than you realize to transform your life... Don't give that power away to someone else. Great words of wisdom!! (I'm working on this myself, in my own life, in case you suspected.) As far as contributing useful quotes to this thread, for some reason the ending of Casablanca keeps popping up in my mind... when Rick does the right thing for humanity's sake despite his own exquisite personal pain... "In the grand scheme of things, you and I don't amount to a hill of beans." And especially the very last scene of the movie (which we tend to overlook once he utters "Here's looking at you, kid") -- when he walks off with Louie saying, "This could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship." Rick did the right thing - and then he started walking toward the rest of his life, with a friend beside him, looking at the positive. I firmly believe in Karma - whatever you project out into the universe, it will come back to you tenfold. Rick put out some very powerful good Karma at the end of that movie - and I choose to believe he was rewarded for it. Link to post Share on other sites
lost4ever Posted August 7, 2007 Share Posted August 7, 2007 In this life we will encounter hurts and trials that we will not be able to change; We are just going to have to allow them to change us. -Ron Lee Davis Link to post Share on other sites
Meranna Posted August 7, 2007 Share Posted August 7, 2007 Quotes I USED to live by: "Good things come to those who wait" "Patience is a virtue" "Love conquers all" Quotes I live by now: "What comes around goes around" aka "Karma's a bitch baby!" "You will never find happiness until you find it in yourself" One I have always and will forever live by: "Treat others how you would like to be treated" Even if it's caused people to take advantage of me, I still believe in this because I know I'm a better person for it. Link to post Share on other sites
simplegirl Posted August 8, 2007 Share Posted August 8, 2007 Mine to live by lately has been "If you do what you've always done you'll get what you've always gotten." This applies to so many areas of my life! Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted August 9, 2007 Share Posted August 9, 2007 Mine to live by lately has been "If you do what you've always done you'll get what you've always gotten." This applies to so many areas of my life! My mother used to drill that one in to me all through my twenties (when I most needed to hear it.) It's so true though, isn't it? And you're right. It applies to just about any area of your life. My mother's other one for me, which I love now but used to hate hearing from her was: "Are you a Goddess or a doormat?" She always used to remind me that the choice as to which one I wanted to be was mine. The message finally got through but not until I was in my early 30's. Better late than never I guess. Link to post Share on other sites
IfWishesWereHorses Posted August 9, 2007 Share Posted August 9, 2007 My momma always said, " If wishes were horses pigs would ride!" She was burried and I was into my 40's before I understood what it meant! As a teen I thought.... yeah, WHATEVER! The other one was, you've got the same pants to get glad in. THAT one also hit home in my 40's. Oh, ok, got it, so it's MY choice! Link to post Share on other sites
underpants Posted August 9, 2007 Share Posted August 9, 2007 1. Well, butter my butt and call me a biscuit. (I need to use this more) 2. He fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down. 3. Have a cup of coffee, it's already been 'saucered and blowed. 4. She's so stuck up, she'd drown in a rainstorm. 5. It's so dry, the trees are bribing the dogs. 6. My cow died last night so I don't need your bull. 7. Don't pee down my back and tell me it's raining. (I actually use this one) 8. He's as country as cornflakes. 9. This is gooder'n grits. (I use this too sometimes) 10. Busier than a cat covering crap on a marble floor. 11. If things get any better, I may have to hire someone to help me enjoy it. 12. Southern women see no contradiction in mixing strength with gentleness. (I agree) 12 of one, a dozen or so to another...take from it what you will. Enjoy... Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted August 9, 2007 Share Posted August 9, 2007 Time and tide wait for no man, so why the hell should you? Link to post Share on other sites
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