I am so depressed

[smallwoodpecker]

I am very confused now.... sorry I start off my passage like this,,, but I really do not know what to do...

I discovered at the beginning of this year that my husband had been cheating on me about a year with his co-worker. I have been married with him about 4 year. I did not know anyone when i came to US about 6 years ago, then I met him at school, and we got married after dating about 1 year. So most of my life in US, I pretty much depend on him. I now feel totally betrayed...

How does everyone cope with the partner's affair? I am so depressed and in despair that I do not know what to do. I love him very much and he said he wants to work things out.

he said that he broke up with her. But she is still emailing him everyday asking him to come over to her house,,, even after I spoke with her over the phone.

 

It is so painful.... I know that my husband is also in pain,,,hurting me and her. He must have felt guilty cheating on me over the last year....

 

I know that I would like to continue my marriage with him but i do not know how to trust him again. I still can not believe that he was lying to me over a year. I started going to the psycotherapiest and psyciatric because I took too many sleeping pills.

 

I am worried about him going to work eveyday, cause he would have to see her anyway..... Why cant I just get over this?

[monica_was_here]

listen, hon. Please go to marraigebuilders.com. I found the best help there. I, too am dealing with my husband's affair with a co-worker. Yes, the pain will linger, but it does get better eventually. There are things there at MB that you need to know, such as the absolute need for no contact between him and her. You can't simply take his word that it's over. I mean, really, how good is his word these days, anyway? They become very highly skilled liars during the course of an affair.

Go to the MB site, read everything you can, and buckle up. It'll be a bumpy ride, but one that will promote healing. Go there today.

[teressa0397]

I am very confused now.... sorry I start off my passage like this,,, but I really do not know what to do...

I discovered at the beginning of this year that my husband had been cheating on me about a year with his co-worker. I have been married with him about 4 year. I did not know anyone when i came to US about 6 years ago, then I met him at school, and we got married after dating about 1 year. So most of my life in US, I pretty much depend on him. I now feel totally betrayed...

How does everyone cope with the partner's affair? I am so depressed and in despair that I do not know what to do. I love him very much and he said he wants to work things out.

he said that he broke up with her. But she is still emailing him everyday asking him to come over to her house,,, even after I spoke with her over the phone.

 

It is so painful.... I know that my husband is also in pain,,,hurting me and her. He must have felt guilty cheating on me over the last year....

 

I know that I would like to continue my marriage with him but i do not know how to trust him again. I still can not believe that he was lying to me over a year. I started going to the psycotherapiest and psyciatric because I took too many sleeping pills.

 

I am worried about him going to work eveyday, cause he would have to see her anyway..... Why cant I just get over this?

walk out the relationship ...... you can't trust a cheater once a cheater alls ways a cheater..... fine your self a good man. that loves you if she is still E-mailing that tells me its not over with them.

Why dont your husband delete his user name and make a new one. Then she can't E-mail him. Check that out.

[monica_was_here]

walk out the relationship ...... you can't trust a cheater once a cheater alls ways a cheater..... fine your self a good man. that loves you if she is still E-mailing that tells me its not over with them.

Why dont your husband delete his user name and make a new one. Then she can't E-mail him. Check that out.

 

 

Wait, hang on. If they're still e-mailing, it only means that the affair is on-going. Many a marriage have been saved after a torrid affair. If the right steps are taken, almost any marriage can be saved.

Smallwoodpecker, would you say that for the most part, you & your H were best friends at one time? The reason I ask, is that if a couple are also closest, best friends, that is an indication of a true bond that is shared. In many cases, a married couple has not bonded properly before marriage, in which case, restoration may not be possible.

If you DO or DID share this bond, then my advice would be to fight for your marriage, your husband, that which is rightfully yours. Don't just hand him over. There is nothing that should be more important right now. Find out who she is, who her people are, and where she goes. Then, spend a little while gathering evidence. Bear in mind, however, 90% of MEN involved in physical extra-marital affairs absolutely will not admit to the affair. They could see you SEEING THEM with thier D1ck in someone else, AND STILL THEY WILL DENY. Some may say this is to spare you any more pain, but the truth is that it will spare them the agony of having to be accountable for thier actions. You'll have to gather evidence to try to prove the affair. After that, you must expose the affair to everyone who knows your husband, and everyone who knows the OW. Find out who they are. Find out if she's married. If she is, CALL HER HUSBAND. He has a right to know his wife has broken thier chain of monogamy. If it's not YOUR husband, it would be someone else's, and also the risk of STDs she exposes him to. Like they say on marriagebuilders, affairs thrive on secrecy. Remove the veil, expose it to the light of day (and everyone at his work, as this IS a workplace affair...his boss, too), and the affair will probably die a fast death. Yes, your H will get angry over being exposed. They all do. He is in what they call "affair fog", and you can expect him to behave in a most un-orthodox manner until he comes out of that fog. This doesn't usually happen for a little while into recovery. Marriage builders forum has many posts that translate "fog talk". The wayward spouses will talk and act as if they have been kidnapped by aliens. They will do or say almost anything to be able to keep thier affair going. He is only having a few needs met by the OW, the rest are met by you. In the fog, though, he won't see it this way, so there's no sense in trying to reason with him right now.

First thing's first:

Find out all you can, but don't let him know you are investigating. If he knows you are on to him, he'll just go to greater lengths to hide it from you, thereby making your job much tougher.

If you are feeling depressed or suicidal (as I was), or are trying to self-medicate with alcohol or anything else, get to a health professional ASAP. You'll need to keep yourself together if you are going to win.

Once you know you have proof of his on-going affair, not "has-been" affair-as he says, you wil need to expose. Most end up confronting first, as they can't help it, and, since you already have, go straight to EXPOSURE.

When you expose, and he gets mad, storms out, what have you, just keep you eyes on the prize. The exposure will all but guarantee the crumbling of the affair, right before your eyes. He may even move out & go to be with her, which sucks, but is his choice. Once reality sets in for him, and he realizes it WAS all just a fantasy, he'll be back. Right now, the OW is a good time, not having to deal with anything else. Seeing her at her worst, paying her bills, getting aquainted with HER annoying habits, believe me, any relationship he thought he wanted with her will lose it's lustre once the "newness" wears off. Then he'll come back, tail between legs.

Hopefully it wont come to that. Mine didn't. If this is the way it goes for you, DEMAND no contact with her, look after his emotional needs, and be upbeat. It may be a while before he comes up outta that fog, but looking after his needs and such will help that process along much faster.

Again, please check out marriagebuilders.com. It's a whole world of help.

CHOOSE TO ENDEAVOR

[smallwoodpecker]

Thank you so much for a great advice. My H and I are the closest friend even though we dated only a year before the marriage, if not, at least I want to think so. I know that i want to continue my marriage, so as my husband. I think. But this girl has been emailing him every day, and my H said that the only reason he emailed her back is to tell her to get lost. But I am not 100% sure if that is fully true. I would like to ask him to delete his email address, but she is sending these message to his work email address so he cannot.....

 

I just came back from the psychiatrist. The psychiatrist suggested that i see psycotherapist once a week,,, but again I have to go through this.( I have already went to see psycotherapist and a psychiatrist at emergency room since I was suicidal) Looking for a new psychotherapist .... so tiring. I will check out the marragebuilders.com now.

 

I was told that this girl even got divorced with her husband becuase she was in love with my husband...assuming that he would come to her once she got divorced..... I want to fight over her, but how? I have already spoken to her over the phone, but she does not stop.

I want my friends to help me. It may be helpful if I expose and tell my friends that he was cheating on me, but I do not want to make him look bad...I do not want our friends to hate him.....

[monica_was_here]

Awww, sweetie, you're too good for your own good.

Who cares if he looks bad. What he 's doing IS BAD.

And, if your friends are really friends, they'll support your decision to fight for your marriage. They wont hate him if it is negatively impactful for you.

I'm so glad you're going to MB. That guy's got a great plan over there. He has even been able to help restore love to marriages in which only one participant in the marriage is attempting to fix it. The faq's over there will really help you to understand why you're having the crazy thoughts you've been having. I had 'em too, so I know what you're going through, sort-of. Everyone is different. I know in my case, this has been the most horribly painful situation I've ever even dreamed of. I was shocked at how badly it hurt me. I had no idea. Some people don't give a crap if they get cheated on. Those people don't care about thier spouses. Most people, though, will recall a season in hell like what you're going through, and I'm going through, as the single most painful experience of thier lives. Don't let you husband or anyone else try to minimize your pain.

Take care, and look me up on marriagebuilders. My screen-name is the same there as here.

[whichwayisup]

Your husband HAS to make a choice. Either head to marriage counselling with you, end the affair COMPLETELY and that means NO CONTACT with this OW. Or it's divorce time.

 

The fact this woman has left her husband and made herself available is going to be very hard. Sadly, the ball is in his court if you let him decide, so that is why I am suggesting YOU take control and TELL him what his choices are. If he chooses her, then talk to lawyer and start divorce proceedings. Doing that may even scare him enough to realize he is going to be making a huge mistake.

 

Good luck and keep posting!

[smallwoodpecker]

now what. My H wants to get separated and eventually divorced (seems like) cause he said I seek the love that he cannot provide. He said that he cannot love me the way how I want to. So he wants to leave, or get separated. Is this because I asked him not to talk to his girlfriend any more? He is coward.

 

After breaking my heart ( he was cheating on me with his co-worker), now he wants to leave me to be alone. I believe that he will not be with her. As he said , i think he would be by himself.

 

I still do not understand why i am chasing him like this. He broke my heart, and now he wants to leave me. I should just move on. I should just let him go. But after finding out he was cheating on me, I tried to work things out, I tried to work out our 4 years marriage. I tried to forgive him and trust him again.

 

He cries thinking of leaving me. He cries because he cannot see me cry, see his OW cry.

 

I am so tired of the 2 weeks battle. Why cannot I just move on? Why do I still expect him to come back? Why? Why cant I just get divorced?

[cedric4691]

now what. My H wants to get separated and eventually divorced (seems like) cause he said I seek the love that he cannot provide. He said that he cannot love me the way how I want to. So he wants to leave, or get separated. Is this because I asked him not to talk to his girlfriend any more? He is coward.

 

As hard as it may be to do it, I think this is a place where you must agree to, or even encourage the separation. He may be using the threat of separation as a way to control you--if he thinks you would rather do anything than separate, he may think you will back off from scrutinizing his behavior.

 

If he sees that you really are serious about being willing to end your marriage (and why would you want to stay in a marriage that he doesn't value enough to want to save?), he may be willing to take the steps necessary to save it.

[smallwoodpecker]

Thank you. very true, I know. I want to move on. I should let him go. I should get separated as he does not value our marriage enough to save it.

 

But it just sounds like he is making all the excuses to get away from the pain by leaving me and OW. I need a courage to say that he can leave. I know I am making it very difficult for him to leave. I am crying. Sad, screaming, because I am scared of losing him. I am scared of being alone.

[Kat2006]

Your husband may be lost enough in what some consider to be the fog of an Affair that all you will be doing by agreeing to the separation is making it easier for him to carry on his affair. Some believe that it okay to have sex with another if separated–do not see it as adultery, which I have mixed feelings about myself. Specially, if they were having sex with that same someone else before they ask for a separation. To my mind asking for the separation after the fact is just a way for them to feel less guilty as they continue to carry on the affair.

 

The truth is, hon, you really can not stop him if he really wants to go. But I can offer you this comfort: this does not necessarily mean that your marriage is over though.

 

More the likely only remarks after how confused your husband is right now. Understand this, if he is involved with another woman he is having mixed feelings–torn between two women. I am not fool enough not to recognize that unless they are a real cad and just in it for the sex, that wandering spouses do not have feelings for the OP. This does not mean that he still does not love you too. More the like what it means is that he believes himself in love with another.

 

I am going to offer you a terrible analogy, but one that was given to me. Imagine yourself the mother of two and you were to find yourself in a terrible situation of a house fire and owing to this terrible situation you find yourself only able to save one child. How torn would you be? How would you choose? This in itself would be enough to drive you insane, would it not?

 

This is the kind of pressure your husband may find himself under. True it is not life and death in reality, but it does not make it feel any less real, this corner / cross road that he finds himself in. I am sure all this sounds like I am asking you to find sympathy for him, and yeah, I guess I am. If you truly want a chance to save your marriage you are going to have to do this.

 

I know how bad you are feeling right now. And believe me when I say that the feelings you are having are all normal to any extent given the situation you find yourself in right now. In other words others have been there and they have survived and so too will you. You need to continue your own therapy and you need to read everything you can on Affairs and Marriage recovery. A good place to start is Marriage Builders website. There is lots of traffic over there. Go to general questions and others who have been there and done that will tell you where to start. By start, I mean that this is only the beginning of a very bumpy journey for you. Know this, if you want to try to save your marriage it is not going to be easy. But if you feel it worth it, then you are going to have to find the strength to fight.

 

You need to pull yourself together. You need to block her emails. & you need to recognize that just because he admitted to the affair, does not mean that it is over. You need to establish if he is still involved/ contact with her. You need to confirm if she is still married or is indeed divorced. This can complicate matters and put your husband in a position of truly wondering just what to do next. Believe me you, she/ OW will be reminding him of the fact that she left/ divorced her husband for him. As if to imply, I have lived up to my end of our bargain now you need to live up to yours.

 

YES, you need to expose the Affair, to both your side ( your family and friends and his family and friends) and also to OW family and friends. You said that they work together, then you need to expose the affair to both his and her co workers and boss. ( be warned in some instances this can mean the end of employment). Believe me you he is not going to like any of this and only later if you manage to save your marriage will he gain any appreciation of your efforts, your fight to save your marriage.

 

If he did break it off with her, how long ago was that? He may be having what are called withdrawal symptoms and as such this is why he is so confused. This is why you need to block those emails because everytime she reaches out to him he’s reminded of his feelings for her and torn up as such with indecision. And for that matter if they do indeed work together, every time he see’s her he is reminded. You need to assure there is no contact. In the best case scenario he needs to seek employment elsewhere and or a transfer. If you can forgive him and want to continue in your marriage, you need to reassure him of this.

 

I have only scraped the surface of what you can do. And all of this said, before you make any effort, you do need to decide if this is what you really want. You mentioned you have been married for 4 years and for one of those years he has admitted to being involved with another woman. I think you also said that you met him while you are in school? I am guessing this means that you are relatively young? Point being you need to consider if it is worth it for you. See you also have a choice. You are still young enough to go on to another love hon. One that may not cheat on you. Please do not think that this implies that the two of you can not recover from this. You certainly may be able to do so and in doing so have an even better marriage after the fact. Hard to believe right now, I am sure, but believe me it does happen. This is a personal decision that only you can make gal.

 

Lastly, if he is indeed pushing for a separation make sure that it is legal, so that you can get child support ( if children are involved) and alimony in place–now this may wise him up and scare him into to thinking about what he is really asking for. Also as a condition of agreeing to separation I would recommend that you request marriage counseling and stick to your guns on this.

[smallwoodpecker]

Thank you so much for the support.

 

 

I asked him to change his email address and ignore her as much as he could (since he said he cannot quit his job), it seems that he cannot do 100%. He is trying to ignore her but he said he cannot hurt her. He said it is hard to see her at work thinking how hurt I would be while he is at work. And when he comes home, he is sad becuase he is thinking how hurt she is while he is with me.

That is why he wants to be alone so that he does not need to see me (although he will have to see her at work), does not need to be reminded.

 

The fact that he cannot totally ignore her makes me realize that he is not willing to save our marriage. I know that, But it is so hard to get separated.....

 

I am 26, so I have other chances. But I am so exhusted already that I do not want to even think,,,, But as you advised, I know this is just a beginning of the journey,,,, I just want to have the strength to fight through this chaos. He first said that he wants to have some time off alone, but he is most likely thinking of getting divorced...(He mentioned that he would try to see me when I would be in 70s, or when I mentioned that it would be so tiring to go through the divorcing(changing names/ canceling banks etc) but he did not say anything...).

 

If he has no intention of NO CONTACTS with his OW (he was trying to break up with her when i found out 2 weeks ago. He said last year the relationship with her went on/off.. they were together twice), and he is now asking me to leave him alone, I know that I cannot stop him...

 

It is so painful though,,

[Kat2006]

he may be in the near unbearable position of being caught between a rock and a hard place right now. From what you said I can well imagine he is caught between two woman’s broken hearts and yours is more intense right now because A. He lives with you, and B. he made vows to you that he has broken that he now has to recognize out in the open being faced with your pain and her pain every day. And as such, the consequences of. This may be why he wants to get away so that he can think away from the hurt–specifically yours. & yes, you own your own heartache. And he is being a pisser for not recognizing this, which may well be a fallacy because the reason he may want to get away is because he is having a hard time dealing with your pain. So he does recognize it. Also if he ended this affair just two weeks ago hon, he may be having withdrawal symptoms.

 

In this instance I think you need to look inside yourself. Become the best woman you can be–show him what he is going to be missing if he walks out on your marriage. This, I know is a tall order, given the pain you are in right now. It may be a situation where you are going to have to rise above your own pain for the sake of saving you marriage–getting it on more solid ground before the two of you can deal with the issues and pain related to this A.

 

If he has ask for a separation, have the two of you discussed his living arrangements?

 

Work is a difficult one to be sure. But sometimes it is down right unrealistic to expect them- WS- to leave their work. Just how close do they work together? Is it just in passing that they see one another? If this is the case then he can promise to make the effort to avoid her in as much as he possibly can. And hey, if he has indeed broken it off from her, he may be doing this already just to avoid her pain.

 

Not giving a 100%. In the best case scenario former wandering spouses will agree to seek employment elsewhere to be sure. However, if he is torn right now, and or just confused because of the tense emotions you are both going through right now, this may be an unrealistic demand. When he is in a more reasonable frame of mind–able to make his decision as such he may be more able to consider as much. But right now, the truth is he is probably no where near thinking straight. Also if he does indeed break it off with other woman, she may decide to leave herself, being unable to deal with seeing her heartbreak every day.

 

Understand this, if he is indeed experiencing withdrawal symptoms, he may be swaying back and forth as to what he wants. Think of his feeling for OW as an addiction, and like any other addiction going cold turkey is really difficult because it is painful. And no this does not mean that he does not love you too. So then your job as his wife is to try to help him feel better. K I know that sucks ‘cause in any other frame of mind one would think that that’s what he should be doing for you, right! After all he had the affair. The thing is an A usually do not happen without the brave spouse contributing to. And please understand you are in no way responsible for his decision to have an affair, regardless. He was wrong!

 

Point being, there might have been problems in your marriage, whether you can see them or not right now in your relationship before the A. Your job then as a brave spouse who wants to save or at least try to save their marriage ( if this is what you want) is to try to recognize what these problems were and to try to work on them. In doing so, sometimes this is a one sided job. He may not be ready to work on them himself, but you can show him that you are ready and willing and able to do so.

 

Did he agree to change his email? And or have her addy blocked?

 

Again I am so sorry you are going through this.Keep up your own therapy, and try to get him to consider MC, and read read read, everything you can get your hands on.

[Presario]

Smallwoodpecker,

 

I am crying. Sad, screaming, because I am scared of losing him. I am scared of being alone.

 

If the marriage is over, you will be able to find a better man, who will respect you and be responsible. You will definitely not be alone. Sure, for the first year or two you will be alone, adjusting to your new life and working on your future life. You will find a better man, because there are plenty of single men of your age. You will be able to separate wheat from the chaffe, because you have got painful personal experiences. There are guys who will love you, not cheat on you, be responsible and who will appreciate how much you care about marriage. You just have to find him.

 

Why do you want to keep your husband so much? It seems he doesn't respect you, doesn't want to work on the marriage. He even doesn't realize that he's the problem.

 

I hope you don't have children.

 

I am going to offer you a terrible analogy, but one that was given to me. Imagine yourself the mother of two and you were to find yourself in a terrible situation of a house fire and owing to this terrible situation you find yourself only able to save one child. How torn would you be? How would you choose? This in itself would be enough to drive you insane, would it not?

 

Notice that he's the one who lit the fire. What do you think of a father who sets his own childern on fire? Your analogy, Kat2006, is nifty, but misleading. I agree, however, that in order to save a marriage, the wife must understand the unfaithful husband a bit.

 

Smallwoodpecker, don't be suicidal. You already lost a lot, don't lose everything. I understand how awful you feel, but don't hurt yourself. Imagine yourself in ten years in a good marriage (maybe this one mended or a new one), when you have two or three kids. Don't you want to see this happen just because your husband is a jerk? Don't let him take away all the happiness that awaits you. And think of your parents and siblings - if you committed suicide, they would be crushed.

 

Why don't you speak with your mom and dad about the affair? Your husband doesn't have to know about this. Parents can give you excellent advice and consolation. You will feel better and think more clearly when you get it off your chest.

 

 

Good luck!

[Kat2006]

I am sorry if my analogy was not clear. In this instance , my analogy has nothing to do with his responsibility- which is not in suspect ( he has already admitted to the A), but a recommendation of what he “might” be feeling right now. Though if such were the case, I agree with you, he did start a fire and put her such a position to decide whether she wants to find a way to put it out. And that’s where forgiveness comes in. Though that’s SWP’s decision, as is her decision to stay and or try to work on recovery her marriage, or leave.

 

Presario does raise a good point too. Are you in contact with your family, hon? If not consider talking to them. I know you mentioned you came from overseas, if your family is not here, can you call them? Can you turn to his family? And or your friends? Hugs.

[smallwoodpecker]

Thank you. I just spoke with my mom,,, she was in shock and crying, But at least I am feeling a bit better. Reading replies from you all help me a lot. this makes me feel that there are someone who is understanding me.

 

We have not discussed his next living place yet as he said he would wait till I will be ok. I know this is leading us nowhere. I should tell him to leave if this leads us to a better future for both of us. I know I should work on myself to become as the best as I could.

 

I know that I will lose him. Once he leaves out of my hand, he will not return. He is that kind of person. He moves on. He does not need any one to make him happy, but I needed him to make me happy. I think. Even if I want to work out our marriage, if my H is not cooperationg, there is no way to work things out,,, correct?

[Kat2006]

I am so glad you talk to you mom, hon. It is true if he has no interest in working on your marriage then it will next to impossible to save it hon. However, at this point he may not know what he wants. What you need to do is to become the best person you can be. And not for his sake, and your marriage, but for your sake. You have to decide if you want to wait for him to decide. He’s has no right to expect you to wait. You have to decide if it your marriage or if he is worth it. Go to marriage builders web site and you will find a lot of info that may help you to decide what you want to do. If you want to try to save your marriage. Understand there are no guarantees regardless, but the end results of seeking recovery for yourself is that you will be more prepared for what will be. You may also decide that marriage to him is not what you want. I can also say while each situation is unique, marriages have been restored / recovered even when the wandering spouse has gone the route of a separation and filed for divorce. Hugs,

[Presario]

In this instance , my analogy has nothing to do with his responsibility- which is not in suspect ( he has already admitted to the A), but a recommendation of what he “might” be feeling right now.

 

Kat2006, I understand your point. It is a good way for Smallwoodpecker to generate some understanding of her husband in this difficult moment.

 

If I had an affair, I believe my feelings would be clear: "I made a mistake, I want my wife, not the OW, and I want to fix the marriage." He, however, is on the fence, not knowing which way to go.

 

Smallwoodpecker, I hope I'm not fueling any fire. I agree with Kat2006 that forgiveness is an important part of marriage.

 

I just spoke with my mom,,, she was in shock and crying, But at least I am feeling a bit better.

 

I'm happy that you feel better!

 

 

Keep us posted and good luck!

[smallwoodpecker]

My H just came back home and he is leaving. He cannot even see my eyes straigt,,,

I need to let him go. I just need a little bit of courage to let him go. Thank you all so much for your kind reply.. I know I need to move on now.

[whichwayisup]

My H just came back home and he is leaving. He cannot even see my eyes straigt,,,

I need to let him go. I just need a little bit of courage to let him go. Thank you all so much for your kind reply.. I know I need to move on now.

 

Ouch and I'm sorry. It seems sadly enough he's made up his mind and not willing to work through the issues at hand and stay with you.

 

Spend time with your mom. Don't be alone right now. Keep posting here too! Cry, scream, get it all out.

He is trying to ignore her but he said he cannot hurt her. He said it is hard to see her at work thinking how hurt I would be while he is at work. And when he comes home, he is sad becuase he is thinking how hurt she is while he is with me.

 

Reading this now, he is in NO frame of mind to be making such decisions, but he's done just that. His priorities are screwed up right now, his actions and what he says are proof of it. I'm sorry for the pain you're in, but maybe it is for the best. You deserve to be loved by a man and TO love a man who wants your love. Not share it.

 

Hugs! Try to get some rest tonight.

[Neptune]

monica was here,

Your husband has to be the biggest dumba$$ on the planet for having an affair on a wife like you. I would keep an eye on him!

[Presario]

I'm sorry to hear that he's leaving.

 

Don't sit at home alone now! Go to your friends, talk with them about the affiar, and don't care about telling the truth -- I'm sure that they they will welcome you and be supportive. Call your parents and just talk. Get it out. Cry and scream.

 

Do you think the affair is really over? Do you think he wants to move out so that he can continue the affair with no difficulties from you? It seems like it to me. When you discovered about the affair, he said that it's over but refused to break all the ties with the OW. My guess is that he wanted to calm you down, and didn't want to end the affair, so that we could enjoy both women. I guess that he realized that he has to choose between you and her, because you wouldn't settle for sharing him with the OW.

 

If he doesn't come back, then good for you. He doesn't deserve you. There are guys who would die to have you, such a loving and committed woman.

 

Keep us posted!

[Kat2006]

Hon, you do deserve better, you know that, right? Let him go. Now you need to move into defensive mode. Watch him from afar, & gather evidence to prove he is still involved in an A even though he has tried to convince you he has broken it off with her. If he still is involved, he’ll let down his guard after he moves out. Don’t let him string you along from afar, K. Confront him if you find otherwise. Do you have kids, hon? Family and friends in the area that you could turn to for support and help now? Do you work outside of you home? You need to talk to a family attorney. He is being a class A jerk! He may come back, hon , and you’ll need to decide if that’s what you really want. Vent all you want. It helps to “talk” about it. Hugs,

[teressa0397]

Thank you so much for the support.

 

 

I asked him to change his email address and ignore her as much as he could (since he said he cannot quit his job), it seems that he cannot do 100%. He is trying to ignore her but he said he cannot hurt her. He said it is hard to see her at work thinking how hurt I would be while he is at work. And when he comes home, he is sad becuase he is thinking how hurt she is while he is with me.

That is why he wants to be alone so that he does not need to see me (although he will have to see her at work), does not need to be reminded.

 

The fact that he cannot totally ignore her makes me realize that he is not willing to save our marriage. I know that, But it is so hard to get separated.....

 

I am 26, so I have other chances. But I am so exhusted already that I do not want to even think,,,, But as you advised, I know this is just a beginning of the journey,,,, I just want to have the strength to fight through this chaos. He first said that he wants to have some time off alone, but he is most likely thinking of getting divorced...(He mentioned that he would try to see me when I would be in 70s, or when I mentioned that it would be so tiring to go through the divorcing(changing names/ canceling banks etc) but he did not say anything...).

 

If he has no intention of NO CONTACTS with his OW (he was trying to break up with her when i found out 2 weeks ago. He said last year the relationship with her went on/off.. they were together twice), and he is now asking me to leave him alone, I know that I cannot stop him...

 

It is so painful though,,

MY god it sounds like he has feelings for her strong. It hurts him. He should be thinking of you how it affects your all relationship??? IF he doesn't want TO change his USERS name and make a new one. Hey Lady get real. HE is still E-mailing her???

[smallwoodpecker]

I told his uncle and aunt who live very close from our apt. I dont know why I did that,,, but I could not take it. I hope it is ok to express what I am going through.

He left yesterday, He has not come back. I do not know where he is.. I am worried about him.

I told my friend at work that i could not let him go even though he wanted to leave. She said "he has left you long time ago when he got in love with someone else". I know,, it is true. It is so hard though. He has left me, He has broken my heart so badly. So why is he still leaving a someones' lyrics like this,,,,

 

 

 

How can I just let you walk away, just let you leave without a

trace

You're the only one who really knew me at all

 

How can you just walk away from me, when all I can do is watch

you leave

'Cos we've shared the laughter and the pain, and even shared

the tears

You're the only one who really knew me at all

 

So take a look at me now, 'cos there's just an empty space

And there's nothing left here to remind me, just the memory of

your face

Take a look at me now, 'cos there's just an empty space

And you coming back to me is against all odds and that's what

I've got to face

 

I wish I could just make you turn around, turn around and see

me cry

There's so much I need to say to you, so many reasons why

You're the only one who really knew me at all

 

So take a look at me now, 'cos there's just an empty space

And there's nothing left here to remind me, just the memory of

your face

Take a look at me now, 'cos there's just an empty space

But to wait for you, well that's all I can do and that's what

I've got to face

Take a good look at me now, 'cos I'll still be standing here

And you coming back to me is against all odds

That's the chance I've got to take, oh, oho

 

Just take a look at me now