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Husband is having an affair and I feel like dying

Infidelity In an affair or suspect your significant other? Share your experiences and concerns here.

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Old 25th February 2018, 3:27 AM   #1
Join Date: Feb 2018
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Husband is having an affair and I feel like dying

I just found out my husband of twenty years is having an affair with a girl whoís only twenty three.

We have three handsome boys whoíre great in school, popular, two athletes and a musician. Weíre involved in their schooling, we have a beautiful home, cars, and anything we could want.

I have bent over backwards so that he could advance in his tech career. I have put myself on hold for him and then I find this out...

I feel like Iíve failed as a mother, and a partner. Iím not even mad at the girl, as I feel I have no reason to be, but I feel like Iíve failed and I want to die. I havenít been able to get out of bed since he told me he was having an affair. I thought we were fine!

I donít want my boys to think Iím not good enough and I have no idea what to do. Can we survive this?
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Old 25th February 2018, 4:00 AM   #2
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Sorry to hear about it Devistated. I would advise you to go over the other threads in the infidelity and the other man/woman forums to help you get some perspective. In many cases, the spouse that was cheated on did nothing wrong and was a good partner but even that couldn't prevent the infidelity. So if you did everything you could to be a good wife, was it really a failure on your part? The point I'm trying to make is that your husband, like every other cheater, was/is selfish and you shouldn't be hard on yourself. I doubt there was anything you could've done to prevent it.
Attraction is a reflex, not a choice.
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Old 25th February 2018, 4:37 AM   #3
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I'm sorry you're in this situation and I understand you're reeling, but I find it telling that you're spending significantly more time in this post talking about your boys and having nice stuff than about any connection you have with your husband. The stuff you're talking about....the cars, popular kids, their music,'s all irrelevant. It's the emotional connection (or lack of) that you share with your husband which is most important.

Why do you think the boys will take a dim view of you as a mother and a partner? Have they seen you exhibiting unpleasant behaviours or being disconnected from their father?

Can it be fixed? We can't even begin to answer that without knowing why your husband told you. Is it because he wants out? What reasons can you give for wanting to fix the marriage?
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Old 25th February 2018, 5:23 AM   #4
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All I can offer you from the other side of the fence is that it isnít your fault. It isnít anything you did. Donít blame yourself or think you could have done something different.

Iím sorry for what youíre going through.
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Old 25th February 2018, 5:46 AM   #5
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I'm so sorry for your pain.
How did you find out about the affair?
I urge you to share with someone in real life- a trusted family member, a close friend, a professional.
Affairs happen all the time, to so many people. There is shame in cheating, not in being betrayed.
I know it doesn't seems like it now, but you will not feel this way forever.
Better times will come.
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